Richard's Journal

On July 31st I had AVR. From day one it’s been a day to day battle with pain and discomfort. It fluctuates between tolerable to insanely painful. A couple of things. On Monday I had my first Echo sine the operation. I wasn’t looking forward to it because I knew they want you to lay mostly on your left side. I used yoga techniques for breathing and eventually got thru it. I think I put some stress on my back though because that same night I had stabbing back pains...right side of back. I went to sleep in pain and woke up feeling the same way. Yesterday, Tuesday, I had an appt. with my surgeon. He said my pain was part of the normal healing process and that I should see a lot of improvement in the next 4 week period. He approved me to drive again and all in all said I was doing fine. He doesn’t even need to see me again. This surprised me a bit. From now on I’ll be dealing with my cardiologist but surgeon is available, if I need him. Tuesday night the back pain was back but not quite as intense. Today, Wednesday, I woke up and could feel the pain had further lessened. That’s a good thing...right? Tomorrow they will fit me for a heart monitor. I’m driving myself to this appt. one final note. I’ve begun receiving statements from Medicare and my supplement. Itemized billing but so far they are not asking me for any payment. You Warriors take care. Few people will truly understand the experience we are going thru. It can be a lonely process and the days drag on so slowly. I seem to be getting thru it. I hope you are too. Hugs. Richard Goldstein

Almost 3 weeks since my AVR. Yesterday, went for a chest X-ray with daughter. She drove. Since we were already out we decided to go to grocery store to replenish supplies. All I did was walk around. She did all pushing, lifting, etc., but it completely wore me out. We were there for about 30 minutes.. we came back home but I was a complete vegetable for the rest of the day. Thought I could handle a little excursion but I was wrong. I got a decent nights sleep on my recliner and woke up feeling pretty good. I never know how I’ll feel from day to day. My body has a mind of its own. I am just along for the ride. I’ll take feeling good any old time. I’d like to string a couple of good days together. That would be awesome. For now I’m enjoying feeling comfortable. Here’s hoping we all feel better soon and to those Warriors who have already been through this...Congratulations!

Hi guys, I haven’t posted lately. Been dealing with the healing process. I sleep every night in my recliner. Laying on my bed still kind of scares me. I take an Ambien for sleep and Norco for pain, when I have it, which is still often. Never know how Im gonna feel when I wake up. Sometimes I’m fine. Other times, like yesterday. I feel this stabbing pain when I breath on left side. When this happens I try to rest as much as possible. Today, my chest felt tight with back pain. I decided to take a Norco so I could have a somewhat normal day....I enjoy my walks. I’ve read a lot about cardiac depression and I’m beginning to understand it. I don’t get actually depressed or sad...more impatient and pissed off than anything else. This occurs later on in the day after spending the whole day dealing with pain, discomfort and the nagging question...what did I do to myself! The last 18 days has gone by rather quickly. I know this is a process and I must let my body heal at its own pace. It’s just that I’m tired of feeling so lousy. I am in pretty good shape though, compared to some others. Bought a shower chair...never needed it. I’m walking by myself...haven’t broke one mile yet, but getting close. I have an appetite and can taste my food. All in all, things are good. It’s just the pain and discomfort that I’m dealing with. Thanks for letting me get this out of my system! I’m 68 yrs old, a widower and live in California. Would love to talk and share experiences. Have a Happy Sunday guys!

OK, 6 days until surgery. Slept for 5 hours and decided to get up. I have another doctors appt. this morning, for a separate issue with my urologist. Wish I didn’t have to go. It seems insignificant when compared to my pending valve replacement. But, I’m a good patient and follow all doctors orders. Went out for dinner last night with daughter Katie. At first I didn’t want to go out but I changed my mind especially after seeing how disappointed she was. I’m glad I did. I figure it’s going to be a minute before I go out to a restaurant again so I decided to enjoy it. I did! I’ve been following a mostly Ketogenic diet for the past year and Ive lost about 75 pounds during that time. I think I started this way of eating to prepare for any possible future heart issues. I can’t ever remember being as thin as I am now, but I think that weight wise that I’m in really good shape for the surgery. Anyway, since having only about 2 weeks notice of my surgery date, I’ve decided to enjoy some of the foods that I’ve restricted myself from eating during the last year. I didn’t go crazy but I started having sandwiches with real bread and even an occasional dessert. Please don’t tell the Keto police! I felt like I was doing something really bad but it tasted so good. I figure why not enjoy myself a little bit before the upcoming major, life altering event. Right? With only 6 days to go, I’m still trying to remain very positive. I truly appreciate all the support I’ve received from family, friends and other heart warriors...I like that! Keep on ticking, as Adam Pick says and I’ll report back tomorrow.

Last night was the first night I did not use any kind of sleep aid. And guess what? I actually slept though it took awhile to fall asleep. Dreams of Christmas! Not a coincidence though. I watched this 1934 Shirley Temple movie, yesterday, that took place at Christmas time. Depression era audiences needed uplifting and I guess so did I. Anyway, it was a positive theme and I was allowed to sleep without thinking about pending surgery. Today, I feel refreshed and acutely aware of all that surrounds me. Maybe it’s the thoughts that I may not see these things again. I don’t know...what I do know is that I feel good today and this is how I want to feel as I recover from surgery. Each day is a new experience. What happens tomorrow will happen tomorrow. What happens during the surgery and afterwards wii unfold as it is meant to. I don’t have to do anything but experience each moment as it is presented to me. This is an interesting journey we are on. Each step is meaningful. Didn’t think Id have too many more life altering events in my life, but here you go. I hope anyone reading this will understand the importance of positive thinking. Stay positive. Stay strong. Put your faith in the professionals and try not to worry. That’s my plan! See you tomorrow.

July 31st is rapidly approaching. Last night I had another rough night sleeping. Weird dreams. It was like I’d already had the surgery and I was aware of every movement that hurt my chest. I’m feeling very spaced out right now...maybe it was the zzzquill I took for sleep. Katiecame by yesterday...my daughter, and I could see and tell how worried she is. She doesn’t know what to expect. She’s already lost her mother and I know she’s afraid of losing me as well. We talked thru it though. I asked her if she should be more anxious than me and she admitted that she shouldn’t. It always toughest on the caregiver. I’ve been there and I know that. The patient gets the sympathy and the person tending to them gets the worry. It can be very lonely. I just want this to be behind me so that I can begin the healing process. I know there is going to be a lot of pain and discomfort and Im almost curious as to how extreme it may be. I won’t be alone but Katie has her work which she will need to return to probably after the first week, or so. She will still be staying up here with me so she’ll be able to keep an eye on me. Just not 24/7. That’s cool though. I’m hoping my recovery goes smoothly without complications. My attitude is positive. My weight is good. My yoga practice will come in handy. I’ve been gearing up for this for 3 years now. I’ve got this. I just have to keep saying that! I’ll be posting my thoughts daily now...hopefully. Thanks for listening.

It’s 5 am 07/13/19. Was afraid I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep so I took 2 pms. Took my bop and it was a bit low. Hands and fingers cold. Took Sophie outside too do he thang and got winded. Katie’s back at her place. She worries so much. I want her to get her life back on track. I feel alone. When Robin was so sick I was. With her every step of the way. Maybe she’s looking down at me and smiling...now you know how it feels. I love Katie. I love Sophie and my sibs. I love my home, my small footprint in this world but am ready to let it all go if that is what is meant to be. I love all my friends Ive made since moving to the Central Coast. One of my better moves!