Brenda's Journal

Tim Goff  That is not good news for you, your heart nor your children who need you. Please try again or get some professional help. You have been given a second chance with surgery. You can do it!

Dan D.  Hi Brenda, You certainly don't need anyone shaming you. You haven't failed, you've had slight detour on the road to quitting. I know people whose only relief from anxiety comes from smoking - it's obviously a relief habit built up over years so difficult to break. But there are many ways to quit. This may sound lame, but a friend quit through meditation/hypnosis. This may also help you get some tiny relief if you're feeling post-surgery pain. Just a thought. I'm hoping you, with the help of your kids, find yourself back on the road to recovery.

Duane Beeman  You didn't fail. On the contrary, you succeeded in finding out what DOESN'T work. Now put the cigarettes down and try ANOTHER method. If you succeed AGAIN in finding out what doesn't work, keep trying until you find out what DOES work. You listed four reasons why you needed to smoke again. You didn't list ONE reason why you shouldn't smoke. Think about it.

Terry Shermeister   Brenda you have not failed. This is an extremely trying time. You have wonderful kids, and a great support network here. Be gentle with yourself, you will get through this.

Nancy D  Brenda, a step back isn't a failure. It is gaining momentum for going forward. You now say "hopefully Dr can help me out" and they can. With proper antidepressant treatment, and coaching you will put the cigarettes down. My husband is currently on his umpteenth attempt to quit, with the help of Chantix(again) and the right mindset. He has smoked for 50 years and tried quitting for at least 10- we think this one will be the time. Just as heart surgery process isn't easy or a quick fix, neither is quitting smoking. You have the strength needed to do this in the right time, in the right way! For an arrow to shoot forward, it must first be drawn back! Prayers for you! ++++

Tammy Pilcher  Brenda, I agree with the others that you have not failed. You've already won half the battle in making the decision to quit. I want to share two scriptures with you that can help. The first one is 1 Corinthians 10:13. "But remember that the temptations that come into your life are no different from what others experience. God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can't stand up against it. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you will not give in to it.". And Philippians 4:13. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.". Don't give up, because you can do this. I'm praying for you.

Tracy Herman  I too was a smoker. When I quit 6mos before surgery I felt I had lost my best friend. What I did was start to "vapor" using a liquid with 0 nicotine. It gave me something to occupy my mind and hands. The liquid comes in many strength if you want to start with a little nicotine 6 mg Some shops even sell 3 mg. or you could start with 6 mg and keep cutting it 0 mg e liquid. It also comes in hundreds of flavors. After vamping 0 nicotine for about 2 mos I vaped less and less and quit vaping. I hope you find something that will work for you. I still miss smoking but I have learned to live without it.

Barry Van Gemert  You have been given a new lease on life. Think of so many others that have not been so fortunate. Don't piss away your blessing. Throw those weeds in the trash and don't look back. You can do it!

Tammy Pilcher  Brenda, I just wanted to add one more thing. You only fail if you stop trying, so don't give up! More prayers for you!

Clare Auten  I'm sorry you are still in pain. I had a difficult time sleeping on my left side for a long time. I also had trouble on my back. I would sleep on my right side or the recliner for a long time.

Anurag Sinha  i used to keep very thin pillow on each side (back) turn by turn . This had helped me while i was not allowed to turn over.

Meredith Bray  Everyone is different. I was VERY uncomfortable flat on my back for many months, and still don't like it a year later. Make sure you are supporting your head and neck when you are sleeping/resting. I found a great deal of relief also supporting my shoulders/upper arms with a bed pillow wedged underneath. I always slept much better napping in the recliner than I did in the bed at night. Also, impeccable posture while standing will help alleviate a multitude of back pains (stand up straight! very VERY straight!). I know it seems like the pain will last forever and you'll jut have to deal with it, but it'll get better, I promise!

Nancy D  My incision was on my right side along my breast, and I sleep normally on my right side. I slept for a few weeks in the recliner as I couldn't lay on my right side at all and turning over was tough. I kept pillows for under my knees, and for the hour I could lay on my left side I used pillows between my legs and behind me to lean against. Then I fell and hit my right ribs on the bedside table and was back in the recliner again! It does get better, hang in there....take Tylenol before bed, and keep trying. It is frustrating and you don't sleep very well, but then one night you will sleep through and you can see the light at the end of the tunnel! Naps during the day help ease the lack of sleep feeling which adds to your sense of being out of control. I used a large gel cold pack that I kept in the fridge for my neck, shoulders small of my back where ever it hurt I would use it and some heat to relax the back muscles as well during the day.

Robert Osmachenko  Most people I know have slept in a recliner either powered or manual for the 1st 2 to 4 weeks. I had a nice manual recliner and it was great.
I also couldn't tolerate tylenol based meds plus they didn't work very good so we switched to Indomethacin which did the trick for me and got me out of pain.
You really need to be pain free in order to heal better and I don't understand why this is happening.
Take care.

Tim Goff  try a wedge pillow as it does keep you in an incline position reducing pressure on the sternum. Ive been using one since I came home and believe will soon stop using it. My pain is less and less each day. Healing takes a couple of weeks

Jennifer Stover  Congrats on quitting smoking! I quit too I know it can be very hard it's been a year and half for me since I quit and I still want one sometimes .you just have to remind yourself why it's so Important you quit in the first place. And stick to it . I saw your other posts I can't believe you dr. Refuses to give you anything for the pain at least I did not have to worry about that .my Dr. was very understanding when it came to being in pain. Your right tramadol does not help with anything I have chronic pain and migraines as well and they tried that on me a few times they might as well give you sugar pills as far as they are concerned. Sometimes when I would hurt really bad and didn't have anything else I would take aleave and midol extra strength together it would help a little just be very careful what you take . Also I talked with my regular dr. about depression which I still have and he put me on Zoloft that really helps me a lot . I know you just had your surgery and your really gonna hurt for awhile but I promise it gets better. It was around 4-6 weeks before I really started feeling any better 😊

Robyn Tatu  You're free! Congratulations, Brenda! I stopped 7 years ago. I was very sad for a while - it's like losing a friend. A harmful, demanding, expensive friend - but nicotine is quite the crutch. Give yourself a break when judging your progress. You're experiencing two major events at once.

Brenda Auldridge Martinez  Thank yall so much my biggest problem right now is going from doing normal everyday thing's to having help to get it done then the crying all the time to swelling up everywhere get to see heart doc tomorrow definitely going to talk to him about it tomorrow thanks again for your support

Nancy D  Almost every day there is some sort of progress. I found celebrating each little improvement was better for me emotionally than waiting to be all the way better. Early on, it seemed like miles just to get from the kitchen to the recliner. On other days I felt stronger and more rested and took the walk to the bathroom furthest away and back. ;-) Celebrated walking to the garage or the deck to breath fresh air. Tramadol helps but in no way comes close to the pain meds in hospital. I would celebrate when I went longer than the minimum on that too, even if it was because I napped through the dose time. Naps and sleep are important to mood, if I couldn't nap I would put ear buds in and listen to my favorite music to make the time pass until medication time or I feel asleep.
Once you are able to walk outside(weather permitting) I found that to be so helpful to my mood and sense of accomplishment. Take pride in walking just a bit further than before on days your energy allows.
Stay hydrated, and eat frequent small snacks, especially some protein for healing and energy. There are some slow spots, or wee bumps in the road, but you will progress! If the depression continues, talk to your PCP or cardiologist, Nurse Practioner, and perhaps they can prescribe something for you to help you along the way. You have endured a period of stress getting to the surgery, and now are home trying to recover-it's kind of a big deal as they say-- don't hesitate to ask for help from family, friends, and your doctors to get you past the harder parts.
Spring is coming and with new growth, may you find peace in your healing process!!! Hang in there, the worst is behind you!! Take good care!

Ericka Carlson  Brenda, have you discussed this with your doctors? You might be one of the cases that needs a little extra the first few weeks, they would help you determine that.

LaDonna Mangile  Those are terrible feelings...at any time. If you are hurting call your doctor's nurse no one but you can know how you feel....and if you need stronger pain medication and treatment for your depression ask for it. I will be thinking about you and your situation.....praying you will get some help and relief!

Brenda Auldridge Martinez  Thank yall very much! I saw the doc today he wont give me any other pain meds says to use Tylenol. I guess I just have to deal with it! I'll make it starting back on my depression pills in the morning! Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers

Nancy D  Brenda, I too took Tylenol in between the doses of Tramadol I was allowed, it got me through the tougher days, and soon I was taking just Tylenol. I am glad you are getting back on your depression medication. That should help, but if it doesn't ask your doctor about post op depression and what he/she recommends! Take good care and be gentle with yourself, you are going through something that is a big deal on all levels!

Pat Bluemel  A person needs every bit of lung energy than can get upon waking, the doctors will be pretty up front that smoking isn't a good idea prior and especially after, it makes the waking up process from GA dangerous and also prolongs healing.

Wiliam Height  My roommate in ICU step down, smoked up until the surgery and quit after surgery or at least he said now would be a good time and would try. As stated, you will need full lung capacity coming off the heart/lung machine and I recommend you follow the spirometer orders and then some post-op.

Clare Auten  welcome to the website. My surgery was more than a year ago. I understand your anxiety. I have three kids (13, 7, and 4) at the time. Get a good support group to help with the kids. Good luck.

Patricia Garcia  Hi Brenda and welcome to the heart community. We have all been through it or going to go through it. I have been through this 3 times. First time I had only 1 child that was 12. My second surgery I had 2 more ages 4 and 2 and my last surgery which was on January 12, 2015 I had another child age 2 1/2. I came home to 12, 10 and 2 1/2 year old children. My husband was home for 4 weeks, but in between that time everyone was sick, including him. You will get through this and it is overwhelming, especially in the beginning when you have to face this. It will be here before you know it and you will be on the recovery side of this.

Wiliam Height  I am 5 weeks postoperative and have a 8 month old that I would love to pick up and hold--and help my wife. There are challenges but surgery was needed. Hopefully you've lined up all your help to recover. Being away permanently is a worse option. You will come through this great

LaDonna Mangile  I understand your fear and anxiety...as I'am 3 weeks out. Try to stay busy and visualize a positive outcome.... I know it is hard!

Janine Peterson  I'm right there with you. My surgery is April 6th. I have two teenage daughters and am a single parent. I have a sibling coming to town to stay with them during my hospital course. I want and try to be strong for them because I know they are scared. I pretend like it is no big deal, but I really want to scream cuz I am sooo anxious!! I'm up for chatting anytime!!

Nancy D  Praying for your complete healing, and peace and calming. Arrange help for you and the children initially if possible. Take good care- soon this will all be a memory for all of us here! In the meantime we are here to help, listen or answer questions. Take good care!

Brenda Auldridge Martinez  Thank you to all I feel alot better knowing that there is alot of support from alot of people. I go in the morning for blood work and so forth then the following morning I have my surgery and as soon as possible I will post how I'm doing again thank you all😃!

Penny Prichard  I have 2 special needs grandsons that their sister is going to care for. I know the feeling. I'm not worried about surgery just how they are going to react. My biggest fear is their sister will duct tape them to their room lol

Patricia Garcia  Penny my son who is 10 has Down syndrome and I have been through this in 2007 when he was 2 and now at 10. He visited me in the hospital and I talked to him about it. I feel sometimes disabled children understand more than they can verbally express.