Lisa's Journal

Adam Pick  Hi Lisa, Great questions... Here are 20 comment that might help you. Scroll down to see them - https://www.heart-valve-surgery.com/heart-surgery-blog/2007/02/28/best-position-for-sleeping-after-open-heart-surgery/.

Rita Savelis  When it's comfortable, than you can sleep on your side. But it may not be comfortable for awhile. I learned how to comfortably sleep on my back from having OHS (even though it wasn't easy at the time) because I was forced to by the circumstances. Now, two years later, I sleep easily on my back. But it took 6 weeks of it!

Sherry Stevens  Obviously I don't know your mom but try to get her to see that she is already over the really hard part, and NO ONE believes it is NOT a "big surgery", but she is through it. Healing takes time, but it will go faster than she thinks. You might check with the doctor or hospital and see if there is a support group where she can talk to others that have been through this. Sometimes I think patients can believe that no one understands ( especially for some reason those closest to us), but talking to people who have "been there" may make a difference. I wish her and you well.

wen li  Lisa, my mom is like your mom. They always think about other people though they are the ones who need the most care now. My mom worries that she is adding lots of burden on me. Tell your mom not to worry about other people. She should focus on herself ! Her speedy recovery will be the best gift for you and your family. My mom is waiting for Cathe procedure now. Surgery 7 am tomorrow.

Lisa Giaccone  Wen li I was you one week ago. I can relate to what you are going through as a daughter. My mom feels the same as yours about being a burden. I told her she not at all! I think the days and nights before the surgery were hardest for me. Now trying to keep her positive and moving forward. It's a lot for us mentally as well. I love her and am so proud of her! As u will be too. Such strength it takes for them to face this! Well wishes for your mom tomorrow. U will get through it together!

Jane Welp  I know I need a support group & found a meeting for next week even though I haven't had surgery yet. I also went to a counselor 2 weeks ago but was disappointed that she didn't understand cardiac depression. Adam Pick's book has a very good section on it. I want to send positive thoughts to you and your family about what you are facing.

Catie B  I hope she can start to understand that the sternal precautions are non-negotiable, that she just cannot go do everything for your dad after rehab. I'm sorry she's having such a hard time letting this be *her* time and letting herself be taken care of for awhile. It won't be forever, but most surgeons want eight weeks of no driving, or lifting/pulling anything of substance. Maybe encourage her that rehab, rest and later cardiac rehab will help keep her safe and help her get stronger and more self-sufficient so she can return to the lifestyle she loves.
Has she said what aspect is bothering her most, or is it the whole situation? I found the confinement aspect really hard.

Rita Savelis 
It is a big surgery, and your mother has lost her ability to do what she does normally.
That is traumatic and produces much guilt.
It can take months/years to physically and emotionally get over the trauma of OHS, as well as the feeling of having let family down when one doesn't recover in the way/timeframe that they would have liked.
I wish it were easier and I'm so sorry you have to go through this.
Your mother may need to "dwell" on her surgery for a long time and find a space where there are no family or friends but rather others (counselors, listeners) who can validate what she is feeling in a different non-judgemental way. She may also have to do some things the medical profession doesn't recommend and find out for herself what she is capable of and not capable of.
Take care.

Catie B  Yes. I did, Lisa. It is very common. What happens next will depend on whether the afib goes away quickly or whether it persists.

Lisa Giaccone  Thank u for your response I've been a little anxious about it. They put her on a drip med and was back in sinus rhythm. She is still on the drip and will go on a pill by mouth of same med.

Catie B  Good to hear she converted back to sinus and of course that they're treating it. Hoping things continue to go smoothly. And hope you're hanging in there ok. I imagine you're very worn.

Lisa Giaccone  Thank u catie! Of course stressed! But Columbia is wonderful and we are taking it day by day. She is medicated and thank God it's been ok. Not sure what anti coagulant therapy she will be on yet. Hopefully D.C. Tuesday with a plan

Catie B  I know it's all been really stressful for you both. I'm glad you're having a great experience with Columbia and that things are under control for your mom. Hope you're getting some rest, Lisa.

  Hopeful your mom's rhythm has gotten back to normal. Praying for a smooth recovery for her. God Bless You Both Lisa! Take Care

wen li  Great news about your mom! How long was the surgery? Would you recommend to stay in hospital during surgery? I live very close to hospital. I am debating if I should wait in hospital or at apt.

Catie B  For me, one chest tube was the most painful thing in the whole ordeal. She'll be glad to have hers out. Hope the Ultram works out better.

Cathy Zuber  Lisa, wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself a big hug..It is hard, no matter what health issue Mom is having. I , too would stay at Moms house when she was in the hospital and nursing home. Lots of us have slept in couches and chairs overnite at hospitals for one or both of our parents. Mom is...Mom. It is ok to "loose it". God blesses your tears of love...prayers ..Cathy

Catie B  Lisa, I'm praying for you. May the Lord give you comfort tonight and guide the surgeon's hands with your Mom tomorrow.

Kathy Blank  Lisa- I hope the many thoughts and prayers are giving you comfort this evening. Please stay strong for your mom! She will need you to be there for her during her recovery! Please keep us posted on her surgery!

Civita Fahey  Best of luck to your mom Lisa.. she is in good hands and may he Lord watch over her and her surgical team.. Think of this as a sign that the Lord wants her better. You would not have known about the blocked arteries and now they can be fixed and she can move forward.. keep us posted.

wen li  Lisa, You are a wonderful daughter! I am the same. My mom, going to be 75, is having OHS 3/2 (Cath the day before) and she doesn't speak English. You need to be strong at this time, that's what I will try to do in one week. Your mom can sense your anxiety, show her your smiles! Trust the doctors. Tell her everyone will be with her to congratulate her after surgery.

Jane Welp  Praying you feel a peaceful rest time and wake up refreshed & restored as you support your beloved mother.

Tracy Simmons  I remember those days leading up to surgery and the sleepless nights, yet when the morning of my surgery came I was quite calm. Honestly, for me, the waiting game was one of the most difficult. Thanks for sharing that February 22 is the 1st ever heart valve disease awareness day - I didn't know that. Best of luck to you, your family, and your mother. God bless -

Kim Jones  My children are quite young, but my close friends and fAmily comforted each other while I was in surgery. I had 9 people waiting. I was asymptomatic but in reality you don't want to be sick. I am 40. Who would have thought? It is scary but necessary. Enjoy time now, play cards or put puzzles together. Shift focus for a bit. It drove me crazy when people would say everything will be ok, but they meant well. It's been 2 weeks and I am feeling pretty darn great.Good luck to you both.

Kim Jones  You care welcome. I know how hard this is. You just want it over, and it will be soon. Enjoy your time.

  Everyone around me is kind of just quiet and not sure what to do or say. It's kind of like it isn't really happening....The whole natural denial coping mechanism we all seem to do so well haha. Kind of just weird really. But totally understandable and acceptable.

  It is pretty scary and I suppose each person deals with it their own way. I just tell myself it will be so much better for me when I can finally walk to the bathroom and brush my teeth without feeling out of breath and like a wet dishrag. It is kind of nerve wracking and the waiting is the absolute worst part of it all. Tell her to think of how much better her life will be after she gets her heart fixed. And she WILL feel so much better. Hang Tough and I think it's GREAT that you are in her corner advocating for her and helping her to deal with this traumatic experience. I think we overthink things....at least I KNOW I overthink things. Keep Reaching Out and the experienced folks on here will gladly lend you their advice. I am just beginning my journey but know I must do this and stay strong. She can and will do this. Keep her mind busy if possible and try not to dwell on the negative aspects. Regards; Keith

Rita Savelis  Maybe she just needs to be listened to during this difficult time. Pre-surgery is hard and feelings have to be acknowledged.
As her daughter, you face another journey, different from hers.
It is very very common to feel depressed and anxious before surgery and after surgery. I talked to a therapist.
It wasn't helpful for me personally when people said it all would be alright. I needed people to acknowledge that this very moment, as I awaited surgery, was hard.
Your mother is lucky to have you around.
Take care.

Barbara Wood  Keep reading her the blogs, Lisa, both good & bad. It seems so unreal at first, we see ourselves as invincible. Acceptance sets in slowly( at least for me it did- reading other people's experiences helped me tremendously). I felt just like her for months.

Darlene Smith  Agree with all the advice here! Read it all to her. You have to understand both the good and bad, and once you get over the shock, you can begin the acceptance phase. You know your mom best, and can decide what is best for her to hear, but I felt understanding all the possible scenarios to prepare myself was best. I really only "freaked out" once. About 12 hours before surgery I thought to myself, this really can't be happening and I allowed myself to have a good cry. Then I was on the train to the city, and everything went wonderful! There are so many great and caring folks on this site. Its been a blessing to me!

Lilly Black  Please tell your mom she will feel so much better afterwards....most of us do. Feel free to check out my journal and ask any questions. Wishing you and your mom the best outcome!

Lisa Giaccone  thank yo all so much. this reality has been hard on all of us in my family. trying to be a cheerleader for her. So happy to have found you all!

Catie B  Lisa, I'm so sorry for how scary this is for you both. My heart goes out to you.
These surgeries have become safer and safer. The surgeons do these procedures all the time and afterward she'll be tended by professionals who are well-trained, attentive, and who know what to do, if there are any complications. When she very first arrives in ICU, she'll still be under anesthesia, and once she's alert enough, the breathing tube will be removed. They will do their best to keep your mom's pain down. The worst pain I had came from one of the chest tubes, and I think they took it out the day after surgery. They will get her to sit up as soon as possible and have her walking the halls once she's out of ICU. You both are going to get through this.

Rita Savelis  Pain is really different from patien to patient. I can honestly say that I had no pain (the anasthesiologist had told me that could happen). I had LOTS of discomfort and myriad post surgery things that came up, but pain was not one of them.
It's hard to be prepared, but it helps to know that recovery can be long, meaning that one can be exhausted for a long time. This is normal. Sometimes recovery happens slower than one expects. But being prepared for that helps.
Having a close family is the maybe the best preparation for OHS. I wish you and your mom the best.

Bob Jensen  Lisa - the anxiety and being scared is part of this going into this and you are not alone - welcome to our family! You are in good hands going in, and great hands through the procedure and even better hands in recovery. These procedures are "a day at work" for the marvelous professionals that do these surgeries. Your mom is going to do great through this - really! And so are you. One of the things I remember so vividly was all the anxiousness and fear that I had going into the surgery, when I woke up in the ICU, I was arguing with the nurses telling them that I wanted to know when I was going into surgery! They had to get a mirror, show me my chest and all the tubes to convince me that I was already done and in recovery - stupid, but looking back it was funny. I remember suddenly realizing that it was over, and the doctor told me everything went splendid. Instantly all the anxiousness, and fear went away and my soul was calm. The same will happen for you after surgery. And trust me - everything will go well. And the more you know about recovery on this side of it - it will be better during recovery. I am 3 weeks post op and I must say it was easier than I imagined. You have all that family - it will be a great time for all of you together. Remember - "We might not have it all together, but together - we have it ALL!". It will be all good.

Stephen Phayre  Of course, it is different for everyone but my surgeon bet me that it would be a lot less painful that I thought it would be. Immediately after surgery, he said "what did I tell you, not as painful huh?". He was totally right. Just like Rita said, I had no pain. The breathing tube came out quickly, the drainage tubes were uncomfortable until they were removed, sitting in bed for a few days wasn't the most pleasant, but no real pain.

Phyllis Petersen  I don't know how old your mom is, but if she's been the rock in your family, she's probably pretty strong. I had some pain, which was well controlled, tired easily at first, but planned a nap in the day. Each person will be different, as you've read above, but having a positive, forward-looking attitude can help a lot. I found having "landmarks" made me feel like I was progressing: driving again, hiking, baking cookies, etc. The anxiety will grow up until surgery and then after the focus will shift to recovery. Finding something fun to do together before and maybe having a nice family dinner (my cousin did one for me) can really make a difference.

Lisa Giaccone  Oh my goodness you are all so wonderful! Reading these posts has helped me so much! I feel like I am fielding so many phone calls to help my mom, dad, brother, and aunt be strong but I have no one to turn to. Because I am a medical professional they are all looking to me for re-assurance; meanwhile I am falling apart; but I can't let them know. I have so many fears too. This really helps me. Did anyone go to cardiac rehab? Also, did you have a fear of being far from the hospital after discharge? I live in long island and my mom lives in the city only 20 min away from the hospital. I want her to come to me after if she does not go to rehab but right now she is saying that she is afraid to be away from the hospital.

Ellen Leng  First off, these people are family...you can break down and you can ask for help and be vulnerable. You may be medical, but you are human first!! You can ask for help too :)
The cardiac rehab is at least 4-6 weeks after surgery. Typically if people have help at home they go home from the hospital several days to a week after surgery and get stronger by walking, eating, and getting better sleep...all of which takes some time.
If your mom feels safer closer to the hospital, can you or another family member stay with her? It's probably better that she's in her own home if possible. If not, some people do go to skilled nursing rehab for a couple of weeks until they can manage at home on their own.

Phyllis Petersen  I was half way across the country from my hospital, although I stayed with a cousin an hour and a half away from the hospital for about 9 days after getting out of the hospital. I was very tired, but not incapable of doing things and walking. Unless there's a complication, most people on here seem to have been able to do many day to day things. She won't start rehab for a few weeks after surgery, so a week or two with you could probably help her get better, although some people want to be in their own bed. She'd be close enough to the hospital for everything except a true emergency, so long as you don't have to drive her in during rush hour. Is there a quality cardiac emergency room near you?
I'm in cardiac rehab now and it is definitely worth it. She'll want to be in a center that can do proper monitoring, so that she'll feel comfortable pushing her limits.