Meredith's Heart Valve Journal

What's on my mind? It's been a little over 15 years since my BAV diagnosis, and 5 years since my AVR surgery. I wish I had taken the time to really listen to the heart patients who reached out to me prior to my surgery. Truth be told, I was scared to death, and didn't want anyone to know it. I'd start weeping and sobbing and getting all snot-nosed and bleary-eyed about 5 seconds in to any conversation about surgery that wasn't with a medical professional. I've had the good fortune to be able to talk with and visit with coworkers and friends as they go through various valve and bypass surgeries and recovery. They all returned to work, healthy and on-time.

I'm awful glad I'm still here (although I'm not sure I would be aware if I wasn't? But that's a topic for a completely different forum!) Facing surgery helped me get my life together - mentally, emotionally, financially. I have a will. I have a different outlook on life. It's not all about the money or the house or the new car or even job status. It's about being a kinder person, savoring new experiences as well as traditions. I think if I didn't have this stupid congenital defect, I'd still be plodding along, wasting my breath and my time trying to fit in everyone else's expectations of me.

OK, enough of the deep philosophical crap. Here's my advice:

If you've just been diagnosed and don't have surgery in your near future, relax. The doctor's will let you know when you need surgery. Don't live your life with your diagnosis hanging over your head. Yes, it's a big deal. If you focus on the diagnosis and obsess, you're going to miss a lot going on in the world around you. Just go on and live your life.

If you've got a date with a surgeon, then HOORAY! A huge weight is gone. Learn how to stand up from your chair without using your arms.Take a look around the kitchen and see where you need to move things so you're not reaching/bending. Find some freezer recipes, and spend some time in the kitchen with some loved ones & some wine making food & memories. Get one of those nifty U-shaped travel pillows for post-op relaxation. Practice exceptional posture, go for walks, try some yoga stretches. Get some comfy around-the-house clothes. Make plans for something fun & exciting about 3 months after your surgery - it'll give you something to research during recovery, and something to look forward to and work toward.

If you're post-op - keep walking! Keep using that torture device/inspirometer! Stand up straight! Take naps! It's in the rear-view mirror now, it'll all be a blur soon. Work on defining your new normal, because like it or not, you'll never be the same.

I ride roller coasters. I kayak. I drive a bus. I hug my spouse. And I eat cake!

This year's cake was all white with a fat red heart. Publix. Buttercream. Doesn't get much better!

Love you, thanks for listening

Meredith
Holiday, FL

Stand up straight! Keep walking, keep breathing!
Get a neck pillow! I feel so strongly about the neck pillow issue, that when I hear of someone dear to me going to the hospital, I make sure they get a balloon and a neck pillow. A balloon to look at when you don't have the energy to do anything else, and a neck pillow to let you get some good sleep without getting a kink in your neck.

I've read a thousand phrases in our journals that I can identify with, but the one that really made me stop and contemplate what we've been through , are going through, or are approaching, is that we really need to allow ourselves time to grieve the person we were prior to surgery. If we can't let go of who we were, how can we grasp who we are now? It doesn't have to be a new you, we just need to acknowledge that we have changed. I remember vividly looking at my chest in the mirror the night before surgery, and just being so upset that it would never look the same. And it doesn't. Consider, though, all the momentous events that have happened to you, and how they have changed you.

I am so damn proud of my scar. Through my journey I have connected with others at my workplace who have gone through similar operations, and it's a hoot when we're together and we start comparing scars. (Although it's a teensy bit embarrassing to be yelled at across the cafeteria - "Hey Meredith! How's your chest?" by someone old enough to be my grandfather!)

This year's cake was purple & green, from Publix, with buttercream frosting, and it was delicious.

-Meredith

I earned my mechanical aortic valve two years ago, and couldn't be happier. I'd like to share with you the BEST advice I received after I came home from the hospital. I was fortunate to have not only a visiting nurse, but also a visiting physical therapist. He came by twice my first week home to make sure I could take care of myself. The first question he asked me was, "Do you h ave back pain?"

WELL YEAH, I HAVE BACK PAIN!

Well, I didn't actually yell at him, but I felt like it. The constant ache was really grinding me down, preventing rest and also movement. The therapist told me one thing to do that made a difference immediately:

"Stand up straight."

And he didn't mean stand up straight like your mother's always bothering you to do: He meant stand up straight as if you were President or King or Supreme Leader or whatever your fancy.Instantly I was in less pain. He explained that heart surgery patients have the natural tendency to curl forward, hunch over, to protect our chests. And that unbalances our core muscles that support the upper body.

So stand up as straight as you can when you're up and about, and walking around. It'll probably feel unnatural for a whole, but it will also help alleviate some of that nagging back pain.

Here's the second most useful advice: Support your head and neck while resting! Our heads are heavy. Like, bowling ball heavy. And the muscles that support your head stretch a good 8-10" down your back. Even when you're resting, you're still expending energy holding your head up. Use that energy for healing instead by using a travel pillow to support your head and neck while you're resting/reclining/sitting on the couch staring at the wall at 4AM because you've already slept for 3 hours and now you can't sleep anymore.

I found that I wasn't sleeping well at all, because I was afraid I would move around in my sleep and un-do what the surgeon glued together. Once I found enough pillows to put under my neck, my arms (to get my arm-weight off my upper body), and some under my knees, I found I could relax a little more each time I fell asleep. (I was still only sleeping in 3-4 hour increments, but it was GOOD sleep!)

Best of luck to all with upcoming surgeries. And those that have had your surgeries, I'd love to hear what worked for you once you got home.

-Meredith
(PS My 2nd birthday cake was DELICIOUS!)

Heart-iest of holidays to you all! Seems every year I have a few more blessings to reflect on. May you have the peace and wisdom you need to get through the next year.
-Meredith

It seems like yesterday, but so loooong ago! My On-X aortic valve is ticking away. i worked out HARD yesterday, got my heart rate up to 150 bpm, and it felt great. Pre-surgery I felt dizzy at 100 bpm.
I am here by the grace of God, the dedication of my doctors, the prayers of my husband, and my own determined will. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't nearly as painful as I expected. The scar is (very slowly) fading, and I don't make any special effort to cover it up. I still feel slight tugs when I'm lifting and twisting, but they're not breathtaking (very UNLIKE that first sneeze - BAM!).
I remained optimistic because of the support of my friends, family, and coworkers, and the continuing support on HeartValveSurgery.com. I made a few friends here, and the ability to contrast and compare recovery and symptoms was immensely comforting.

I rode rollercoasters at 9 weeks, drove my bus at 12 weeks, and rode a horse, climbed a mountain, took a flight, caught fish from the kayak, walked through a camp, went on the drop tower, and and and and all those things I was too tired to do for the previous 5 years.

Happy, healthy, and hearty.
And ticking.
I wouldn't have it any other way!

I visited with my cardiologist today, and we talked about a LOT of things. First and foremost - I can discontinue my beta blocker, metoprolol. Woohoo! He said I might feel more energetic, but that I was on such a low dose (12.5mg - 2X/day) that I may not notice any difference.

We talked about my legs swelling. My primary doctor is working on that, doing up some bloodwork for hypothyroid and scheduling an ultrasound to rule out some stuff and investigate some other stuff. Regardless, the swelling was not affected by lasix, so I can discontinue that medication as well. So.....no more morning medications! Currently I'm on a statin for cholesterol, and warfarin & low-dose aspirin for anti-coagulation. I'm also taking a multivitamin, and extra vitamin C.

Another concern we discussed was the feeling and appearance of some swelling in my upper abdomen, near my drain-tube scars. Doc said it probably is internal scar tissue, and that it will go down over time. And yes, internal scar tissue can itch just like external scars.

So I'm still recovering/processing/journeying, even though I have been cleared with no restrictions. Healing is a long process, and each day is always a little bit better than the one before it.

Keep on tickin'!

I've been thinking about what i wanted to write today. It's supposed to be a momentous occasion (maybe?), and truth be told, it feels like just another day. People ask how I'm doing, and say say, "Great! About 98%!" and that's the truth. My 2% comes from some heavy lifting I've been doing at work - I can feel little pinches and twinges when I get about 30 lbs up over my head. And yet, each day it's a little easier.

My scar is fading, although still very noticeable. My warfarin levels have stabilized (took about 4 months). With the surgery in the "rear view mirror, " it seems like just a blip in my life.

My energy level has increased what seems like 1000%! A year ago I could barely stay awake through the 8-hr work day. Now I'm working my regular job, plus 3 side jobs, and *still* have the energy and motivation to cook dinner when I get home. Don't get me wrong, I'm tired when I get home, but it's a good tired.

The best thing that's happened to me as a result of my stupid bicuspid aortic valve and it's stenosis is my awareness of my faith. I returned to church about 18 months ago, and nothing but good things have happened since then. I talk to God on a daily basis, and thank Him for all the miracles he's provided for me. I'm keenly aware that life is not to be taken for granted, and take each day as a gift.

(Although you'd be hard pressed to tell that when my alarm goes off before 5am. Still, I try to get up with a smile!)

I'm thankful for all the support this site has made available, and for the other patients who saw me through and encouraged me - Clare, Cami, Yvette. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to help new patients by sharing my story.

It sure is good to get back to being me!

-Meredith

Back on the water again, hurrah!

Horseback riding.
Roller coaster riding.
Mountain climbing.
Flute playing.

All things I haven't been able to do for years, I'm free again! Just in time for Independence Day! The trip to the mountains has been a goal for me since I scheduled my surgery. It was a glorious trip in the mountains of Tennessee, spending time with family.

Letting the horse lead the way.
Feeling the wind in my hair (and the bugs in my face).
Looking out at Creation from the top of a mountain.
Hearing harmonies I haven't heard in years.

Priceless!

My triumphant return to rollercoasters!

Rollercoaster ride, 12.5 weeks post-op!

Day after surgery

I bet you thought I forgot about you! Thank you so much for your support through my heart surgery and recovery. There's no way I could have gone through it without the messages, cards, phone calls, visits, food, and caretakers. I am truly humbled by all the well-wishes from everyone.

Here's some really good news:

My surgeon, Dr. Joshua Rovin, has released me for full time work with no restrictions, effective May 28. This will be a full 12 weeks since my surgery, and while that may seem like a long time to other heart patients, please keep in mind that I am a school bus driver, and my return-to-work date is governed by the DOT. (Believe me, if I could have gone back to work a month ago, I would have!) On May 28th I start the process of getting medically cleared through the school district, and am hoping to be on the road on Thursday May 29. That will give me a full 5 days of work before summer break begins on June 4.

I've been going to cardiac rehab for about a month, and still have another month or so left. The nurses and therapists are really working me hard! I am frustrated because I'm not losing any weight even though I'm exercising each day. I am getting used to a routine of exercise though, and hope I can stick with it after my rehab prescription runs out.

I'm still taking a lot of medications. Some will be "forever" meds - like warfarin/coumadin. I don't see them as a hassle or inconvenience, it's just something i do every day, like drinking water or going to sleep. I am more conscious of how much Vitamin K I put in my body (mainly green leafy foods, which I love!). I have no dietary restriction other than avoiding cranberries and grapefruit. I just reduced my dose of metoprolol, which is a beta blocker. Metoprolol helps regulate my heartbeat, and keeps my blood pressure low. My heart needed a chance to relax and repair/resize itself after surgery, and since it can't take a day off (!) it's been on restriction for 11 weeks. I can't tell any physical difference after only one day, however the RN at rehab that monitors me said it did take about 5 minutes longer for my heartrate to return to normal after exercising. Maybe this will kick my metabolism into gear?

For current and future heart patients: practice your breathing! Practice your walking! Support your bowling ball!(your head - your neck needs a break too!) It's a rough row, getting through surgery and recovery, but considering the alternative....well, you know.

The best advice I received came from a Physical Therapist who visited me at home the week after surgery. He said,

"Stand and walk like you are the President of the United States."

After heeding his advice for only 3 minutes, my back pain was reduced by at least 75%. My back pain was so intense that even the narcotics at the hospital couldn't break it.

Thank you, Good luck, and Congratulations!

I'm off to Pigeon Forge next month for a family reunion, and looking forward to Dollywood rollercoasters, horseback riding, and river-rafting!

XOXOXO
Mere/Meredith
Sam/Sammy

I was just looking at my calendar, counting the days since March 5th. It seems like so long ago, but it's only been 46 days. I'm still improving - each day is a little bit easier. I'm very thankful and grateful that I have had no complications to date. Prayer works, I'm proof!

I started cardiac rehab last week. I wasn't sure what to expect, and I'm enjoying it. I feel good exercising under the watchful eyes of the nurses and therapists, while being hooked up to a wireless heart monitor. I'm using muscles that haven't been used in 40 days, and I sure do feel it the next day! It's a little disconcerting being the youngest patient in the rehab gym. I just put my chin up and keep moving.

My incisions have healed (mostly) nicely. My scar has a bit of an "S" curve to it. Most of my shirts hide it very well. I still have a little discomfort at the end of the day when going to bed, but it's not bad enough to take any medicine for. The main incision is tender to the touch, but my drain tube slots are fine.

I've returned to almost all my activities of daily living - driving, walking, cleaning, cooking, sleeping in front of the tv. I can't lean over in to the chicken nursery and lift up a pullet without pain, and I won't lift a 25 lb bag of feed either.

I am still forever grateful to my husband, parents, and siblings for helping me through this, and thankful to the good Lord above for seeing me through it.

I highly recommend Morgan Heart Hospital at Morton Plant Hospital in Clearwater, FL. I am confident that their post-surgical care for me is the main reason I am in such good shape. I owe them, and my surgeon, my life!

(PS I have to purchase new colors of makeup. With all the improved circulation, my face is a different color!)

I visited my surgeon and my cardiologist this afternoon, and received all good news!

Today is the last time I to see Dr Rovin the surgeon. I highly recommend him! He is always upbeat, optimistic, realistic, and straight forward. He is pleased with my progress, and is handing me off to the cardiologist for anti-coagulant maintenance etc. I showed him my ring from OnX and he was impressed - it's the first one he's seen! He took a listen to the ticker and a look at the incision, and said I'm right on / just ahead of schedule, and can return to driving a car next week, and hit up the theme parks in another 18 days or so. (!!!) I was sad to leave his office, he's a really nice guy.

Then I went upstairs to the cardiologist, Dr Barry. Again, a great guy, straightforward, no mincing words, optimistic, very pleased with my progress. I highly recommend him and his practice in Clearwater. He's set me up with cardiac rehab in about 10 days, cleared me to drive a car in 6 days. I'll have a baseline echo-cardiogram done in a week. Those measurements will be used to make sure my valve doesn't attract any scar tissue that will impede it's action.

I'm still arguing with my anti-coagulation. My INR hasn't hit 2.0 and stayed there yet, so my dosage has been increased. I received a great cookbook from mom that has some good recipes, and a list of foods high in Vitamin K that interfere with coumadin/warfarin. Both of my doctors today said I can eat what I want, as long as I'm consistent. So i don't have to completely give up spinach, broccoli, asparagus, and brussels sprouts, I just have to eat the same amount every week.

I feel good! I've been walking, and using my breathing apparatus. I'm not gaining any weight (not losing any either, but I'm pretty sure once I start the cardiac rehab I'll be more motivated to MOVE IT! MOVE IT!)

I've got one more appointment next week with my GP, and will know more then about my return to work. My initial target date for return to work was May 30. I'm not promising anything, but......it might be earlier!

Thanks for the emails, the messages, the beautiful cards, the phone calls, everything! You've helped keep my spirits up, which has been so important. Having my sister here for a week was wonderful - the little things I didn't know I needed help with, and the conversation helped the time go by. Having my mom here for a week was great - the laundry and the cooking and the conversation (I'm still looking for stuff in my kitchen!). My brother was here this week, and although I didn't need a lot of help, just having him here was a stress reliever - he & Dave got some stuff done around the house that's been on the "honey-do" list, and it was nice to repeat some of our old inside jokes. Really dumb jokes.

I'm looking forward to starting cardiac rehab, getting in to an exercise regimen, and slowly getting back to "normal."

XOXO
Mere

It doesn't really seem possible that two weeks ago I was struggling to breathe enough to rid the Co2 from my bloodstream. The days right before and right after the surgery are blurry and hazy. Other patients had mentioned this, but I thought they were crazy …. forget about major surgery, really? Yes, really. I was in the hospital for 4 nights, and have been home for week and a half now. I'm grateful for the electric recliner, but have gone back to my regular chair already. I'm not taking any pain medication on a regular basis, and what I *am* taking is over the counter. My body is having some difficulty regulating the anti-coagulants in my blood, but there is nothing I can do about that. My appetite is back, I go for several walks a day, and take several rests a day! I still have 2-4 weeks before I can drive a car, and as many as 8-10 weeks before I can get back on a bus. My physical therapist's last visit was last week. He helped me alleviate my upper back pain, and left me a strength-building weight lifting regimen that I can start tomorrow, a whopping 3 lbs!

I am so thankful for my sister helping me last week, and for my mother being here this week. There's nothing like a mother's love and home cooking to help a person feel better! My brother will be here next week, and I'm looking forward to spending time with him.

I don't need a lot of help around the house. I am physically able to do laundry, take care of the animals, and prepare meals. It would just take me all day to do just those chores! It's been wonderful having an extra set of arms and legs around, as well as someone to talk to.

Last but not least, I am so grateful for the messages I've received in the guestbook here, in my email, on Facebook, and in the regular mail. I can't remember the last time I got so much mail!

I can wait to get back to work!
Meredith

My surgery was Wednesday March 5, and I was discharged Sunday March 9. Today is Thursday March 13, and I'm feeling pretty darn great!

The hardest part was the 24 hours before the surgery - very emotional. The next hardest part was the 36 hours after the surgery - physical pain, and no expectation of what to feel.

Once the nursing staff started unhooking me from machines, I started to feel better. The drainage tube removal mad the greatest difference, as far as back pain and being able to get comfortable. My last dose of narcotic pain killer was last Friday morning, in preparation for the tube and wire removals. (Which were kinda gross, in case you were interested!)

My first shower was great, my first night at home I started in the recliner and moved to the bed. My second night at home I started in the bed and moved to the recliner. I've been staying in bed the whole night since then.

I'm on a TON of medications, and the home health Nurse has been by to check my blood thinness (not quite where it needs to be, but it's moving up). I've had a physical therapist come by twice to show me how to move and what NOT to do. I can do almost everything for myself, with the exception of lifting over 5lbs, and doing anything over my head. My sister has been here, and while we could have gotten along if she wasn't here, it sure is nice to A) Have someone to talk to during the day and 2) someone to help out when I get tired every few hours.

I didn't hear the ticking for the first few days. Once I started being able to spend time alone I thought I could hear it, and now that I am home, away from the hustle/bustle of the hospital and not attached to any machines, I can DEFINITELY hear it, but not all the time. If I'm in a specific room with no carpet and tile walls, and I open my mouth and hold my head a certain way, my husband can hear it. He likes to call me "Croc."

I'm looking forward to cardiac rehab, to getting back to work, to going on vacation at the end of June, to riding roller coasters, to kayaking in the Gulf of Mexico, and most importantly, to not having another surgery hanging over my head. I know that nothing is guaranteed, but there's a darn good chance this ticker ain't gonna wear out!

Love you all, thanks for the messages of support and caring!
-Mere

Home,ensconced in the recliner, nap, then shower. I know it's just beginning, but I feel like the worst is over.

I am completely unhooked! No oxygen, no catheter, no drainage tubes.... I'm all WiFi now! Walking, toileting etc on my own. I feel a jillion times better, easier breathing, easier talking, stand up, sit down. Going home Sunday :-)

Good morning everybody! Got a pain pill at 5, u out of bed in to recliner at 6, shift change at 7. I have an appetite, but so far nothing has tasted any good. Yesterday the nurses removed my pulse ox meter, the oxygen tube, and 2 of the3 iv lines. Today should be the removal of the chest drains ands the catheter, and I'll get to see some of the hospital on my walk. PSH,I'm ready for a nap already! thank you for all your notes of encouragement they mean so much more than words can say!!!!!!

Feeling better today. Not as much pain management needed. Got up and around a bit and had a lot of plumbing removed.

4:00pm Awake, groggy and sore. Just working on getting blood gases in check. Stupid CO2. Trying to mastrr the deep breathing thing. Doing good otherwise.

10:35 Just talked to surgeon. Meredith is out of surgery and came through great. Obviously sleeping. We will be able to see her in about 45 minutes

9:30 am I just got the call that new valve implanted and starting close up. Things look great. Doc will be coming to talk to me in about 45 minutes. :)

6:00 am Hi all this is David. Meredith rolled away to surgery about 15 minutes ago. She is in good spirits and ready to do this. I am in the Schroeder Waiting Room at Morton Plant with Don Rupert, Jan Dunn and Toni Randall. The doc is supposed to call me with updates. I will keep y'all updated as I get them.

I'm checking in at Morton Plant Clearwater at 5am tomorrow. My husband will do brief updates as needed. Please, no flowers, unannounced visits, or phone calls! PLEASE! Texts and emails are awesome! Love you, see you Friday!

PS Good luck Yvette and Renee!

Today was my final pre-surgery appointment. I went to the hospital to meet with a nurse and do some final blood testing & xrays. It seems like all I have to do now is shower with the special soap the night before, and show up Wednesday morning.

And finish the grocery shopping.
And go to work.
And get the important papers notarized.
And play handbells Sunday morning.
And go to work.
And clean the house.
!
I know there's something I'm forgetting. I keep joking about mashed-potato-brain, but really, I should have been keeping a list.
Pray.
Pray for me, for David, for the surgeons, for Mom & Dad. For my new friends who are having their operations next week also.

XOXO
Mere

I met with the surgeon today and we decided on a mechanical valve replacement. I have thought long and hard on this topic, weighed all the options and outcomes, and that is all. Please do not question my decision, I am QUITE capable of doing that for myself! :)

We had previously discussed a Mini AVR surgery, but due to a slightly enlarged ascending aorta, my surgical consent papers will include the option of repairing the aorta with a dacron tube. Because of that possibility, I will receive a full sternotomy. Quite frankly, I thought it was odd that nobody had brought the aorta issue up prior to now, as it seems pretty common that patients with a bicuspid valve also have an enlarged aorta. So there I go again, being average.

My pre-op testing is almost all done, I passed them all with flying colors. I think I have one more day of tests at the hospital, prior to admission. The next 11 days will be tying up loose ends, cleaning, making list after list after list....

I spent last weekend with my mother - she filled my freezer with yummies like meatloaf and bean soup (childhood faves!), and bought me some new jammies. Today I brought home great snack mix and some sweets from my father & stepmother.

Doc said I should be in the hospital for 3-4 days (the stay keeps getting shorter - first discussion was 5-7 days, next he said 4-6 days, and now maybe 3? Hell, why won't he just send me home after I wake up? LOL). I asked if I could ever ride rollercoasters again. he nodded. Next year? Yes. This year? Yes! I can't really wait!

I read your comments, I see when you sign up for updates. If you want to send me a private message, hit me up on Facebook or send me an email - meredithLbray @ hotmail. com

Love you!

PS Cami & Yvette & I are heart triplets - we're all having surgery in the same week. This journal has put me in contact with some AMAZING people!

My experience today restored my faith in healthcare providers! I was on the table for my heart catheter by 830, back in my room by 930, and home by 2. I have no soreness, no bruising, no dizziness, no issues at all. The nurses were fabulous, the technicians were awesome, and the doctor amazing. It was a much less stressful day than I had anticipated. I have a much better outlook on the whole process for now. Thank you for your messages of support, you have no idea how much they mean to me!

I keep running into wall after wall with the doctors not communicating. When my primary physician made me feel "special" because she could "fit me in" for my pre-surgery checklist, I should have found another doctor. Instead of authorizing an in-network provider that she didn't know, she cancelled my pulmonologist appointment and didn't tell me. When I call to complain, she said, "Fine, you just go to whatever doctor you want to go to." Then I get lectured for cancelling an appointment with a different pulmonologist that I knew nothing about (from 6 weeks ago, before they even knew I needed surgery) and the clerk at the doctor's office tells me, "So where are you going to get your pre-op pulmonology clearance NOW?" I didn't know I needed one, because you didn't tell me last week when you were so INSISTENT that I come in to YOUR office for a pre-op clearance. I'll bet I still need to make a dentist appointment as well.

My heart cath is tomorrow morning at 7:15. At 4:00, the cath lab calls and asks where they can get copies of my tests, because they haven't been sent over by my primary yet. Also, I'll need to redo the blood tests and EKG, as well as get a pregnancy test because I haven't had them done in the past 30 days.

EXCUSE ME? I've had more needles stuck in me than an acupuncturists practice model. I think I'm about a quart low right now, and it seems every time I go in to a DR ofc, i get hooked up to an EKG.

Man, I need a new doctor. I'll probably get a lawyer first. The thing is, I like the doctor. It's her staff that keeps botching things up.

And on top of it all, I feel like I have instant mashed potatoes for brains. Difficulty concentrating, remembering words. There are lists EVERYWHERE....the desk, the car, the computer, the phone.

I'm almost to the point where it would be so easy to just give up. Just stop making calls, stop making sure everyone has the paperwork they need. Is it just me, or does everyone have issues like this? It's really frustrating.

On the plus side, when things go right I am so grateful and thankful. When people are pleasant on the phone, I tell them how much I appreciate that. And I try so SO hard not to take out my frustrations on the next person that I talk to.

I love you guys. Thanks for listening. And thanks for the advice that i know you're going to leave for me. XOXO
Mere

This morning I went to the hospital for my ABG & PFT test. It was easy-peasy. The Respiratory RN has been at Morton Plant for 15 years, and doing her job for nearly 35 years.

The ABG is a test of the Arterial Blood Gases. I was worried the test was going to involve a "procedure." Sheree just took my blood like a normal blood draw, only a lot less blood. She told me the results look normal.

Next was the PFT, to measure my Pulmonary Functions. There is a machine hooked up to a computer that measures all sorts of levels of air & pressure. I had to breathe in and out in very specific ways. Sheree was very clear about what to do next, I really appreciated that! Then I sat in a clear plastic box, similar to a phone booth. I'm not sure what was being measured in there. After the box test, I inhaled some Albuterol, and re-took the earlier tests. She told me everything looks normal.

I hope all my tests are this easy!

Last week I had a CT scan, which is like a chest xray. I had some dye injected through an IV, and a doughnut-looking machine took pictures of my chest area. It was pretty cool - nothing uncomfortable, no loud noises. I had the tiniest bit of nausea after the injection, hardly worth mentioning. I received the results of that today in the mail. I was *NOT* expecting to see a picture of my heart! I had to turn the page over and walk away for a little while! Curiosity got the better of me after about 3 minutes though. It's weird to look at a 3-d picture of your own insides. I hope you never have to do it. Anyway, the tech and the nurse were really nice, making sure I was comfortable during the test, and made me set in a recliner for about 20 minutes after, drinking water and chowing on some snack bars. Oh, in case you were wondering, I'm not pregnant. (Phew!)

This morning I had an ultrasound of my carotid arteries. I'm assuming they were measuring pressures and looking for blockages. The tech was a chatty-cathy, but a nice distraction.

This afternoon I had my pre-surgical check up with my primary care physician, Dr. L. They did a urinalysis, blood draw, and an EKG. Also, still not pregnant. ;)

Next on the calendar is the PFT (pulmonary function test) and ABG (arterial blood gasses) on Friday morning. I'm not sure if I want to research what they are or not. (You know I will look it up anyway, just as soon as I'm done writing this!)

The last test is next week, the left & right heart catheter. That's the one I'm look forward to the LEAST.

My boss "thinks I'm pregnant" as a little joke (she has a 3 month old at home). She asked what my symptoms were, and I told her shortness of breath, fatigue. Her eyebrow went up. When I told her I was going for an ultrasound this morning, she asked when I wanted her to bring in the baby stuff hers has outgrown. I told her that if someone had given me the option 10 years ago (when I was diagnosed) between having a child to avoid having open heart surgery in the future, I would have a 10 year old child right now.

I like to make people laugh. Laughing is a nice easy escape from reality.

Why did the cowboy adopt a wiener dog?


Because he wanted to get a long little doggy!

I called about 40589362 different rental places last wekk - medical supplies, family owned pharmacies, furniture rental. I couldn't find anyplace that rented electric recliners. I had no idea what I was going to do, I guess I would buy one. $600 for a basic model! For a chair I'd only use a month or two!

David walked in to our neighborhood thrift store and there it was. A dark burgundy electric recliner. No odors, no stains, no rips/tears/pulls. It was dusty, but otherwise looked in greatr condition. He tried it out, and it worked. It doesn't rock, but reclines, and lifts me in to a standing position.

$350. Less than a new one, and probably less than I could rent one.

There was a sale going on: "Pick any item in the store and receive 50% off."

God is watching out for me. Prayer works.

I think I'll sleep in it tonight!

The surgeon set the date today - Wednesday March 5th. Finally! An end in sight!

(Cue the testing)

(Cue the jitters)

(Cue the planning. Food. Cleaning. Helpers.)

(Cue the ANXIETY!)

Not so much the anxiety, yet. I've done a lot of reading and thinking and researching. My homework is to choose between a mechanical valve (what the surgeon suggests) and a biological prosthesis (what the cardiologist suggests). Ultimately it's up to me.

Have a great weekend!

(PS If you want to stock up on valentine's clearance chocolate, I won't tell you not to.)

My surgical consult got moved up from 2/14 to 2/7! Yay! The CT scan was easy, the worst part was the IV going in. I'll post the results of Friday's appointment as soon as I can. Thanks for all your support, even if I don't respond, it means a LOT!

The past week I've been hand-wringing and worrying about establishing a relationship with a new surgeon. This morning I found out that my guy, Dr Rovin, does indeed still accept my insurance. I no longer have to worry about finding a surgeon who's not my first choice, or staying at a hospital that's not my first choice. Thank the Lord above for working in my favor! Prayer works! My consultation is Friday February 14th. I'm not sure whether to bring him and the office staff flowers or candy!

Also, I have a CTA scan tomorrow. Theya re checking for the same thing as a cardiac catheterization - blockages and/or narrowing of the arteries. As far as I know, everything should be as clear as it was this time last year.

The surgeon's office called late today to see if I could reschedule for a week earlier. I said sure, if they could get the authorization fast enough!

I went to see my cardiologist today, and he is sending me to the surgeon to choose a date for Aortic Valve Replacement surgery. My biggest challenge right now is that the surgeon I have been working with for the past year no longer accepts my insurance. I have no "out-of-network" coverage. I'm afraid I will have to find a new surgeon. And my new surgeon will not be on the Valve Clinic replacement team that my preferred surgeon and current cardiologist are on.

I was really hoping to get through this without arguing with the insurance company. It seems like all I can do without calling them is the dentist and optometrist.

I'm hoping for sooner rather than later. March would be good. Early March would be great. My biggest decision right now is to choose whether I want to be part pig or part robot. I need to choose between (A) a bio-tissue valve which will likely require another surgery down the road but no blood thinners, and (B) a mechanical valve that will probably never need replacement but will require anti-coagulation drugs for the rest of my life.

No one in their right mind would be looking forward to open heart surgery....would they?

I forgot to tell you! I'm a 42 year old white female, overweight, not very active (although I like to swim in the pool when it's warm outside!)

My blood pressure and body temperature have always been low - 110/74 avg and 97.9F.

I have high cholesterol that I manage with Atorvastatin. This might be genetic, or I just might like meat & cheese too much.

There is a history of heart disease on my mother's side, and none on my father's side.

I pre-medicate for all dentist appointments with amoxicillan, and have been advised by my dental hygienist to spend twice the current amount of time caring for my teeth.

I lost about 30 lbs last summer, and regained half of it over the holidays. :( I need to get back in the pool, come ON Florida, warm up the weather!

I'm a school bus driver and teacher's aid for the local school district, working with 5th graders. I drive an hour each way, and work 40 hours/week.

What else did I leave out?

I had my bi-annual ECG on Thursday 1/23 at Dr. Barry's office, and they did a contrast echo also, whatever that means. The tech injected a dye in my blood vessel and did a second ultrasound. I meet with my new-ish cardiologist, Dr. Barry of Clearwater Cardiovascular & Interventional Associates. I'm nervous, because 1 of 2 things will happen. Either he'll say "Not yet" , or he'll say, "When is good for you?"

So I'm looking another 6 months of wondering if "this is it" or I'm looking at heart surgery. I'll take your prayers for calmness, there's not a lot else I can do right now!

I like to kayak in the Gulf.

Meredith & David December 2004