Yvonne's Journal

Klara Čičić  Oh dear Yvonne I am so so sorry!! It must be so frustrating. When was the last full cardiac assessment? (cardiologist appointment, heart ultrasound, 24h heart rhythm monitor etc...)... They must find the reason of excess fluid and explain it to you so that you stop worrying and at least know what is wrong. It is the hardest when you don't understand what is wrong with you... Don't give up asking questions. I felt it on my skin - if you don't advocate for yourself noone will... ask for second opinion... Please hang in there and don't despeir! I am thinking of you

Yvonne Deane  Thank you Klara! I appreciate you...I have been to cardiologist, was just on 10 day heart monitor where they found I have sinus tachycardia but deemed me normal. I even changed cardiologists (they're in same practice though) and still, it's as if nobody listens to me. I keep saying something is wrong with me. I can't accept that this is how my life will be now. Even when I had only .5 opening in aortic valve I felt wayyyyyy better than I do now. I had more energy. It's like this surgery flipped a switch and everything fell apart...thanks for being so kind to me and for writing back. I hope all is well with you.

Deena Z  Yvonne, it's takes months to recovery from cardiac surgery, so you are still in the recovery stage.  Give it time.  You just went through major surgery.  It took me 14 months to fully get better.  I felt a lot better at six months.  Is the weight gain at all related to fluid build-up?  

Danielle Elizabeth  Yvonne, I feel the exact way. I felt way better before surgery but now at 18 weeks or so post surgery I am finally getting my energy back. I have PTSD symptoms but I can feel your frustration. I also gained around 5 lbs but when I look in the mirror it looks/ feels like way more. I like the advice that was given. Ask your doctors if they can do, or have recently done, more blood work including thyroid. I have elevated liver enzymes post surgery and anemia  which contributes to my fatigue. I also daydream that I had waited until the very last moment for this surgery and didn’t have it. 

Deena Z  Danielle, I also had elevated liver enzymes post surgery and had to take me off Tylenol because of it. Did your docs given you any insight as to why?  Mine did not. 

Danielle Elizabeth  Deena, I wish I knew but my Primary Dr. never mentioned for me to discontinue Tylenol. I took around 2,000 mg per day for 6 weeks to help with the pain. I had an ultrasound of my liver and kidneys and they look fine. I never drank much, but I still don’t feel comfortable drinking. My liver enzymes were retested and they’re still slightly elevated. I notice the diagnosis of non alcoholic fatty liver on my chart recently tho. I do need to eat better, I’m unsure if that contributes, but I live off Mac and cheese and protein bars the last 4 month following the surgery (very low appetite). Hope you’re feeling better from your surgery 

Greg Lewis  Hi Yvonne. If it was me, i would go see another doctor. If you have to, find a GP that is good with heart issues. Maybe they could get you to a different cardiologist. My family doc is also very smart with the heart, and one other GP, i have for a back up. I also have another Cardiologist for a back up. Have they got you on any meds for fast heart?  

Klara Čičić  Oh girls...it breaks my heart to hear you regret going to surgery. If I can give you some silverlining - when I was leaving Germany I asked my surgeon, what he thinks about the timing of my surgery? And he said "I think the time window was catched, but if it were done 1-2 years before, that would've been better". I guess because of damage the faulty valve has done to the heart (enlargement of left atrium, dilation of left ventricle., Afibs..). Man doesn't know which one is worse 🤣 to do it too early or too late... Both sucks. Tylenol and poor diet could really be the reason for slightly elevated LFTs, Danielle, I hope it improves.
 Yvonne, please please be strong and if you possibly can ask for another opinion. And if necessary another... I hope it really is just time and eventually it will get better, but patient's instinct is sometimes the best guider and it is often ignored by doctors, until eventually it was proven to be right. We are here to encourage you and listen to you! Keep us posted! 

Danielle Elizabeth  Thanks Klara - at some point this week I need to go back to the drawing board and meal prep - for pain I need to use more of the cream the gave me for my shoulders and drink more water for the headaches. There is always a solution. It is a great reminder of what complications could have happened if I’d waited. Hope you’re healing well 💕

Marie Myers  It can take a long time to heal emotionally from heart surgery. I grieved the loss of my formerly state of health (which meant having no major surgery). I was always very active, and it took some 9 months before I was back out playing tennis. Since I didn’t have any symptoms before my surgery, it was hard to accept the fact that I even needed surgery in the first place.   So feeling lousy for weeks after surgery was hard to accept. With time, you can heal both physically and emotionally. Start paying close attention to your diet, even journaling everything you eat if necessary. Increase your walking , even if it is 10 minutes twice a day. Got to start somewhere! Godspeed in your recovery! Let us know how you get along.

Richard Munson  At least you are in new jersey and not in a wilderness location. There must be a bunch of local heart surgery experts you can call upon for a second opinion in your state or surrounding states. 

Timothy Andre  Hi Yvonne, welcome back. All these feelings you are having is normal. When I was about 7 weeks post-op I felt like I hit a plateau and couldn't really tell if I was still progressing. I am also gaining weight and have put on 20lbs since surgery. I still don't have an answer for it. The only self diagnosis I can come up with is that I quit smoking in January and I am getting older. I can't help but wonder if it's common after OHS or just that my metabolism is slowing down. I will say that once I started cardiac rehab everything began to change. I am now just short of 4 months post-op and feel great. At rehab they will monitor your heart while you exercise and they will push you according to how you are doing. It has been really clear to me that I am progressing and getting stronger every day. This is all great for my mental strength and well being. It helps to have appointments for rehab because it holds you accountable to show up for yourself. Hang in there and stay positive because what you are feeling right now is only temporary. Get yourself scheduled to start rehab and don't be so hard on yourself. And, trust me that getting your surgery behind you and your valve fixed is a huge accomplishment. The hard part is over. Please continue to reach out with any questions because you are not alone. Chances are that one or more of us know exactly how you are feeling. God Bless you!!

Tom Everson  Hi. I checked the side effects of Metoprolol and they included a lot of your symptoms. I would ask your cardiologist if there is a different medication you can take. Try your best to stay positive and go to rehab when you can.  Good luck 

Marie Myers  Can you speak to your doctor about the possibility of depression? Many of those symptoms can be related to post surgical depression. Starting cardiac rehab will help to motivate you into getting moving again, and the increased activity can slow the weight gain and improve your mental outlook. Keep us posted!

Tracy Chang  Hi Yvonne, I understand the feelings you are having.  Please hanging in there. Like one of my doctors told me once -  "believe me, you will get better!"

I had my surgery in February and re-admitted back to the hospital twice for a-fib and pleural effusion respectively.  I was in hospital for 22 days in total.  I had very minor symptoms before the surgery but felt much worse afterwards, having not only zero energy but constant shortness of breath.  I went to doctors offices on walker and wheelchair for two months when most people already started driving and doing cardiac rehab by that time. I was warned to not compare what you can do today against that of yesterday, but do it week by week.  In my case, "month by month" comparison is more appropriate.  But things do get better!  I was able to clean around the house for five hours with a couple of breaks in between yesterday.

I changed from no prescription drug before surgery to 5-6 after surgery plus another 3 from over the counter.  A couple of them are temporary (from three months to one year).  I had to adjust dosage and switch to a  different medicine a couple times.

Everyone's recovery journey is different, but one thing for sure is that you are not alone and you will get better.  Be patient and stay positive.  You can do it!

Rita Savelis  Betablockers (like metrapolol) slow your system down. This can make some (like me) feel depressed. You have been through a lot and you expected a lot. But one doesn't feel necessarily better after surgery, just different. There is so much to get used to. Everyone worries about pre-surgery, but post-surgery was very hard for me. There are so many side effects and after-effects. When you look at this site it can appear as if everyone is okay and doing so well after surgery. I think that is not always true, but there is a competition to post a smiling selfie and be okay. I was not okay after surgery and fell into a depression months after getting physically better. It's important to talk about it and to be honest. Talking to a therapist can help. Meds can help. But the day after I went off of betablockers (at my request) I immediately felt better. Coincidence? Perhaps. (This was a year after OHS). It's still so very very early for you and all of your feelings are so valid and so singular. I felt lousy after surgery and had to find others who felt the same way - otherwise I felt even more like an alien in a world where one is supposed to feel great after major major surgery. Take care. Keep expressing yourself. Be vocal with doctors about how you are feeling.

Janelle Hurst  metoprolol is known to make people feel tired...it can also lower your blood pressure and that can cause fatigue, make you unfocused if it gets too low, I've had to stop metoprolol twice since my surgery in Feb because of my BP being too low.  I've taken metoprolol in the past too and I just feel "blah" on it.  I struggled with fatigue and some depression after surgery.  I'm learning that heart surgery is WAY harder on your body than other surgeries and it takes your body a long time to full recover.  I just kept reminding myself that it should be temporary.  

Ellen Higgs  Hello Yvonne - welcome back.  I too had been gone for a bit.  I just update my husband’s story.  Do you mind me asking if you had a full open heart?  How is moving around?  Pain level?  Jim had a mini cut last time, but this next time going in it will be a full open.  So glad you are home and healing.  

  YEAH! You made it! Welcome to recovery, continued good health heart warrior and God bless you! 🙏❤️

Laura Bickford  Welcome back Yvonne!  So happy to hear you are steadily improving after surgery.  I am now 5 months post surgery and feeling great.  Occasionally get a bit winded going up 2+ sets or more of stairs.  Don't over do it, but try to exercise/walk a bit every day.  

Laura Bickford  Welcome back Yvonne!  So happy to hear you are steadily improving after surgery.  I am now 5 months post surgery and feeling great.  Occasionally get a bit winded going up 2+ sets or more of stairs.  Don't over do it, but try to exercise/walk a bit every day.  

Yvonne Deane  Hi Ellen! I had full open heart and I am able to move around with less pain everyday. I will check out Jim's story. Sending you hugs and strength...I know that caregivers don't get much love and attention, so know that I am sending you appreciative hugs.

Yvonne Deane  Thank you Laura! I hope I continue to improve as you have! I walk about 2x a day for 12 minutes straight which helps a lot, but it tires me out too! 

Rob Henderson  Very happy for you Yvonne....I have wondered how you were doing.....Keep moving and every day little by little you will recover. I know you were fearful and I hope the encouragement you received here helped you through!

Civita Fahey  its easy to get over emotional about this.. I know I felt that way. Waiting is the hardest part of this.  Just know that the surgeon and team know what they are doing and have done this surgery for over 75 years now. They have it down pat.  I know I felt so much better after I went to my pre op.. Everyone and everything was so professional and all and any question  I had was answered. It did calm me down a bit. I thought of having my heart stopped too, I still do.  But, in the long run, I woke up and you will too. Just have faith in your team that all will go well. This isnt an easy surgery but truly our imaginations are so much more than the surgery is,.. you will be on the other side soon and feel: Whew , its over with.. Best of luck.. any questions let me know. 

Susan Lynn  Yvonne - Sometimes it's better to focus on the time, not how the watch is built - your surgeon and team will do that. I tried to find the upside to surgery and now tell my twin sister that I'm not two minutes older, I'm an hour and a half younger!
Try to trust the expertise of your medical team - they also want the best result for you!

Daniel Salzer  Hi Yvonne - I just read through your journal entries. First - a big congratulations for beating breast cancer! You clearly are a survivor and will do well with your upcoming heart surgery. It freaks me out too to think about having my heart stopped for many hours but the heart-lung bypass machine and stopping and restarting the heart is a procedure that has been perfected over many decades. When you wake up, your aortic stenosis will be gone and your heart will be beating away like normal. Cheering you on!

Kristine Schroeder  Hi Yvonne. You are not alone! My first month after diagnosis was filled with disbelief, anger, fear and  sadness, but I rallied my support group, prayer warriors, dug into research, read Adam’s book, asked lots of questions and joined a Mindfulness class at my hospital (actually recommended by my surgeon).  I know I am in God’s hands and I have found my routine and peace (most days). My surgery is tentatively scheduled for July 6th….4 weeks from today… and I am looking forward to plans I have made for after surgery. I have read up, picked my surgeon and hospital and working to keep myself healthy, Strong and focusing on enjoying family and friends.  As someone on here told me….it’s time to trust your surgeon and medical professionals and give it to them (and God). Peace to you….one day at a time.

Klara Čičić  I, too, cried, Yvonne :) it's normal I think... After all the tears came acceptance and honestly, now I can't wait for September and my surgery! Yes, heart will be litteraly stopped, but I am in the phase where I admire what modern medicine can do!! In the past those things wee impossible....it's a blessing... You will feel better. For now, just let those ters down your face, it's body's way to release stress out od the system! :)))) Big hug from Croatia, Europe....

Jay Heagerty  Yvonne, welcome to the community! I too had a bi-cuspid aortic valve replacement almost 10 months ago. What you are feeling is completely normal and most of us in this community have felt the same way at some point in our journey. Sounds like you are in good hands and I wish you the best of luck with your upcoming surgery. If I can answer any questions relating to the bi cuspid valve replacement please let me know. I also found Adam's book very informative. Best wishes for a positive outcome.

Artie Rubin  Hi Yvonne, It's very understandable that you
feel this way.  I'm glad you're letting your feelings flow freely through
you (and sharing them) instead of trying to blow past them.  I had Open
Heart Surgery in 2015 (age 70) to replace my aortic valve and repair my mitral
valve (a 2-for-1 deal, lol).  Of course I felt some anxiety beforehand,
but I dealt with it in two ways: (1) I researched and found that this is one of
the safest operations around.  Mortality is around 1-2% (and those people
usually had co-morbidities).  (2) I was inspired to "talk to" my
own heart.   I said, "You've always been there for me when I
needed you, and now I'm going to be there for you when you need me.  I
won't let you down."  This gave me a feeling of real strength: I was
in charge!  I *sailed* through the operation and made a rapid
recovery.  BTW, Yvonne, you'll be having your op on my 77th birthday (and
I'm still doing great!).  So how about giving me a present I'd love to
receive: your going into the operation with faith and confidence, and coming
out of it heart-healed and joyful.  Every good wish to you, Artie

Roselyn Kubek   Hi- I can’t add anything  To what Jay wrote and everyone else- It is enormous- but I’m sure you did your research and found the doctor and procedure that seems best- The good news is that you will not be conscious for the hardest part- And it is a kick when you wake up on “the other side” - I’m still kind of tickled to hear my heart beat a year out (and I feel great)…It‘a not easy- but you’ll be in good hands

Artie Rubin  Hi again, Yvonne, I must apologize for my earlier message, which only addressed your initial posting (about your fears).  I *should* have read all of your postings about your previous medical challenges.  I still hope my earlier message will help you and that your op will be an easy go and a great success.  May I give one further tip: during recovery, be sure to have your care team monitor you for constipation (a common after-effect of OHS).  My otherwise fabulous care team somehow neglected this.  So quite a few days later I woke up feeling *horrible*--all blocked up and nothing moving.  You may not be conscious of how many days have passed since having a movement--I wasn't!  As one nurse told me, "Hospital time is different from regular time."  So please be sure to get your team to do this.

William Trankle  I found it cool, actually.  Not many people can say they gave their hearts a 2-3-h break in the middle of their lives!  You got this.

Gina G  Yvonne, I can completely relate to your fears, sadness, disbelief and feeling overwhelmed. It’s all normal-and open heart surgery is a unique operation to go through…don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re over sensitive. Share your feelings with those you trust, let your tears flow, and then remind yourself of your strength. You WILL get through this. I’m wishing you an uneventful surgery and swift & easy recovery. Blessings, love and light to you 💕

Sandy Harvey  Hi Yvonne,
TAVR probably won't work for you because of your age. It's not unexpected that you are emotionally about your surgery but everything does work out, you will be okay. It's a tough situation to be in. I hope you will read my journal since I have had a similar situation. Feel free to call me if you need someone to talk to. 469-583-6133

Delanee Durham  You are not alone!  I cried a lot with the enormity of knowing what was going to happen.  I think I was most sad for my family in case something happened to me.  But  my 23 year old son said to me that he’d rather I have the surgery even with the risks then to have to find me passed out on the floor one day because my heart gave out from the severe stenosis I had.  Something clicked in me after that and I accepted whatever was ahead of me with surgery and my path in life.

Joyce Shelby  It is a very emotional time.  I actually wrote an apology letter to my family to read after my surgery.  I was extremely emotional but I had never faced my own mortality in that way.  It is normal, and you will come out on the other side healthy and whole.  I wish you complete health and healing....I am 6 years post OHS.

Janelle Hurst  I had surgery in February and that was the thing I was most nervous about with the surgery.  I was at times fixated on it, terrified of the worst.  It is scary, but from a medical perspective, they do this sort of thing a gazillion times a year and the process has been around for a long time.  Very normal to feel the way you do.    

Marie Myers  I am sure that you will have more tests done prior to your surgery. I had a TEE (transthoracic echocardiogram-requires anesthesia), a CT of the chest with IV contrast, and a cardiac catheterization prior to surgery. All of these tests give the surgeon more data and details of your heart. If you have not had your surgical consult yet, please start writing down questions you might have about your condition. As always, ask any questions here also. Many of us have been down this road, and can let you know about these procedures. Wishing you all the best!

Yvonne Deane  Marie, thank you. I have only had an echocardiogram. I am having pre-testing (covid, blood) on Thursday and then catherization on Monday, then surgery on Tuesday. No CT. No TEE. Nothing. Should I be worried? Perhaps my surgeon is going to do them while I'm in the hospital right before the surgery? I appreciate you explaining them to me! I hope all is well with you!

Rose Madura  I didnt have my TEE until just before the surgery. I was already "knocked out" and don't remember a thing.

Yvonne Deane  Oh good to know Rose! Perhaps that's why I haven't had it! I was getting worried. Thanks for sharing!!!

Adam Baumgartner  I think TEE and /or CT w/ contrast are only needed before surgery if the doctor needs better images or more detail to diagnose the problem. For example, for me the echo was inconclusive about severity of regurgitation and whether or not I did have a bicuspid valve. Also, I had an ascending aortic aneurysm and these additional tests let them see more and if I had an aneurysm further down. Surgeon will probably do a TEE during surgery to assess. Wishing you the best. 

Adam Pick  Hey Yvonne, I just posted a video about SAVR and TAVR in your Guestbook to help you learn more about those therapies. You are doing the right thing by asking questions now as I see your surgery is scheduled on June 14. There's a lot of information here to help you. I'll repost that video here as well. If you need anything, please let me know. . Fyi, I've met your surgeon before although he won't remember me. He's helped lots of patients in our community. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPG2AMZ-pks

Adam Pick  Yvonne, Fyi... Here's a patient success story with your surgeon if you would like to check it out - https://www.heart-valve-surgery.com/heart-surgery-blog/2009/05/27/weight-loss-before-heart-surgery-aortic-valve/. 

Thomas Brusstar  I only had a regular echo (transthoracic), as my doctor found the images very clear and didn’t need the transesophageal echo.  So I never had a TEE.  They did an angiogram a few weeks before, to make sure I didn’t need any bypasses while they were in there.  That’s fairly easy, you’re awake the whole time just a bit sedated.  Just the time to make sure there’s no pleading from the wrist entry for the angiogram.

Barbara Whittle Robinson  Yvonne, I too have a bicuspid aortic valve. I hear it's common but I've never met anyone with the same condition. I will be trialing down the same road one day. Your feelings are normal and I think anyone facing any surgery has thoughts. I wish you luck and a speedy recovery. You will be fine. They do a lot of these.

Ed Miskovic  Hi Yvonne, I didn’t know I had a bi-cuspid aortic valve until after surgery because it was severely calcified.  Things to do before surgery that I did that were helpful: listened to a daily meditation tape made by the hospital’s cardiac Health Psychologist; had a counseling session with my wife present beforehand; rented a nearby hotel room for family; walked through the hospital the day before surgery; brought a shirt to the hospital that I could easily get into for the return trip; boughs a plastic triangular chest protector from this website which keeps the weight of clothing off the new scar; did mental exercises while recovering day one while in the hospital bed; bought a reclining chair to sleep on when I got home; asked for home care following surgery;: visiting nurse and physical therapy; found a local cardiologist and met him before surgery (my then current cardiologist misdiagnosed it); asked friends for prayer; spoke up and pleasantly made me needs known at the hospital; I signed up for outpatient cardiac rehab as soon as it was available. This website had a valuable guidebook. I suggest you see it it still does. It was a watershed moment for me. Life is so much better. I had surgery at age 68. I’m 75 now and have learned how to live more mindfully in the present. Oh yes, keep posting on this website. You will be helping not only yourself but others. The best to you. 

Lee Lewis  I have not had to have heart surgery , I am moderate . More tests later on. I am a nurse, & I understand your emotions being at a high level. A lot to deal with sort thru. I see your sister has been w you they your visits tests . So wonderful you have great bond as sisters!  I will keep you in prayers , before you know you will be telling us some post op stories, feeling better stronger. Take care Lee 

Yvonne Deane  Lee thank you so much. I hope you continue to have good results in your testing. I am looking forward to getting back on the site and telling you all how well it went! :)

Luke Rodriguez  I am three weeks post surgery and I know exactly what you are thinking and feeling.  I will not lie and tell you its all roses, but post surgery it will get better.  You will start off basically an infant in that you can do nothing for yourself. But every day, bit by bit you will make progress.  At times, I literally cry for no reason, other times out of frustration for lack of progress.  Taking hot showers helps me, I have taken 7 in the last 24hrs.  Today was the first day of going to my bedroom to my home office without being out of breath, baby steps.  The day after my release I went back in for AFIB which nobody said was common as it is but my heart rate was going between 140 and 170 bpm.  It took the ER 8 hrs to get it back to normal.  PACK A GO BAG, my wife ended up buying clothes so I wouldn't have to wear the dirty ones home.  Also, none of this is your fault we were both born with the same condition.  Friday I went to see Top Gun and I cried because I was so happy to do something normal.  If you don't have a favorite recliner, get one because that is what I slept in for the first week and my butt was chronically sore.  Take your pain meds but know that once you start weaning off you will have horrible symptoms, mine lasted 24 hrs, cold sweats and feeling like dog crap....I am on tylenol only and I found quick release tylenol which was a game changer.  I get little sleep as I got a cold and sleep with a BIPAP so you may not struggle with that, but don't be surprised if you find yourself up late in to the night watching infomercials.  I am told its all a part of the process.  Bottom line, three weeks out and my incision is almost healed and I feel much better, not that I am there yet, I have a long way to go but just know you will move through this process and come out so much better.  I am fiercely independent but I have relied on more people over the last few weeks than I ever have in my adult life...do not feel shame, do not feel week, know it is normal.  My body feels like a computer that booted up, each system will come back on line...eating, dressing yourself, walking, emotions.  I have no alternative other than being patient.....you will face that too.  The largest challenge for me was emotions....wave after wave....I watched the Royal celebration in England for the queen....something I would never, ever do...I felt so stupid for sitting there with kleenex and tears.  All part of the process...women are much more in touch with feelings so you will know what to do with feelings when they come.  My wife was smart enough to get a 30 day meal plan and we prepped meals for 30 days prior to surgery so we throw food in the crock pot each day, no fuss no muss.  Prepare to lose weight though...I am down 20 lbs.  Nothing tasted good, or, I had no energy to eat.  Its OK...my appetite has returned.  Pray...... I have prayed more these past two weeks than I ever have in my life because some days and nights that is all you have.  I have asked God to heal and to take me at my lowest....but God is the only person who really understands what you are going through.  Log in to this site, it has so much information that I found before and after my procedure.  It lets you know that you are not alone.....you aren't....you have a host of people from all walks of life here for you....reach out and someone will reach back.   I pray this provides you some comfort and some courage.  This is a baptism that few go through and afterwards you will be a part of an elite group of individuals who have literally walked on the edge of life and death and live to tell about it.  I will be praying for you and I look forward to your first post after surgery.  I will not wish you luck.....luck has nothing to do with this...I wish you more courage than you know you have and that the hand of God gives you comfort.  You got this.

Erik W.  Hang in there Yvonne, and Luke thanks for sharing the ups and downs of your healing process so far, you hang in there too, definitely not easy.  My surgery date is June 17, hopefully the minimally invasive approach makes it at lot easier.

Susan Lynn  Yvonne - Everything you're feeling is absolutely normal!  Be careful not to let your imagination run away with you, however. Waiting for your procedure is the worst part of the process.   

I had a minimally- invasive mitral valve repair and felt tired,  but completely fine otherwise.   It was helpful to have someone cooking meals for me, but, other than that, I walked multiple times per day and did almost everything for myself from the day after surgery.   I didn't have much pain at all,  didn't take any narcotics,  and did not experience any emotional swings.  After a week or so, I was the one getting up first and making the coffee! The lifting restriction kept me from doing some household chores, but, trust me, the laundry and dust aren't going anywhere!  

Every recovery is unique - focus on getting well and everything will improve on your own timetable.   Think positive thoughts and create small goals for yourself every day.   You'll see progress in no time at all!   Best of luck! 

Klara Čičić  Dear Yvonne, I am still on the waiting-for-the-surgery side, but just want you to know I am thinking of you from the other side od the world :) 

As a mother I understand how you feel...mine are little ones but still will need explanations why mummy is going away...it's hard. I have it like this in my head: that's something that NEEDS to be done, I WILL feel better, I WILL be healthier, thank God I have the oportunity to have the operation (how many people on this Earth aren't that lucky...), and lastly - thank God I have disease that is sort of just mechanical and therefore curable.... Those things I keep repeating to myself and I feel better then.

Luke, thank you very much for sharing your thoughts and emotions!! Very honest and inspiring.  Thank you! 

Marie Myers  I was very worried when I first learned I needed surgery. It took me weeks to accept the fact that this was all going to happen. Listening to UTube videos and meditations on acceptance and relaxation helped me , as did yoga and meditation. I had an uneventful surgery and recovery, but I did notice I still had some emotional swings once I got home. All that emotional lability lessened through my recovery. Hearing you need heart surgery is a big upheaval in anyone’s life. Be kind and gentle with yourself through the whole experience! Wishing you all the best!

Martin Smith  Yvonne, hello from north of the border! 

Many people on this forum, as witnessed by the comments, can relate to the emotions you're feeling. Difficult feelings such as sadness are part of the experience, and it is probably healthy to be able to share your feelings, whether that be with a loved one or with a supportive community such as this one. My two sons were 20 and 25 when I went into hospital for my Ross procedure. They were aware of the seriousness of my operation, but didn't know much about the details or what recovery might look like. They harboured fears, as I did, but we didn't want to fuel those fears by discussing the details. In retrospect I think it fair to say that I went into my operation with a somewhat limited understanding of what to expect. My sons, who don't live with my wife and me, were extremely supportive prior to and after the operation. I would bet that yours will be, too. What did bring me peace of mind prior to my hospital stay was making clear to my sons and to my wife how important they had been to me in all my days leading up to the operation. I wanted to be sure I left them with loving messages in the unlikely event that the operation was unsuccessful. I didn't want any more drama than necessary. Drama is exhausting and dammit I intended to reserve plenty of energy for recovery. So how do I express all the love I feel for them and hopes I have for their futures without sobbing, wailing, breast beating, and setting off alarm bells?  We Canadians prefer to err on the side of cautious reserve.  :)  So  I wrote a letter to each of them which was to be delivered only if the outcome was the surgical equivalent of a triple bogey.  

Well, the surgical team and I collaborated on scoring a birdie! So the letters remain undelivered in the bottom of a clothes drawer.  They may, indeed, prove useful some time in the future. The point of this longwinded story is to reassure you that most of the time heart valve  surgery outcomes are amazingly positive, but there are things one can do to achieve some peace of mind prior to the big day.

Wishing you all the best, Yvonne!

Neal Syverson  Please know that you are not alone.  You have found a community that is very supportive.  Many of us have dealt with the same emotions.  Let us know what you are feeling and we can share how we have coped.  I never fully accepted the inevitable until I met with my surgeon that before. My irrational mind kept telling me there was some sort of mistake.  The surgeon was able to show exactly why it was necessary.

Rose Madura  Hi Yvonne.  As everyone has stated, emotions run high. Try to do some things you enjoy to take your mind off everything.   If you like to cook, prepare some meals in advance.  Keep telling yourself that thousands upon thousands of these surgeries are done every day and the prognosis is very much in your favor.  Try to focus on how good you will feel going forward.  Trust your doctors and understand that if you have complications,  they know what to do.  It's all new to us. I wouldn't say it is routine for them but their experience should speak for itself.  Godspeed. 

Yvonne Deane  I just logged back in and saw all of your amazing, caring messages. I am sitting here in tears with a goofy smile on my face with gratitude for all of you taking the time to write to me. I don't know how to write back individually to each of you so here I am. Forgive me as I'm such a newbie. If you can tell me how to answer each of you, I will!
A friend mentioned this website and how I would find good information here and support, but your support is more than I could have ever imagined and I am forever grateful to all of you!


I have endured more than 16 surgeries in my life thus far - from 2 c-sections (which is normal) to over a dozen breast cancer surgeries which makes my OHS a bit more complicated. Having already had my 3rd rib cartilage on either side removed and blood vessels from other parts of my body transferred to my chest area, it will be a challenge for the surgeon, but I am ever hopeful that his expertise and skill will overcome any obstacles.


I worry which is normal. But I also know how difficult surgery recovery is. Being one of those who doesn't do well with anesthesia is concerning me as well. Luckily my sister has been with me to attend the doctor appointments, take notes and support me. But I know this is hard on her as she's not used to seeing me like this. I'm the older sibling!


I just celebrated my 20th year since cancer diagnosis, my 10th year since my last 4 surgeries and felt like I was doing well until this. I know I will survive, but honestly, I'm dreading the thought of surgery again. I remember how difficult it can be to heal, to be alone in the middle of the night and deal with the pain, but I'm trying to be positive for everyone around me. I figured you would all understand...


I love to read your posts and I can relate so well. To have a safe place to share is so important and I appreciate you. If I can be of help to anyone, I am here for you too.


I believe in the power of prayer. I too have been telling those whom I love how I feel and have written a few letters (just in case). I don't think God is ready for me yet as I have much to still do and I'm thankful that this was found now.


I'm keeping you all in my prayers. Thank you for being you!

Marie Myers  You don’t have to acknowledge all the responses you get. Just read them all, feel the love and understanding, and comment when you feel like it!

Rita Savelis  You don't have to reassure your kids. You can be honest. Parents can be vulnerable in front of their kids. They will react how they react. You don't have to control their reactions but let them experience this as they will. There are probably things they are not sharing with you. But you can share all of what you are feeling with them, good and bad. Heart surgery is shitty. Cancer is shitty. I didn't want anyone to say "everything will be fine" when I had multiple cancers and heart surgery. I needed to hear: That's awful. Being vulnerable to my kids was essential. They are young adults. My mother would never show me any weakness, any fear. I wish she could have been vulnerable around me. Take a deep breath. Take care.

Martin Smith  Great point, Rita. A dismissive "everything will be fine" is not the least bit helpful, in fact it's alienating, when we've chosen to reveal our worries or our pain to friends and loved ones. It's hard, though, for those not afflicted to get it right. It's asking a lot of mere mortals. "Everything will be fine" means "I'm uncomfortable listening to you and I want to reassure you so that you stop this difficult conversation that risks making me anxious or sad."  

A good listener is a treasure.