Josh's Guestbook

Josh Thompson  Hey Ken!

I will be more than happy to answer any questions. Sorry it has taken me so long to respond.

Josh

Josh Thompson  Thank you Ken - I too am in the Memphis area but sticking here for Surgery. The rabbit hole gets me every time. I have seen those videos and you are correct, I should just stay on those and stop. For peace l, I have to stick to the phrase that came up last night Let go and Let God. I will keep you posted on my journey!

Josh Thompson  Jim - thank you for this message! You are so right in all that you said, it made me remember a phrase from a High School church retreat “Let go and Let God”, this has never been so true right now. Thank you for “leaning in” on me it was needed.

Gina Fiorentino  I went to see my primary care physician today and had my first post-surgery check-up. It was a good day and I felt a lot of relief to hear from my doctor that I was on track with my healing. It felt nice to just sit for a moment and appreciate that I had made it to this point after so many months of anguish and fear of surgery.

As a few of you know, I was absolutely devastated when the news came last summer, and afterwards there were so many months of crying "giant alligator tears" and wishing it wasn't so. I wandered around bumping into things and feeling like I was perpetually a caught in a net. Over and over I tried to use magical thinking and hit the rewind button to no avail. I felt isolated and I was grieving. I hadn't met anyone who had open heart surgery before, much less any needing repair from "mitral valve regurgatation".

Then, months later (perhaps it was when the date was finally set of surgery and things became really real) where I looked back and found that so many important things had been aligning in my life. Because of this health crisis, I had repaired my relationship with estranged loved ones and friends, started noticing the preciousness in ordinary life moments, shored up loose ends and gotten my affairs in order, found some faith in "connection" around me, and began listening to the silence and spaces between things in a way that brought me truly into myself.

Wait, these were all good things! I realized that even though things had been falling apart in my life, that there was also this opportunity to find peace, and at the risk of sounding trite, I began to experience myself doing that thing you sometimes read about: I began to "let go". Up until this point, it was the only thing that made things feel a little more "ok" in the face of so much uncertainty.

I ultimately felt that if I had arrived at this place naturally without this diagnosis that I would have probably looked back and felt that I had actually had quite a profound year. It was during these moments that I began to find a little more acceptance in my situation and felt some peace inside. I hope I never lose that. I wish that for others facing difficult health/life challenges too-- to find that "silver lining" and to also find acceptance in what is.