david's Heart Valve Journal

Elayne posted a note for david that says: Just came across this website. Sadly, David passed away May 24, 2010 -- not long after his last post. He seemed to have a special place in his heart for his grandfather and ironically, David died on his grandfather's birth date.
Thanks to all of you who gave him mental, emotional, and spiritual support throughout his very difficult journey. This journal is such an incredible tribute to the loving and caring man he was. We still miss him terribly.
David's Aunt Elayne

Hi David
Came across your name while I was looking up another David. It's been almost a year since you posted. If you do read this, send us an update, please.
Fran

Hi David,
Write a note and bring us up to date. There are people on this site who care about you, me included.
Fran

Hi David

As long as you draw a breath and continue to have faith, you must believe there will be a future with something better. COPD? I didn't realize you were struggling with that as well. I hope someday soon your smile will reach your eyes. I pray too your family can see what a great person you are even though you feel so much adversity. God Bless.

Cheryl, Ontario

Thanks for the update David even though it is not the update I had prayed for you. I pray things will get better with your health and with your financial situation. Do feel sorry for those who do not have any faith--pretty tough to go it alone.
Fran Z

Good morning David
Have been wondering what's been happening to you since you last posted, could you fill us in?
Fran Z

Hi David

Couldn't really make out what was going on with you but obviously you've been in the hospital again. Write and tell us what's up, will you please? You are in my prayers.

Cheryl, Ontario

wow....Do you have a real picture? Looks like things are looking up for you. best of luck.
Fred

Hello David
You are such a mystery, Reading your post it looks like you've had heart valve surgery 2 weeks ago and have been under the effects of the anasthesia effects that long? Well if so, pray that starting today each day will be better than the one before. Hope you get some clear answers and maybe asking for them in writing might be beneficial for you to understand more clearly and also to refer to. Medical lingo is a whole different world. Keep us informed.
Fran Z

Hi David

Nice to see your posting this morning. I hope things are looking a little brighter for you. Wishing you and your family a Happy Easter and sunny spring although I don't imagine there is any shortage of sun in California!

Take care. Be positive.

Cheryl, Ontario

Happy Easter, David. Pete has gone to Easter mass but I am not up to going yet. Will see about next Sunday. I was struck by the difference in your two journal entries. Yes, we must live! Great to hear from you.
Fran Z

Hi David
Have been to surgery and back and have been anxious to hear something from you.Do you know the story of the "footprints in the sand"? That's what your life is like right now, but remember when you don't see Jesus footsteps along side you it's because He is carrying you.Send us a note. Praying for you.
Fran Z

Hi David,

My heart goes out to you and your family. I can remember some days a few years ago when I had similar thoughts, so you're definitely not alone.

I can understand that things look bleak when you're discouraged and seeing your family suffering. My situation is different than yours, but still I understand some of the issues you're dealing with. Having open heart surgery makes us all take a long hard look at our own mortality. The reality is that our hearts won't last forever. It takes a while to wrap your mind around that, but the fact is that we all can only live the days God gives us one at a time. That's what I've tried to learn to do - live EVERY DAY one day at a time.

As a husband and father, I understand the pain of seeing my family do without things I knew they needed. I know the feeling of being totally down and out, depressed, destitute, and bankrupt. I was in that exact spot not so many years ago. (Probably at about your age.) I'm now financially stable, and my family is doing well. I've been very blessed, but there were times when I was ready to give up. Here again, my situation didn't change overnight, but it DID change - one day at a time.

I've drawn great strength from my relationship with God. From the pictures you've posted, I'm sure this is common ground for us. Never underestimate the power of prayer.

I've been very encouraged during hard times by the words of the Apostle Paul who wrote in Phillipians 4: 10 - 13

"But I rejoice in the LORD greatly, that now at the last your care of me has flourished again... Not that I speak in respect of want, for I learned, in whatever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: everywhere and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

I hope I haven't been too "preachy" but I want you to know that I'm concerned for you and your family. Today isn't a great day for you - but in the words of the old song - "The sun'll come up tomorrow". Take it one day at a time!

Check out my journal, and keep me updated on how you're getting along. I look forward to hearing more from you.

Joel Bryan, Iowa

Hi David the worst thing you could do is give up, don't go down without a fight a big fight.
back in 2006 I had spine surgery for a shifted spine, had to have 2 lower lumbar bolted together and went months but I came back almost 100%.I wanted to give up a couple of times but support of others realy does help . Now I have to recover from my Heart surgery (Feb 16) and It's not going as well as I hoped,not as bad as yours sounds but you just need to hang in there.Prayers be with you.Keep on ticking Daryl. Ps never wrote anything like this before

Hi David
When you were in the hospital, I hope you told the doctors of your depression and financial situation. I have no idea how the medicals work in the States so I can't be of much help. You have to get the depression in check before you can think straight enough to figure out the financials. Why don't you try talking more seriously to your spiritual advisor and seek help there? You are in my thoughts and I wish you luck. Cheryl, Ontario

Hi David
Tough to know what to write under these trying circumstances. At this time prayer may not seem like much, but it is all I have to offer and I offer it to you willingly and completely.
Fran Zilko

Good Morning David
Sorry you are in the hospital and hope it's not heart related and you will be released soon. Your new photo is appropriate for th season. Glad you are feeling the love and support from the HVJ community.
Fran Zilko

Hi David,
You have the best thing in life anyone could ever ask for. Your family. In the words of Willy Nelson "anyone can have stuff, I got my family",as the IRS auctioned off his ranch. All my ex wifes got eveything I worked for; the jokes on them.. I'm still here.
capt Bill

Good morning David
You're alive, you're loved by many people. May not seem like much when you're depressed, but it's really everything. Sometimes bad things happen to good people (there's a book with that title) and life does not seem fair. But, the alternative (death) is not an option. What you will leave your children and grandchildren are the fact that you are a good man who worked hard and loved them dearly. Many of us will not have money to leave our heirs but I would rather leave my love and humanity. Be strong.
Fran Zilko

Hi David
I'm glad you spoke to your Padre and laid your financial plight out for him but I'm surprised by the fact of him knowing you and your situation personally he could not be of more help. Surely the head of your religious affiliation could have given you a little more support. I would ask him again to either help or point you in the right direction.

Please forgive me, I personally see this site as a great tool to amass knowledge about the medical dilemma we find ourselves in. Also it is a huge emotional boost for people such as yourself who has or is going through heart valve surgery. Being an internet tool where we are all dealing with complete strangers, I don't see how it can also morally be a financial tool for those in need other than to bounce ideas back and forth about possible places to look for funds, managing a funraiser and so on.

Within my own community my husband and I are always giving of ourselves and our finances to worthy causes such as yours, however, I'm sure you can appreciate the need for full knowledge and disclosure of any one particular situation. I would be willing to bet that if you reached out to the community clubs in your own community, after an assessment, they would be more than willing to help in some way.

That is just my own humble opinion. Good luck. Cheryl, Ontario

Since most of us are in your shoes, this might not be the best place to seek assistance. Check with you local Unitied Way Agency.. they will help. We will pray for you and your famaily.

Hi David
I can relate to your situation. I am self employed, so if I am in a Hospital getting a valve job I am not making any money or paying those bills. But you have to look at the glass as half full, when you’re repaired and at full power you will be a force to be reckoned with (I heard that in a movie). Prayers are going out for you my friend.

David
My heart goes out to you and your anguish. Please don't doubt for one minute that your family would have wanted to trade your life for some financial security. Cheryl has some great wisdom, try looking into some of her suggestions and the ones I mentioned on the 25th. Any way you can post a photo of yourself instead of Yeti? Or maybe that's just how you feel? Prayer is the only thing I feel I can do right now and to also be a sounding board. There's a lot of us HVJ people who care.
Fran Zilko

Hi David
I can't begin to imagine what you are going through so I can only offer suggestions. My situation here in Canada is just so different. My husband's Rotary club along with other community based clubs help people with genuine need all the time. I wouldn't be above approaching your local clubs and church for help. Also, do you have any family that can set up a fundraiser perhaps with a silent auction etc? We are involved in these types of things on a regular basis. There just has to be some form of help available. You and your family are in my prayers for a positive resolution soon. Regards, Cheryl, Ontario

Hi David,
With my experience concerning my husband's cardiac rehab...it was not covered by our insurance but state employees were also not included, so as not to leave a majority of the population without cardiac rehab they devised a card that you purchase for a set fee..say $60 and that entitles you to 12 sessions (so basically you getting a discount for prepaying) and though my husband is not a state employee they offered him the same deal because he would not be covered otherwise. Basically what I am saying is, ask for any such discount that may be unwritten or on the side..I am talking about cardiac rehab specifically here but that pretty much can go for anything. It's just a thought...hope it helps!
Tara

Hi David
No wonder you are having nightmares. Universal health care in the States is one big hot issue. You said it though David, you are alive. Alive you can work with and your family would rather have you alive and well. You know your family is what is most precious.

I do not know the ins and outs of American health care choices. Hopefully some people on this site do and there are some alternatives you haven't tapped into yet. What about local Rotary clubs etc?

You obviously have some tough choices to make and I will pray you soon get some positive answers. Take care. Cheryl, Ontario

Good morning David
Thanks for baring your soul to all of us. To have all this financial stress combined with the heart and mental stress is a lot for someone to handle. Are you a candidate for any kind of government help (medicaid, etc)? Sorry to be so personal, but hope there's something out there that's available to you. Also I am aware that there are situations where hospitals and doctors have lowered their fees if you tell them of your hardships. Have you tried that? You'll have to swallow your pride a little, but you, your family and your health are #1. Will pray for you, let me know if there's anything else I can do.
Fran Zilko

Hi David
My mitral valve was repaired by doing a resectioning and that now has trace leakage as opposed to the 51% it did have. The tricuspid has mild - moderate and the aortic has mild insufficiency. The doctor said he doubted that he would ever have to do anything to the other two valves and I suppose they will just keep an eye on them. It unnerves me to think I still have leaks but I was told as people age, most spring leaks of some sort or the other.

I liked Susan's honest reply to the nightmare situation. You are under stress and no doubt that stress is playing itself out at night.

You like James Patterson - so have you read all of the Alex Cross books? I bought them to read during surgery and recovery but read so much before the surgery they were all done in a couple of weeks. The newest one is on my Amazon reader so I'm looking forward to getting it read shortly.

Take care. Cheryl, Ontario

Hi David,
You are a trouper to have gone through two valve surgeries already, and a pacemaker, and then the arterial procedure you described. That takes a huge amount of fortitude and courage. I have a feeling you’ll be around for a long time.
Re: Nightmares/ Night Terrors
I had a mitral valve replacement done on Jan. 14th of this year. I have been diagnosed with sleep apnea (this was before the surgery) and use a CPAP device for continuous air flow to keep breathing normally while I’m asleep. The one and only night I did not use my CPAP since I’ve been home from the hospital, I had a nightmare/night terror episode where was yelling in the middle of the night and woke up everybody in the house. I’d been having a dream that a very creepy woman named “Vilma” was sitting in the shadows by the side of the bed, trying to steal my soul. Weird!! My newly operated-on heart did not need that kind of a wakeup! (BTW, I don’t know anyone named Vilma…).
It’s all the scary worrisome stuff we’re not able to work out during the day that takes hold in our dreams when we go to sleep. You are definitely dealing with a lot of stuff right now, so it’s no wonder you’re having bad dreams.
So glad you found this website – It’s a great way to connect and be supported as you face these challenges. You have been through a lot already, but it’s clear that you have a strong will to keep on tickin!
All the best to you,
Susan Murphy (Overland Park, KS)

Hi David
To find anyone's journal and guestbook, look at the titles in yellow above. Go to Journal Central and once there you will see a listing of the newest journals starting at the latest entries to the oldest ones. It goes on for pages and pages. On the right hand side of that page there is a little empty box where you can type in anyone's name, mine is Cheryl Irvine and then hit the return button. A page will pop up and at the very top there will be all the choices where the name Cheryl or Irvine might be. Double click on your choice and you will get to my home page. Once there you can read My story, My journal entries, pictures and then you can write in my guestbook.

I see you must be used to texting so it was interesting to read your text shorthand. I'm too cheap to buy a texting package and besides, I get it all said using the phone.

I would think the nightmares are a sign of the turmoil going on within yourself. Either that or the Yetti is real! Try reading before you go to bed or doing something that puts your inner soul in a safe place. I find that when I work late at night and then go to bed with busy thoughts still in my mind, I have a wakeful night. I may still work late into the night but now I always follow-up with a book - good ole murder mystery or something. James Patterson is a great author and guys enjoy his books as well.

I'll look forward to finding a message in my guestbook when you get it all sorted out.

Cheryl, Ontario

David:

I just got done reading your story to Amy. She very much appreciated the note you sent. We are very touched by your story and hope it all works out for you and your family. When Amy feels a little better (day 4 in the hospital) she will drop you a line. You are in our thoughts and prayers.

Amy and Matthew

PS: Captain Bill’s site is under William Thune…

Hi David
Thanks for writing in my journal. By the way, Capt'n Bill's last name is Thune. He's quite a character and he will be having his surgery one day before me, same hospital and same doctor!! I'm looking forward to meeting him. Looks like you got the knack of finding people's journals and writing. At first, I thought my name followed my entry but soon found out I had to add it. I will be following your journal and hoping for some positive notes to come. You've been through some tough times, but you're like the Energizer bunny. Stay positive and know we are here to help. Prayers to you.
Fran Zilko

Hi David
So you've been through the mill but are still ticking. Can't all be bad. Richard Ingram is our resident pacemaker patient and he's just getting used to it by a couple of weeks. I'm sure in time you'll hear from him or his wife Susan. I had a mitral valve repair in Oct/09 and am just working through palpitation issues and a new pill.

Just going through heart surgery and the accompanying issues is mind boggling and worrisome. You are in good company because we try very hard to keep each other UP. On the whole, whether or not we suffer other complications, we still have something that for the most part, can be worked upon so try and keep that in mind.

Nice to meet you.
Cheryl, Ontario

HI DP.
Not a car guy, but I have done plenty of work on boat engines, which is pretty much the same thing. Just today, since I'm not fully energized, I called my marina and scheduled my de-winterize and change out the impellers. That really hurt$$$, but I know I don’t have the go power to do it right now. Maybe in 3 weeks when I get a valve installed, I can get my cylinders bored out for more horsepower and a fuel injector added.
Captain bill

check out my journal. and keep your head above water!

Strangest thing, I sent you a message yesterday when your picture was of a man in shadow. I see you're Yeti today. Hope this message works. Your worries and fear came thru in your story. Please know that there's so many of us out here in cyber space to help you in any way you can. Have you read Adam's book? Hopefully you can find a cardiologist who you can get some clear answers from regarding diagnosis and treatment.Ready to help any way I can.
Fran Zilko