Susan's Journal

Cheryl Batzing  Way to go, Susan! You were a huge encouragement to me, having your MVR several months before I did. Prayers for you continued health!

Joan Napier  Sue, I'm really sorry to hear about your setback. It is very discouraging when something like this happens unexpectedly, especially when you were making such progress. And I know what you mean about the timing. I just told my husband this morning I almost feel like skipping Christmas this year. For you being a pastor that's even more difficult, I'm sure. I am giving myself permission to feel down at the moment. I hope you do the same, get some rest, and then resume an uneventful road to recovery. This process is taking way more patience than I had anticipated. We need to be gentle with ourselves; others also realize that we need extra TLC at the moment. Prayers that you get over this bump quickly and feel better soon. You will land on your feet as usual-you are a tough and resilient lady! Joan

Susan Ericsson  Thanks, everyone. Just spending some reading through my journal entries reminds me how far I've come.

Joan Napier  Sue, That's such a good thing to remember! You have come so far, and you will get beyond this. When I feel discouraged, my husband puts things in perspective by saying " You're alive, and all these other issues are temporary. With time and patience, you will feel better than ever". Hang in there :)

Eleanor R  Sometimes we just need to give ourselves a break, baby ourselves and take good care of ourselves. So many of us are accustomed to being the primary emotional provider for family, friends and neighbors, and when you are having recovery symptoms and can't do what you did in past Christmases, it feels awful. My suggestion is to do a Christmas Lite this year, send hubby to CVS for a variety of gift cards, and write a Christmas note to each family member or friend that you would normally shop for, and just let them know that you are thinking of them, and celebrating having them in your life this Christmas, even though you are not up to racing around the malls with your spirometer! Just being alive is your greatest gift to them. Bless you all. Eleanor

E Blank  hi susan! Sorry about your setback...I am 16 weeks out and had a chest wall absess. Antiobiotics at home on ivs. Not fun. I am hoping you have a speedy recovery. Will keep you in my prayers. Please keep me in yours. ps. I also hope you husban is feeling better!

Debbie cross  I am 8 weeks post and I have quite a bit of pain from my incision(especially after noon).Same thing with fatigue.I have had a problem with pleural infusion,blame that for not feeling well.Guess everyone is different.Hope you improve quickly!

Tammy Pilcher  Susan, I'm so glad your husband came through his surgery well. Try not to overdo it while being the caregiver. You're still so early in your own recovery. I'll keep you both in my prayers.

Nancy D  Susan- try to rest when he does to conserve your energy. I am 3 months out and I still don't have the stamina I used to prior to the valve failing and surgery. I find I need my sleep at night more now. I don't need the post op naps any longer, which is a great improvement, but I do have to pace myself some. I do hope that resolves, but I try to work around it. Hope you and hubby recover well together!!

Susan Ericsson  Thanks for the encouragement and advice or resting. Really appreciate it. While I wish we all felt fantastic, comforting to know I'm not the only one back to "normal" at 7-8 weeks.

Joan Napier  Sue, Just be careful about overdoing it, While you are making progress in your recovery, you're not through it yet. Rest often, prioritize and listen to you body. Most things can wait a bit, and meals can be extra simple. I'll bet your boys are willing to jump in and help mom and dad. Hope you and your husband are doing well. Praying for you both.

Joan Napier  Debbie, I've hit a few bumps in the road too including pleural effusions and a fib. You are correct that HVS and recovery is a bit different for each of us. It may take us longer and be a little rockier, but we will get there! Prayers continue for your recovery.

John Noriega  I am just over 6 weeks out from my AVR. All I can say is take your time in helping your husband because you also need to care for yourself. Rest when you need to. I am still exhausted after a couple of hours of doing things! See if you can get each other on a schedule that coincides with each others rest. You both need to care for one another. That's pretty much what my wife and I have done. She had some very major dental surgery three weeks before mine and we've been able to find a happy medium! Onward & Upward!

Tammy Pilcher  Susan, I had a bit too much too soon episode today myself. I was told it would be okay to walk 10 mins. 4 times per day. That is what I've been doing until today. I decided I felt well enough to go 15 mins. on my last walk. I realized by the time I finished I was out of breath for the first time. It took a little while to breathe normally again. I guess maybe that wasn't the best idea. I am 11 days post-op.

Lenore Mitchell  Susan and Tammy
Hang in there, both of you. Just listen to your body, and you'll know how much or how little to do. And Susan, I do hope you have family or friends to help when your husband has surgery. Best of luck.

Joseph Ballett  Tammy and Susan you both know better and i am sure your doctors told you do not rush, i hope you both feel better tomorrow but take it a little slower , please.

Noreen O'Connor Siegner  We usually realize it was too much after the fact! You will gain strength as time goes on, don't push yourself too much or beat yourself up when you find your did too much. Just rest and begin again!

Nancy D  I find I have a couple or 3 good energy days and then one where I am really tired. I try not to nap as I don't sleep well at night on a good night and napping makes it worse. I am hopeful that the stamina will come with time as my strength has increased with rehab so much. I am not sure if this is the norm for others, but it is my normal for now. I try not to be frustrated or over whelmed by it, but it sure isn't how I thought it would go! Still, encouraged by the progress.

Susan Ericsson  Thanks, everyone. Me cardiologist told me, "You can't hurt yourself, just wear yourself out." Trying to say "no" and "help" more often!

Joseph Ballett  That sounds like very good advise, so please ask for it and take care of yourself, I really do hope you are feeling fine soon and get back on track.

  Susan, glad to hear you are doing well four weeks post op, I am 5 weeks post op and see my surgeon tomorrow. I have no clue if I am walking enough, so I am looking forward to my visit.

Adam Pick  Susan, Yeahhh for your continued progress!!!! I think cardiac rehab will amplify the early success of your recovery. FYI, I paid for mine. Insurance didn't cover it. Best investment of my life!!!

Joan Napier  Hi Sue, it's good to hear from you and to know that you are doing well overall. You give me hope. Thank you for your ongoing prayers for all of us. With my surgery just 3 days away, the anxiety is starting to kick in….Keep us posted on your progress!

Nancy D  boy it is difficult for sure.....but, if you try to rush things, you may have a set back. Try to keep busy doing things you don't normally have time to do- reading, watching tv, address Christmas cards early, do some online Christmas shopping, organize that box of old photos(after someone else lifts them out of the closet) and put them in albums. crafts- what ever you can do in short snippets of time between resting and walking..... just a few suggestions....
Take good care!

E Blank  I am 8 weeks past and still can't use my right side fully. I believe I pushed too hard too fast and now have paid dearly. Hoping we both can accept that the rest and non use is relatively temporary. Be good to your self and let the fam keep stepping up or might prolong healing. Wishing you the best.

Melinda Hacker  Susan, how are you sleeping? In a chair, bed, etc..? I'm up for suggestions. The best sleep is in my bed propped on a lot of pillows so I'm at an angle with a pillow under my knees. I can sleep for only 2-3 hours at a time. I'm so wanting a good 6-8 hours like pre-op.

Susan Ericsson  Melinda I'm sleeping in bed, using a wedge with some pillows. Sleeping fine for the most part. My pain is worse 4pm-11, but doesn't keep me awake.

E Blank  I am now 8 weeks out and still have pain. I think we both forget we have had major heart surgery!! I underestimated how exhausting this would be. My doctor -girlfriend told me expect 1 week of post surgery exhaustion per hour of anesthesia. Kinda true for me. You just got released from the hospital. You would be very compassionate towards another person who had a similar experience. So be compassionate with you!!! Get that support group moving and be prepared to feel tired for a whole as that is only natural. This too shall pass. Glad you called the doc. I have musculR pain which had been very difficult. Take care of yourself and I hope you sleep well soon. Xo. Erin

Donna Broquet  I had stopped the Tylenol with codeine about a week post op also, but used Extra Strength Tylenol at night and once or twice during the day if I needed it. I think it helped me sleep better. The tiredness gradually goes away but give it time as E Blank said. I too felt "weird" pain under incision, almost like a heartburn. Still get it 8 weeks after when I sit too long, goes away when I get up and move around or take a walk. Hang in there, is DOES get better!!

Susan Ericsson  Thanks. Doctor ran down a list if "are you doing these things" and whenbu said yes to most said I'm doing too much. Limited my activity for next few days and added back Tylenol with codeine in afternoon when pain gets bad. Hoping this helps. I HATE not being able to do what needs doing.

Donna Broquet  I know exactly how you feel, I also had a hard time letting others do what needed to be done or just not worrying if it didn't get done. I kept hearing that little song from the movie Frozen "Let it go" in my head. Nothing terrible happened with the things that didn't get done and now I am able to do them myself. Give it time, you will heal and you will get back to doing all those things again!! Hang in there!!

Adam Pick  Susan, Great to hear about your progress and perspective. We are all in this together. And, thanks for the kind words. But, there is no need to thank me. Reading posts like yours... inspires me, touches me and moves me. That said, thank you Susan!!!

Joan Napier  Sue, So good to hear that you have made it over some of the rough spots and that you are progressing nicely. You are such a strong lady, it is obvious. Even when you had your own struggles, you were reaching out and supporting others. God bless you as you continue your recovery journey! Joan

Adam Pick  :) So great to see that our community is on the same page -- with these posts. So you know Jayne, many folks here also use recliners after surgery as well. Again, thanks for sharing Susan!

Joan Napier  I had thought about getting a wedge, but wasn't sure if it would work post-op. Good to know it is helpful. I have a recliner but will get a wedge too. Thanks for the tip Sue!

Adam Pick  No problem Susan. I will remind you. It does get better. Just try not to rush it. Your body, mind and spirit have been through a lot. It does get better. Trust me.

I know it might not feel like that now. But, it will get better. Do you have plans for cardiac rehab?

J H Mattingly  Susan...it WILL get a little better every day. Just keep walking a little bit more each day and work the plan. You will be amazed how much better you will feel in just a week or two. Stay strong.

Susan Ericsson  Thanks, all. I am sleeping in my own bed thanks to a bed bolster, footstool and a bed cane. A parishioner who is a PT knew about them and delivered them all to my door. The bolster makes the difference in having enough support in the bed. Adam, there doesn't seem to be cardiac rehab for mitral valve repair. Guess I'll have to invent my own. Thanks again, everyone, for the words of comfort, support and hope.

Debbie cross  Oh I feel your pain Susan! I am almost 3 weeks post and I still can't eat(horrible taste & nausea)Like you I have only been able to get small amount of ice cream each day.They tell me this happens often. I am so ready for things to progress! The drainage from my incision is worrisome,but they are monitoring it.How is your pain? I am taking the Tylenol with codeine at night also,but not sleeping.Guess we need to pray for patience!

Susan Ericsson  Debbie I'm trying to keep the Tylenol w/C for night, but sleep is illusive. I hate that. Yes, praying for patience, and humility...I'm not in charge of this!

Debbie cross  Amen! I am so impressed that you're sleeping in your bed.That is a good thing! Hope you have a good night.

Eleanor R  I hope you are better by now Susan. The first weeks are rough as you are weak as a kitten, and if you experience nausea as I did (thanks to the Amiodorone and Metoprolol), you don't regain a lot of strength. Just baby yourself, and eat whatever you wish. You will lose a little weight, but you will gain it back in a few weeks when your appetite returns. I was not able to sleep in my bed for several weeks, too hard lying flat, but I slept well in a recliner, and the surgeon's office had "prescribed" Benedryl as a sleep aid. I was sure it would not work, as I had taken it for its intended cause, allergies. Of course it worked. I'm now 3 months post surgery, in cardiac rehab and feeling great. My coffee ice cream turned out to be bland cookies and milk, back in pre-K in the food department, for the first weeks. The nurse recommended that to ward off nausea with the meds. Take good care of yourself, rest with your feet up, nap if you wish I never did but I read many beach novels out on the deck in July and August. I wish the best for you. Eleanor

Donna Broquet  Patience Susan, patience! Each day brings a new accomplishment and day by day you have more energy and can do more. Don't rush it though, your body needs time to heal!! I started walking down my street and each day would go 1 or 2 houses further and back again. By week 3 I was able to go around the block. LIttle steps at a time and you'll get there! Hang in there! It does get better!!

Joan Napier  Sue, thinking about you and hoping that each day gets better. I can't share any personal perspective here, but prayers for you continue. Hang in there, girl!

Nancy D  That is the one main thing I get from this site-- that no two experiences are the same. This goes for pain meds as well as the post-op course of recovery. You are so correct in that this isn't a competitive event, it is a personal journey. Initially I did quite well and was encouraged, but a few speed bumps in my road have me a bit discouraged but not willing to throw in the towel. I will be back on track, and I will get through this. Continue to heal in the way that seems right for you, and celebrate the baby steps, as they add up. If you encounter a slight speed bump or pot hole in your road, know that smoother roads are ahead! Hang in there and do it your way! What is correct for me is not the way others want to do things! You will do well! Hang in there!!!

Tammy Pilcher  Thanks Susan for posting about this. When you're waiting for surgery still you want to get all the information you can get from someone who's been there. I am so ready to get this over with now that I know I've got to have it done.

Terrie Syvertsen  Hello Susan. I am sorry you had the experience with pain and had such an experience. If I had had that same experience I would have continued with the pain meds. as that would have been the sensible thing to do. In my particular experience, after taking pain meds for a few days I experienced what appeared to be a stroke while walking in the halls at the hospital with Gary and a nurse whereby I was unable to speak.....a word. I could think and I tried to open mu mouth as Gary asked me questions. We returned to my room and sat down and all of a sudden I could speak. I was given another med for my back pain and 20 minutes later the ability to talk was gone. I stared at Gary and tried to motion that I thought I was having a stroke and he kept asking me what was wrong. The nurse went into action and within minutes the head medical dr. to the hospital was in the room and speaking to me. Then I was off for a cat scan leaving Gary bewildered an frightened.
By the time I returned to the room the test was being viewed and an hour later we learned there was no sign of a stroke so Gary and I felt it was the pain meds and my reaction to them along with just come out of surgery and still going through all of the
things ones body does after having had anesthesia and this experience. For me it was terrible and although still in pain decided to opt off the pain meds. Never felt that I or anyone on this site ever meant this to be a competition of any sorts as it is unique to each individual. What works for some does not work for others However personally being one of the people happy to be off pain meds early on with my experience I was also terrified and was certain the culprit for ME was the pain Medication. So if my being one of the people you felt touting not using pain narcotics please know this was never the intent. I have been on this sight for months now giving time, love, support to anyone that I felt could use it and never would want anyone to feel that any part of this community would be making anyone feel this was some form of competition in such a way. The taking of any pill, any narcotic is in the hands of the patient who should have been advised by medical professionals enough to make their own qualified decision and I am sorry that for some reason you felt how you did. I would like to point out that I doubt any of the people I have gotten to know on this site are not very much aware of your feelings and that what you stated above was no news. I totally agree and I am happy you are back on whatever it takes to get you to a healthy recovery process. I wish you all the best and would like to say that it has been a privilege and a blessing to be part of this community and wish you all the very best in your surgeries and recoveries.

Susan Ericsson  Oh my goodness! That must gave been terrifying! That's what I mean about everyone being different. I think many of those pain meds have funky side effects that none of us like/want. I'm looking forward to the day when extra strength Tylenol will be enough for me to do my exercises and walking. But that day has yet to arrive, and that's just the way it is! As for you, your posts have been a bright light for me!!!!!

Eleanor R  Don't worry about being on pain meds, take what you need, stop only when you are able. I stopped early only because they caused nausea for me, so I had to take anti-nausea pills along with them, but I kept that combination handy in case extra strength Tylenol didn't work for me. I started only by substituting Tylenol for some of the pain med dosages. Don't feel you need to "wean yourself" before the doctor tells you its time. You will feel pain becoming less and less of an issue, so you will know when to substitute something else, Tylenol or whatever the cardiologist or surgeon's office recommends. Best wishes to you. Eleanor

Eleanor R  And, you are so right that every person is different, very few have exactly the same bodies or experiences before surgery, so why would they be the same afterwards? Some experience a lot of pain, others nothing. I never had any pain in the incision or chest, but so much pain with one of the chest tubes, which they assumed must have touched a nerve. No pain meds even touched it, so rather than pain at removing the chest tube, for me it was a celebration. The pain meds were for me more about that, and once home I began to substitute dosages with Tylenol, but not because I wanted to be off so much, as because they caused me to feel sick. I was also given a prescription for Ambien in the hospital, but the surgeon's office suggested Benedryl instead. Oddly enough, it worked. But it is good to have options on hand, and don't feel that you are competing against anyone, including yourself. I love the patients who run marathons, and I might be there cheering them on, but I would never compete. I measure progress against what I can now do. Measure your own, and celebrate each week's progress. Best wishes for you - and take it easy on yourself at home. Eleanor

Melinda Hacker  Susan, Thanks for sharing. I wish the best. I have AVR surgery in 9 days. I just w&s meet what it will be like for me when I get home.

Joan Napier  Sue, I appreciate your sharing, too. I'm trying to mentally prepare for the challenges of the post-op recovery period. It sounds like it is definitely tough at times. Keep going with the little steps, as I'm sure you you will feel stronger a day at a time. Glad to hear you're finally getting some rest! Prayers continue. Joan

Eleanor R  Great to know you are home. My release papers from my hospital said to go up and down stairs only 1 time a day, for the first two weeks. Not hard, since bedrooms are upstairs, I just came down and stayed down until evening, napped in the recliner/rocker, and later on sofa. No need to try to push to do too much, everything can wait, just try to enjoy this down time, quiet time for you, especially when the boys go back to school. Move around as much as you can, trying to walk the amount of time they told you to in the hospital (for me it was 3 min. sessions, 3 or 4 times a day for the first week). I did this in the house, too chicken to go outside the first week. It also said to rest for 20 min. increments, with my feet up. That was not hard to do! The fatigue is powerful, even now, almost 3 months out, by 9,30 or 10 at night, with no naps, I am so ready for bed, not so sleepy but really tired. Not a bad feeling actually. I wish you steady recovering and hope you will take it easy, you sound so much like a go-getter to me, and it takes one to know one! I learned to slow down the first weeks though, now I about back up to speed. Best wishes, Eleanor

Jayne Martinko  Sue, looking forward to being in your shoes. My surgery is at the end of the month. Keep the notes coming from the other side!

Linda Crawford  Good to hear that you are doing OK. Remember that sometimes it is good to be the tortoise. Now, you can remind me that I said that when it is my turn. Lol

Terrie Syvertsen  Hooray for you! Are you home now?!!! Let the healing begin and start out very carefully. It is hard not to want to kick up your heals, eh?!!! So
glad to know you will be getting a good home start on recovery. It makes a really big difference, sort of like sliding into home plate! You cross that "finish line" and get to find that safe place to land. Keep us posted as to the progress Lady! Take care-

Eleanor R  I know, I was all teary eyed with the surgeon on our last visit in the hospital. Typical laconic guy "just doing my job..." but he knows only too well what he does every day, and we are so grateful for folks like him. So glad you got to say that too. Eleanor

  I was emotional as well with my surgeon, in fact if it did not hurt to cry, i would have. I told him I not only picked him for his brilliant skill, but bc he also had great bedside manners...and that meant a lot to me. I will never forget him. Good luck with the recovery, rest, rest, rest and eat well and walk when you can.....take really good care of yourself and you will see as each day goes on, you will feel better and better. Good luck, you made it, yes this is hard, but you will stay positive and get though it, as all seem to on this site, cheering us all on. Take Care.

Adam Pick  I can relate Susan. Oooooh, can I relate. At my post-op consult, I bowed down in front of Dr. Starnes to show my extraordinary thanks for saving my life. Being the humble guy that he is, Dr. Starnes immediately lifted me to my feet. :) If you need anything, please let me know. Keep on tickin! Adam

Joan Napier  Sue, I'm sorry to hear you're having a tough evening. Since I haven't been through this whole process yet, I can't give you personal perspective, but from what I've read, it seems like these "bumps in the road" are common. Hang in there! You are making good progress. Can you enlist the assistance of some of your parishioners in helping you out in the first days at home? My prayers will continue that you get stronger, feel better, and have lifted spirits with each day. "This too shall pass " Joan

Debbie cross  Susan,I guess it's been about 12 days post for me, I guess we can tell each other about boxers etc,but dealing with all the post stuff...oh my! I wish I knew the right thing to say.My family has been outstanding,but I have still struggled with the pain,nausia,and I have not had almost any food since September 25.Sometimes we just can't see the light at the end,so to speak.Susan in 2006 my Dad had valve surgery and never regained consciousness.Hey we made it, & this too shall pass,just not as fast as we would like.I am praying for you.

Linda Crawford  Dear Susan, I am sorry you are struggling right now. While I haven't yet had my heart surgery, I have had another major surgery and remember hitting a low right after stopping the narcotic pain pills (I stopped early too). I think dealing with the pain wears you out and makes it hard to feel like you can manage -- at least that is where I was. For what it is worth, you can do the organizing and let your family be the muscle. I hope you are feeling a bit brighter tomorrow -- I'll be sending thoughts of strength and sunshine your way. PS That shower will really help you feel better too --

Mary Myers  Susan, so glad all went well. Let the healing begin. Rest when you can
All of our heart sisters and brothers will be thinking and praying for you! Love, Mia

Eleanor R  Susan, you will be fine, and don't worry about your three men not being up to the tasks at home. If they are not, then you all will still survive. Maybe not at the same level as when you're on top of things, but you will survive. Carry out is fine, putting the laundry in can be directed by Mom and done by a young man, they will open jars and heat up things. I wanted to vacuum our family room long before I could, but I found that directing someone else to do it got it just as clean (well, almost, anyway). Just try to relax, and if you need a pain pill, or a sleeping pill, ask for it, no harm done! Rest well, and know that you are on the path forward. Best wishes, Eleanor

Terrie Syvertsen  Hello Susan. I have a confession to make and don't you tell anyone. Adam, navigate off this post as I don't want the world to bear witness!!(Pun intended).
Susan, dear Susan. I want you to know that when I returned home I felt just like you describe just a day or two before being released. All I could think about was how things were going to work out. Who would vacuum and unload(or load the dishwasher, figure out what to eat and when, feed the dog, do the laundry, put out the trash and and the list inside my head was growing. I had Gary my husband at home for two weeks and I don't know how the guys at you house are when you are home but it doesn't really matter at this point now as the important thing is for you to know that once you are released to go home you need to concentrate on the HEALING. It is amazing how fast the families of heart surgery find themselves figuring out what we need and manage to get through the days and night without us having organized. It is indeed a true Miracle and maybe your "Guys" will be part of one!
Once you are home you need to be at the helm of your own command Center. It is important for you to get safely situated comfortably as the trip home in itself will be energy draining. Please also be careful that you begin at once to kindly let your husband and your sons know what you need when you need it so that they can step in and be what you need! If organization is what you are used to I believe that at this point you may have to reschedule and work around that concept! Things just seem to fall into place as you are trying to navigate around what your body(who has just gone through hell by the way)is trying to tell you. Listen to your body and when it says rest, rest. If you are hungry ask the guys to help feed you and if it means ordering out or home delivery, give yourself the first 2 weeks to concentrate on letting your body and soul be taken care of. If it means walking to the head of the stairs and asking one boy to sort the laundry into piles. Great. Ask your husband or the other son to place the clothes into the washer, tell them step by step(unless they already know all this) and in a few gentle moments, Laundry is in motion! The things they might not be used to doing can be learned. They all love you and want you to be well so get home and do your best to be the designated person who keeps things going. I think you need to know(and hear is my secret stash of information) As it was just Gary and I the first two weeks I was home, no broom was touched. No vacuum was touched. Nothing in the garden or outside got done so there was no leaf pick up or bottles put out in recycle. Only necessary clothes and mine consisted of many bright pairs of boxer short type p.js. which I wore a set each day for two weeks. Everything else went into piles and when Gary got a chance they got washed. When we were hungry we had the following menu for two weeks: Breakfast: 2 pcs. wheat toast with honey and tea. fresh cantaloupe, Lunch was either Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches, Swiss cheese sandwiches on rye, water and iced tea. Dinner we lived it up with frozen veggies steamed and boiled rice or boiled noodles(all of which I bet your "guys will be able to make".
Often like every other day, We ran the dishwasher which we took days to fill and then Gary pushed the button. If we got hungry sometimes we had pizza delivered or Gary went out for a Burrito for each of us. (Know this isn't great choices, pun intended) but if you have to eat and the whole house is off the regular program you have to improvise. Maybe there also is a family member nearby who will be kind enough to drop off something to help you all out.
Another important thing. Please share this with the "guys". In coming home your mind and body and yes spirit are fighting the last weeks worth of anesthesia , upset in regular vitamins and meds schedules and has gone through a juggling of medications that were necessary to get you where you are today. You might have also had to start certain things to help promote your healing and yes each of us has stories about the pills given to help us with our bowels which can lead to a happy homecoming as well. In other words, your body is going to be on a roller coaster of emotions that you will learn is all part of the beginning of healing. Not all of these feelings are negative or depressing but it is in the knowledge that with the up times your mind is telling you that you can do more for yourself than you should actually do. When you have to pull back from your own organized way of life it is going to be difficult for you to not feel guilty but you must as Susan, right now in hospital or at home your healing is the most important thing in your life. Once you begin to feel your strength flowing back into your body you will see how the feelings of frustration will lift long enough to feel the excitement that the whole surgery thing is over and focus on the joy that being able to heal now will bring. Things will have a way of turning around.
Another thing.....Having four or five days without you home being "Mom" has probably let all of your Family get a taste of how much they depend on you and I will bet they were frightened and concerned for you. You might be surprised to see how that works in your favor as you get home and ask them to help you while you begin your recovery.
I also think that after you are no longer on the stinky side of surgery and have had your first shower and your hair washed you will feel like things are really looking up! There is nothing like that first shower and that nice warm water running over your tired and stinky self to make you feel whole again. I was so happy because the soreness was unreal and the knowledge that I could go home and have that same warm water and soap soon again made me want to sing and sing I did. I sand On a Clear Day and pretended I was Barbara Streisand......much to the delight of the nurses station which was located right outside my room.
Every day after that first shower I sang a new song while they patiently waited outside with the door open a crack. The next one was "The Sun will come up, tomorrow" from Annie which echoed beautifully off the tiled walls. BY day 3 they left me alone not caring if I fell, just kidding. My point? Your shower will be a Spiritual Awakening! Bless you!
As for you being limited. Once you are showered, dressed and on your way home you will be surprised at the happiness you have in just getting around safely and taking care of yourself all the while knowing this surgery is behind you. Life awaits and you and your Guys are all going to live through these next few weeks of re-adjustment and be the stronger for it. Just think of the Holidays and how far along you will be by Christmas, huh?
Well here I went and wrote another book! I have to go to bed as it is 9:43 p.m. and we get up here at 2:00a.m. Just wanted you to take your mind off of things and if anything maybe you were up reading posts and I put you to sleep. Chin up Lady. Every day you will find more and more strength. Believe all of us here in your "Heart Village" who are sending you good wishes and prayers. Love, Terrie

Susan Ericsson  Thanks, everyone. These posts, and a great nurse, got me through the worst. Terrie, I must have read yours five times. It helped so much. I laughed, cried, and mostly felt incredible understanding and hope. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Your husband sounds great.

Terrie Syvertsen  Your welcome, your welcome, your welcome Susan and I am glad you know we are all pulling for you within our heart community. Yes my husband is one of a kind and I let him know everyday. You have a good morning and we will be looking for updates! Love, Terrie

Terrie Syvertsen  God Bless the Person who "invented" Boxers, eh?!!!!!!! So glad to see your post. I didn't have boxers but short above the knee brightly colored P.J. bottoms with turtles riding motorcycles, Hot pinks, Purples. I was the delight of the floor. People thought I was clearly "odd" but my entertaining them bought me more time to sleep, walk the halls free of having to worry about what was showing in bed or out in the hall while walking. I heard once "what is she doing now?! but they were laughing so I got treated well in spite of my taste in attire! By the way I love your "golden doodle" I bet Lucy can't wait to get you home! Great that you got to see your sons! By the way are you taking your pillows home as a souvenir! The nurses actually gave me two as they are so short and stiff they came in handy for propping up the car ride home! Sorry you had to go through a thoracotomy, doesn't sound pleasant but Yeah, it is over with and you are in the "healing mode". Glad about the repair going well. Smart move with the narcotics if you can handle it. I did the same and ended up only taking Tylenol every four hours which continued at home until now. Makes healing less complicated and less chance for interaction with any meds they may send you home with. I hope you have a smooth recovery and can go home soon! Hope your throat isn't too painful and it heals up too. Be gentle with the singing in the shower! take care.

Joan Napier  Sue, I am so happy to hear that your surgery was successful! Prayers answered and they will continue for a smooth and uneventful recovery. Please keep us updated. ( I just bought boxers yesterday-great suggestion, already have the other items-it's those little things that make it a bit more manageable, right?). Stay on top of the pain with your meds (that's the nurse in me!) May God continue to bless and watch over you. Joan

Eleanor R  Done! What a nice piece of news, to read you are already posting, in a cardiac step down unit, and visiting with family. So glad it went well for you, and that you will soon be home. Best wishes, Eleanor

Eleanor R  You are ready, the surgeon and his team will be ready for you tomorrow and you have a great "home team" there for you. Warn them a little bit about first seeing you in the ICU so the younger one isn't scared of so many machines. Just tell them all this equipment is friendly, helping to keep you safe and healing. I was afraid my daughter would faint, as she almost did so at the cardiologist's office, and no equipment was involved just talk. But, she had looked at some photos on this site and others about recovery, seeing patients awake with vent tubes, in with no problem, and I had told her that I would wave, which I was able to do when the nurse woke me up, and Erica told me that the thumbs up sign I gave her was the best moment of her life (so far!). She was a trooper, and was really prepared, but then she's a very smart young adult so she had done her research. The nurse told me that some patients' families come in cold and get really anxious, and yes she has had fainters, including some spouses. It is not that scary really, especially for those of us who have watched medical dramas. I will be thinking of you and them tomorrow and this week, knowing that you all are going to be strong and looking forward to having you back home. Eleanor

Eleanor R  I wish you the very smoothest surgery tomorrow Susan, hoping that the surgeon starts the week off with a brilliant job Monday morning. Also wishing you a steady recovery, with those two handsome helpers you have to reach things for you, open jars, things you will need some help with. I remember brushing my teeth for the first time and figuring out squeezing of the tube, navigating my arm up to my mouth, etc. No pain, just tightness. Our bodies are so smart, they know exactly what we can do and when to back off. Looking forward to hearing from you as a post surgical writer telling us about your own experiences. Best wishes. Eleanor

Joan Napier  Sue, Thinking positive thoughts and sending up prayers that you experience peace as you prepare for surgery. I will be praying for you, your surgeon, and your medical team as you go through surgery tomorrow and begin your recovery. May God bless you. Joan

Adam Pick  Susan, There is no need to thank me. It is a complete honor and privilege to be able to be of service to you during this journey.

By this time tomorrow, your leaky mitral valve will be fixed and you will be on your way to your "2nd Chance" at this wonderful game of life.

Like your congregation, I am praying for you, your family, your medical team and everyone around you.

You will keep on tickin!
Adam