Josh's Journal

Willie Radl  I hear where you are coming from. I'm less than a week out now and this whole experience is becoming more real. I'm still doing fine mentally and emotionally but what has helped me get through it is hearing all the people who have gone through this process and are doing just fine.

Last week I reached out to an old high school friend who I knew had surgery as a baby and maybe another surgery but I wasn't sure. It turns out she has had 6!! open heart surgeries and is only 32. Knowing her most of my life I would have never guessed she had 6 surgeries, she seemed to live a very normal and happy life and still does to this day. To me that gives me hope and I know that this surgery is just a small bump in the road.

Then just monday I was on a work trip and was telling another guy I was getting a valve replaced and he told me his dad had one replaced 25 yrs ago and is doing just fine.

stories like this help me grasp the fact that life will get back to normal after this surgery. We can and will get through this just know in the end its for the better.

Josh Thompson  My problem is I keep on googling and going down rabbit holes that end up in the worst places. While google is great for some stuff not good with this.. :-)

  I found peace on the day before surgery when I realized how many talented surgeons and cardiologists and anesthitst would be there. I just kept telling myself they do this every day and are pretty darn good at. You got this. Prayers your way.

Susan Killian  Being at peace with the surgery does not mean total peace with everything. There are moments when I do feel myself starting to panic. Now in those moments I picture myself as a warrior! I am going to battle on April 11 and I will wear my battle scar proudly. I agree with Karen, as I have had test after test I have gained confidence in the Valve center at UPMC. Just had my heart Cath on Tuesday and my confidence level rose afterwards. The staff was so professional and caring. They asked me what music I wanted in the Procedure room to help me relax. Having a good support group and lots of prayers help also!

Kirk Bepler  You are not alone, I am doing the same thing. I think I'm at peace with having the surgery then I get a wave of panic and start googling about the surgery and does lead down rabbit holes, so I understand where you are coming from.

Carmel Power  I know how you feel. I spent five months searching for the surgeon I wanted to do my procedure. My surgery was elective (mitral valve repair) and I didn’t have any symptoms so I continually questioned whether I was doing the right thing. I read every medical paper on the procedure and even flew interstate to speak to a surgeon. My friends thought I was OCD. The difference of opinions was unnerving but I finally found the right surgeon. At some point you need to put your trust in your surgeon and their team. All the best. C

Mark Wilbur  Josh: Because your surgery is imminent, my path to peace may not be relevant to you, although some of what I learned may be. First, let me say that I hate cliches and platitudes, but your story reminded me that a friend once told me that "sometimes you just have to let go -- and let God [take over]" when matters are too big for you. That's not just a platitude... if you employ it. For almost two years, I've been living with the knowledge that I will have open heart surgery. While it is routine, it doesn't mean it's not scary. It is. From the moment of diagnosis, I was fearful and expected that it would happen shortly after each cardio appointment. But, each time was a reprieve and I had the luxury of time to learn, read others' stories here and do lots of research that -- after many months -- allowed me to come to peace about the life changing procedure I have yet to face. Many times during those months, I have vicariously lived and re-lived the surgery, it's prep and recovery, thanks to the caring people here who share remarkable details of their experiences. If I could, I would put my sense of peace into an envelope and FedEx it to you. Instead, I send you this: be confident in your doctors, nurses and hospital staff. They are competent, knowledgeable and caring. And be confident for your wife and family as they are probably more afraid than you. Assure them, as you assure yourself, that you will come through this, stronger and healthier than before as have so many others. We will hold you in our prayers this Easter weekend that you will find that peace you seek and will experience a quick and full recovery. (And don't forget to let us all know how you are doing when you are on the mend!)

Gina Fiorentino  Since both this and the above thread are related, I posted to the one above. I hope it brings a little peace of mind to this process for anyone headed into surgery...

Rita Savelis  Every reaction is normal. What you are experiencing is normal. We wish our personal responses could be a wave of peace, but that is not often the case. In fact, it's anxiety and worry most of the time.
Almost everyone experiences that, some hide it better than others.
Writing out or expressing all fears can be helpful.
But stay off google if that is not right for you.
Therapy can be helpful, doing whatever makes you feel good can be helpful, meds can be helpful...
You're human Josh, and experiencing these emotions is a human response.
Breathe.

Tina Williams  I have to say I found much hope in being connected with everyone on this site prior to my OHS but I can't say I was ever at peace. I was terrified!. But I never stopped searching and praying for it....even in those final moments before surgery.

Josh Thompson  Thank you all!! I truly appreciate all the kind words. I really have to stop letting myself go down rabbit holes and just right now enjoy the time with family and friends.

Civita Fahey  Josh, its not easy.. though I did feel at peace the morning of surgery as Tina said, I was praying the entire time as they were wheeling me to the O.R. I guess as it gets closer you just have to put yourself in your surgeon's hands and have faith..the alternative isnt any better.. I am a googler myself and have learned that its not a good path.. so, try to relax as best you can and you will do just great..I know its easy for me to say now that Im on the other side, but, truly the anticipation is the worst of it all.. prayers to you..

Rose Madura  Josh I know it's hard but remember the doctors do this everyday and the outcome for success his very high! Trust in them but more importantly trust in God. The worrying before hand is bad. When it's over you'll wish you hadn't spent so much time worrying. Peace to you.

Troy Ainsworth  Totally normal, just had my open heart surgery March 21st. Everything seems all consuming at all times but what seems to comfort me the most is that I should be fully healed in 6 months. It will still be 2018 and it should all be behind me

Elaine Phares  Josh, I just wanted to put in my two cents. I had OHS on Feb 6 and 7th (went back in to fix a bleeder). I was pretty much at peace the entire time because when I found out I needed this, I thought oh...I may not make it thru surgery (do I want to spend my last days worrying or spending it with friends, family, and getting prepared to come back to the land of the living). If I do make it....why did I waste my last days of being able to get a good nights sleep, stretch, clean, finish working and pick up my grandson. In Adam's book, someone said that if you go in and don't make it....you won't know it! I did everything I could to make sure I was prepared. I read up, trusted my surgeons and got ready for my homecoming! Even the stressing I did with the removal of the tubes was just silly and a waste of effort--so mad at myself. It wasn't bad at all. Less than two months out of surgery and I feel great. Back to work full-time. Good luck to you and go get a massage, pre-pay some bills, get some great books from the library and find a recliner to rent if you don't have one. Be sure to post as soon as you can so we know all is well and we can say a prayer of thanks.

Phyllis Petersen  You haven't had much time to come to terms with your situation, which can be good and bad. Try to find something fun to enjoy this weekend, even if it's just a favorite meal with family. I don't know anyone who isn't scared going into this. I was using guided meditation to relax a lot in those last few days.

Deb Lewis   I had surgery just 2 weeks ago and I made peace with these thoughts: 1. doctors can fix something that will otherwise kill me; 2. while surgery sounds scary, there is nothing to fear in the outcome; 3. Ohs has become routine and the stastical likelihood for success is excellent. After that, don’t overthink it. Everyone at the hospital will take over your thinking for awhile- put you through your paces

Ron Broadhead  Josh, that's a really good question and I suspect the answer is different for each of us. For me, the moment of peace came when I accepted how far downhill I had gone and realized that I would just keep going downhill without the surgery. At that point I realized that the surgery was a gateway to a better life. And here it is, 3+ years after surgery and I'm feeling well and am active. Without the aortic valve replacement, that would have never happened. Best wishes to you for a successful surgery and a better life because of it.