Jennifer's Journal

Suelynn Hanegraaf  Thank you for bringing this topic up, Jennifer. It IS difficult to support those who love you while navigating through the myriad of our own emotions and the ton of information and decisions a ❤️‍🩹 patient needs to do and plan. I think well-meaning friends and family just want assurance because they love us and are scared for us. My response to their consolations varied with either “thank you and what I need most is that you pray for me” or “thank you for expressing your worries (giving them a hug) but what I need most right now is ‘breaks’ from not thinking about what I’ll be facing, or a listening ear, etc.” Sometimes people just don’t know how to truly help someone with a serious condition. 

Kevin McCarthy  I can see how this could be a problem. Different personalities will handle this differently, but except maybe for children I don't think you are responsible for how other people process the news. You are allowed to keep people at arms length if they get too much. This may or may not be easy to do (especially with close relatives). I can't offer any advice on how to do it - I'm kinda standoffish normally, so I didn't have to deal with this particular problem.

Carmen P  So true.  That is why I tend to keep my heart issues to myself.  It helps that my scar is small.  Pretty sure this next surgery will come with a larger scar.

Deena Z  I told very few people outside of my family about my heart surgery, because the serious look on their face and the tone of the voice would only ( I felt) make me feel worse.  And as a 180 from that,  someone telling me I would be "alright" doesn't hold much weight unless they have gone through the surgery and/or a heart professional. 

J Alexander Lassally  Deena is always so right!  I found people had lots of reflex reactions. I got lots of "everything will be great" or equivalent. What I enjoyed most was just genuine empathy. This sucks. I am sorry. I am thinking of you. That works nicely, right?
Separately, a lot of people are ignorant of the gravity of open heart surgery, so in that case, you have to sell them on the severity. In all cases, a mental exercise. 
In the end, it is also nice to compartmentalize it and become your own warrior -- however that works for you!  

Darrell Malone  Hello good post and thanks for sharing.  I was like Deena, only my family new what I was going to go through as well as a few close friends. My co-workers no. I handled my absence through my workplace HR and the nurses. I did speak with a supervisor before my leave. When I'm back then I felt it would be easier to explain,  if I choose to. All the best to you. 

Dan Fouratt  it is tough but I found humor to help others.  Look I am only 1 of 68K they are doing this year, no big deal. Well if they are doing OHS on me it proves I have a heart.  I was fairly open with my various communities.  Do what  you are comfortable with.  I will also let you know that many people wanted to come to visit me in the hospital.  I basically told them no. I was not in the mood to see people and my wife was only there for a couple o hours a day.  Why should we both suffer in the hospital? Good luck on your journey.

Rita Savelis  I didn't talk to too many people before or after. Especially after when I just wanted time for myself. Try to be honest with those who ask. You don't have to console them, they don't have to console you. The experience is hard for patients and caregivers in a different way. As you know. It's hard. It's all hard. And then you get through it. Take care.

Stephen Walsh  We all react differently. It was my second major surgery in 3 years in the same hospital (kidney tumor) so my wife, family and I were a bit like here we go again.  I asked people in work not to WhatsApp me until I contacted them - because after the kidney surgery I had non stop messages and people asking was I ok and still alive when I did not respond immediately....the modern world. I also asked family not to visit in ICU as the impact of tubes, drains and machines can be disturbing for visitors. I like to do a lot of research, so my cardiologist told my surgeon to expect to be quizzed. The surgeon asked me to describe the procedure in detail as if I was a medical student. Very good, but you forgot to stop the heart! We had a laugh together.

Adam Pick  100%. Following my diagnosis and leading into surgery, my family and friends were incredibly loving and, at times, a bit much (in a very loving way). I remember telling my sister to "Please stop sending me research articles about heart valve surgery. I'm going to be okay. I've made my choice for treatment. This will all work out." As you know, they are all coming from a loving place and this is a very difficult time for you and them.

Dan Fouratt  In my opinion the worse part was from when I committed to surgery (1/19) to the date (3/21) of the surgery.  I spent that time getting in better shape.  i did feel helpless as that was all i could do before I got to the starting line of recovery.  Good luck.