stephanie's Journal

amazing. the ugly scar isn't that much.

tying in with my bunch of hearty souls....also,to celebrate tomorrow. my birthday. so...it's almost 9 months post op,and I think I'm
starting to find more energy. and..I will be 77 years old. that just sounds OLD,but I don't FEEL OLD. my exercise/ stretching / projects help. I actually rode my bike this morning to the community clinic,froze my butt off. ( only a mile and a half) for a blood draw. but it got my mind off my coffeeless morning.NPO is the pits. ( here's a trick that does work if you get stuck with a NPO...drink a couple cups of boiled,filtered water. it fools your mind into accepting that you're not getting your morning coffee...or tea.... ) so, the rife felt good. I threw more firewood in my truck and brought to my wood pile for stacking another day. yesterday, I ran one tank on chainsaw,bucking the dead trees I'd cut down a couple months ago...more firewood. so,today,I'm tired, but not wrecked. took a nap on the couch,reading a book. tomorrow,nuthin planned.
my visit with my primary doc was fine. he pronounced me to be well, and looking fine. he's fun. we talk about books and sci-fi. I'm still on the 20mg lisinipril. it's not bothering me,and my BP is where it should be...less anxiety there..
facetiming kid nearly every day. it was sad. to see her leave but what a terrific time we had.
grief wise...I'm doin ok... I have support,and I have God.
I truly live this site, feeling connected with some of you regulars. such good virtual visits do my heart and soul wonders of good. and I hope my input helps some of you all.so...I think we're caught up fer now.....stay safe stay well.... oh..yeh.! burning question...who wants the covid vax? between that and the political situation...I'm glad I'm still holing up....lol. ❤🙏🦄

LET 2021 BE AN IMPROVEMENT FOR YOU ALL....

I just want to add my latest. I have been experiencing stress,probably as someone mentioned,post grief reaction,too. well, I've been monitoring my vitals like a good girl. my blood decided to be 160/100. I prayed on deciding to go to my favorite urgent care. thought it would maybe help with the blood pressure and the health anxiety. being all alone I'm scared to go in.who will watch my fur kids. so I keep a big pit of water, a big pit of kibbles, a big bowl of cat kibbles up on their counter.( just. in. case...) I was so worried I called my daughter in New Orleans.
anyway I did go to urgent care. nice doc prescribed 20mg lisinipril. I'm not really afraid of that med. had it before..a few years ago. no sides except when the one fool put me on 40mg and I felt like fainting. but I am confident this will help.I do have an appt w my primary doc on Jan 7th.he'll check the dosage and all that. my EKG was just fine. no temp.hr upper 80s
. I thought I may have been giving MYSELF a version of white coat syndrome,by getting scared to even check the readings . I eat right, do all the things one should do to help bp but it's prob one of those things. I'll be glad to talk to primary . he's a do,and reminds me of my favorite vet I had for my horse. I always said if a people doctor could be like him I wouldn't be afraid of doctors. it was like at first sight when I first visited him.sooo. other than that,I'm doing as well as I guess I should.8 months along on the 28th Dec. my daughter is coming here from new orleans.we need each other. she's fresh from divorce and needs mommy. I'm upside down and need my baby(50 yrs old.still my kid) so,have a blessed and of 2020,may 21 be better.❤🦄

I can't find the patient news feed so maybe it will come back.

have a blessed Christmas and hanakkah. 💝

I just reread my last journal posting, and all your encouraging feedback. I still feel this underlying nervous tension. checked vitals...ok. no pain, no sob, good energy for wall paper peeling, brush burning, painting projects. still need rest in between times...work a day( like 4 hours, then chill) take a day off. I'm resigning myself to taking time to complete healing... a year? egads. oh. well. y'all ARE right. I overestimate my ability to pop back after such trauma. underestimate my anxiety level in the subconscious realm. PTSD comes back and bites one in the butt out of NOWHERE. and that can be self perpetuating... anxiety exacerbated by anxiety...ugh. I'll reread this last batch of encouragement AGAIN, until it sinks in. and....give it to God...that helps. thanks, y'all , we ARE an interesting bunch with so many shared feelings and experiences.💝🦄

I guess I'm having a generalized anxiety attack. it's probably catching up with me from the last few months. ptsd makes sense when you think about the TRAUMA of what I experienced. pump head? I am still getting stupid attacks. getting sidetracked and burning dinner, forgetting where I put things, being generally absent minded and ditsy. (and I'm a brunette) health anxiety.. I'm obsessing on my heart. I constantly stick my finger in the oxifinger thing, feel my carotid, peer at my brachial artery. measure my respiration when walking or taking a quick bike ride. all fine, easy, not at all winded. I do my stretches, a fee light reps with an 8lb hand weight. I can actually hold a plank for a count of 10, but, I still keep having the creeps...the what it's.. being alone, who will care for my dog who doesn't like strangers? I've been off Ami,now, for 2 months. I THINK it's wearing off. my hair seems to be growing back, my balance is much better, only a rare ocular migraine, or a dark field passing in my vision,I'm accepting my limitations, resting more, budgeting energy re harder tasks,accepting the fact that I'm only halfway in my recovery. I've read that people who were active and fit are way more impatient with the long recovery from such serious surgery. ok, I've got it... but I just get worried. am I alright? breathing..fine. pain..nope. faint, dizzyness ...nope. appetite...good. sleep cycle.... better, now. 2 months ago, cardiologist said echo showed everything working fine. ok.... I just had to voice those thoughts and anxieties to you guys. I basically feel pretty good. just still can't wrap my brain around what's happened in my life since April 2020. I'll continue in my prayer life. God always works.thanks, guys, for listening to my rant🦄

I don't have a big problem with various state mandates limiting private,in home gatherings. at least personally. I'm basically isolated,family all so. Cali. we'll prob duo or FaceTime. that's ok. I am not REAL happy with the mandate itself. too much gov interference"for our own good". who will actually rat out their neighbors about the amount of people gathering in a traditional setting? well, aside from THAT, I am THANKFUL for my continued health and healing. for the strength given me by God to cope with the total traumatic journey of this last 7 months . I pray that all of you are going into this season with healing, blessings, love and light. ❤🦄

ratty lookin warmies feelin good❤❤

just a quick progress report to my heart friends.... the 28th Oct was 6 months post op. I think I'm pretty much on track in recovery from the gnarliest. surgery I ever had in my entire life. even though I've always been a fit and athletic type, I do face the reality that at 76, I need to ease up on the ego and not get freaked out by the creeping olds. this heart disaster definitely took a chunk out of me physically. I can't compete with a 40 year old guy who's had the same surg as I. suffice it to say, I am grateful and blessed that I have my life,my health that is coming back,my strength, and one day in the near future, my stamina. God has blessed me with a chance to continue my life in His Light, with wonderful memories of the best man I ever knew, and my friends, family and dispersed support through this very interesting and challenging 6 months. as Adam says, ima keep on tickin.

who has had doctor discontinue their amiodarone and wondered how long uncomfortable side effects would last? for me, I was on 200mg x one daily. on this for 5 months. doc took me off it 2 weeks ago. I'm not on any other meds, but I had been feeling off balance with an occasional slight vertigo. very disquieting that these episodes are still randomly occurring. I understand about the lengthy half life of this toxic drug and am so happy to be done with it. they told me around 30 days. ok.... I wonder if this gradually leaves, and still causes withdrawal issues until at last it's GONE. just wondering about any of you all having any issues with Ami withdrawal.

these guys keep me comfy at night.

so, how long IS the average time for a body to heal completely after this very brutal and serious heart surgery? ( ohs,avr,)I'm 5 months out, now and really doing very well. waiting for the dc'd amiodarone to wear off. no other meds, just my vitamins. BUT..... I still tire easily. and the latest is insomnia.( the ami?)not real bad if I don't let myself look at the clock when I wake up in the middle of the night. but still, broken sleep. my vitals seem fine, no pain anywhere, I'm good for about 3 hours of do ums... peeling wallpaper, painting a room. yard work only an hour. my question to you guys is, how long before you really felt like your old self? or did you need to rethink that concept as did patricia,according to her message in my guest book in July. I never thought about my age being much of a factor, before. but this bit aged me. I can tell that is part of my struggle. post trauma stress, bereavement, rethinking my whole existence. when will i stop thinking about omg I had this terrible surgery and ooh, did I just feel weird a minute ago? I've read that it can take a year! man. Adam is the resident official pro. how long did it take you? and pat,after TWO surgeries! maybe this head trip is just another stage in my recovery? the mental as well as the physical. Ana, I do say that the spiritual part is doing well. so that probably negates this whole thought process. I'll get there when I get there, because God has me covered. and all of y'all are just amazing. no one has fallen apart after such physical trauma. having new heart parts is actually pretty cool. if only the recovery were a bit quicker. thanks for reading my ramble🦄

not too bad. the wrinkly thing at the top went away.my red nose is worse.. always blowing it because of seasonal allergies.

going to my little community church. doing well, and thanking God for my healing.

i had EKG yesterday. they called me today and said I was 100%good sinus rythym. I can STOP AMIODARONE! they reassured me that even though it has that 30 to 60 day half life, the gradual diminishing of it in my body will be the same as weaning. I asked if I need blood tests. apparently not. well I am relieved ,because I hated that scary drug, and that this means I AM progressing well in my recovery. AMEN!

ok,I have 5 months recovery,feel really well, morale is up, getting used to the new routine since there's only one of me. I'm getting projects started,some finished. BUT....i still find that I need to take breaks. my energy still has limits,so I measure what I'm planning on doing against can it wait til tomorrow, or can part of it get done today,then more tomorrow ( or so) like today. beautiful morning. I decided to spend an hour with my weed whacked. foiled by flooding. it sat while I replaced the line and WOULD NOT START. after messing with it, and almost started and ran( still a little flooded) I bagged it and took a nice shower and a Tylenol. yanking a pull rope on a recalcitrant machine is more work than the job it was to be used on. that comprised this day's energy budget. last year, I would let a machine rest,go do something else,finish another hour or two and be content. now, my arm is tired from yanking that pull rope. I'm taking time off to rest. yep, even after 5 months, I still need that all important REST. well, that part feels good.

I had my appointment with the cardiologist. only thing was, I couldn't figure out ZOOM. I have DUO on my android, but even tho I have the app all set up, I had a stupid attack. no sweat.. we talked on our phones. ( I don't have a computer or anything smarter than my android,which does everything,anyway.)
the good news: yes I passed my echo. doc said my heart is fine,my valves are all working right. oh good. I can't help comparing this to an automotive repair. valve job on vehicle is important. they burn out, get sprung, get carboned out. so you drive the newly repaired car for specified number of miles then take it to the mechanic( or technician,depending on its vintage) and get diagnostics run,to make sure the new valves are functioning right. anyway,, so I passed the echo. he wants me back next week for an EKG so he can dc the amiodarone. I'm not sure if he's gonna stick a holter on me or not. it's just that he seems extra vigilant about afib. even tho what I had was a typical post up occurrence. I had the cardioversion. but I'm tired of amiodarone. it makes me afraid that something horrible will happen when I go off it,even with the 2 month hanging on effect. was I in that bad shape when I got admitted to the ER and stayed a week before surgery?( none of that time is even in my memory .) I asked him about that week. he did look up the record and explained a lot of it. I think I almost died. apparently I was" on a machine" for a couple days? ventilator? was I comatose or just plain out of it? well, this does help explain why this doctor is being careful. it also explains why I'm still freaked out about the entire experience. I just finished 5 months. went thru traumatic stress, did a lot of heavy lifting,getting the house ready for what was supposed to John's homecoming. no pain,no swelling, no palpitations. New repair job worked like a champ. that's gotta be a good sign. I'll allow myself to get tired and take a good couch break. read a book. tomorrow's another day. actually,I'm sorta enjoying the lack of structure. as for worrying about having a holter. he said they're small and compact. last time I saw one it was big and bulky like a motorola handy talky. we'll see.

today is my man's birthday. he would have been 74. it's been a month since I lost him.almost 5 months post op for me. the last 2 months have been very weird for someone trying to heal up after major scary heart surgery, but so far so good. today was a beautiful day, no wildfire drift smoke clogging up the air. I decided to celebrate his birthday by picking up my chainsaw and cutting the dead apricot tree in the yard, and running the weed whacked in front, finally working on all the dead grass that I never could do before, while stove up from surgery. a combo of occupational therapy,DIY cardio rehab, and morale building. doing something he and I did together for so many years. chain saw music. I only worked an hour before my back was a little tired, but I feel so much better, and stronger. I could hear him in my mind telling me not to overdo. I'm marking the next 4 days until my Tele visit with my cardiologist. hope he thinks I'm well enough to get OFF the amiodarone. that will be my 5th month recovery. 🙏

just wondering how the smoke from the wildfires in California,Oregon and Washington are affecting those of you who live nearby. does recovery from heart valve surgery make us more vulnerable? I'm basically staying indoors, keeping tabs on the AQI readings. at the worst, it's aggravating my seasonal hayfever. the amount of crud in the air is more than any of us need to breathe. I'm even letting my dog and 2 cats stay in if they want. AC on recirculate/ fan mode helps a bunch. stay well y'all

I understand that recovery from open heart, full sternotomy,valve replacement and various repairs can take a long time.
I've heard of some up and functioning in 3 months, others 6 months to a year. what residual effects hang on until one is "completely healed"? less stamina, requiring more rest after doing normal average work,chores,projects?
I've basically stopped comparing myself to others. I'm 4 months and 2 weeks out. after having a traumatic and devastating experience, starting a month ago and culminating a little over 2 weeks ago( the collapse of my husband from a stroke, his death from stage 4 pancreatic cancer), that had not even entered our brain cells until the hospital did a pile of tests on him. so,I would imagine this event has set me back. oh, I feel fine, vitals in normal limits, good strength. I'm painting my bedroom, but still in sections. I don't have marathon stamina. the air has been really unhealthy, so I've sorta bagged the bicycle rides until it clears.even my 5 mile specials. so not only am I still figuring out the parameters of healing. from seriously major surgery. I'm trying to coordinate my traumatic grief/ stress reaction with my healing of my heart and body. I'm probably at least a 6 month person. that's ok. I'll take the time. even if it takes a year. this is just a rap on what condition my condition is in. thanks,guys, for listening.🦄

well, I just thought of something else to worry about now that I'm ALONE. my cardiologist mentioned dc ing amiodarone 200mg. I've been on it, once a day since hospital, post op, had 1 cardioversion, day 3. I guess since I haven't heard anything about echo results, that must have been alright. the only side effect I really have is a slight unsteadiness, and( gasp!)hair loss !
I keep my hair short, but it's really thin and my forehead has gotten higher. I succumb to vanity and color it. (my grey is ugly) the problem I'm having is, WHAT IF I start weaning or whatever, and get a withdrawal reaction while being all alone here. would I have to go to hospital? who would feed my critters? trouble is, I feel really well right now, recovering from the stress of the last 3 weeks. haven't been in the bike because the air quality index is in the RED zone( nevada right on Cali border so all those fires are putting out horrible smoke.)anyway. researcher that I am, I've managed to scare the crap out of myself reading all about amiodarone . the 2 month half life, how it pervades your whole body , how dangerous it is to just go off it. can I trust the doctor? so, I'm trying to I prevent a full on anxiety attack before Sept 29( my virtual Dr.appointment) 4 months post op, moving right along despite a week of hard work moving to the front house and dealing with bereavement. anybody else have any amiodarone stories?😳

it's been over 3 weeks of sheer adrenaline fueled stress. the kids have gone back home, I've redone the widow budget. I'm relating to my 65lb shepherd x and my shedding black long hair cat on my bed. getting used to my man not being in my bed.
so, now I am regrouping. realizing how truly tired I am. it caught up with me. but today I did 4 miles on my bike after a short doggo walk. I pretended I was on a Bluetooth earpiece so I could jabber on while riding. ( the talk test...what's. it called?) legs a little rubbery, so I don't try another mile. good recovery. pulse rate and O2. it felt good too. so, there I am, 4 months recovery doing ok. I don't recommend grief and bereavement when recovering from heart surgery. poor heart has been traumatized as it is. some say that when the heart is cut into, it's a part of our soul center. either way, it hurts. on top of that losing your soul mate. so, I am being kind to myself. thanking God for the wonderful people that have helped and supported me during this time. I'll just ease back into my physical work gradually. I have time. 6 months is ok, even a year is cool.im talking about reaching my goal of being old but not used up...

2 more days and I'll be 4 months post op.this latest horrible situation has taken a lot out of me. stress and physical work, getting house ready for what I thought was going to be John's homecoming. well, that part didn't work out, so now I'm in a holding pattern. making myself relax. my heart feels alright. I have decent energy. but have some fatigue from the sheer enormity of it all.i guess 4 months isn't all the way healed yet. I barely get the dog out for walks. rode my bike once, short ride around the block. my sleep is still broken.. waking every hour. probably another reason for fatigue. the kids have been my support, and friends, and you guys, and prayers, prayers, prayers. I'm managing my new normal....

I prayed for a miracle. I believe it happened...but not how I wanted, but how God said I needed. my man passed away, Saturday,Aug 22, 4 months to the day that he had held me as I was in extremist, waiting for paramedics.
of course, when the rehab center on call nurse called me at 0630, I was ...what? you have the wrong person...nope not wrong.
so, it's Monday, and time for mire adulting on the phone. waiting for his son to come up from Cali.
how does this relate to my heart valve story?...it does, indirectly....how to cope with a devastating life event like this, and still keep healing myself. in a word...it sucks. as I gain confidence in my body and my repaired heart, I am now rattling around the house... alone...all the whatifs....what if i I fall out? what about our dog( he isn't friendly to stranger's) our 2 cats. I live out in bfe...like rural little community. what if, what if, what if????the MIRACLE! my man didn't have to suffer any more. he would have been home alright, in a hospital bed, a total care patient,having his butt wiped, being hoisted out of bed by a lift( like an engine hoist?) indignity,humiliation,on top of slow death by the C word. so, yes, I can accept his passing...in a way.... I need you guys to continue listening to my particular gripes, hurts and triumphs. thank God I do have much loving support here. I would really plotz without it. thank you so much for the virtual group shoulder.

hi everybody...well our daughter pushed the people in charge that my man can come home. tomorrow is the projected day. his 2 sons and his daughter, along with my daughter are part of our support circle. the fact that he is now registered as a hospice patient really freaks me out. 2 weeks ago, that kind of thing wasn't even in my brain cells. the stroke, I can accept and have a care plan, but the C word is beyond me. yes, I am praying for a miracle. I believe in miracles. my episode that I survived is a miracle. I pray that my man will recover his wits from the slight post stroke brain damage, that the so called cancer will go into remission. he has had none of the typical symptoms one hears about. the stroke didn't even cause paralysis or slackness or any speech, swallowing problems, nor headaches. I am focusing on the positive, my faith in God to manifest healing. I am blessed that my strength and heart health seem to be coming back so I can be there for my man as he was for me 4 months ago. he picked me up as I appeared to be dying,I am picking him up now and forever. we still need each other.

it's been almost a week. all my energy has been focused on my hub's situation, so I'm just slowed down a little. being a week from my 4th month recovery, it still surprises me when I run out of steam. but the worst is BEING ALONE. that is actually scarier than it used to be when I was by myself other times. I know I'm getting better,healing, gaining more confidence in the rebuild. but, it's just sorta scary, rattling around all by myself. but, this isn't about me. it's about my man. I am in a constant state of prayer for him.

my hub is in hospital. 2 nights ago had a stroke. I'm managing, talking to hospital people, and getting some rest after the emotional roller coaster ride. praying that he will be alright. no paralysis,good. confusion, well......he has other things going on but getting tested top to bottom.very competent,expert people caring for him. I admit to being stressed out so am resting, regrouping, praying. ironic that when I went down 3 1/2 months ago, he was holding me and calling 911. after he passed out in a soaking cold sweat, I called 911.
there's a message in this adventure story.he he went down because of total doctor avoidance, ignoring some symptoms that should have been addressed months ago. result...emergency ride in an ambulance. similar to what I, myself, did. ignored aortic stenosis, suddenly collapsing, he's holding me and calling 911. ironic.

ok, I go this coming Thursday the 13th for echo. I feel really well,my energy is up, my resting hr is down,O2 level consistently in 90s....but....i have this dread, this anxiety of " what if they find SOMETHING WRONG"? maybe I do TOO much research. echocardio abstracts, ejection fraction values, etc.... wtmi, I think. I already am ready to go to the clinic with complete biosafety in hand so should be relatively covid safe. I'll be glad that test is done. blood draw that morning should coincide with that echo so doc will have reading material.

virtual visit with my cardiologist. this man talks so fast I have to concentrate to keep up, and look for a pause to ask a question.we only did it on the phone. I visualized him using his 3g flip phone as I'd seen him on before. I had gotten messed up because the clinic had been trying to reach me on my husband's phone, while I had been trying to reach then on mine, which has the zoom app. finally, when my hub said, hey steph, the doctor people are wondering where you are. you better get a hold of them. oh boy...so, I called them on the other phone, got straightened, put that phone down, grabbed mine and waited for the Dr. to call. the meeting was ok.i let him know I would go for echo as scheduled next week, but the ultrasound will have to wait. I am still profoundly scared of the covid cootie and the less doctory places I go to the better for now. he wanted to see how my aortic aneurysm looked. I told him that I have absolute faith in my surgeon, Dr Chapman. all the repairs on my heart seem to be doing just fine. I feel stronger, better, and more encouraged about my progress. the highlight of the session was when I asked about riding my bike, and he said," yes, by all means"...yayyyy!another Tele meeting next month where I can hopefully get off the scary amiodarone, and he'll have the results of the echo, and labs. one last neat thing to report...i was able to get on my bike like a normal person, you know, left foot on pedal, coast a sec, swing right leg over, butt on saddle, start pedaling. oh yehhh. better... and another one and1/2 mile jaunt to get my cardio on. oh God that felt good...just keeping in the easy gears, one little 4/10 mi grade. so, old woman feelin better. you all be safe and well.

I just signed up to a really good bike forum that covers all aspects of bicycle stuff, the part I glommed onto is the 50+
forum, with sub forums for 65 to 85, and one dealing with health issues and riding. even some folks post ohs, describing their progress in building back strength, and knowing their limitations. this is a good adjunct to this site, giving me just that little extra to stoke my enthusiasm for regaining my health in a reasonable timeline, and the definite cardio vascular low impact exercise that is my favorite. jogging hurts my knees. I don't have a horse anymore. I need to get outdoors doing something fun. as I feel better, stronger, it will progress. I'll let y'all know what my cardio says this week during Tele visit. anyway, I just feel encouraged...by this forum, and my new bicycle forum. 😁

I rode my bike again, this morning. early and cool out. ahhh it felt so good. just a mile and a third, but it's a part of my new routine. this is about the 4th time on the bike, each ride a little easier.( except that one what made me feel weird. so forget any inclines for a while, level only) I'd love a fit bit but will settle for my spare finger thingy, and mindful breathing. this idea helps me redirect from home chores and projects, while loosening up my whole body. I see what they mean, though, about six months. I just know I'm lasting longer everyday. I feel well. that's encouraging, but I won't let that con me into "overdoing". so, all of you, get well, be safe.

six of one, half a dozen of the other....either way, I am still wondering if I will ever feel " normal". the tooth thing set me back. glad the antibiotic healed the infection, but it upsets my stomach. thank God for CHOBANI Greek yogurt and lemon ginger tea with probiotics. I am still questioning the amiodarone 200mg I. have to take every day. sure, it prevents rhythms, it also gives me anxiety about...if I go off it will I have afib or something equally spooky? I rode my bike around the block yesterday, did one and a half miles( rural community,long block) and felt weird after the slight uphill grade. maybe I'm still a little off because of the amoxy, and the tooth thing, or, I just don't have my mojo on yet. my pulse rate is going down more, 80s instead of 90s. my heart feels fine, I'm sleeping well, eating well. my tele visit with cardiologist is on the 4th August, soon. I am still freaked out about going into a clinic setting for an echo, tho I agree that it's a necessary follow up kinda test. meanwhile, I am trying to be patient. positive, relaxed, in tune with my body, accepting the fact that I am old(er) so even though I have been athletic, I have had a chunk taken out of my energy and my ego. the sayimg that everyone's recovery time is unique is true. so many variables. ...age,fitness level, extent of surgery, morale, the whole psychological factor.....well, you get what I mean. again, writing these thoughts in this journal helps. comparing notes on all this. I won't forget to count my Blessings

I just reread my journal from the start to the latest, all your comments . this really reinforced my confidence, allayed much of my anxiety. gaining perspective and vindication has helped. I can also see the progress I've made in the last 2 + months.
I still have bouts of anxiety and emotional upheavals but am learning gradually to navigate these issues. I think on July 28 I will hit the 3 month mark. I guess there's more to go, but there is progress. the tooth thing set me back some, taking all my energy to deal with it. and it WAS infected. scary concept, so I am joyfully taking 3 amoxicillin a day for this week( 7 days) and seeing the swelling and soreness recede....thank God. so, I shall throw in thoughts and observations about my particular recovery. I love bouncing stuff off y'all and getting such awesome feedback. so.....moving right along...life is good.( I see that saying every time I open my LG android phone and just now realized it works for me..)😎

I DID IT! yesterday I made it to my appointment at this really wonderful dentist clinic a good friend of mine turned me on to. it was amazing. the dentist is the daughter in law of the main dentist who owns the practice. she not only did a great job, pulling 3 front teeth that were getting infected ( I hated having to wait so long to get it done ) she prescribed a week of amoxicillin to clear the rest of the infection, besides that prophylactic 2000 mg yesterday. so, I am officially cured of my dentist extreme fear factor, and now I can continue healing my rebuilt heart. God what a difference in how I feel. so that's my big update. continuing to count my blessings and pray it forward to any of y'all that can use some extra Light and Love.......

my inquiring mind led me to look up the info on the card they gave me about my prosthetic aortic valve. wow! so it's a cow valve...moooo....from Edwards LLC. I saw their website. lots and lots of medical tech. of course that was easier to look up than the You Tube video showing an open heart surgery ...right down to the miniature ' sawzall'. eeeeg. and the wires.
oh my.... and reading about the heart bypass machine. it's a wonder people actually survive this operation. I about gave myself a case of WTMI.( way too much information.)

good. I have an appointment for this weds to. a really nice dental clinic recommended to me by my good friend. I think I can hang on til then, with my salt water, Listerine, clove oil , and judicious use of Tylenol.🙌

well, I need to find a dentist. the covid thing is here in nv. governor has shut down lots of businesses. I guess I better contact my cardiologist about invasive dental work before this gets critical. it's a broken front tooth on lower jaw. the problem is that I haven't gone to a dentist in ages. my top teeth are gone. some pulled, by dentist and some that were loose and fell out. my bottom teeth are bad. I have taken care of my teeth, brush, floss , healthy eating. much of the issue is a combination of phobia, limitations of medi medi, and just putting it off. now that I'm getting over emergency heart valve surgery( because I blew off an aortic stenosis/ aneurysm diagnosis,you'd think I would learn) I am worried about getting my teeth taken care of. I don't need any complications. prophylactic antibiotics are ok with me. I never take antibiotics, as a rule, so no bacterial resistance should happen. well, Monday I will call cardiologist for advice, and recommendation as to a dentist that will know what to do and can do it on my sleazy insurance.i should have the rest of the bottom teeth taken out. dentures? no clue. I hope I haven't grossed anybody out. thanks for being there for me to talk to.

I just spent a couple hours reading some of y'alls journals. my oh my, did it give me more insight. the common denominator is VALIDATION. so many things we have in common, regardless of the different procedures. recovery times, health anxiety, aches and pains, fatigue. well, I am really encouraged by these stories and insights. so, if I find myself wondering if it's the creeping olds or just a slow stage in my recovery, I can reflect on what you guys have shared.

does anybody here just ' lose it'? I have always been over sensitive, with hair trigger emotions. yesterday the cap came off a 1/2 gallon milk jug as I unloaded groceries and the whole thing dumped out. already tired, upset, and frustrated, I totally blew it when my hub mentioned my klutz factor. next thing I know, I was screaming at him. I don't know if I am worse since the OHS, or what. they say how emotions can go all over the place. well, I do cool out after a freak out, but it's just really hard to ' control my emotions' if he innocently kids around and hurts my feelings. I truly don't want to stress out, but it seems like anything sets me off. is it my imagination or will I eventually stop with the heightened sensitivity? other than that, I seem to be doing alright at 2 1/2 months out. walking my dog, got in a mile on the bike( in the cool morning, around the block) I am partly answering my own question. I used to deal with upsets and frustration by taking bike rides, and before he passed, riding my horse. the restricted activity now leaves me without an outlet. the dog, the bike still take more energy than I have right now. well, again, running this past y'all in this journal helps a lot.

one perk to being something of a shy introvert. I don't have a problem staying home and avoiding crowds. the masks are weird, but...oh.well. I can live with that. no need to take chances after having already nearly lost my life.

well, I have to remind myself that I am only 2 and a half months out. so, considering what I went through, I am feeling pretty well. run out of steam in the afternoon, enjoy a nap around noon.
what gets me is the HEAT. I never did heat that well, but now, it flattens me. get the do- ums done by 9 at the latest, than flop around , read umpteen books,wet shirt and a fan. ( walking swamp cooler) the heat in nv is dry and windy. no humidity.in the 90s and I just feel like I'm in a blow dryer. so, between laying low during the hot days, I am staying home, except to go to my neighborhood store, where I do all the "cootie" precautions. those trips into town for doctor visits were wearing me out, so I will be looking forward to Tele visits for a while. I have a really neat nurse who comes and checks me, draws blood as needed, listens to my anxieties. I know I am still relatively early in recovery and glad I have gotten this far. it's a very individual process, making it a psych out to compare other's recovery rates with mine. it's hard not to obsess on every little thing. health anxiety is exactly that..anxiety. also a normal process in the whole OHS community. so, I accept that the hot weather saps my energy, I do less, relax more, and feel blessed that I am healing. thanks, guys, for listening.

I just spent time reading Adam's free download about recovery, and the link about recovery stories. I read so much, I know more than I knew then. I'm glad I've worked through my dislocated time sense, my what happened and how did I get here. having just done 8 weeks, I am starting to see the light. I rode my bike yesterday to the mailbox(3 tenths mile with a slight grade the last tenth) I got to breathe heavy, and felt my legs, lowest gear. coming back was down hill coasting. wheee! this morning I got up, not even sore, so I said yesterday I did a bunch besides the bike experiment . today I rest, even if I'm not tired. just the minimal household do ums. I like the advice I've read about taking my time. handling expectations, and knowing that I am healing, little by little.

I just registered for virtual doctor visits, so I don't have to risk catching the plague by exposing myself unnecessarily to unseen germs. with all the resurgence of covid i am getting pretty paranoid about it. this allows me more control of my situation.

I'm so thankful for recovering well. again, it was a blessing to be in good condition, fit and feeling fine. fighting off the creeping olds with bike riding and heavy yard work. no wonder it was such a shock to wake up from extensive emergency open heart surgery just as they were pulling out the horrible endo trachael tube. I have no memory of the week in hospital before my surgery. that's how out of it I was. I mean starting my day riding 6 miles on bike and falling apart suddenly that afternoon. I am still in a state of suspended disbelief. but, having at least come to terms with my new reality , I AM healing, resting, gaining more energy. only problem is doctors. that fact keeps reminding me that I'm not whole, yet. and now, with an upsurge of covid( the COOTIE) I'm worried about too many clinic visits. my primary will do a video visit, but my cardio has me set up for an echocardiogram at the urgent care facility. can't do THAT on a video. so...i feel like staying home, not venturing out unless armed with cootie spray, mask, and vigilance. my cardio doc wants me to keep on amiodarone one more month. says the bad side effects are after 6 months and counting.oooo- kayy...since it's the only pill I take, I better shut up. he even approved of my co q 10, vit c and fish oil. well that's good. but this doctor is full of personality, but totally no nonsense. he does not bs me. reminding me that I am not young anymore. well, duh. I don't want to be psyched into feeling like I'm over the hill, but, good grief, I know I have lost much of my strength and condition, and it WILL take longer to get fit, than if I were, say, 40. I can accept that. but I need positive input to help my confidence.
thank y'all for all your good feedback, and putting up with my long handled journaling.