Aortic Regurgitation, Joined September 2, 2012
Aortic Regurgitation
Joined September 2, 2012
sue burns
Mitral Regurgitation
May 2, 2024
meg oconnell
Bicuspid Aortic Valve
May 6, 2024
Lynne Anderson
Aortic Stenosis
May 6, 2024
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I can now do the things. The things that seemed so insurmountable and simultaneously so mundane. I can breath, walk, manage flights of ...Read more
I can now do the things. The things that seemed so insurmountable and simultaneously so mundane. I can breath, walk, manage flights of stairs without the constant edema, angina, and it feels great.
But it also feels foreign. My body has the muscle memory of pain. I can keep going if I don't think about it but actively attempting to exercise, physical therapy it's triggering. This tension this fear it rises to the forefront unbeckoned. A tightness in my neck in my muscles of my chest. And I can breath my way through it. I can force it down but the process of doing so makes me aware of it and a torrent of feelings, of guilt, of struggle. How did I let it get this bad? Why didn't I ask for a second opinion sooner.
Deconditioning, that's what they call it. And it is what I am. Everyday things like cooking dinner, going to the store, picking up my daughter, they are a work out. My muscles, my hands, legs arms they are sore like I've started a new exercise routine. An exhaustion triggered head ache. Only now my heart isn't so weak that I can just fall asleep when my head hits the pillow. I remember this last time. I have to calm my mind before I go to sleep. Unable to just sleep anywhere any time.
I guess all I'm saying is ventricular congestive heart failure it doesn't just go away with the physical symptoms. This is hard. I get a little better everyday but maybe when you have to keep telling yourself your okay , maybe just maybe your not. And that's okay. It's okay to not be okay. A good friend once told me just take one step at a time that's really all u can do. It will keep getting better. Just keep on keeping on.
But keep going!!! My best days are when I tell my brain to "shut up, that pain isn't real. You are riding that bike legs, so suck it up!" LOL ( I mean unless the pain is real, then we get hurt, and.. .I have to eat crow!) Haha. But really! Keep going!!!! You will do it! I always hear that the waiting is the hardest part...ya..nope. lol it's ridiculously hard...but you can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!