susan 's Guestbook

I Susan, i just went through your comments about anxiety/panic/ depression. Right off the bat, try to convince yourself that you're not alone. There are a lot of us out there, and by the way , there nothing wrong with that and there is a lot of hope and help out there. Taking the correct meds is imperative particularly in the beginning. A trusted dedicated therapist/doctor will definitely assess your situation and proceed accordingly. Let's all take into account that many many times some of the symptoms that you are describing indeed mask something also. And that something also could very well be depression. If this is the case, an antidepressant might be of better value in the long run. But i do understand that at times you need something quick, like Ativan-Xanax ect. The hardest part is really accepting what we have and that is the difficult part !!!!! Why ? Because mainly of our society created this problem. It's OK to have a heart transplant, liver transplant, whatever............but the moment we start telling our friends and some family that we have a problem with depression and that we are being treated............they almost want to run away from you. It's the stigma attached ! Well i hope i gave you something to ponder about and i wish you a speedy recovery.

Hi Susan, I'm a native New Yorker myself (Manhattan even!) but I live in Washington State now, so I'm afraid I can't take part in an in-person support group there, much as I'd love too. But I did want to respond to your "four months out" mention of current depression and anxiety. I had my mitral valve repaired and my aortic valve replaced in one, full-incision, surgery in August 2015. One of my biggest anxieties pre-op was that I'd fall into a depression during my recovery, because I'd had bouts of depression as I was growing up and they were--as I'm sure you know--horrible. But it never happened post-op! I bounced back. I found myself singing out loud (though where no one could hear me, lol) day after day. I do remember reading that people can get depressed afterward and that it might be because the surgery reminded people of their own mortality, and even that they felt they were "falling apart." I felt just the opposite. I thought isn't life wonderful, for as long as we're here! Isn't my heart wonderful for letting itself be worked over on my behalf? Aren't the people who can do these surgeries wonderful? Aren't the people who first figured out how to do these things--and created the incredible machines to help (thank you, heart and lung machine!)--wonderful? As I said in another posting, my surgery reconnected me to life, and not just on a physical level. It was truly a spiritual journey for me. For example, I used to be angry at some of the things going on in my life and in the world, but post-op my anger vanished completely. I can still feel sad at things in this world, but I completely lost my "ability" to be angry anymore. I just can't do it now. Go figure! We're all different, Susan, in how we recover, how we feel about things, etc. And I'm absolutely not trying to talk you out of your genuine experiences and into my own. But I did want to just give you another perspective in case it might offer some help to you. And finally, I'd like to remind you that you're living in one of the most anxious areas in America--New York City (or nearby). I know, I grew up there. Everything was "be careful!" Everyone I knew--very much including my own family--always expected the worst to happen, "if not today, then tomorrow--so watch out!" Could you possibly be soaking up some of that general energy as you're going through your recovery? Sorry to have made this so long, but you provoked my thinking about it all, so it's your own fault ha ha ha. Anyway, here's wishing you the very best today and all the subsequent days of your recovery. Artie (BTW I'm 70 years old.)

Susan- My wish for you tonight is that your evening is special and calm and that you have gotten to a point where you believe that all will go well for you tomorrow. I hope tonight you sleep with thoughts and happy dreams of one day in the not too distant future....DANCING with your Husband again....Heart mended and fully recovered...ready for a continued Life together and with all you love and whom love you. You can do this Heart Sister.....

Dear Susan my Husband will be having another Aortic Valve soon we hope. When he had his first one done I never had a computer so I never got to poke around for information. We knew only 3 pieces of information. 1. He could drop down dead at any time because the Valve opening was the size of a pencil. 2. He would need open heart Surgery Urgently but we waited with bated breath for 6 months on a waiting list!!!! Which was very very stressful 3. It would take 3 months to recover. That was about it. Yes I have been feeling anxious but when I joined this wonderful site just a few weeks ago my worries have been halved with the support from complete strangers. I am soaking the information in like a sponge and it helps me when I support other people in turn. What is working for me is distraction which for me doing anything to keep those worry rats from chomping on my brain. Exercise and a little meditation is my cup of tea. I am not the patient I am the other half. Wishing you all the best for your up coming Surgery.... Hugs Shirley

Hi Susan. I noticed that your surgery is coming up and just wanted to send you a little note and let you know that I am thinking of you and praying for you as the day approaches. I read your story. It sounds very similar to mine. I too have mitral valve prolapse with severe regurgitation with no real symptoms except occasional shortness of breath (this is a very new development). I have gone through the TEE and Heart Cath and am in the process of interviewing surgeons. As I was speaking with the first surgeon (just this past Friday) I kept thinking, "this can't be for real"..."I don't feel like there's anything wrong with me." The surgeon looked at my husband and asked if he had noticed any difference in me because my regurgitation is so bad that he (the surgeon) couldn't believe that I don't have symptoms. All that to say, I totally identify with the anxiety you have expressed in your posts. I have never had anything "serious" go on with my health. I have never had surgery in my life. It is very difficult to wrap one's mind around--it is scary! Yet, I realize that I do need to get it done, and I am at a point that I want to press through the pre-surgical anxiety and get it over with. I am hoping to have my surgery scheduled sometime soon. So, I am going to be right behind you! May God give you an extra dose of courage and shower you in peace as you take the necessary steps toward healing! Your heart sister, Jacqueline

Susan- Oops! I posted you a bit ago..... a well meaning post bringing into it how you might fall for one of the residents or surgeons and must beg/apologize to your loving Husband! Trying to get your mind wandering in a positive direction?!! Perhaps the two of you will be able to give dance moves in the hallways while you are taking your walks in recovery? Sorry, I will wander off now and remove my foot from my mouth or get away from the keys on the computer? Have a wonderful day!

Good morning Susan. I have to ask. Valley Cottage? Where is this? I love the sound of it and would love to have such a place to call home as it lends me to wander into my world of gnomes, fairies, dragonflies (you get the picture, I tend to wander by nature! I wanted to write and join our heart brothers and sisters in continuing our efforts to help you through this special time in your life. It is special as are you. Unique in that you will roll into surgery on Oct. 1st. and begin a day with the use of our miracle of today's technology, probably fall for one of the darling residents or surgeons wandering the hospital or at least have hours of mental and emotional help as you begin your recovery with the many nurses assigned to your "room". You will find that for the most part everyone and everything you need is at your disposal and you are the main focus of many, treated like the most important patient in the world and find once you are awake this indescribable JOY in Waking up to find that all of the fear and feelings you have been wrestling with are insignificant now due to the fact that the surgery is over and that as a SURVIVOR the biggest thing you have to deal with is those in the community who want to dicker over who has the best looking "incision scar selfie) and whose has healed so completely that you barely can see it! While it is true Susan, that some risks come about and the scariest ones aren't the norm and do nothing to help the surgeon nor his team to get you on through this surgery your comment about going in with the mind of a child is a very wise way to look at this. Like a rebirth...this second chance we are all given. Like the tests you will have prior so that they have a clear picture of where to go and what to do which is in itself a fascinating and fairly quick one! I was awake the whole catherization with the techs made aware that I have an anxious evil twin that comes out during some medical issues but who lay dormant during the procedure because of the professional and kind way of being given a walk through verbally of what they were doing so that it seemed like it took only 15 minutes and the biggest problem was lying still and remembering that heart sister Meredith gave me a heads up about not being too embarrassed to ask for a bed-pan(long story but trust me, helpful.) It is an important test to know better how to proceed and I am thankful like (Duane) noted that we live in a time where they have the opportunity to do such a test on us prior to going in. I know you are frightened and we all were where you are but you have such a short wait now please realize that the more sure you are that all will go well, the better the patient(YOU) arrives and your surgeon can work with his team to get you back out the doors...Mended and happy to be on the other side. Have confidence dear heart sister and know that in the weeks ahead you will come out of this with your Journey ahead to heal and move on with Life. I think you will also find if you read a few journal pages of the others that this surgery is not as bad as you imagine it to be. I say, worth the risk! It would take fifty pages to continue on with how much I have enjoyed life a year of the surgery and recovery behind me now. Put yourself in "Survivor Mode".

Hello Susan. The hardest thing to do when first diagnosed or given the knowledge you are to have heart surgery is to rein in the emotions that come pouring out.... It is normal...what you are experiencing as the mind is given just enough information to send it reeling but not enough that the immediate response is to feel overwhelmed with all that you don't know but now...will begin to collect on your way or beginning of your heart journey. We will help you here at our HVS community in giving you information, support, comfort as you make your way. You will be able to do this Susan. You are surrounded on this site by many, many Men and Women like yourself who are here ready and willing to do all we can to make this easier for you knowing that you are not alone but one of many Heart Sisters and Heart Brothers who have all been where you are today. Some, like you waiting to be set up with Cardiologists and more information to move forward. Many set up with upcoming surgery dates. Many of us who have had our surgeries and will share our experiences if you read the journals and stories you will be able to ease into this in a more calmer, understanding way. You will adjust as things become less overwhelming. Take care and take your time and know you will feel better about this the more informed you become. You are far from alone. Looking forward to your journey. One day you will be too! One day it will be behind you and you will be heart long into the rest of your life!