Vee's Journal

It is with a heavy heart that I write this post. Following a fierce battle with heart disease, a heart attack, multiple stents, valve replacements and repairs, open heart surgery and congestive heart failure, my mom passed away in my arms at 3:20am on November 7, 2014. She was a trooper. Her will to live was as strong as they come. Her survival instincts were incredible even in the face of death itself......multiple times over. Mama would be at the brink of death's door and overcome it every single time. But not this time. The congestive heart failure was just too much for her body to withstand. Perhaps she was waiting for me to come and be with her so she could pass on knowing we would all be fine. Two weeks before she passed, we had engaged the services of Seasons Hospice in the greater Atlanta area. Mama, as well as our family, found all the hospice personnel to be warm, friendly, compassionate and respectful of not only Mama, but all of us. Although we expected Mama to live much longer than she did, her final days came upon us all of the sudden. The night of her passing, one particular hospice nurse, Justin, was right by my side for her final moments on this planet. He had prepared me for what would happen during the final hours. And when she breathed her last breath of earthly air, Justin was there to not only comfort me for the loss but also assist with the tasks at hand that happen with the passing of a soul. Then I found myself alone. Family members were en route but it would take them hours to return home. I could smell Mama's powder hanging heavy in the air, it was as though Mama was still there. All of her possessions were as she had left them. But she would not return to them or us. Was the heart surgery worth it? Of course it was. Without it, she would have passed on much sooner than she did. Although she would argue her quality of life suffered as a result of the surgery. But Mama had a cascading of issues. When one disease state would flare up, multiple flares ensued. She was 80 years old when she had her open heart surgery and celebrated her 81st birthday in CICU having just awakened from a medically induced coma. To say she was a fighter is a tremendous understatement. I only wish all of you in this forum could have known her. Mama was many things. A mom, a great daughter, a wife to Daddy for 57 years, a pianist, a FABULOUS cook, a surgical nurse for 53 years, a fighter, a comic, a dyed in the wool University of Alabama fan (ROLL TIDE!), a lover of life. She taught me and my two sisters we could be anything we wanted to be and to not sweat the small stuff. Life just won't be the same without her.

Today was a very special day for Mama. Early this morning, the final chest tube was removed. It leaked a lot but Jean, PA was confident all is well. Heavily bandaged, she received more Lasix to decrease the fluid her body is still retaining. Following breakfast, she took a stroll around the unit. Rest, eat. Repeat. Then the news we were waiting for...she was being discharged from the hospital! Mama is going straight to rehab but not in an ambulance. She is doing so well, her insurance wouldn\'t pay for the ambulance transport so Pam and Paul drove Mama to the rehab facility. So before she left the building, nurses, PAs and staff who had accompanied Mama on her journey were thanked. I was not there so I am not sure if there were any tears. My guess is that there were a few. The future is scary. Just like when Mama left ICU for the floor, I was proud and scared. I didn\'t know how she would do on the unit. She did great and I am so proud. Going to the rehab facility is also scary on a lot of different levels. Even less coddling and more independence. After the horrible care Daddy received in rehab (a different facility), we are extremely anxious about Mama going to a facility of this nature. So, armed with Clorox wipes and watchful eyes, Mama has been moved into a facility near her home. Easier for the family to visit during the day. Easier to keep an eye on her progress and her care. When her feet hit the door of the facility, she told everyone she encountered she would be out of there in one week. Just seven short days. Mark my words, she won\'t stay one moment longer. Two weeks ago this odyssey began. For a moment today, I thought she would walk out of the hospital at the exact moment the surgery started on January 8. On that day, none of us could have imagined what lay ahead for Mama or us for the next 14 days. What has been shown to us has humbled us all. Although we knew Mama was an extremely strong woman, we have witnessed how resilient and determined she is. She faced this surgery knowing the risks involved but not even she knew this would play out the way it did. My family prayed for Dr. Guyton, the surgical team, Dr. Buchman and the ICU team to save her life and stop the bleeding. She had more work on this Earth to accomplish. Pound cakes to cook, margaritas to drink, great grandchildren to entertain, and lots of laughter yet to share. Our prayers were heard and answered. Clearly the hand of God was on her the entire time. Our deep gratitude and heartfelt thanks go out to all the doctors and staff who attended to Mama during the initial surgery, the lifesaving emergency surgery, critical hours in ICU and on the floor. Each and every person treated Mama as well as all of us with respect and dignity and had Mama\'s care and comfort as their primary goal. One chapter closes; another opens. Mama can clearly say this is the first day of the rest of her life. And we couldn\'t be happier!

Mama is making terrific progress every day. Today, January 21, under Anita\'s watchful eyes, Mama ate, walked and rested. Then she ate, walked and rested some more. After such a while in the hospital, Mama has tried everything on the menu and is not a fan. We have figured out that if Mama wants peanut butter toast, we order toast and a side of peanut butter and make peanut butter toast. To that end, Anita made egg salad sandwiches and other homespun items that whetted Mama\'s appetite. The more she eats, the better she feels and the more energy she has to walk. Bingo. Mama walked and walked. She did an entire lap around the circle (halls and the nurse\'s station). Anita said she is so determined. The look on Mama\'s face drove Anita to tears as she followed Mama around the circle. Mama wants to get better and get home. Period. That is the goal. Get home. Sooner rather than later. Walks, naps, meals. Repeat. All day. Get well. That\'s my girl!

Miss a few hours in Mama\'s day and you miss a lot. By the time I called this morning about 10:30 am, she had already had the left chokar chest tube removed, gone downstairs for a chest x-ray and ate french toast for breakfast. Oh yeah, she had also gone for a walk. Whew! That\'s a lot! Number three daughter, Anita flew up today from Florida and is now keeping watch over Mama and her daily care. Today, while still bringing advances in her rehabilitation, also presented the mental wear hospital life can bring. We all know hospital food really is not very appealing. As such, Mama is turning to safe food like yogurt instead of the menu items readily available with just a call. She\'s had enough of hospital food. And I can\'t blame her. So this afternoon Anita ordered her a banana, bread and some peanut butter. The result? A banana and peanut butter sandwich. Yummy in my book. Yummy in Mama\'s book, too. More walks today. Remember the only things she is supposed to be doing are walking and eating. So she is walking. Now we are concentrating on getting her to eat. All aspects of her body are in motion and performing flawlessly. Cognitive? Check. Exercise and motion? Check. Bodily functions? Check. Attitude and spunk? Oh hell yes....Double Check! Hopefully, the remaining chest tube drain will slow to the point where it is safe to remove it in the next day or two. Once that occurs, this chapter of her recovery will close and the rehabilitation portion will open in a facility nearer to her home putting her on the path to come home to life as a heart valve surgery survivor.

The rhythm of the hospital on weekends changes slightly. The weekend staff is on duty and the nurses and ancillary staff we have come to know during the week are off for a couple of days. There is a certain comfort that comes with with the continuity of care knowing the nurses from Wednesday will be the same nurses attending to Mama on Thursday. This is not to say the care is not good on the weekends; it is just different. Perhaps a little less attentive and in order to get things done, such as bathroom breaks, Pam has filled that gap. Mama did walk late in the day and was planning on walking once more before bedtime. Walking longer distances and a bit more confident, she sounds like she is very proud of this accomplishment. And she should be. She was thrilled when two good friends, Dr. Warren and his wife Karen visited today. They didn’t stay long since they knew she needed her rest. Visits lift her spirits and it is good to see her smile and tell visitors of her progress. The chest tubes are still in place doing their job draining fluid from her chest cavity. Walking helps move the fluid from her chest and the tubes won’t be removed until the draining slows quite a bit more. Other than visitors today and her walks, this has been a quiet day. Reading, doing word search puzzles and the occasional cat nap made up her day. Quiet days are good. It is a sign that life is returning to normal ever so gingerly. And we are very happy with that.

After a very restful night and much more drainage from the two remaining chokars (thanks for teaching me the name of those Cassie, RN), morning came and so did the news that the chest tubes will not be removed this day. Mama had a great appetite this morning and at lunchtime. All of that exercise walking is hard work! I believe cheesecake was the treat of the day. In anticipation of a discharge from the hospital, paperwork has been set in place for Mama to go to a rehabilitation facility directly from the hospital. But the drainage from those chest tubes has to slow considerably before they will be pulled and a discharge will even be considered. During the course of the day Mama completed two walks down the hall each longer and stronger than the last. Her progress has been nothing short of amazing. At some point, the progress will level off and be just be noteworthy. But knowing Mama, she will continue to be amazingly different and be running marathons in no time.

Thursday and Friday are blurs. In the hospital, for the patients and their families all the days start running together. The last full day at the hospital before my return to Indiana was Thursday. Pam took over on Thursday night and has been with Mama ever since. On Thursday, Mama woke up sore and a little down but that didn\'t stop her for long. No chest tubes came out on that day but lots of PT, OT and visitors ensured Mama would be working. In OT, Britnay brought in a shower cap that had shampoo and conditioner in it. Warm it in the microwave, put it on your head and massage the shampoo into your hair and scalp. Mama really loved this since she has been concerned about the way she looks. This is an ingenious product because it does two things very well. First, it allows the patient to have clean hair without the usage of water so wounds and incisions don’t get wet. Secondly, it provides much needed exercises of the arms and hands during the washing process. Whoever thought of that product gets a big A+ in my book. Total genius! During PT in the morning, after a few warm up exercises Kevin got Mama up, placed a belt delicately around her mid section and walked her down the hall. Mama said, \"This is the first time I have been out of a room under my own power.\" She\'s right. And here is the great thing about that. On January 8, she was gravely critical, bled all of the blood in her body out three times and on January 17, she is walking down the hall. She\'s not walking at the speed of day after Thanksgiving shopping, but she is putting one foot gingerly in front of the other and walking towards her ticket out of the hospital. Later that same day after supper, there was another walk. Paul, our day RN, stayed on duty longer than he was scheduled so he could assist Mama with walking down the hall once more. Twice as far as the first walk. Her steps were little more confident and she walked a little faster than before. Before bed that night, one more walk. Faster, longer and there was a smile on her face. She knew she was making strides in the right direction. During the day Mama had a couple of visitors and spent the entire day in her queen chair. No bedtime for this lady! She is on a mission to get out of the hospital in record time. Her appetite is improving probably because she is now getting exercise and her body is needing the food to fuel it for these walks and PT that she is doing. Eating more, tasting better....all good signs of wonderful progress. My plane, scheduled to leave at 10:15 pm was calling so it was time for me to leave Mama. I know I left her in the very capable hands of the Unit 11 cardiac floor and in Pam’s loving hands. But I have to tell you, it was tough to leave. After almost losing her and then being with her every moment of every day from Saturday to Thursday, to pick up and leave was almost more than I could bear. My entire focus had been Mama......the quality and length of her sleep, every breath she took, her meals, her comfort--day and night, every sip of water, every bite of food. Encouraging her during PT and OT. Bargaining with her to eat one or two more bites of food so she could enjoy her lemon ice. Her every movement is and has been under our watchful eyes. Before I arrived, Pam and Paul stood vigil over her in ICU during those very first critical hours that turned into days. After my arrival, she never moved without me overseeing procedures, supervising the nurses or assisting with a change in position. To be that focused and then to leave is one of the more difficult things I have done in recent memory. Pam has returned to continue our family’s presence and participation in Mama’s care. Anita arrives on Sunday to do the same for as long as it takes to get Mama well. Definitely a coordinated effort for all three of our families to focus on one little 4’ 11” woman who has stolen our hearts.

If you are following Mama\'s progress on our Facebook group, then you know Mama snored like a freight train last night. Translation.....a GREAT night\'s sleep. At least for her. As usual, she is an overachiever. Today\'s activities included visits from Keith-the surgical PA, Dr. Guyton-her surgeon, PT, OT, the social worker, another PA, and lots of beautiful flowers and gifts from around the world! Yes, it is true. She is loved worldwide! And as you have come to know, miss a day around here; miss a lot. Her catheter was removed (ahhh the simple joy of going on your own), she marched in place and actually walked to her chair (several small steps but steps none-the-less), walked to and used the portable toilet and one of the biggest item of the day......had 4 smaller chest tubes removed. So the current count for removal of tubes today is five for those of you who are keeping track of items being removed from her body following surgery. The tubes that came out today were the Blakes. These tubes had collection bulbs on the end of each of them and were right in the middle just underneath her breasts. Lengths of these tubes varied from 12\" to almost 13\" depending on where they were in her chest. I got to watch. Fascinating! Christie took great care in preparing the sites and then removing the tubes on the count of three. All Mama had to do was to hold her breath and push down like she was straining to do something... When Christie said three, Mama strained, Christie pulled and all four Blakes came out at once. Although I knew these were tubes in her chest, it looked like blood covered snakes coming out. But then very little blood went anywhere. Just a couple of blobs right at the holes from the tubes but that was it. Fascinating! I say that a lot lately. Not wanting to sound like a broken record here but Mama has just surpassed all expectations for recovery. Hard to believe that just 8 days ago we didn\'t know if she would live to see her 81st birthday. The biggest step forward today came from Keith Causey, one of Dr. Guyton\'s PAs. When he came in for rounds this morning, he removed a lot of crusty bandages on Mama that he apparently thought were unsightly and unnecessary. She enjoys not having all that stuff on her. We have learned to appreciate the small steps forward. Bandage removal is pretty high on our list. Not as high as being taken off a ventilator or surviving emergency surgery, but still a highlight of the day. Less stuff on Mama is a good thing. Okay, none of that is really big. But then he asked who was going to take care of her when she got out of the hospital. I told him she lived in an apartment at Pam and Paul\'s house. But Dr. Guyton had suggested rehab following the hospital stay to build muscle and allow Mama to get her strength back in a safe environment. A few more questions from Keith and he said once her two large chest tubes were removed, she would be discharged from the hospital......most likely by Sunday. Yes today, we are talking about being discharged from the hospital. Incredible! I was so shocked I asked him, \"Are you pulling my leg?\" He assured me he was not. He continued that Mama\'s job is walking and eating. He wants her to get strong enough to walk out in the hall so everyone can see what good work they do. I will second that. This surgical team does very good work indeed. The rest of the day became a blur. PT, OT, waiting for the social worker so we could begin the search for an appropriate rehab facility. All the work I thought I was going to get done while being down here with Mama has vaporized. I have only paid attention to her and her needs. Keith said it was her job to walk and eat. And that she could eat anything she wanted. So since she had been asking for bacon for breakfast all week and the dietary people wouldn\'t give it to her, I went downstairs to the cafeteria and bought her a couple of slices and ate bacon with her. It tasted really good. Chair time, lunch time, nap time, supper time, meds time, night time. The rhythm of the hospital. We will all be so grateful when Mama\'s day is the straightforward rhythm of life at home. Love life. Sleep late, take the dog out, late breakfast, nap time, late lunch time, take the dog out, word find puzzle time, supper time, take the dog out, night time. Love life time.

Since Mama was no longer in critical mode, even though she was still sleeping in ICU, she was given the floor treatment....in a good way. Monitoring was not every hour, but every two hours. New, more critical patients took precedence in the ICU. The angels in scrubs fluttered their wings and hovered over men and women who really needed their attention. Fortunately for us, Mama was not one of them. Overnight she began participating in turning herself over when the nurses came in to roll her. When morning broke and it was time to eat breakfast, she totally fed herself. Her manual dexterity gets better with each passing day. The ICU nurses prepped Mama for her day and then helped her from bed and put her feet on the floor for the first time in 8 days...almost at the very time of day her feet last touched the ground exactly one week ago when she was being prepped for the original valve replacement/repair surgery. She \'walked\' three steps to the chair, sat down and smiled. Although weak and heavily supported by two very strong ICU RNs, she had begun her participation in heart valve surgery rehabilitation. Kevin from physical therapy came in and began her first session with tests of her strength. Don\'t underestimate this woman. She is small but mighty. When Kevin told her to press against his hands, she did so. Kevin: Press your feet down. Kevin: Lift your feet against my hands. This continued for about 15 minutes between small breaks so Mama\'s oxygen level could return to normal. Mama told Kevin he was sweating. He was having to work pretty hard to keep up with her. She\'s definitely a lot stronger than she looks. You should have seen the size of Kevin\'s arm muscles. The fact that she could make him work up a sweat was pretty funny. Small but mighty is an understatement. I gathered our belongings and we waited for word about a room on the floor. Lunch was served. She ate in her chair. Like I said...her new favorite spot in the entire hospital. Like a queen on her throne, Mama ruled the room even though her feet couldn\'t touch the ground. Meals are particularly fun in that Mama wants to only eat yogurt and lemon fruit ice. Nothing else....just those two items and some water. Tasty but not exactly a balanced meal. The PA came in and explained why she needed to fully participate in her exercises and in eating properly so she would have the nourishment to heal from the inside out. The nutritionist/ dietitian told her the same thing. Mama looks like she is taking it all in but it is going in one ear and out the other. Meals have become a bargaining match. Me: If you eat six bites of your protein and veggie, then you can have your lemon ice. I never thought I would be Monty Hall and Mama would be the contestant trying to select the lemon ice from door number 2. They have also become a battle of wills. She is pretty darned stubborn. But what she doesn\'t realize is that being her daughter and also my father\'s daughter, I am twice as stubborn as she is. Although Mama believes she gets her way with the easiest path to the lemon ice, I always get her to eat exactly what I wanted her to. Win-win situation I guess. Today Mama\'s friends, Joni and Kenny surprised her with a visit. They stayed for a while and she was so happy to see them. Really lifted her spirits. Nothing like a bit of outside of the family conversation to make the world right. Around 2pm Mama\'s room assignment came through. Pam and I moved all of Mama\'s belongings to her new home within Unit 11 of Emory University Hospital Midtown, room 1123. While I was waiting for Miss Heather, ICU RN to roll Mama in her chair out of the ICU, a wave of emotion engulfed me. I really wasn\'t prepared for it either. I felt a little like she was graduating from school and I was watching. So proud and a little scared. Uncharted territory on the path to recovery.

Well, today there were more firsts. All the doctors are amazed with Mama\'s progress. And frankly, so are we. Huge steps every day. And they are pretty much showing her off to their doctors when making rounds. I missed Dr. Stein visiting Mama. He is Dr. Guyton\'s associate who was on the team that saved Mama during the emergency surgery late Tuesday night. Mama said he was grinning from ear to ear and noted she looked wonderful. Dr. Buchman, the ICU doc also said she isn\'t making baby step advances daily, she is making HUGE strides daily. She has surprised everyone up to this point and each day sets another milestone in her recovery. Doctor\'s orders have been written to transfer her to the floor but no rooms are available. Since both of us are exhausted from little sleep last night, we are hopeful to enjoy the spacious room and couch in the ICU room one more night. With regard to food, she passed her swallow test and ate a big breakfast. When lunch came, she fed herself lunch while in the bed. And yes Helen, there were toast crumbs in the bed! Mama enjoyed the sling ride to the chair once more today. She ate her dinner from her new favorite chair in the whole hospital. Dr. Buchman also told us that everyone\'s loved one is a fighter, but Mama has a lot of fight in her to be here with us today. He enumerated all of the grave statistics from Tuesday night and said someone with a constitution less than the one Mama embraces would not be with us today. Every step is gigantic but they didn\'t save her. It helped that she is at a world-class facility with a very gifted surgeon. But he gave all those accolades to God. I think we all agree with him.

Talk about a banner day. This day will live in infamy. I always knew Mama was a really strong person. Until today, I had no idea just how strong this little lady is. She makes me proud just to be in her presence....much less to be her daughter. Lengthy update today. So let\'s get started. I\'ll even include a photo or two... January 13.... After a rough start to our evening, Mama finally went to sleep around 2am. Of course, I didn\'t. I stayed up until about 3:15am and then I woke up at 5:15am. No place like ICU to get a great night\'s sleep on a wonderful couch. At least I have a couch to sleep on in her room. I am grateful for the smallest creature comfort for the patient\'s family. X-ray finally came around 8am and breakfast needed to be ordered while staff was attending to her. I was amazed to learn she had graduated from a clear liquid diet to anything she wanted but slightly carb and cholesterol restricted. So, solid food. What did she select? Peanut butter toast, cranberry juice and a lemon fruit ice. She ate 1/2 a piece of toast, all the juice and every bite of the lemon ice. Mama feels so good she is attempting to feed herself. That peanut butter got on her cannula. But with just a wipe, it was cleaned. Totally funny though. I couldn\'t help but laugh after the weight of the last few days is lifting ever so slowly and slightly. This day has been amazing! We saw Dr. Guyton\'s associate, Dr. Moss, who was pretty pleased with her progress. After he visited with Mama, he did a short round of ICU with another ICU staff member. When Dr. Moss passed along how well Mama was doing, I heard the staff member say, \"Sweet! Wasn\'t she the one on Tuesday....\" Dr. Moss said, \"Yes.\" Nice to know our positive observations are truly not just through our rose colored glasses but are what is actually transpiring. Other notable happenings today? Please! Let me list them all..... I am so very proud! * We found she loves the lemon fruit ice. Loves it so much that we ordered extras and they are keeping them in the ICU freezer so Mama can have a lemon ice treat any time she wishes. (She notes it feels so good on her throat and she has a real passion for any sweets with lemon in the name....especially this frozen ice!) * At lunchtime, she fed herself grapes. Sounds like a little tiny thing, but when considering what she has been through, to know her motor skills are beginning to kick in and wanting to be independent is a huge step forward!) At times her hands don\'t quite meet the target of her mouth, but grapes are far more forgiving about that than peanut butter toast is. * Ten, count \'em....TEN bags of stuff and their accompanying lines were removed from her IV stand and her body today. TEN! And a few had already been removed yesterday. Total removed in the past 24 hours? Drum roll please........14! Can you even imagine what her IV pole looked like? Boggles the mind. * The last of the vaso BP med on drip and Lasix drip were removed late this afternoon. After a few hours of monitoring her while she is diuretic free, the docs will decide whether or not to put her on a diuretic pill. * She received her first non-family visitors. Former next door neighbors, Michael and Robert, came to visit for a brief few moments. But oh how it lifted her spirits! You should have seen her eyes sparkle! * She talked with family and a couple of friends on the phone today. With every conversation, I could just see the love on her face and feel it in the room. All yall she spoke with today know who you are. I just want you to know that her face lit up during each conversation! * Watched television and listened to some music today. Very nice and relaxing. We didn\'t talk unless she wanted to so we were mostly quiet. She began asking questions about the surgery and then the emergency follow up surgery that saved her life. Her time/space continuum apparently needs to begin to have the gaps filled in. Happy to provide all the info she is wanting to hear. * Biggest accomplishment today? She SAT UP IN A CHAIR for over TWO hours. WOW! And while she was in the chair, I took the opportunity to give her hair a sprucing up. Now she looks great, feels tons better and is making good progress. While she was sitting in the chair, Dr. Buchman, the ICU physician came to the door and said \"purdy good!\" He said he thought this was a perfect photo opportunity. So he had two of the nurses that had assisted Mama with sitting in the chair to pose with her. Why was he taking the photo? To send to Dr. Guyton, Mama\'s surgeon. So I think it is safe to say Dr. Buchman thinks Mama is making great strides. I have a better word....REMARKABLE! * Big accomplishment #2...the nurses are removing the PA Catheter in her neck. They wanted me to leave the room so they could get it taken care of. Since she is a bleeder, they knew there would be lots of blood and didn\'t want me to pass out or freak out. Probably a good call on their part. And yes, it did bleed a lot. * No real naps today. That in itself is a big change. All the days following surgery, she was either in her heavily sedated coma-like sleep or in and out as the sedation drug was wearing off. But today, she has been awake and alert all day. So I am hoping after she eats and receives her bath tonight, she rests all night long. Requesting her daily chest x-ray to be done around 7:30 am so she can have uninterrupted hours of sleep. Totally amazing day. Actually, it has been a remarkable day in so many ways. All day long, I have been constantly reminded of the incredible strength Mama possesses. I have always thought she was super woman, now I know she is totally incredible! Can\'t wait to see what tomorrow brings.

Today is Mama\'s 81st birthday. And it has been a day of firsts. *her first birthday as a survivor of heart valve replacement surgery *the intubation tube was removed *first day fully aware and totally sedation drug free *first day of really feeling some pain associated with the incision *Pam and Paul\'s first trip home since Tuesday *my first day on hospital stay with Mama I (Cindy....number 2 daughter as Daddy used to introduce me) flew in today to stay with Mama for several days. As I boarded the plane this morning, I received a voice mail from Pam saying there is good news to give her a call. So when I called, I was so excited to learn the intubation tube had been removed! Then they put the phone to her ear and she talked to me! This in itself is a huge step forward. The tube being removed means she is not only breathing on her own but now she needs to cough up phlegm. She is having a little trouble with that for a couple of reasons.....it hurts and her gag reflex. So after waiting and worrying and fretting and crying from 600 miles away, I finally arrive in Atlanta. I have to tell you, the MARTA train couldn\'t get me to the hospital fast enough. And my legs couldn\'t carry me the two blocks to the hospital fast enough. Finding CICU and walking into the room, I had this wave of relief when I laid my eyes on Mama. Yes, she is in a hospital bed wired up like a Christmas tree. But to me today, that was the prettiest I have seen her look in a long, long time. To hold her sweet face in my hands and kiss her was so special, I am almost at a loss for words. To finally see her after all the turmoil of the past few days was pretty darned nice. At one point late Tuesday evening, I wasn\'t sure I would have the opportunity to ever see her again. And then to hug Pam and Paul...what a relief. Having close family members draw near means the world. And it feels so good to get those big family bear hugs. Anita will have a similar experience when she comes up here next weekend. So although Mama is making progress, she is now aware enough to be frustrated because she wants to turn over and get comfortable but she is attached to so many wires monitoring and delivering vital meds, she cannot. But vitals remain stable and strong. Outputs are good. Many family members and friends have called and sung birthday wishes to her and she knows everyone as she speaks with them. So, once again, her cognitive skills are very good. She was a tiny bit confused early this evening but after so long in ICU and under anesthesia and sedation, that is to be expected according to the nurses who see this every day in long term ICU patients. With a bit of luck, she will have most of her dangling paraphernalia removed tomorrow and may even sit up in a chair. Dr. Guyton\'s associate said she will probably be moved out of CICU on Monday provided her BP and fluid output stay strong. Two nurses are giving Mama a bath right now and are taking the dressing off of her incision and changing the dressing on the drainage tubes....all four of them. I asked Mama if I could watch and she said yes. They took the dressing off of her incision and then cleaned around the four drainage tubes. Amazing. Totally amazing what Dr. Guyton and his team were able to do to correct, repair and replace valves in her heart and it is all under that neat little 12\" incision. Tonight, Mama asked for something for the pain. Something more than the Tylenol she had been given earlier in the day. So she was given a percocet for pain management and looks a little more relaxed. She asked to have the TV on and is listening to The Weather Channel. Her bath is done, she is drifting off to sleepy time for a while. Until the chest x-ray at 2:00 am. My cousin from Alabama, Lazann, is here with me tonight. We will keep a good eye on her to ensure she is comfortable and that if she needs anything like water or a pillow, we get it for her. Richard, the 11pm-7am RN, is also keeping a close eye throughout the night. Praying for an uneventful, restful night for Mama. She is still not out of the woods yet but making significant progress. I have every confidence tomorrow is going to be another banner day for her!

Today, when Dr. Guyton came by, he was pleased with Mama\'s progress but noted she is not yet out of danger. The intubation will probably continue through the weekend as they continue to work on reducing her fluid build up. She is more aware now that she is virtually off of the sedative. This means however that she is aware of the tube and is wanting to fight it some. Small steps forward. She is a fighter. As the nurses roll her to make her comfortable, without the sedation, she gags due to the intubation tube. So even though she had been sedation-free for most of the day, the ever-wise CICU doctors gave her a little tad of sedative to calm her and stop the gagging. Later tonight, the CICU doctor said although she is making progress, to expect a set back; it is common. But if you know Mama, you know she is a fighter. Not just a namby-pamby fighter, she is all in. Back when Daddy was not doing well, one of the doctors treating Daddy said of Mama, \"She will not be denied.\" And he was right. If she wants something badly enough, she usually gets it. Little wonder I am the same way. As we say in the South, I got that naturally. Another step forward today was removal of the sedation drug. She was alert and actually acknowledged Paul asking her if she knew him. She moved her head in a yes fashion. Vitals are still strong; urine output is gangbusters due to the new BP meds and diuretic. When I called around 4:30pm, Paul asked if I wanted to talk to her. Ummm, YES! So he put me on speaker phone and held the phone near her ear. She knew it was me (but they told her it was me anyway) and she tried to talk to me! We all told her not to try to speak….she still has the intubation tube in and most likely will until Sunday. But she knew I was talking to her! What progress! My heart actually almost beat out of my chest with pride, extreme joy and love. Mostly love. Tomorrow is her birthday and I can’t wait to see her. I can\'t think of a better way to spend her birthday than being with her. Last year we celebrated her 80th birthday with a surprise party bringing together family from multiple states and friends old and new. Tomorrow, it will be a quiet celebration. She won\'t be saying much due to the vent tube, but it will still be a celebration. A celebration of another day of life. A celebration of the life-saving skill of a talented surgeon. A celebration of quality care administered with loving kindness. A celebration of a sweet little woman with a bigger than life heart that just got patched back together. A celebration of my mama. I’ll give her hugs from all of you.

And this is a very good thing. Mama is aware of what is going on. And more alert. She opens her eyes more and more. She no longer struggles or is startled by angels called nurses when they touch her to take vitals, provide relief for dry lips or administer the ever-so-wonderful sponge bath. And who knew how good clean, fresh linens could feel? Yes sir-ee. The dawn of this day has provided more encouragement in the sphere of my family. Mama opens her eyes when her name is called. As people in the room speak to her, she gazes at them. When Paul spoke to her, Mama moved her gaze directly over to him. When said identified himself, just in case she wasn\'t able to recognize him, she nodded her head acknowledging that she knew it was him. Good all the way around. Her BP is more stable so the fluid being released from her body with assistance from the diuretic is more plentiful. And that is another very good thing. We are so very hopeful that the remainder of this day showers Mama with progress....even if it is in butterfly steps.

Late yesterday, the paralytic drug is beginning to be titrated down and a drug used to squeeze Mama\'s heart (so it wouldn\'t have to work so hard on its own) was stopped. So during the night as the ICU team gave her a bath and changed her linens, she responded to any stimuli by moving her hands, arms, or legs or flashing her eyes open. She even gagged a time or two due to the intubation tube. While all of these things unnerved Pam a bit, they are welcome responses. That means she is aware of the things being administered to her! She\'s coming around!! WOO HOO and praise the Lord! After all she has been through to have just the tiniest movement is good news. This morning the Dr. Buchman, the ICU doctor asked her to wiggle her toes. She moved her feet. Cognitive functions working. Check! For the past two days she has been heavily sedated and today that drug is being decreased. Slowly but surely she is beginning to be weaned off the sedation medication. No additional fluids or blood today. Her IV stand has decreased from 15 or so bags to about 13. There has also been a change in her blood pressure meds, too. Once her BP is stable, then the ICU staff will start a diuretic in an effort to remove excess fluid from her body. Chest X-ray from last night is clear. Vitals are good. The ventilator breathing rate has also changed. According to Matt, the overnight RN, Mama is \"breathing above the machine.\" We understand that to mean the machine is doing less of the breathing for her and she is breathing more and more on her own. Extremely good news! Pam has been talking to Mama ever since the surgery. One of the nurses said to continue talking to her because she can definitely hear anyone in the room when they are speaking. Any time someone speaks her name, she opens her eyes. I can\'t tell you how much that warms my heart. This is a funny story and I know y’all will appreciate this. One of the nurses this morning was attempting to swab her mouth out in an effort to keep it germ free and moisturized because the intubation tube has been in there for so long. She asked Mama to open her mouth. Well, Mama being Mama didn’t want the nurse anywhere near her mouth so she clenched her jaw shut even more than it was. When the nurse explained why she needed to do the swab, Mama kept her teeth clenched. That’s my girl! The emotional difference for me, my sisters and our families today is night and day. Just two days ago at this very moment, we didn\'t know if she would survive the night. Today, we are cheering Mama clenching her teeth and opening her eyes. Her baby steps are getting a tiny bit bigger today. And that is definite proof miracles do happen. We are watching many miracles tied into one in progress every moment of every day. Keep praying. Need to clear these woods….

After two surgery dates were cancelled, Mama\'s heart surgery finally happened yesterday, January 8. A competent world-class surgeon, Dr. Robert Guyton, a world renowned facility, Emory / Crawford Long and a more than willing patient makes for a successful surgery. After a change of time and a slight delay, the surgery finally got underway at 1:30 pm EST. The surgical team gave us updates every two hours of how the surgery was progressing. All told, the procedures took about 4.5 hours. A mitral valve replacement, a tricuspid repair and an attempted artery bypass. No MAZE today. When the vein was taken from her leg, it was determined the vein was not in optimal condition to complete the bypass due to her age. An 80 year old woman has 80 year old veins. Nurses advised Pam, my sister, could see Mama when she was moved into Unit 11 ICU. After about 90 minutes, my sister and brother-in-law Paul went in to see Mama. Instead of quietly visiting with her, they saw the ICU team had been frantically working trying to stop her from bleeding out. Transfusions were given and numerous clotting drugs administered to entice the blood in her body to start clotting and stop the bleeding on its own. The leakage, bleeding at a rate of 3 quarts per hour was making it necessary to take her back into surgery to stop it. \"Her condition is very serious,\" said Dr. Buchman, the attending ICU physician. \"We have called Dr. Guyton and he is on his way back to the hospital. The surgical team has been assembled and will now take her into the surgical suite.\" Shock, fear, and a lot of tears were shed over the next three hours. Daughters hundreds of miles away sat paralyzed while Mama\'s oldest daughter sat on pins and needles awaiting word from the OR on her condition. With each ring of the phone, fear caused us to look at the phone willing it to be good news before adrenaline made us grab the phone to hear the news we so hoped to hear....she had survived. Dr. Guyton\'s skillful hands and his talented surgical team slowed the bleeding to 0.5 quarts per hour. The culprit of the bleeding? Not the heart valves. It was the incision in her chest, the walls of her chest cavity were bleeding. Her system was so full of blood thinners, veins in her chest just under the skin were causing all the turmoil. Prayer teams were called into action. Family members were notified of updates. Many, many people were holding Mama in their thoughts and prayers. Finally at 2:00 am, the bleeding stopped. Now the waiting game began. When dawn came, she was stable. She is being kept in a highly sedated state...very similar to a medically induced coma. The reasons? To keep her still while she is on the vent; to keep her from waking and pulling out the tube; to allow her liver and kidneys to process and filter all the medications, new blood and fluids. All these need to pass through both the kidney and liver and make the swelling decrease. Trying to catch just a bit of sleep, my sister and her husband took cat naps in ICU while dutifully awaiting Dr. Guyton making his rounds. We all held our breath to hear his opinion on her progress. Just past noon today, Dr. Guyton told Pam and Paul he was pleased with Mama\'s progress. Although she is not out of the woods, she is doing as well as possible. Dr. Guyton advised they are keeping an eye on the possibility of a leak, infection or stroke. She will stay heavily sedated for at least two additional days. The probability of a temporary trach is high to keep her from getting mouth sores from the intubation tube since she has been on the vent for so long. Her stay in ICU will be 4-5 days and a long hospital stay and rehabilitation will follow. In the months leading up to the surgery, Mama was so fatigued from her poorly performing heart, her muscles weakened and will need exercise and rehab to build them before she will be able to resume life on her own. This day brought quiet in Mama\'s ICU home, Room 3 Unit 11 ICU, and a bit of peace and comfort to our family. While she is still not out of the woods and into clear sailing with her healing, she is making baby steps toward getting better even though this tough cookie isn\'t awake to tell us. Small things such as the flutter of an eyelid or the twitch of an arm mean Mama is still in there listening to what is happening around her paralyzed body. These little, tiny items bring me and my sisters hope and joy knowing that our mama is making progress, albeit small baby steps. While speaking to Pam, tonight, she told Mama I was on the phone. \"Cindy is on the phone and sends her love,\" Pam said to Mama. Pam also told her about a photo of Mama that I had uploaded to Facebook. She added that I was being a little devilish and described the photo. And with that comment, Pam felt one of Mama\'s fingers twitch in the palm of her hand. Mama is hearing what Pam is saying to her. (If that really isn\'t so, please don\'t tell us. We want to believe she hears everything in the room and is just waiting to tell everyone how much she wants her lunch!) She\'s alive today thanks to Dr. Guyton\'s skillful hands and the well oiled machine that is his surgical team. Dr. Buchman and the highly trained ICU staff performed flawlessly in the time leading up to her emergency surgery and the critical hours following that surgery. Those are big things and my family and I are so very thankful to have all these wonderful people attending to Mama. Eye flutters, finger twitches. Little things mean a lot. Baby steps. Baby steps.

My mom had dental surgery yesterday in preparation for surgery date number three. Third time is a charm. Right? I am the one writing the posts....her middle daughter. I live in Indiana and call Mama several times a day to check in. She seems very bright and happy. Wednesday was not such a good day. The second surgery date was cancelled and she was very blue. She had the dental procedure done yesterday and has not had any pain medication. Mama is a very strong, resilient person. I strive to be more like her. The new surgery date has been set. It is now Jan. 8, 2013. Pre op will all be done again...for the third time on Jan. 2, 2013. As we prepare to celebrate Christmas, we are keeping a close eye on Mama and how easily she fatigues. But it is remarkable at how much her spirits have changed from Wednesday. From total depths of despair to playing the piano, singing with her great grandson and laughing with family. Praying her surgery will be successful and that she will thrive in the days and years to follow.