Tafang's Journal

After one year of aortic valve replacement surgery (with tissue valve), I still find my heart rate is at high 80s and low 90s. I am on 10 mg inderal but have to take it everyday to keep the heart rate down. Wondering the reason why and curious if anyone experience the same thing?

Feb 26th 2017 is one year anniversary of my aortic valve replacement surgery. To go with tissue valve was my choice. At the age of 34, I was moving from one country to another. Before settling down, it feels like I turn a corner and find myself falling into a rabbit hole. The landscape of my wonderland, the journey of having a heart valve replacement surgery, has been a year fill with memories of shocking, melting down, unknowns, terrified, tears, risk, trust, nervousness, insecurity, vulnerability, gratefulness, warmth, tenderness, playfulness, adaptation , refreshingness, conflict, anger, challenges, loneliness, sadness, irritation, confusion, lost, tiredness, frustration, depression, struggle, worries, dragging, giving up, new discovery, independence, cheerful and exploration. The open heart surgery opens up both new life quality and new future concerns for me. It opens up layers of deep tender emotions that I never experience before. It also opens up new relations with people I never thought of having the possibility to be in contact in life. Still feel unreal that it has been a year. Never spend this much time to be there for my body. Was so used to the idea that the body should be there for me. Physically it feels like it has recovered 80%. A year ago, an imagination of being a super woman after 3 month of surgery was the expectation. Looking back, there is a sense of bowing down to this one year process of recovery. And secretly feel impatience and exciting of wanting to hurry and catch up with life before the next corner comes up. A deep appreciation for this community. Even though being on the other side of the world, reading life stories of people who are in the similar situation have held me, encouraged me and inspired me.

After a week of removing life support, just heard that your heart stop beating at 4:00 am this morning. It has been an unimaginable mental and physical journey for your and yet your passion for life still out shine when we meet. We are at the same age, and your encouragement and understanding gave me strength to go through surgery. Your authenticity for life is also inspiring. A deeply aching and lose that no words can be applied.