Lexie's Journal

Just wanted to send a quick update. My heart is good and finally after six months of recovery I can finally say that I am starting to feel better. I did fall into a cardiac depression in which I just wanted to run away from everything and everyone. It seems that you find out who your REAL friends and family are during a time when you need them the most. I was quite shocked to learn that the people I thought I could count on the most were in fact the very people who were draining my energy for their own personal gain. This was a moment in my life that I was deeply saddened and shocked to learn that the only reliable source of support would be Jesus Christ. My relationship with God is what truly got me through this surgery and kept me alive for my children. I am happy to be alive and I want to serve God in anyway that I can to help others to realize that they are never alone.

How can the State you grew up in turn so ugly when it comes to the Healthcare Field? I am post-op 36 days and was treated horribly at Saint Alphonous by my surgeon and my primary care physician. And bc I have called both Saint Luke's and Saint Al's patient relations and complained now no doctor will help me in the entire state BC of the electronically medical record of mine that has been stolen from me to the point of my doctor's refusing me service. I am so weak right now, I need to go to another state and be re-evaluated after surgery and soon. I feel like no one believes me that this surgery has failed or tell me why even. They put a Medtronic ring in my mitral valve without even telling me that was an option. My incisions have ripped open and I cannot get the wounds to heal. My right lung has pleural effacy and fluid building up in it....this is what is so extremely painful to where I can't do anything. I am a single mother with two daughter's ages 8 and 7, I can't even be a mother. Please God, send me to the right person to help me get better quickly.

Big day tomorrow, trying to be at peace but feeling like everything is out of control. It is weird, I am seeing my life in slow motion right now. Similar to when you see or are in a car accident. Final labs are done and it is painful to have your blood drawn out of your artery in your wrist. I have not being feeling good, so I am ready to get this done and feel better.

I am grateful that my pulmonary test showed that my lungs are perfect for this surgery and since I have been smoking cigarettes for the past 4 years....I was nervous about that and was struggling to quit but due to stress levels have NOT been successful but I felt better when the Respiratory Therapist was happy to see my lungs in such good shape and told me not to stress too much about quitting bc you have a lot going on right now. My follow-up appointment with my surgeon to go over all the testing is scheduled for October 3rd and based on his prioritized schedule a surgery date will be set. However, once the hard date is set the date is still subject to change based on Emergency Cardiac Surgeries, who would have thought there is a prioritized waiting list for Cardiac Surgery. To be honest, the anticipation of this surgery seems to be the hardest part of the entire plan as I am going so many different emotions. I am worried that I wont be able to see my daughter's before my surgery and that makes me very sad but it is all in God's hands. I did talk to a younger kid who had his mom wreck an ATV when he was in middle school and the handle bars smashed her chest and he said you don't realize how critical things are until you see the person you love in the glass box striving for there life. He told me and it made both of us cry that his mother was dying at one point and the doctor demanded the children to come in and talk to there mother as a last effort to save her life and when she heard her children's voices she woke up. So I agreed with him that I could definitely see how that would help assist in bring her back from near death. Pretty amazing story and I felt blessed to hear it. Not feeling well again and nervous about being homeless here soon and having to recover somewhere like a shelter or something. I am also devastated that my ex-husband and his family are not being supportive in a situation like this. I don't understand why my extended family has chosen to not support the mother of these two precious daughters that I share with them and never speak poorly of them. I would never wish this on anyone and given that is surgery is more risker than chemo for cancer, pulminary surgerys and auto accidents combined how there could be such hate towards me a mother and child of God. It has been my experience as I get closer to my surgery date that you truly find out who care about you, whether friends or relatives I have experienced that the closest people to me are the very ones who are extremely toxic to my mind and even more could care less whether I live or die. I don't understand that kind of hate for any human soul. I just have a complete different sense of moral responsibility to help support me as the mother of my children. Funny how that works so I have cut out all the toxicity and I am going to go into my surgery with positive thoughts, regardless of the hurt I feel towards my family. It will all work out, I will be okay, and I will wake up and when my heart is really working "This Girl is on Fire". Trying to figure out where I am going to recover at given that I have no place to live currently and no help to assist or be with me when I am released from ICU, I wonder if insurance can pay for something like assistant living? Does anyone know any information on how people recover that don't have a place to recover at?

3 more pre-op tests to go before the final hard date for my surgery and a bit worried bc I have never had an echo where they shot me up with dye to illuminate my heart to get better pictures and see how close I am to a heart attack because of my symptoms. I haven't heard anything yet but tomorrow I am going to bank my own blood just in case I need a blood transfusion because I have a rare blood type AB- I was not expecting all that to happen this week.

Racing thoughts about this air and me being a smoker, my headache is so terrible and I am so short of breath if this doesn't clear out soon then I am going to have to go to the emergency room and get oxygen.

https://www.gofundme.com/lexieschwalbeheartsurgery Please use this link to assist me in coming up with $10,000 before Oct. 1, 2017 so I can have a place to recover from surgery.

Today's test is a repeat echo to see if my condition has worsened since my diagnosis because I am so symptomatic and having severe chest pains so they need this now to see if they need to get me in at a higher priority because I could have cardiac arrest and then they would have to do an emergency surgery. I will most more info when I can because I am not feeling well and can't go outside because of the air quality.

I had no clue what this procedure would be like. Swallowing a scope, having my esphougas stretched over my heart and then pressed down on my heart to get the a real image was not my idea of fun at all, I think I would rather get an epidural injection in my back that how uncomfortable it was. Anyway my new cardiologist Dr. Anderson commented to me that she is pretty sure that Dr. Jones can repair my valve as opposed to replacing my valve with a mechancial one putting me on blood thinnner for the rest of my life. My pray was answer bc I was praying for the repair. And God answered my prayer.

Feeling a bit anxious today, I went to the ER because I felt like I was going to pass out. The ER did a CT Scan on my lungs to check for blood clots and there where none so that is good. My first pre-op test is tomorrow and is called a TEE Test. My cardiologist, Dr. Anderson, is going down my throat to take some pics of my valves that will show them the condition of them better then the Echo.