I am caught daily between two of the four most important males in my life: my 87.5-year old father who had aortic valve replacement surgery thru a TAVR ("trans-aortic valve replacement") procedure about 1 month ago (and has gone from being the MOST WONDER
Cheryl Handelman I am caught daily between two of the four most important males in my life: my 87.5-year old father wh ... Read more
Cheryl Handelman I am caught daily between two of the four most important males in my life: my 87.5-year old father who had aortic valve replacement surgery thru a TAVR ("trans-aortic valve replacement") procedure about 1 month ago (and has gone from being the MOST WONDERFUL, CARING, KIND, BRILLIANT man to a moody, NASTY, contrary, CONSTANTLY displeased, "sometimes staring straight ahead zombie" person), and my 65-year old hubby of 36 years, who was born with Tetralogy of Fallot (a congenital heart defect), had a pacemaker/defibrillator installed 12 years ago, and had aortic valve replacement and a mitral valve repair 3 years ago (who went thru the same phases as my dad, after being a loving & caring hubby, but now has morphed into a fully-functioning, but almost constantly-sarcastic, person who doesn't care much about anyone or anything except for his own comfort). Consequently, as I am taking care of Dad 15/7 and Hubby 9/7, after all of the verbal abuse both spew daily at me, I generally feel as stunned, wistful, & sad as the look on this 1950's-vintage doll's face (longing for the men they used to be), even on this Thanksgiving eve as I prepare dinner for everyone at Dad's house. While I DO have a LOT to be thankful for concerning the physical survival of Hubby & Dad, at the end of each day I generally feel used & abused by both of these men, whom I DEARLY love. Thank you for "listening", and have a nice Thanksgiving.
Doran Herritt Cheryl, I am sorry. You need to know you are a wonderful wife and daughter. I urge you to see if you ... Read more
Doran Herritt Cheryl, I am sorry. You need to know you are a wonderful wife and daughter. I urge you to see if you can find some help. Siblings, church, friends. It sounds like you could use it. Maybe even seek some counseling. There has to be help out there. No one should have to go through what you are describing alone. Prayers for your father and husband to see what a wonderful person you are and to treat you accordingly. Take care, Drn
Mary K I agree with Doran, about some help for yourself. A support group could be very helpful, lots of seni ... Read more
Mary K I agree with Doran, about some help for yourself. A support group could be very helpful, lots of senior care agencies have them for caregivers, and there is also Codependent Anonymous. Not saying that you ate coxependent, but you get emotional support and coping strategies.
And it sounds like at least your father has psychological issues, post surgery depression is not uncommon.. Is the Dr. aware? An intervention, even if only an antidepressant could make a big difference.
And it sounds like at least your father has psychological issues, post surgery depression is not uncommon.. Is the Dr. aware? An intervention, even if only an antidepressant could make a big difference.