Kelly's Posts

Hi Kelly, hmmm , It's an interesting question. I don't suffer from depression, so I can't really respond to that aspect. However, this is something that I have noticed in my own life: My first husband died. When he died I went through many changes. Grief was like a shroud through which everything was perceived. I changed jobs, and moved out of state, just because my old life didn't fit me anymore. And all of that happened because I was experiencing something new, growing, learning, obtaining understanding. and because my thoughts were preoccupied with this big thing that was happening. Some of my attitudes and behaviors returned to the way things were before once the grief subsided. Some things didn't. I will be forever changed by his death. Meghan Markle married into royalty. This is a huge and wonderful change for her. She is married to the man she loves. She is living in a different country. She has a royal title. People respond differently to her. Her father is complaining that she has changed. Could all of these things she is going through not have changed her perceptions and personality to some degree? She will be forever changed by this marriage. I think that intense experiences in life have an effect on who we are and do change our attitudes and behaviors. My guess would be that once the immediate impact of this surgery settles down and it is further in your past, some of your old personality will return. But you will always be changed in some ways by it.

Kelly, I hear you - you are a different person and everything you've been through has changed you. So there is an adjustment period when things might not seem quite right. I recommend finding a therapist that you trust and with whom you can talk all of this out and try to make sense of what you've been through and where you find yourself today. Family and friends are not always prepared to hear everything you need to say, but an unbiased unjudgemental therapist can be helpful There is SO much that needs to be said. You went through a physical ordeal and were strong for that. Now you are feeling the emotions that were kept in check while you were strong for the physical part. I remember you writing that people around you thought you were an amazing super patient bouncing right back (as you made it through the physical ordea)l. But this is the other side. And things are not like they once were. But the rest of the world has stayed the same. You are a sensitive person and feel things intensely, which is not the case with everyone. Your sensitivity is what makes you so aware of what is going on within you right now. It can be overwhelming. I have had intense medical experiences in the past, but nothing compares to the turmoil I felt for over a year after OHS. It was unlike anything else, so I have much empathy.

I feel you.. I don't have depression, but have started having anxiety. I finally gave into a low dose anti anxiety.. My doctor said your body has been through a lot .. though you may heal physically, mentally it takes time.. I do find that I like things that I didn't before and dislike things I did before.. but, its slowly going back to normal as time goes on.. its been almost 16 months and I do feel more like myself mentally. give it time , it heals all wounds.. ( no pun intended).

It's important to discuss with your cardiologist. A man who attended cardiac rehab with me described a similar situation. He didn't have surgery, he had a heart attack and an emergency catheterization. I believe this feeling has a physical source. It's important to get a medical professional who understands the unique challenges of heart patients. Best of luck. You'll feel significantly better with the right treatment. ❤

Some great posts .. I also felt differently after such a big surgery. Like Civita, I felt more generalized anxiety than before. But I do feel now, at 17 months past surgery, that I am returning to "normal".. Like everyone said, it is a huge surgery, and it takes time to heal both mentally and physically from it. And yes, every big experience can change you, sometimes in ways both big and small. Some of these changes may be temporary, and some are permanent. Because you already had previous health issues, you might be experiencing "health issue overload" which adds to the difficulty returning to "normal"Having so much to deal with in a short amount of time taxes our coping mechanisms...Wishing you all the best in your healing process!

Thank you all. I have a wonderful counselor and am trying to schedule to get in this week. It is comforting to hear that these feelings aren't something I have to face alone. That in itself will help give me the strength I need to embrace this experience and know that my "new normal" will arrive one day.

Thank you! This is huge for me. @ Anna, you always keep me going. Thank you. @Karen. Such kind words. I'm glad to share my journey. Especially if it means boosting someone's spirits who is struggling too. @Debbie, I am so sorry to hear that you have to stay on the meds but hey, you are in good company 😉. I also hope that you get to come off of them as soon as it is safe for you to. @ Catie, Meredith and Dan... you are all amazing. Thank you from the bottom of my happily beating heart. P.S. I'm pulling for all of you too!