Duane's Journal

FOUR YEARS in June since everything that could go wrong, did go wrong...and here I am; still alive and rocking. If any of you are afraid of your upcoming surgery, feel free to read my journal. If I can get through it, you will too. I'm the guy that needs to worry, not you !!

To any of my old pals out there that went through this grand adventure with me in 2015, I just wanted to say hello. I'm still alive and eating enough blood pressure meds to lay down a bull elephant. Oddly, that keeps me barely in the normal range. I walked all over WASHINGTON DC this week exploring history and have discovered that everything here is uphill....I mean everything. That's clearly why John Wilkes Booth didn't get away. He and his horse must have both run out of breath before they cleared the alley behind Fords Theatre. They could have just arrested me at the nearest pub. "Yeah, that's him right over there....the guy gasping for air and limping"

On June 9th it will be two years since my great adventure. Looking forward to opening day of trout season in Northern Michigan. I never returned to work after my surgery and I'm not complaining. The doctors told me to slow down or die. Real hard choice. Had it not been for the life and death struggle that I went through after falling victim to a full aortic dissection during my aortic heart valve surgery, I would have simply returned to work after my recovery, never slowing down to enjoy the life that I had already created for myself. I don't have a big home anymore. I don't have a big bank account. I don't have a fat retirement fund. It's all gone. But those top down drives on the two track roads of Northern Michigan in the old 1979 Jeep CJ5 are sweeter now than ever before. The streams are more peaceful. The brook trout fight harder and taste even better. The bald eagles fly higher. The sun is warmer. The air smells fresher. I'm alive. I have a roof over my head and groceries on the table. I have a garden, some beehives and a rocking chair on my porch. I'm only sixty years old, and I'm done tipping at windmills. 36 years practicing law was enough. Wars and other people's problems are now above my pay grade. See ya on the trout stream down by the old dam. You know where it's at. Just lay down your shovel and find your way. Peace

I MADE IT !!! June 9th. My lucky day. Last year on this day (and at this hour) I was laying in a hospital bed in Intensive Care with a vent down my throat, having suffered a full aortic dissection requiring replacement of my ascending aorta, received a new heart valve, had a stroke that paralyzed my left side for three days, had a sternum that was sawed in half, suffered a pulmonary embolism that left me unable to breathe, was on the verge of kidney failure, was having medication induced hallucinations and was being fed through a tube. Other than that it was a pretty normal day. Twenty two days later I was wheeled out of the hospital unable to stand without a walker. I got home that day, ate two hot dogs with relish and mustard, a side of baked beans, a tall glass of cold milk and passed out feeling like the luckiest guy on the planet. As the doctor told me, "most anybody would have died with all those complications". This morning I decided to test my "lucky day theory" by going down to the Casino. I sat down at the Blackjack table and won $600 in an hour. I then sauntered out, convinced that June 9th will hereafter be a very special day.

Ten months out from the mother of all nightmares and I'm feeling better than I can believe. A minimally invasive aortic heart valve replacement turned south in a hurry, with a full aortic dissection, a stroke that paralyzed the left side of my body for three days, pulmonary embolism that put me on the vent twice, and 19 days in ICU. When they wheeled me out of the hospital, I was a wreck. As a former athlete, a guy that could bench press 315 pounds and a person who rarely was even ill, I had to FIGHT my way back one round at a time. My doctors are amazed at the extent and speed of my recovery, Frankly, so am I. I couldn't walk three steps alone when released from the hospital. But I'll be walking some steps down the trout streams of Northern Michigan in another week. For those of you who are nervous about upcoming surgery, rest easy. If I can come back from the first round, pillar to post beating that I took, you'll be OK. Medical science is amazing. Beaumont Hospital was amazing. Dr. Marc Sakwa was amazing. And my ICU nurses should be nominated for sainthood. I was drugged, combative, pissed off and tied in bed......but I don't remember most of it. When I returned to thank my ICU nurses it was like old home week. Hugs and tears. If I was them I would have smothered me with a pilllow

CAN YOU SAY HAPPY !!! SOMEBODY UP THERE LIKES ME !!!! Just got a call from the surgeons office. The ancillary problems caused by the aortic dissection that occurred during my June surgery (and which he was nearly certain would require additional surgery) has been reviewed via a recent CTA scan. The voice mail I received this morning said "everything is stable --- check back with us in a year". Thank you Doctor Sakwa, thank you Beaumont Hospital, and thank you to the God that humbled me through this process. I was once invincible. I now know that my existence on this planet is tenuous at best.....that it is a miracle of the highest level that I am still here to type this, and that God gave me a standing eight count. In fact I took a knee, but I'm coming out for the next round with a new corner man. As they say, "there are no atheists in foxholes". I would like to add "intensive care units" to that phrase. I'm dancing on moonbeams right now. I'm breathing a sigh of sweet relief. To stay with the spirit of Christmas, "I'm as giddy a a drunkard, as light as a feather and I will keep Christmas in my heart".

My blood pressure has been out of whack lately, in large part, because of the close games and last second plays that my Maize and Blue boys have been producing. Now with the Ohio State game coming up in two weeks, I don't know how I will fare !! Going in for a CTA scan next week to determine any remaining issues from the aortic dissection that occurred during my June surgery. My greatest fear is that they are going to tell me I need more surgery. I feel absolutely great and just want to continue my recovery without these issues hanging over my head. 19 days in ICU was enough !! I felt fine before my surgery and I feel fine now. I swear these doctors are trying to kill me...........

I've noticed a lot of questions recently from people approaching surgery, seeking "suggestions" for dealing with everything. Here's one. When I left a rather extended stay in ICU and was finally released, I went to the nearby Beverage Warehouse and purchased twenty $15 gift certificates. I then wrote a note thanking my ICU nurses for not smothering me with a pillow when I most deserved it and delivered the note and the certificates to ICU. The nurse in charge said, "Wow, nobody ever comes back here and thanks us". I replied, "That's because this place is a bad memory.......but you saved my life and I owe you all something." They were SO grateful (and happy to see me of course.....NOT). I had tears in my eyes when I walked past the room that I had spent 19 days in and saw a woman lying in MY bed. I wanted to go in and whisper to her that she was going to be OK, but the hair on the back of my neck was standing up. I had to get out of there. ANYHOW, my point is simply that you should not forget to thank those nurses for putting up with you and caring for you. Just my not so humble opinion.

So did anyone else get stuck on the "cardiac diet" while in the hospital ? I couldn't touch the stuff. I told them to keep the feeding tube in me. It was worse than the stuff they serve in the County Jail. Then on day number 23 I inquired of a young doctor( that I had not seen before) WHY they thought that diet was appropriate for me (he knew I had refused to eat it).....after all I had no coronary blockage issues !! He replied that there was no good reason and that I should be eating whatever I wanted to. If I would have had the strength I would have strangled the first ICU nurse I could get my hands on. I told the doctor to stay right there because I was calling the kitchen and I knew they would refuse to serve me anything that was not on the cardiac diet. I immediately ordered pasta with marinara sauce and garlic bread. They repeated the mantra about the rules. I said. "hold on a second" and handed the phone to the doctor. He said, " he can have whatever he wants". I smiled as I was licking my plate, after eating everything but my napkin. On day 24 they released me. Probably didn't want me to eat the kitchen out of food. 23 days of starving for NOTHING !!

Well....back to work tomorrow. I'm 90 days post-op and June 9th seems like a long time ago. But it sure was a short summer, having spent all of June in the hospital and all of July trying to forget about all of June. When i came home from the hospital on July 3rd I could not stand without the assistance of a walker....I could not shower without sitting down.... I could not walk up the stairs without stopping to rest or eat more than a few bites of anything. Last week I went up to the cabin where I found myself cranking an 18 foor Sea-Ray (that I rewarded myself with for surviving 19 days in ICU) on and off the trailer, throwing the anchor out at the sand bar, grilling steaks and breathing the fresh Northern Michigan air....I was walking to the bait shop every morning for a cup of coffee and some "nutty dunkers". I mowed the lawn and moved all of the rocks from the fire pit so I could more easily get the boat in and out of the car port....then I grabbed the sawz-all and cut off a two inch piece galvanized pipe.....just before I I cleaned the garage. I'm FAR from 100 % but at least I feel like a man again.....a weaker man, but a smarter and more grateful man.

BEWARE !! DON'T MIX NARCOTICS WITH CREDIT CARDS AND INFOMERCIALS: So as I was laying in ICU for 19 days, stoned and bored, I discovered a channel with 24 hour infomercials. I bought Ronco knives, a really cool wheelbarrow, a weed-wacker and trimmer and I'm still waiting to see if anything else shows up. After my lovely Bethany found out how much fun I was having and hid my credit card, I was relegated to lying in bed dying of thirst. I couldn't drink because I had oxygen tubes in my nose and they didn't want me to aspirate. Seems like every other advertisement then had a picture of a "Big Gulp" Pepsi in it with the condensation running down the side of the cup. That was simply more than I could take so I had one of my buddies smuggle me a Pepsi with ice. I sipped down about a quarter of it through a straw, watching for "the guards" at all times. Best Pepsi I ever had !!! Yeah, I broke some rules and was a pain in the ass most of the time, but the nurses all knew that I was pretty "drugged up". It wasn't my fault !!! Then I had to watch the "elderly" ladies that were recovering from surgery practically jog past my room with their walkers, while I was flat on my back and heavily medicated. I couldn't believe it ! I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THE TOUGH GUY !! I finally asked the nurses for a long stick so I could trip the joggers as they went past my door, taunting me. Apparently they didn't think I was serious as they never brought me a stick. Probably just as well that way.

I have returned !!! 90 days has passed since my grand adventure and while I am not 100%, I am certainly getting close. The doctors keep telling me how amazed they are at the speed of my recovery, particularly based upon the the number and severity of the complications that I encountered. As Muhammad Ali once said, " another night, another fight, another man to beat up on". Got to walk through it people. Got to refuse to lose. I can't believe that part of my aorta is dacron and my heart valve is bovine. Didn't seem to bother me last weekend on the boat !!

So I had my first post -op follow up with my surgeon today. All blood clots in my legs have disappeared and those in my lungs are dissolving quickly .Unfortunately, my aortic dissection is not totally resolved. They are keeping a close watch on the portion of my aorta that was not replaced and they have me scheduled for a CT scan three months from now. They may have to do some more surgery, but the doctor assured me that things are stabilized for now. He told me to go up North and relax.While more surgery is the LAST thing I want to think about, I'll do what I have to do. I also took a trip up to ICU today and thanked my nurses for not smothering me with a pillow when I was running my mouth, I bought twenty $15.00 gift certificates to the Beverage Warehouse for them. They were happy to see me as not many people come back after they are discharged. (I get it.....the hair on the back of my neck stood up when I saw my old room) These nurses all assured me that I was not the ass that I thought I was and reminded me that I was on some heavy narcotics for a large portion of my 19 days in ICU. They also assured me that I did not punch anybody (because in my delusions I distinctly remember jacking a nurse pretty good when I thought she was trying to hurt me). What a trip this has been and continues to be. I need to get up to my cabin and walk, walk, walk. Sleep, for any length of time, is a distant memory. So I also need to sleep, sleep, sleep.The doctor gave me a scrip for pill today that should fix that, ( I HATE taking all these meds but I have no choice) I've been cleared to "go up North" so I'm making plans !! I have no control over some of this so I need to relax and trust these amazing doctors. One step at a time. I'm not used to this approach to things but I'm learning. Hope you are all progressing well. Looks like I may be getting ready for a re-match. Got to get my mind right to tackle that !!

When I returned home ten days ago I could not stand without the aid of a walker, I now walk around unassisted, I still feel like a 90 pound weakling. I guess 24 days in the hospital robs you of everything. Sleeping is an adventure, I wake up ever hour, just like Old Faithful !! A little hydrocodone might net me two hours of sleep but that's about it. Weather sucks in Michigan so I can't sit outside. Yesterday I went out to visit friends. It was my first big adventure ! It was nice to get a change of scenery. I was told that my body is using energy to heal internally and that I will begin to feel stronger soon. I don't know HOW I'm going to deal with guys kicking sand in my face at the beach. but I'll figure it out.

I have strayed a long way from my faith over the years, But this experience has given me pause. Whatever God rules this universe beat me to a pulp to get my attention. I was at the brink of death more than once, only to rally and overcome. Even the doctors were amazed. The surgeon said" you are a fighter". I replied, "yes I am ". I want to thank God for letting me up off the canvas each time I went down. It wasn't easy and I got kicked around pretty good, but in the end God let me live. I guess I have some thinking to do. I cannot thank all of you enough for the HUGE outpouring of support. I consider you all my friend and I hope you receive the same mercy that I was shown, (after I took a good ass kicking !!) I had it coming and I got it..... I have been humbled.

Well folks, they let me out and I came home today. I am weak as a kitten and can't walk across the room without using a walker but it never felt so good to be home. First thing I ate when I got home was 2 hot dogs and some baked beans. I've never been so tired in my life and it's a chore just to stand up. Let me throw a huge thank you out to all of you. I received flowers, balloons and get well cards from so many on this site that the people in ICU wanted to know who I really was, They thought I was some kind of celebrity. I can't tell you how much all of your prayers, well wishes and friendship mean to me. I would salute each and everyone of you but I can't lift my hand that high. I am sitting in my easy chair with a glass of ice water and trying to figure out how to bottle this water because I've never tasted better water. I am looking forward to my first night of sleep outside the hospital in 25 days. I keep listening for a bell or buzzer. The doctor's were surprised at the speed of my recovery and decided I was well enough to go home and start building my strength again. By the way, if anybody wants to arm wrestle me, now would be a good time to give it a run, I can barely lift my ice water.

19 days in ICU makes for a miserable 19 days. Ran in to a bunch of problems, most of my own creation. They discovered that my valve was far worst than they actually thought, my aorta exploded during surgery. The doctor had only seen that occur on two occasions. Also, no matter how much you clean yourself up before your surgery, you may very well pay the price for alcohol use, my body went into alcohol withdrawal and laughed at the drugs they tried to use to fix me. Left ICU today and into a step down unit, much nicer and have taken my first shower which was amazing. My lungs also have suffered several embolisms and they have put me on heparin and ultimately coumadin. Bottom line is you have seen Duane take his last alcoholic drink. I will be sipping lemonade and drinking water the rest of my life. I have never had a buzz worth dying over. Most of you will not as hard of time as I have had, however most of you are much smarter than I am. I love you all, and thank you for your many cards, calls and emails. I will be returning from the "I Ain't Dead Yet Tour" in the near future. To all of you with upcoming surgeries, don't worry about this my doctor has only seen it happen twice and of course I was number 2. Hang in there everybody and you will come through the other side. If they can fix this broken down, drunk, ne'er do well attorney they can certainly fix you. Please don't kick my ass too much as it has taken quite a kicking over the past 19 days, I am beginning to eat again and using the toilet is one of the great underestimated pleasures of all time. Talk to you all soon.

Hello. This is Duane's sister, Carolyn. He instructed me prior to his surgery to keep you all updated. I tried from the hospital on my little iphone this morning but lost the post. Finally got to my laptop and will try again. This is day two. Duane was much sicker than either he or his doctor thought and he had some complications in surgery that caused it to be necessary to have the full sternotomy (is that the right word?? When he is fully awake and gets the full picture, I am sure he will enjoy filling you in on all of the details, but Dr. Sakwa was very concerned for awhile. He is in ICU and still on vent. They are keeping him sedated and comfortable. Everything is working well and all numbers are level. His next step is to get off the vent but his lungs are a little slow waking up...probably due to the extra time in surgery. I want to say that Dr. Sakwa and his team are awesome. The ICU staff are attentive and caring to their patients and they have been kind and informative every time we sneak back to ICU for a brief visit. This is truly not what Duane expected.....but it is not what the doctor expected either, however they have him stable and on his road to recovery. Duane stressed strongly that he wanted me to keep you, his heart family, updated on his progress and I will do that as often as I can until he can take over himself. Unfortunately he will probably be in ICU a couple more days but I can assure you he will come roaring back here as soon as is possible. Keep sending good vibes!