Stephen's Posts

Happy 4th July to everyone across the big blue Pacific pond :) Got a call yesterday to say I have to come in today, surgery is for Wed now, I thought it was thurs .. have woken up with a little bit of a sore throat, I hope this isn't going to throw a spanner in the works. I guess will will see. So many heartfelt thanks to everyone on here for their support, kind words and their own shared stories that help us all to get through such a dark time and know we are all not alone. I can do this, as you guys have done before me. Hopefully I might be able to log in later once am down there and settled in. :)

Have been slack with keeping track in here for a little while, I had some head in sand time, I hope everyone is all good .. Since meeting my surgeon I have been getting ready, but also trying to avoid the issue .. Had a fright at the pre-op clinic last Tues when my surgeons registrar tells me they have me booked for that afternoon! Thankfully they stuffed up a couple of tests and the next person was bumped up - phew!! So at this stage I am booked in for next Wednesday for the op on Thurs, will get a call on Tues as to what time to arrive .. though there is a chance I could get bumped for any emergencies. I am riddled with a fear I have never known before, which is total foolishness I keep telling myself, am fully aware of the rational science of it all, yet it cannot overrule the irrational fear I feel. Its like a mouse in a science lab trying to solve the impossible puzzle so it can return to the safety of its cage. So the waiting guillotine has been taken away, I even allowed myself a whole 30 seconds of having a little bone rattling sob after I got the call, which was like a much needed emotional release valve, before sucking it up and putting on my fake brave face. Just got to prep a few more meals, worry about my fur babies at home alone in the middle of winter while I'm away .. and then show up I guess. Then game on and the battle to recovery with a better quality of life that is the dangling carrot to be achieved. Sounds so simple in theory. lol