Michelle's Journal

Loving this shirt my mom found for yesterday.... ❤❤❤ " Heart Of A Warrior"❤❤❤ What an absolute crazy, unpredictible, whirlwind of a year 2017 has been for myself and my family! Right from The very start of the year, being completely blindslided as I was diagnosed Jan 4th 2017.. that day was one of the worst AND best days of my life wrapped in one! Worst day, meaning I really thought I was going to die From this, Ill never ever forget that day and those feelings, that moment on and almost all of 2017 I really walked through every single day like a ticking time bomb, I spent most of the yr living in fear, fear of the unknown, fear for my kids and family. On the other hand, best day of my life, because I was diagnosed by complete accident!!! And when I was diagnosed I was already severe, (per drs & specialist) I WOULD have died from this, but God had a plan for me and that wasnt in the plan...how incredible is that?! I was able to find the positive and blessing in all of this, and that did help me get through the yr. I kept telling myself, god wouldn't have brought this all to light and carry me this far just to let me die!🙏 This year was my most difficult year to date both physically and emotionally but you just keep fighting through, I have no idea where I got the strength some days but I just did, I was very diligent, kept on top of it all yr, Dr's appt, Cardiologist appts, specialist Appts, ECHOS every 3 months, medications,and as severe as I was,I was in denial, i really thought in my head I had years before surgery. Never in a million yrs did I think i would be having such a Major Open heart surgery such as a Valve replacement just 10 months later from initially bring diagnosed...but that's exactly how 2017 ended!.. and I wouldn't have it any other way, I am now 8 weeks Post-op and feel better than ever, and now I get to start A New Year, 2018 , as a New me, literally!! This year has changed my life in so many ways, ALL for the better!! That saying, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger is SO true!! I have a new found appreciation and love for Donnie after the way he stepped up! My entire family has been so unbelievably AMAZING, Friends, old and new, Saugus Our Town and my support group Heartvalvesurgery.com . The support left me speechless(still does when I think about it) I will NEVER forget the role you all played in my most difficult year of my life. Thank you all for carrying me though when I couldn't carry myself! I am beyond excited, not just for 2018 but for every single year there after!! Im diving into this New Year with a blessed heart filled of gratitude and appreciation for life and 2nd chances!!! I may be 39 yrs old, but my heart is 2 months young! Happy New Year!! ❤Heart Of A Warrior❤

So it begins, the real journey... going in tomorrow for my cardiac Catheterization and pre-op. I also opted to bank my own blood. They will be going through wrists! To those who have has this, does it hurt, have NO clue what to expect?! Just hoping for good news, can't take any more curveballs! Will give update on my experience tomorrow! Have a blessed night All!❤

With surgery right around corner, and after finally posting yesterday, and seeing the response from this amazing community offer all of their feedback and shared experiences, i figured i am gonna utilize this site and ask 1 question a day that concerns or worries me, to better prepare myself, and others horrified as me (and also, so I don't back out last minute:( ).... O.k. *BREATHING TUBE* honestly, how bad is it really waking up to this down your throat? And what is normal time frame to keep in(ive read many different time lengths) one of my fears, is im gonna wake up, panic and rip it out. I had a similar situation while in operating room for my 2 C-Sections, they ended up putting me out mid way, after I had a panic attack i started grabbing Dr hands while they were cutting me open, in doing so I ripped out i-v's for both during operation. So i was essentially sleeping while both my children came into this world!! I want to AVOID any similar situation in this OR at all cost!!!! I think im most scared of needing to speak or communicate if im in pain or, cant breath right or something is off! PLEASE tell me your thoughts on how you all coped with that darn breathing tube! Thanks😉