Pat's Journal

This week marks the six year anniversary of my first cut (Tuesday). It's also my six month anniversary from my second cut(Friday). February is American Heart Month so I am very on trend with my ticker timing I guess. A bit of trivia, my hair turned grey immediately after that first adventure. Time flies when you are having fun and don't have a central line in your neck?

Such a whirlwind, time is just zooming by. I said goodbye to my rehab team today, all 36 sessions complete. It's funny how much we bond with our caretakers during such intense times in our lives. The upate; the five month date came and went last week, I didn't even notice as I was too busy stepping down off Metoprolol, going to rehab and getting back into work. I'm officially a few pills down a day, back to work full time and ready to enjoy the heck out of this summer. My INR settled in nicely around 2.0 and with an ease that I am grateful for, and I just graduated to 3 week checks! Bonus is that my wafarin dose is very, very low due to the ON-X 1.5 - 2 recco. I don't have another test, appointment, doctor visit until 12/18/21. LIfe is good. For those starting, it's nothing you can't handle, for those in the middle or just out of OR, remember that your story changes every 12 hours. If you are completely miserable, look at the clock and focus on your reality changing in that time frame, you'll be amazed how much it does. This train of thought is what got me through 8 days (twice) of staring at the hospital wall, ruminating in my own thoughts. For those well on the journey, I'm glad to be back with you, I don't want to do this again;-)!!! Since I forgot my 5 month anniversary I am going to pre celebrate my 6 year anniversary coming up on 2/12 of my first cut. Find something to smile about today in all the crazy. Sometimes that's all we can control.

Started feeling crappy last Thursday afternoon, horrible headache and really bad sinus stuff. Thursday was also my first day back to work after the cut. My mind was like 'ok you got it somehow, let's go get tested.' - Went to rapid test clinic and they swabbed me on Saturday. Got the results that said "No on Covid but positive for Flu B." I ONLY go to rehab and quickly through the grocery store and still managed to pick up the flu early in the season. More fun is that I did get my flu shot two weeks ago, and doctor told me I should be glad I did. Thank goodness for Tamiflu, it kicked in like a dream on schedule at the 36 hour mark. Had to call in sick to work (already) this week and was booted out of rehab until I get a negative test. My year is comical in this pandemic. Flu A on Valentine's day, AVR redo surgery on 8/7, and now Flu B on 11/15. I'm looking forward to 2021 :-).

And just like that, I couldn't find a good reason or excuse to avoid going back to work. Dr. released me yesterday and today was a full day. My brain is mush. Thank goodness it's only a two day week:-)! Going to take a while to rewire all the synapses.

I posted this on Facebook earlier this morning. Can't believe it's been three months. Three Months! Much like newborn humans, open heart patients count recovery in days, weeks and then months. In our online groups we literally refer to day 1, 2, 3 out of surgery, as each day has significant healing or hurdles to overcome and those long days and weeks are seared into our brains for a long while. And while the days seem suspended in time, the months speed by. All this being said – I’m 3 months old today! Three month milestones: Beta Blockers were reduced by 50 mgs per day as my BP was too low (80/53 was a bit alarming to see on the bp machine). Still on a hella high dose that shocks heart people when I tell them, but going in the right direction. Cardiac Rehab is going great. I’m pushing more - 1.4 on the bike today and I snuck up to 3.2mph on the treadmill while they weren’t watching. Sleeping through the night mostly - not even comedy, when you go through this surgery, solid sleep goes away for weeks and months. Multiple naps a day have now turned into none. Two full months w/out an Afib run (this is huge, Afib sucks rocks as I've mentioned many times before) – gosh I hope I am not jinxing this. Living dangerously and drinking one diet coke a week to test my caffeine tolerance since Afib doesn’t like anything w/ caffeine. Now the real scoop in reflection – this redo surgery nonsense has been pretty tough. Much more difficult than my first go in 2015. Waking up from the surgery sucked. The lack of stamina, constant pain, Afib, cardiac depression and being a moody bugger sucked even more. I think and hope corners are turning though. My feel good days are happening more than my low days, and my psych appointments are becoming boring, with more laughter and less tearful angst so there is much progress there. Life is turning from grey back to technicolor in my outlook and I’m not mad about that. I am forever grateful for an awesome employer with amazing benefits that has helped me through all of this. Not once, but now twice in five years. However, that pesky employer is knocking on my door to join the real world again here soon. Thoughts and prayers with that one, as my brain still hasn’t come back online. Happy Friday to all!

Hi Heart friends, If any of you have suffered from cardiac depression any tips and tricks? I've got a doozy of a case of the blues and trying to shake them. Steps I've taken: walking 40 minutes a day. Upping my Lexapro meds, sitting in the sun, chatting w/ my psychologist and I start cardiac rehab on 10/6. Any other tricks? So glad the sun has decided to stick around Seattle for a while or I'd be a mess with the rains.

I've tried to talk to a couple friends about this topic but no one really gets it. So you all get to read/hear about it. First surgery I hated my incision, I wouldn't look at it if I could help it. It was angry, pronounced and took forever to heal, it even had some stitches pop out at the top near my neck at one point. That zipper zigged and zagged it's way up my chest in a haphazard way and I eventually just got used to it. I was none the wiser, I thought it was normal. It faded around the 3 year mark but was very noticeable always. FFwd to my second surgery and it's a completely different story. My incision is healed in 6 weeks. At 7 weeks I was scab free. It's neat, tidy and it's like a precise work of art. My point with all these words, 5 years ago it has become apparent that whoever closed me up was in a hurry or didn't know or care about what they are doing. The remnants of my first scar are still somewhat visible and lie under the very meticulous work of my latest closer. This closer did an amazing job glueing/sewing me back up. Here is the weird part and why I am typing, my new incision has healed in a way that it isn't going to be noticeable like I am used to, and I feel like a punk even typing this. I didn't realize how attached I'd become to my original zipper. Now it looks like I am headed to a whisper of a zipper when I look in the mirror and am in both awe and angst over original vs. new. There's a heck of a lot of bigger issues I could be angsty about and I get that. I am very grateful that at this point this is all I have to be grumpy about. just thought I would jot this down for when I look back to this time when I was being a punk over a zipper.

Seattle has had the worst air quality on planet earth for a while now due to all the fires in the west. I haven't been able to get out and walk since last week. The inversion of terrible smoke is supposed to last until this Thursday evening. The smoke headaches are brutal. Popping Tylenol like Tic Tacs. I'm usually fairly optimistic and not so grumpy, but being stuck inside and with little activity or the option of activity is starting to make me just a bit cranky. So this is my reminder to all y'all - get outside and walk today:-). Hoping that this Friday the air clears in honor of my 6 week anniversary, just in time for my sternal precautions to ease off!

It took me two or three hard learned tries after my first surgery to learn the valuable lesson of patience and moderation. I completely overdid it yesterday by a long shot. Costco, Home Depot, chores and chores. I was feeling great all day, felt awesome! By 4pm my body started to remind me that major surgery was just 4 weeks ago...Today, will be a couch day, I feel like dung. I even advised Jared of this a day or two ago!!! Reminder to those (AND PAT) at the beginning or just starting this process, it's a marathon and not a sprint. Thank goodness for 90 day Fiance' on TLC to pass the couch time!

Attention - long ish post. - I posted something similar in 2015 if memory serves. Time becomes so odd for all of us during this process. It suspends and speeds by all at the same time. There are times in the slammer (my word for hospital) that 5 minutes can seem like 2 years, but then you get home and weeks speed by like they are just an hour or two. It's been interesting to compare my two surgeries since they were relatively close in the continuum. I think I blocked some stuff out from last time, humans are good at forgetting pain and strife so I'm intentionally documenting the gnarly stuff to read back on in the future vs. the Pollyanna outlook I had from last time. First up - The waiting is not the worst part. Truth is, the waiting is awful and anxiety inducing for sure, but it's truly not the worst part of this process. The twists, turns and troubleshooting post op are the worst parts. Afib that won't come back to sinus is a worst part, the fear of cardio version is a worst part. The constant fear that I am going to slip out of sinus rhythm is a worst part. The fact that I can't tolerate any heavy pain medication and am forced to Tylenol only on day 2 is a worst part. The list can go on, but needed to get that off my proverbial chest. I think the whole process is the worst part, just not bits or pieces and definitely not the waiting to go under. The important thing to remember is how I/we deal with all these worst parts in aggregate. I told several nurses and MDs the only thing I could control w/ all my twists and turns was my reaction and attitude. All that said, this go round was totally different than last. My St Jude's trifecta aortic valve had failed so badly they had to take it out in pieces. It basically disintegrated as they cut it out. This made me a high stroke risk as the calcification was severe and was sprinkled into my aorta as they cut, they vacuumed it out as best they could, but they honestly didn't and wouldn't know if I would stroke out until they woke me up. I was confused as I came to and thought it was 2009 for a while and messed up other details they asked so they were prepping me for stroke intervention. That was fun to learn when I was lucid:-). Thankfully no stroke, just medication reaction. Now for a quick pro and con list I have in my brain. PROS - I felt better almost immediately as my valve had failed so badly. Didn't need a ton of breathing exercises or care. My stamina was back on day 3 and I was doing laps and laps and laps. Even with a gnarly case of Afib. I also knew every single thing the nurses were doing, I gave them warning this wasn't my first go and to tell me to shut up if I was trying to do their job for them. They laughed and told me they were grateful I was so interactive and the could auto pilot with me. I knew what to ask for and when. Another PRO is that I knew what I needed to do to get out of the slammer. I lined up PT and OT immediately. I managed getting all my check marks done so that when it was time to check out I had done all I could. The care was astounding. Nurses, PAs, CRNAs, CNAS, Doctors are amazing people. They work so hard for us, they work so hard in general. I am in forever awe of them. CONS - medicine, my body hates it. This was definitely a worst part. IV pain meds make me puke, most all of them. We found a kind of happy medium with Dilauded, but then, hallucinations. I was assured several times that spiders don't crawl on hospital ceilings until they decided to put me back on Tylenol....Another CON this time around is pain. I don't remember my sternum being so cranky last time. I hurt more in the chest. Could be that 5 years have gone by and I am older, but my sternum is reminding me it's there and is still pissed off. False union; it's forming again. Last time i could feel my sternum click and clack for months after, and it started again yesterday washing my hands. At least I know what it is this time. The cardiac blues. I definitely have them this time. My biggest CON and one that we all have to go through it the utter loss of dignity. All my medical friends have told me it's not a big deal but I am a very modest person, I don't like being exposed or people fiddling with anything below the belt. Heck, I hate even going shirtless. This was a challenge this time as I had VERY involved nurses. Citing my Afib as a risk they needed to be present for all bathroom activities. except for when I used the urinal in bed. I hated every minute of other bathroom trips. There was no amount of bribery or negotiation that would get me out of observation and surveillance when I went into the bathroom those first few days and I'll never forget it. Last surgery it was nothing like that. Overall the Pros outweigh the Cons as I am alive and feeling pretty darn good most days. Oh and getting up on steady INR has proven to be fairly easy so far. I do have a bit of the cardiac blues as mentioned, trying to resolve those by walking and sitting in the sun here and there. I got my car keys back today and my first planned trip is...drumroll...My PCP to show off my zipper. How exciting is that to start the weekend??? Oh yah and today was my very last dose of Amiadorone, excited to have that stuff leaving my body. I'm so thankful for Adam and this group. I'm not alone on this journey and your support and kindness is a constant.

I'm on day 7 in the hospital. All was going well with progress until our dear friend Afib decided to swing by for a 3 day visit starting Sunday night. They dumped gallons of amiodorone and metoprolol into my IVs but this case is/was pesky. On Wednesday they sent me down to be cardioverted and it worked, for now. Highlights - i feel awesome, I really feel great. Down to 4 tylenols a day. Not so highlights - I'm still GA and painkiller averse, waking up and 48 hours post op included a lot of vomiting, and were not fun - we will leave that there:-). Digging the new valve so far. Working like a champ. My INR is up to 1.9....it just needs to be a 2 for me to escape! So close!

All ready to shower in my special soap this evening and mentally prepared to head in bright and early tomorrow (Tuesday) and get this moving....Not to be. Someone needed doctor more urgently than I do tomorrow. Date moved to Friday of this week. This same exact scenario occurred back in 2015 so there is no angst or anxiety. Oh and I get to get RE-Tested for COVID on Wednesday. That will be fun:-)!

This time next week I hope they are yanking some drainage tubes (or have already yanked them) and I'm walking laps. Doctor tells me 7 days in, I have a goal for 5. My valve has failed so much in the last two weeks that I can feel it every moment. I am actually ready to check in and get this going already. I dread stairs, I can't walk my dog around the block, and I can't work in my yard without gasping for air - it's driving me nuts. The one thing I am not looking forward to is a revisit of Afib. I asked Dr if I was going to have trouble with it and his response was "Oh Absolutely!" I didn't need to hear that:-). Countdown is on for me to become bionic!

I stopped by UWMC today to sign consent forms (I thought 15 minutes in and out - tops). But it was the whole how'd yah do. Walked out 1.5 hours later. Feeling as good as I can about my pending date. Signed papers, got my instructions, spirometer, (they have changed the design since my last, it looks even more barbaric)! Special soap, nose ointment for this coming Saturday night. Covid test set up for Sunday morning. Chatted w/ surgeon one last time and off they sent me for bloodwork - all done. One more call w/ pre anesthesia tomorrow morning and then I'll be sitting pretty for my grand reopening. I forget how easy they make this on you once you are swept up in the machine.

First off, thanks to every single person who replied, offered advice, helped me through this. My surgery date is two Tuesdays from today (EEEK)!!!! I'm not updating to post the date over there on the right rail quite yet. I'm odd that way as it looks too real. I called and broke up w/ Cleveland today. Once they were finally in touch they have been wonderful. However, the thought of travel amid this dumb pandemic was causing me a lot of stress. I'll be meeting (or re-meeting) the ol' sternum saw locally here in Seattle - where I had my first OHS, at least it's all familiar right? Going w/ the OnX mechanical for sure this go round, curious about hearing the tick tick tick. Hitting that phase of peace with the help of my friend Xanax here and there. Thanks again for all the input. Helped immensely.

Can someone just make this decision for me? I'd be grateful. Finally got my Cleveland Clinic consult and both surgeons are aligned in approach, I feel good about that. I really feel at ease with both surgeons and their style and their advice, I like that. I'm 99.89 percent sure I am going OnX mechanical over Ross or another tissue valve on their advice. I'm not at all aligned on where I am getting it done. I do have a date scheduled at University of Washington, they know my entire history, they've done all the testing to date. They got me through my first round. Cleveland's reputation proceeds itself and there are a ton of grateful fans here on this site who have advised me to go for it. For me it is coming down to the travel - two flights, layovers, the pandemic, being masked up and uncomfortable on the plane home - and being across the country for 15 or so days when UW is literally 15 blocks from my house. I appreciate all the past advice and apologize if I've missed a guestbook entry here or there. I'm a bit scattered. Any takers? Anyone just want to make this decision for me and I'll go from there???? Sheessh, this and the waiting are truly the hardest part.

Looking for advice from those who know how I am feeling. I think I know my answer and have settled, but much like my first go round, I change my mind on the daily it seems. My bio AV that was installed back in '15 has failed. I had mentally accepted that this round I was going on low treatment OnX but then my surgeon recommended a Ross procedure, using my pulmonary valve in the AV position, and a cadaver valve in the PV position. This blew up my whole plan in my brain pondering life w/out wafarin, but friends and family remind me that the mechanical valve USUALLY means just that one surgery. Where as the Ross would wear out and require another at some point. Another exciting possibility is that my surgeon is going to throw me into an Eloquis trial for my OnX..Any advice is appreciated. I'm not putting my date up on the board yet (much like last time) as it makes it too real. But I'm on the weeks countdown (EEK). Any thoughts on this late breaking quandary are appreciated. Still waiting on Cleveland Clinic to call me back on my second opinion (it's been two weeks)...

Got all my scan results back yesterday and chatted w/ Drs via tele - and it's time for the do over:-( Going through all the rollercoaster emotions just like the first go round. My moderate aortic stenosis has progressed to severe in a very short time. My surgery status is urgent, yet not quiet emergent so momentum will be picking up quickly and I'll be back on the count down calendar over there on the right sometime in the next couple of months. It goes without saying I am not a fan of the St. Jude Trifecta valve, it lasted just over 5 years and didn't agree with me as it failed so quickly. That said, my cardiologist is adamantly against going bio again, and I have to say I agree. Researching low dose warfarin valves for this second go round. I was pondering Cleveland Clinic, however the travel and Covid etc is daunting after much thought, so I'll likely be sticking around Seattle. If any PNW folks love their surgeon let me know as mine has retired. I'm meeting with his replacement this week but always like to entertain a second opinion. Off we go?!?

Finally (FINALLY) was able to get in and get my March echo done at UW yesterday (just a few months late :-). Thanks Covid. I'll get results today via phone and we will figure out next steps, if it's more watchful waiting or time to surgeon shop. I've adjusted begrudgingly to taking jantoven, I don't like it, but I don't hate it. I gleefully graduated to 4 week INR checks (after 6 months of trying to get stable and under 2.0) last week. I've been going every week or every other week for this long. Didn't dig that part. No more blood draws for 4 weeks is worthy of celebration. I'm pondering doing OHS #2 at CC and would very much appreciate any advice folks have. Is it really as easy as signing up online, paying their 2nd opinion fee and you get swooped up and taken through their process? I've only heard great things, and even better things about re-operations so I want to cover all avenues this go round.

Hi Heart friends. Been a while since I've checked in. Went and got Wilbur checked out and he is calcifying like a champ! Total bummer, but looks like we are in range of a redo surgery next year. Next check is March 24th, I'm considered to be moderate aortic stenosis, moving into severe. Some days I feel like crap, others I feel ok. Sometimes I am out of breath, other times I breathe with no trouble. Cardiologist took two courses of action. 1 - ordered me onto a 30 day portable EKG monitor to record my rhythms. It's annoying but not too bad. 2 - She wanted to experiment with Wafarin for two reasons. 1- to see if I can tolerate it in case I choose a mechanical valve next go round, and 2 - to see if it might improve or slow the calcifying process, in case there is a thrombus hiding on a leaflet that isn't picked up on CT. So far I am not digging the Wafarin, I am on 5mgs a day, two INR checks a week and my arms have track marks that look like I am an addict, started bruising quickly as I dosed up. I’ve cut myself twice already (I’m a clutz). I'm also told it's all in my head but I really don't care for the way I am feeling. Totally 'tinny' and 'green.' Has anyone else had this happen w/ Wafarin? I just feel off. I’m going to stick with it, but this little experiment is proving out that I think I’ll be choosing another bio valve when the time comes (Inspiris) or a low coag mechacnical (On-X). It’s quite ironic that I went with a bio St Jude Trifecta valve to avoid blood thinner care and here I am on it regardless. Any advice for the Wafarin blues is appreciated;-).

Hi All, swinging by to check in. Had my three year checks today with not great news. Wilbur (my fancy St. Jude Trifecta valve) is calcyfing at an alarming rate. Velocity over the valve last year 1.5. Velocity this year 3.0. No bueno. Bummer to learn at this rate, the docs say I'll likely hit the re operation table somewhere from 18 months to 2 years OR when i become symptomatic. I'm now back to 6 month checks after being free on the one year plan. Needless to say, this was not in the game plan :-). I had no intention of getting two OHSs in my fourth decade but here we go! I know I'm not the only one that has faced this, is there anyone currently dealing with stenosis and valve failure? Want to commiserate:-)? Hope all are well. Pat

I completely forgot to do a drive by yesterday and check in on my valversary! 3 years zipped on by like it was yesterday. You get to a point where you forget you had heart surgery and the zipper just becomes part of you as you look in the mirror. Wilbur is still doing his job, all signs and outcomes are holding steady - here's to 15 more years right? Advice to all those starting this adventure or smack in the middle. Keep your chin up, foster a great and positive attitude and the healing falls right in line where it should be. Oh and get up and walk, walk, walk.

Shout out to UW and TAVR. The future is near for us Aortic Valve future re - doers:-)!!!  http://hsnewsbeat.uw.edu/story/device-test-may-determine-near-future-aortic-valve-repair

It's a ritual to stop by and check on others and celebrate anniversary dates now it seems. On this day two years ago I was popping Xanax like Tic Tacs worried sick out of my mind and pacing, pacing pacing. Surgery was scheduled for the 10th, but that wasn't to be. My surgical team had a more urgent case and mine was pushed. What does one do? Call the friends and head to the pub! The push was only two days, my two year is coming up on the 12th and I can't believe how time is flying. I'm not back to normal, I don't think you ever can be after this, we just have a new normal. Wilbur (well he's part Wilbur) the valve (St Jude Trifecta) has been doing a great job. I have oddities that come and go, quick heartbeats, some anxiety here and there and still get aches and pains, but am happy as heck to be able to type an update and wish great outcomes for all wherever you are in this process.

I forgot to post! My one year came and went on 2/12 and I forgot to mark the moment on this site. I guess that's a good sign for those wondering how this all pans out:-). The last 12 months have been a challenge and some of the best yet in my life I think. Going through this makes you realize you really need to live life because you only get one shot at it. For those headed in, just recovering or just starting this stuff - keep your eye on the prize and don't worry too much (easier said than done). Everything works out.

I swore I had no symptoms when I went in for surgery and was taking a leap of faith on technology and doctors. That is until I went to Colorado for Christmas this week and realized that for the past decade I've had symptoms at altitude all along. I figured I was just not good at adjusting, couldn't breathe, racing heart, and that was just part of the process of leaving sea level in winter. NOT so! Hopping on a plane earlier this week, I was nervous how my repair/replacement this past February was going to perform at high altitude. I was quickly astounded at how easy bounding up flights of stairs was - walking around, just breathing normally with no trouble. No lightheaded, no heavy breathing, nothing! On day two I started to annoy people with reminding them I could breathe without gasping. ("Yes Pat, we know you just came upstairs and you aren't gasping, yah yah"). So awesome. To all - Merry Christmas (if, of course you celebrate such things), and Happy New Year.

Today I turned 43, and to celebrate, I took the rest of the week off work to just hang out and catch up on daily stuff. I started the morning in a float tank. (http://floatseattle.com/). I didn't know quite what to expect, but I knew I wanted to treat myself. When I got into the tank, and everything was dark, all I heard and felt was my breathing and my very powerful heart beat. The powerful thumping has always been there since I woke up from surgery, I guess I had adjusted to it...until I was alone with it. ALL alone with no other stimulus. At first I didn't think I would be able to spend 60 whole minutes listening to and feeling my heart 'kerthunk' over and over, (doctors say it's just letting me know its doing its job, all things check out ok). With the constant thud in my chest, my mind could only ponder what has occurred over the last 9 months. My mind went back to the absolute fear pre-surgery and then the daze and haze of the next few months. I let my arms float in the salt water and stretched my sternum over and over. I remembered how much my body ached for months and months while recovering. I then found myself mentally checking every muscle, joint and movement surrounded by warm salt water, complete silence and darkness, and the kerthunk of my new valve and Dacron plumbing doing their jobs. Over the course of an hour, the last 9 months transformed in my brain. Everything fell into place and I found peace with my bum heart situation, surgery and recovery. People often measure progress at getting back to normal or pre surgery self, but I don't think you can ever return to the being you were after such a major process. Physically, I feel the same as before, if not better, as I've made strides in living a more healthy lifestyle and eating better. Emotionally, there is still work to do, patience, the blues, and just constantly worrying if I am wasting life hours are all topics I ponder a lot. I end my day after two hours of raking leaves and yard work- any bets on the ol' sternum letting me know exactly where I am in the process tomorrow;-)? To end this update, I would highly recommend tank therapy (IF your incision is all healed and you are cleared to get in a pool). I was so moved by this experience that I bought a three pack. Can't wait to go back and float and work through what's next!

I had a wedding that I knew about a year ago. In London. Self centered and worried about details on being able to stand the flight and travel I replied as tentative. Not knowing about meds or condition or anything but me. me. me... I'm happy to exclaim that sixth months out I'm headed from Scotland to London tomorrow for the scheduled wedding. So stoked that I got to see northern England and this weekend, my friend wed on Friday on the river Thames in London ..... For those worried about this surgery, Please don't. Things work out. I worried much more than I should have earlier this year. Now all the way from Seattle I push on. it's been a helluva week and I am grateful. Push on people. That's all we can do.

6 months! Sharing over my facebook post from last night: Tomorrow marks the day 6 months ago the bone saw met my sternum. I checked in at 5:30am to UW scared out of my mind and in a daze. After much angst starting a main line, the Propofol kicked in and knocked me out, while experts made busy reconstructing parts of my ol' ticker and aorta into a modern day marvel. Scary sounding things like cutting into the "pericardial sac," "aneurysm repair" and "circulatory arrest" occurred over 5 hours of surgery, and I still can't believe I conquered any of it. Honestly, I am still trying to figure out how I pulled this off. 90% recovered and happy as hell to have pushed on through, old hermit and grumpy Patty is grateful and excited to see what the next half of 2015 has to bring. In the Open Heart Surgery club we mark milestones first by hours, then by days. Days somehow turn into weeks and months, and then we focus on years. There's no way to explain how I feel about living the hours to months so far- and how awesome it is to look forward to years with my Trifecta Aortic valve(tm) and Dacron tubes pumping away. Life is damn good.

Tomorrow morning I get on a plane and fly from the left coast to the other coast for work. All by myself. Just 4 months after OHS. I know I got this, I've flown several other times since my induction into this club, but this is different, I had people that "knew" on those planes. This is alone, this is just me being anonymous, hiding a zipper and a card in my wallet and being a grown up, that used to do all this stuff w/out a second thought up until February of this year. Kind of weird. Also, I hate heat and humidity and I'll be landing in DC where there is a whole lotta both. Here we go. Woosh.