Carolyn's Posts

Well I came here after realizing I hadn't posted anything after that poem. I graduated from cardiac rehab in May and I'm out running again, when I find the time which lets face it with two kids under four isn't often. I've been on two amazing work trips where I didn't feel completely wiped just trying to walk around which was so rewarding. You all must know how hard it is to communicate, problem solve, even think when you are out of breath. I know I've got another ten years before my next valve replacement but who knows how things will improve by then. Good luck out there heart valve buddies :).

Recovery I can now do the things. The things that seemed so insurmountable and simultaneously so mundane. I can breath, walk, manage flights of stairs without the constant edema, angina, and it feels great. But it also feels foreign. My body has the muscle memory of pain. I can keep going if I don't think about it but actively attempting to exercise, physical therapy it's triggering. This tension this fear it rises to the forefront unbeckoned. A tightness in my neck in my muscles of my chest. And I can breath my way through it. I can force it down but the process of doing so makes me aware of it and a torrent of feelings, of guilt, of struggle. How did I let it get this bad? Why didn't I ask for a second opinion sooner. Deconditioning, that's what they call it. And it is what I am. Everyday things like cooking dinner, going to the store, picking up my daughter, they are a work out. My muscles, my hands, legs arms they are sore like I've started a new exercise routine. An exhaustion triggered head ache. Only now my heart isn't so weak that I can just fall asleep when my head hits the pillow. I remember this last time. I have to calm my mind before I go to sleep. Unable to just sleep anywhere any time. I guess all I'm saying is ventricular congestive heart failure it doesn't just go away with the physical symptoms. This is hard. I get a little better everyday but maybe when you have to keep telling yourself your okay , maybe just maybe your not. And that's okay. It's okay to not be okay. A good friend once told me just take one step at a time that's really all u can do. It will keep getting better. Just keep on keeping on.

Been almost 1 weeks since my TAVR to replace my severely stenotic Edwards bovine prosthetic aortic heart valve. I posted recently that I was able to have two kids. About 1 year ago I noticed increasingly worsening symptoms, short of breath, chest pain etc. Having had both SAVR and TAVR I would highly recommend TAVR. My hospital stay was relatively pain free and I was discharged the very next morning (last Saturday). Did have a low blood pressure scare that sent me to ICU but it resolved overnight. I actually had acute congestive heart failure prior to the surgery so I think that may have had something to do with that. Overall I'm still working on walking 30 mins per day. PT told me to work on lengthening the duration not to push myself. I was thrilled to realize that I could walk right up stairs once I was discharged. A feat right before surgery would have left me short of breath and in pain.