Judy's Journal

I can\'t believe a year has passed so quickly! The surgery itself is a faded memory. I don\'t think my brain/body was ever able to process the trauma of the surgery. So, my memory is hazy, and the emotion of that anxious period doesn\'t resonate with me anymore. It was the worst year of my life, and the best year of my life. I went through incredible anxiety leading up to the surgery, and several months later the depression hit. I was extremely fragile after the surgery, both physically and emotionally. But, Ricochet kept me distracted by her fundraising, winning awards, hitting her $100,000 mark in funds raised (it\'s $150,000 now). Despite my limitations, I can\'t believe how much was accomplished with her work. I also got back into therapy dog work with Rina. The amount of support from family and friends was overwhelming. I couldn\'t have made it through without all of YOU. Thank you so much... I\'m so grateful. At the one year mark, I still have tightness & a little discomfort at the incision on my chest. My left leg is still numb, a little swollen, & painful to the touch. My ribs have a chronic problem now because they didn\'t go back together exactly the way they were before. With my arthritis and degenerative joint disease,It can be really painful, but I\'ve been getting cortisone injections, and those help. My heart is structurally fine at this time. I still can\'t walk as far/much as I used to, and because of my ribs, I have a really hard time doing things around the house. So, I\'ve had to hire people to do them... and of course it takes a toll on my pocketbook, but some things need to get done. I\'ve been trying to overlook \"the mess\", but I finally had to hire in the troops to clean up! I\'m still working on changing my lifestyle to a more healthy one... that\'s the hardest & most challenging ! LOL. We\'re going to be taking a vacation in April for Rina\'s 9th birthday & it will be a nice time to relax and reflect. Thanks again for your continued support. Judy

I really thought I was done writing in this journal. Last time I wrote was 12 weeks, and everything seemed pretty good... I even forgot it was 12 weeks. But now, it\'s about 19 weeks... or 4 months post op. And, I feel like I\'ve regressed instead of progressed. It came on slowly... I didn\'t even realize there were problems until it BAM it hit me. Lots of things that happened immediately after surgery is happening again. I\'m having night sweats again, insomnia, horrible fatigue, I\'ve gained over 14 lbs, which I\'ve never gained weight my whole life. And, also having issues with depression. Not sad type depression, but like my system is depressed. It\'s like an overall sense of despair. I read a lot on this site, and other open heart sites when I first was doing research, and there were so many people who talked about having depression. All those 12 weeks, I never felt it. I thought I survived it! No such luck. It happened... I\'m depressed. And the irritability is really tough too. Went through a drive through today, ordered a small drink. They said \"would you like to super size that\". I about blew my lid... no I don\'t want a super size, I just want a regular drink. I didn\'t say that... but I felt it. How terrible that I\'m that irritiable! Uggggh. I don\'t even want to take the dogs out. Which is NOT like me at all. I think to myself, what can I do where I can just sit, and they can run around. Or, I leave Ricochet home & just take Rina so I don\'t have to throw the ball for Ricochet. I just have no energy. I wonder if it could be post traumatic stress disorder. I have to research it. But, my body went through horrific trauma... so did my psyche those two months of anxiety... just thinking of the fear. Just seems my system is so totally out of whack from this surgery. Saw the nurse practitioner Friday, EKG is fine, blood pressure is fine. They did blood work to see if it could by my thyroid. In two weeks, I\'ll have a stress echo to see if all is well. I feel short of breath sometimes. I stopped taking my arthritis meds... some before my surgery & some after because I was taking like 30 pills a day. I was fine for several months, even thinking I was \"cured\" because there wasn\'t much difference in pain level. But, it caught up with me, and I\'ve had several terribly painful flare ups. I see the rheumatologist this Friday, and will be starting meds again. Somehow, I\'ve reached a road block. Still hoping it will get better. Now the doctor says it can take a whole year to recover. The first 12 weeks went pretty smoothly, and I feel like I\'ve healed about 90%. But, this last 10% is taking a long time, and a very frustrating time. Everyone has been amazing. So much support from so many friends. Now I feel isolated. It\'s part of the depression, I\'m sure. Tried to take xanax to sleep, but it causes bad dreams & other issues. I still find an escape by helping Ricochet and her fundraisers & work. Thank goodness I have an outlet... a diversion... a distraction. She\'s only $4300 away from raising $100,000. We will celebrate somehow when that happens. If you\'d like to make a donation, go to http://www.surfdogricochet.com/Riding%20the%20wave%20to%20$100,000.htm. She has about 4 different fundraisers going. Making that milestone will hopefully help get me out of this funk. If not, at least we\'re still focusing on others & helping those in need. That is what gets me through every day now. Thank goodness for all of you, all of those who need help, and everyone who helps Ricochet help so many. It truly is the only thing helping me get through this very difficult time. I know I am blessed, and so fortuante. Others have it so much worse, and we try to help with Ricochet. It\'s just a horrible surgery, that has left me in this condition for now. It will get better, but for now I\'m struggling. No matter, we will forge ahead. I feel the worst about not finding the enjoyment of taking my dogs out every day. Thanks for listening, and hopefully this will help someone down the line that has this surgery to be prepared for everything and anything that can happen with it. It really, really takes a toll on your system and body. As always, thanks for all your support. I really appreciate it. Judy

So, today is exactly 12 weeks since I had my open heart surgery for quadruple bypass & valve replacement. I wasn\'t counting down the days to get here. I didn\'t wake up today saying \"wow it\'s been 12 weeks\". I didn\'t even remember! My incredibly detailed friend, Heather sent me an email reminding me! I guess that must mean I\'m feeling pretty good. I\'d say I\'m 90% back to \"normal\". Unfortunately, I don\'t have more energy than I did pre-surgery... I was hoping the debilitating fatigue was due to my heart. But, I guess it\'s still my auto-immune problems. The incisions on my legs from the bypass are still tender, a little swollen, and numb. But, all the horrible bruising is gone. My chest incision is still tender, a little swollen & has tightness. My chest is still numb. I guess my sternum is healed on the inside, but the tissue around the incision seems to be taking a long time to heal. I can do most things again, and don\'t have to depend on people for help. I\'m able to hold the dogs leashes, and that was the hardest thing to deal with. I\'m not strong enough & my body is not healed enough to take Ricochet surfing (wasn\'t really able to prior to surgery anyway)... and the waves/surfboard would be way too much for my body to handle. But, I\'m so blessed to have the help of Dave, and the whole team of folks who help her surf alone, and with people like Patrick, Sabine & Jo. 12 weeks sounds like a short time ago, but it actually feels like a lifetime ago that I was on the brink of death. The incredible fear & anxiety I experienced for the two months of trying to research & figure out my options seem like a lifetime ago, and so un-necessary! My horrible experience in the ICU seems like a bad dream, but not something that actually happened to me. I am amazed at how the human body can deal with & recover from horrible trauma. I don\'t expect to be writing in this journal anymore, but want to thank everyone who left guestbook comments. It really helped to read them in the hospital & while recovering. Thank you all for the prayers, thoughts, cards, gifts, donations, care & concern. I have deep gratitude to all my friends & family that rallied together to make sure I was taken care of. I am so incredibly blessed to have Heather as a friend. She was an amazing care giver. My brother was instrumental in helping me get through the whole ordeal, especially in ICU when I was pushing doctors around even though I had a breathing tube in my mouth. You have all been wonderful. I am so glad this is behind me!! What a winter! Thanks again, Judy

I saw my cardiologist today, and my EKG was normal, blood pressure is normal. He said I could lift 30 lbs now. That\'s funny because I couldn\'t lift 30 lbs before surgery! He said I could walk the dogs again, but my incision is still hurting, so I think I\'ll listen to my body on that one. I got a new leash that goes around my waist, so I want to try that out with Rina. I did hold Ric\'s leash yesterday while I had her out for \"Paw It Forward Day\". She was on a harness & it still was uncomfortable. Now that I\'m at the 2 month mark, I realize throughout this whole experience that I started the last week in December when I found out I had a bad valve... there was really only 2-3 weeks that were horrible. The first week in the hospital, and the 1st week at home. By the 3rd week post op, things started getting better. So, next time, I don\'t think I\'ll have the months of anxiety and stress. I know what to expect. What to insist on from the surgeons and nurses in the ICU... and especially the anesthesiologist. I\'m making him sign a contract that he will not let the sedative wear off before it\'s supposed to! I hope I can be the strength and reassurance for someone else that finds themself in a cardiologist office, hearing the news they need open heart surgery. I\'ve definitely come through this stronger, and very willing to share my strength. Thank you all once again for everything. You made this journey much more bearable. Judy

The couple month time frame between me finding out I had a defective valve to finding out I need quadruple bypass to the day before surgery was the most frightening time of my life. I never experienced anxiety like I did during those months. The anxiety heightened in ICU when I wasn\'t able to communicate that I had pain & the anesthetic was wasn\'t effective. I couldn\'t listen to what the doctors had to say in ICU without a dose of xanax because they made my anxiety worse. A few weeks before I had surgery, Barbara Walters had a special on open heart surgery. I watched it through half closed eyes because it just made me more anxious. I DVR\'d it, and the other day watched it again with a completely different mind set. I didn\'t close my eyes this time when they showed a quick glimpse of the saw that opened the patient\'s chest. The sound wasn\'t disturbing. Instead, I felt a sense of empowerment. I was at the throes of fear, anxiety and stress over such a major surgery. And, I now realize how close to death I was. A heart attack waiting to happen. The first two weeks post op were horrible. But, I made it. I made it through the anxiety, through the fear, through the surgery, through the discomfort, through the pain, through the dependency, through it all. I made it to the other side. I went through a barbaric surgery, but I survived it. I survived everything about it. And what came out of it? Empowerment!

So Saturday was the reality rally fundraiser that Ricochet has been fundraising for. She raised $8250. Thanks to everyone who donated on my behalf while I was in the hospital. You helped women with breast cancer! Laying in ICU that first night, I never would have believed that 6 weeks later, I\'d be running around (ok, it was mostly walking, but still) on a road rally with a bunch of reality stars half my age. And my team came in 10th place out of 70something teams. Thank you to Patti and Deb, my team mates for reassuring me from the beginning that they supported me and didn\'t want a stand in. And to Craig, the reality star we chose for our team...he\'s from the show \"the Mole\". He didn\'t care if we won... He just wanted to have fun. And FUN it was! And thanks to Gillian... The creator of this event for giving me & Ricochet the oppty to be part of this event. It was a long day that went into the evening, but I did more than I ever expected. I\'m just amazed at how the body heals after such trauma. I still have a lot of healing to do, but I obviously HAVE healed a lot more than I thought. Thanks also to Magali for handling Ricochet, and to Lori and Heather for watching Rina. I am so blessed!

Someone asked for a before & after picture. I posted one in the \"my photos\" tab at the 5 1/2 week mark. It\'s probably more appropriately titled \"After and after\". Life is getting much more normal. The only thing I wish I could do is get my dogs out to run more. But, today I\'m giving them beef bones & that should keep them busy for a while. Not just gnawing at the bones, but Rina & Ricochet both like to bury their bones, and then dig them up just to bury them in a new place. I guess it tastes better with dirt, leaves, grass, mulch and lots of slobber.

I think they use paddles to re-start your heart after open heart surgery. LIke the ones they show on medical shows. Not sure if they did, but wondering if the electrical current reached my hair follicles because now my hair is curly!! Anyone know the answer to this? LOL. Tomorrow is 6 weeks post surgery. I attended a weekend event at the beach for special needs kids... about 7 hours both Sat & Sun. Did well, but was tired by the end of the 2nd day. Heather drove & handled Ricochet for me. Leaving her own dogs behind to help mine. Amazing! There is nothing better to healing my heart than attending a Best Day event. The positive energy is palpable... the smiles un-ending. Such happy kids, and even happier volunteers. I took Rina to the park by myself today. That was a milestone & very empowering! I can drive into the park, and she doesn\'t need to be on leash, so it worked perfectly. She listens very well off leash. Unlike another little red dog I know. Ricochet has to greet everyone she meets, so I would need to put her on leash from time to time. Since I spent the weekend with Ric, I figured it was Rina\'s turn. We had a very nice walk topped with independence! Another 6 weeks to go before I can handle the dogs... and my sternum should be healed. Surgery seems like a distant memory now. Thank goodness I can keep myself busy, and focus on helping others. It\'s a good way to put things into perspective. I\'ve met so many people with disabilities who have it so much worse. I\'m sure this all happened for a reason, but don\'t know what it is yet. Anyway, next time you see me, look for curls!

I\'m very excited to be attending an event with Ricochet this weekend... 5 1/2 weeks post op. I\'ve managed to keep her work going, even when I was in the hospital, but now a big milestone of actually going to an event at the beach. It\'s my favorite, so I\'m stoked! Best Day Foundation offers beach/ocean activities for special needs kids. It\'s one of the most heartwarming events I\'ve ever been too. It will definitely heal my heart even more!! Thanks so much to Heather for driving & handling Ricochet... it means more than you know! Here\'s their website, be sure to check it out these very special kids having their \"best day\"!   www.bestdayfoundation.org event. Rina has also gotten involved in Ricochet\'s work. She\'s been in the background, supporting Ricochet, and has pretty much been the wind beneath both our wings! Rina\'s birthday is April 20th, and when Ricochet asked what she wanted, Rina said \"to fundraise like you do, Ricochet\". So, Rina is fundraising for Association of Amputee Surfers. She wants to help people like our good friend, Julie (AKA One Legged Jo). Jo helped me a LOT during my fear/anxiety stage of my open heart surgery. She was there for me when I felt like giving up. She answered my probing questions about her surgery & shared details of her experience with cancer & losing part of her pelvis and right leg to a hemipelvectomy due to cancer. She is one of the bravest, most inspirational people we know. Every time I felt like giving up, I\'d remember that in 12 weeks I would be back to normal (maybe even better than normal\"). But, folks who have permanent disabilities have a new normal. Jo surfs, skiis and does so much more! I don\'t have it bad at all. So, Rina will be celebrating her birthday and celebrating Jo\'s 10 year anniversary of being cancer free!!!! Rina is raising funds for AmpSurf, the organization that gave Jo the opportunity to experience the healing power of the ocean through surfing. Rina would LOVE to help others like Jo... Whether they are an amputee, blind, suffer from PTSD, or have quadriplegia. Whether they served in WWII, Korea, Vietnam, the Gulf war, Iraq or Afghanistan. Whether they are a child of Autism, or Jo who has lost a limb to Cancer. If you\'d like to make a donation, or learn more about Rina\'s initiative, go to http://www.surfdogricochet.com/Rina%27s%20Birthday%20Wish.htm I\'m really happy Rina is getting involved. She helped me tremendously during my recovery... and I\'m sure she has the power to help many more! I\'m so blessed to have two amazing dogs, and an army of amazing friends and supporters that have helped me through this difficult journey. Because of YOU, I\'m able to celebrate with the kids at the Best Day Foundation event this weekend. Thank you!

I drove for the first time in 5 weeks today! Just to the grocery story, but still... I was behind the wheel, and INDEPENDENT!! I felt like a 16 year old who just got their drivers license! I see why the nurse said to only drive short distances this week. My body said anything further would be too much. I had a little more discomfort in my chest... just holding the steering wheel even. And the seatbelt hits a spot at the top of my sternum where there\'s a big walnut size bump from closing it back up. The grocery store started out ok, but as the cart got more full... it was more of a challenge. I couldn\'t turn corners because it put too much pressure on my chest. So, I adapted, and turned with my hip. People probably thought I was crazy pushing my cart like this. Fortunately, the coke distributor guy was at the coke section, and he put four 12 packs in the cart for me. The bagger loaded the groceries in my car. My amazing Neighbor Robin unloaded my car when I got home. At least I was a little more independent! Feels great after 5 week of having to ask people to help with the smallest of tasks. My friend, Magali came over with her dog to play with Rina & Ric so they got some exercise today. We\'re all so thankful for that! Thanks again to everyone for joining me on this difficult, but improving journey! Judy

Today is 5 weeks since my surgery. A pretty un-eventful week, which I guess is a good thing. Must mean I\'m feeling better! My ankle/foot swelled up last week... I think because it was in the 90s one day. It\'s almost back to normal size now. I don\'t have much pain at all anymore... most of the pressure in my chest is gone too. It\'s not as numb either. The couple spots at the top & bottom of my sternum that were really painful if I moved a certain way are getting much better. I have a couple scabs on the incisions on my legs... wow they last a long time. The swelling behind my knees from the incision is going down too. Tomorrow I\'m going to drive for the first time. Just a few blocks, as the nurse said I need to start out slow. Wonder if I remember how to drive! This is a busy week, even though I have to depend on others to drive & handle the dogs. Visit to the post office tomorrow, then in the evening a photoshoot with \"the doggie bus\"... check Facebook for pictures. Thursday Guideposts is doing a photo shoot of Ricochet & Patrick, and Saturday we\'re going to a Best Day event for special needs kids. Ric won\'t be surfing, but at least we get out of the house. The dogs are stir crazy, and getting into trouble. Even Rina who never gets in trouble! They tore apart a big envelope that had Ric\'s tshirts in it to send to someone. I thought it was Ricochet who did it, but when Rina came walking up the driveway, she had evidence in her mouth... a piece of the envelope! Need to get them out more, but can\'t hold their leashes for another 6 weeks. Thanks to everyone who has taken them out... we so appreciate it. Only one more week of the coumadin (blood thinner), and I can stop that. I\'m thinking 6 weeks post op is going to be the turning point in recovery, and maybe even the bruising on my legs will be gone. I must be getting better... there aren\'t as many guestbook entries anymore! Thank you to everyone who subscribed to this journal, and kept me going with your thoughts, prayers and well wishes. Judy

So, this is my one month milestone. Speaking of milestones, last Sunday, Ricochet hit a trifecta all in one day. She\'s now raised $75,000, hit the 20,000 fans mark on Facebook, and raised $7500 for her current fundraiser, Reality Rally. As a result, Channel 6 news invited us to do a live interview today. I pretty immediately said yes, as it would help raise more awareness. but, I still can\'t drive, so how do I get there, bring Ricochet, and carry the surfboard they wanted in the segment. Heather\'s husband Rick came to my rescue, and drove us there, handled Ric, and carried the surfboard. I am so grateful to both of them, as it allows us to continue Ric\'s work despite my limitations. I am so blessed to have family and friends that believe in Ricochet\'s work, and care about us enough to go out of their way to help. There have been so many people that rallied together to help me through this very difficult time. I\'m overwhelmed by your kindness. If you\'d like to see a video of the interview... and \"see\" how I\'m feeling one month post surgery, here\'s the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSgaYB840Fs Thanks again! Judy

Well, it\'s 4 weeks from my surgery now, and it\'s slowly becoming a distant memory. It\'s like I went through all the motions, but my brain hasn\'t comprehended it completely. It\'s an odd feeling, but I\'m thinking maybe it\'s similar to folks who go through a traumatic event as kids, and they don\'t really remember it, or emotion isn\'t evoked. Can\'t really explain this feeling, but I guess it\'s a good thing. I got rid of the reliner chair rental yesterday. It was one of the best things I had for recovery, and would highly recommend it to anyone. I\'m back in my bed now, and things are pretty much back to normal. I\'m still not able to drive, or hold the dog leashes. I can start driving short distances in about a week. Leashes I can\'t hold again til June. But, thanks to friends, we\'ve been able to go for walks with the dogs. Not enough for Ricochet... she\'s making a mess of my yard with her digging. Lots of gopher activity with the rain. I still have numbness on my chest, and lots of swelling. My legs aren\'t as bruised, but still have swelling behind the knees so it\'s hard to bend for items in lower cabinets. I can sit on the floor now, and get up all by myself! There\'s one spot on my chest that gives me a sharp pain when I sit a certain way... mostly in bed when I\'m watching tv, and I\'m on an angle instead of flat. I get the same sharp pain in the front of my neck, so it probably has something to do with the amount of swelling getting in the way of bending. My energy level is better, but I\'m still not able to tell if the surgery fixed my debilitating fatigue. Cardiologist says it\'s going to take a couple more months to get back to my original physiological state. And my body is using energy to heal. Thanks again for all your help and support! Judy

After spending weeks becoming one with the lift chair recliner I rented, I finally slept in my own bed yesterday! The recliner is being picked up Monday... farewell. And, I wore jeans for the first time today! My legs have been too sore, bruised and swollen from the veins that were taken for the quadruple bypass surgery to wear anything but sweat pants. They\'re still swollen behind my knees, and I can bend or squat, but wearning jeans made me feel like I was back in the main stream! Saw the cardiologist today, and he said I was a different person that he saw 2 weeks ago. This time smiling. Last time I saw him, was the day after my worst night. He thinks the swelling in my legs, and the pain/discomfort in my chest will last a couple months yet. There\'s one spot on my chest, near my heart that feels like someone is standing on me with a 5\" high heel. The rest of my chest is numb, and there is still pressure. Swelling makes it difficult to be in certain positions. But, I\'m not taking any pain meds anymore. And soon will be discontinuing two more drugs. I can do most things now, except drive, lift things, or take the garbage out. And of course, the most challenging to me... not being able to hold my dog\'s leashes, which I won\'t be able to do for a couple more months. Fortunately, I have some amazing friends that drive me/the dogs to a park so they can play. I can\'t thank them enough. Most of my other time is spent working on Ricochet\'s causes, watching tv, and napping. I\'m still tired, but the weakness isn\'t so bad. Ricochet is still antsy, and has been digging in the yard. I was able to hose her feet off yesterday, which I wasn\'t able to do the other times, so progress there. Although I\'m sure she would prefer I was still not able! Rina is spending much more time outside again. She loves to be outside, but when I was at my worst, she spent a lot of time indoors, and would frequently walk in the room, and look at me as if to say \"do you need anything\". I\'m grateful I was able to continue Ricochet\'s work in some capacity even when in the hospital. She\'s still fundraising for the reality rally/Michelle\'s Place for breast cancer. We\'re almost to $7000, and just need a couple hundred more to get there. If you\'d like to make a donation to help us achieve this goal, go to http://www.surfdogricochet.com/Reality%20Rally.htm I am so blessed to have the support of all of you. Thank you to everyone who has helped, prayed, sent cards, gifts, made donations, and left guestbook messages. It\'s really helped me through, and I couldn\'t have done it without you.

Thanks to my friend Magali, she took me, Rina & Ricochet to the park today. Rina and Ric got to run around and burn off some energy. We walked about 1/2 mile. No shortness of breath or anything else. The human body just amazes me. Three weeks ago my heart was stopped, and a heart/lung machine pumped my blood while in surgery. I was helpless when first brought to ICU having just gone through a traumatic major surgery. Now, three weeks later, I can walk 1/2 mile. Crazy! The healing process seems so slow, but when things like this happen, I realize the strides I\'ve made. I still have discomfort in my chest and legs. Still can\'t drive or hold the dogs leashes. Can\'t pick up anything that weighs more than a 1/2 gallon of milk. But the can DO\'s are much greater now. Thank you all for your support and guestbook entries. Having friends and family like you, is the reason I can do what I do. You have all been incredible. Judy

Today is 3 weeks since I had my surgery... seems like a lifetime ago! But then, it seems like a short 3 weeks ago. It\'s all still surreal. I don\'t think my mind has fully comprehended how bad my heart was, and how major the surgery was. I\'ve kind of been going through the motions, but it hasn\'t sunk in. I\'m lucky to have found out about my heart before something happened. My heart was stopped on the table, and this is kind of re-birth of sorts. I believe everything happens for a reason, so it\'ll be interesting to see where this side road takes me on this journey. I had my follow up visit with the surgeon yesterday. I didn\'t see him, but his nurse practitioner. They released me, so I won\'t be having to go to L.A. anymore. My incision is pretty much healed. I have swelling in my legs still, so it\'s hard to squat down, and they still have significant bruising. I still don\'t have much pain, and the pressure has gotten better too. My blood pressure is back to normal. Oxygen level is good, as is my heart rate. I don\'t need to go to physical therapy, since I walk every day anyway. Despite going through some incredibly anxious times, I feel pretty good emotionally. I can do most of my \"activities of daily living\" by myself, but there are a few things I\'m still not able to do. Like take the garbage out, but I\'m feeling stronger. It\'s only 3 weeks until I can drive again! But, I still can\'t hold the dogs leashes for about 9 more weeks. That\'s the hardest, as we used to go out somewhere pretty much every day. Ricochet is using her pent up energy to dig to China... digging several holes in the yard. Rina is spending more time outside, and isn\'t cautious around me anymore. A good sign that I\'m healing. Thank you all again for everything. I\'m overwhelmed at how you all rallied together and helped me through this. Judy

I\'ve been worrying about sneezing since my surgery on March 1st. Surprisingly I haven\'t sneezed all this time, despite my typical sneeze attacks in the sun. That is, until just now... it snuck up on me, and before I knew it... a sneeze! It only hurt a little, and I didn\'t need to hold a pillow to my chest. That is a huge milestone!! Another Can do... I CAN sneeze!

Tomorrow will be three weeks since my open heart surgery to replace my mitral valve & the quadruple bypass. Each day gets a little easier, and there are more things I CAN do. I can now get out of bed by myself, and no longer feel like a bug on it\'s back struggling to get up! I can feed the dogs again, walk the aisles of two grocery stores back to back, have an appetite, I can go on walks with the dogs if someone handles them (thanks Michelle), I can take a shower without losing my breath, and have to immediately lay down. Thanks to Carol of Pawsitive Teams, I can travel to Los Angeles (there and back) to my surgeon\'s office today. Stitches were taken out... hooray! And, I\'ve been released to the care of my cardiologist. The worst part is over... I survived incredible anxiety, confusion, frustration, fear, apprehension, etc. The incisions on my chest and legs are still healing, a few more weeks before I can drive, and a couple months before I can handle the dogs on leash. I still have pressure in my chest, and my legs are swollen behind my knees, so it\'s hard to squat or bend down, but I\'m so used to adapting things because of my arthritis. So, there is much more I CAN do than can\'t! Like Ricochet teachs... focus on what you CAN do. This experience has been surreal... and I feel like I\'ve just gone through the motions, but my mind hasn\'t really comprehended it all yet. It\'s amazing how our minds can protect us! Rina continues to help me, and Ricochet continues to get in trouble! Although Ric did pick something up for me this morning. I\'m completely content having one service dog, and one SURFice dog! They are the best motivation I can have. The next couple months will be a challenge in that I\'ll continue feeling better each day, but will still have restrictions. I get bored easily! Thanks to Dale from Killerimage.com for giving me all the Survivor shows on DVD... that will keep me busy, and help me \"meet\" the reality stars that will be at the reality rally. My post wouldn\'t be complete without a link to the page where you can make a donation for the reality rally fundraiser for breast cancer. If you\'ve got a buck or two, here\'s the link  http://www.active.com/donate/Realityrallystars/2011RRRSurfic Thanks for all the guest book entries... I read every single one, although I\'m not able to answer each. It really means a lot to read your words! Thank you to EVERYONE who has helped me on this path. The outpouring of care, and helpfulness is overwhelming. It\'s just incredible how you all rallied to together to help me! I\'m incredibly blessed. Judy, Rina & Ricochet

I actually wore something other than sweat pants today! Several months ago, one of little Ian\'s therapists asked if we could attend a presentation she was giving on brain injuries. Of course I said yes. But, then I had surgery, and didn\'t think I\'d be well enough to attend. Maria was kind enough to let me \"play it by ear\". I rested all morning, and then Heather drove me to the presentation. She also handled Ricochet. Ian and his brother/sister were there too. Maria told Ian\'s story during her presentation, and I felt so honored to be there. To know that Ricochet has been part of Ian\'s progress just warms my healing heart! We were gone for several hours... not bad for 2 1/2 weeks post op! Judy

There have been more \"can do\'s\" in the last couple days. I can cough without hugging a pillow. I can open the car door. I can lay flat. I can sit at the computer longer. I can sleep nights. I can prepare my own food. I can take a shower without getting winded. I can dry my hair. I can have an appetite. Rina must think I\'m feeling better too because this evening I asked her to put her front paws on the recliner, and she jumped on it! Last week, she wouldn\'t even get on the couch if I was sitting on it. I still have weakness & tire easily. My body feels a different sensation each day as it heals. A lot of tightness in my legs and chest. They\'re also numb. Not pain, but discomfort. I\'m amazed that my sternum was cut in half, and I\'ve had such little pain. The 1/2 inch incision where the chest tube was is more painful. My legs are still black and blue, and swollen by the incisions. They\'re painful, but bearable... I just walk a little funny. I\'m eating better, and have a taste for things finally. Popped some popcorn the other day, and it was delicious! I think I\'m getting to the end of needing someone 24/7. I\'ll still need help for a while, but not overnight. I\'m pretty good at adapting things to fit my ability. Like, I can\'t open a bottle of water, but Sandy/Joy brought me a gallon jug with a spiggot, so I\'ll be able to get my own water. I\'m hoping to attend a brain injury presentation with Ricochet/Ian on Saturday. It\'s just an hour long, and I can sit the whole time. Ricochet helps me get exercise by digging in the yard, so I have to go down and see what trouble she\'s gotten into. We\'ve taken them for rides when Michelle has driven me to the doctor, or to get corned beef today. At least they have a change of scenery. Ricochet could use a full out run for sure. Rina won\'t get in anyone\'s car, but mine. Guess she\'s worried she\'ll be separated from me. She\'s been incredibly helpful through this process, and I think she\'s waited her whole life to help me at my weakest/hardest time. When I puppy raised her for Canine Companions, a couple friends said she was meant for me. I always said \"no, I\'m raising her for someone else\". Now, I have to agree... she WAS meant for me. I\'m so blessed to have two amazing dogs, hundreds of fabulous friends, and thousands of supporters through Ricochet. Thank you all for your guestbook entries, cards, gifts, well wishes, prayers, donations, and love. I even got an envelope full of home made cards that a 2nd grade class in Michigan sent me. We changed the guard a few times this week, and I\'m so appreciative of Heather coordinating it all. And Michelle, Sue, and Bobbi (tomorrow night) for taking time out of their lives, being away from their families and dogs, just to help me. There are no words that adequately say how I feel. Thanks again! Judy

Thanks to Michelle, Rina and Ricochet were able to play on a trail today. It\'s been a couple weeks since they\'ve been able to run all out, and Ricochet kind of needs that! I went with, and we were going to take Michelle\'s car. In the last couple weeks, Rina has not wanted to get in anyone\'s car... guess she doesn\'t want to be far from the house, because then she couldn\'t check up on me. I was sitting in Michelle\'s car, but she still said she couldn\'t leave. So, I went to my car in the driveway, and opened the door, and she popped right up, and jumped in. The plan was for me to walk a little ways because I\'m supposed to be walking every day. So, we walked a bit, and came to a hill. I was going to stay at the bottom while Michelle took the dogs for a longer walk, and to play in the field. But, when Rina & Ricochet noticed I wasn\'t following them up the hill, they both turned around, and came running back to me. Nothing like two dogs inviting you to join them on a trail! I walked to the top of the hill with them, and was not winded or tired. I took a rest before walking back down to the car. It wasn\'t our usual long walk, but at least we were all together in the sunshine. Rina and Ric are definitely helping in my recovery in many different ways. What a difference 2 weeks can make. Today was my best day yet. Thanks again to Michelle for helping out with the dogs, and giving us the gift of contentment.

Well, today is the two week mark from my open heart surgery to replace my mitral valve, and do the quadruple bypass. Recovery has been sloooooooooooow! Almost so slight that I can\'t see the improvements. But, now that I can look back to 2 weeks ago, there are many! Last week at this time, I was in ICU desperately trying to communicate while I had the breathing tube in. I had a very bad night because the sedation wore off, and I was aware and in pain. I would hit the bed with my hand, trying to get the nurses attention, but she would just come by, pat my hand and say \"you\'re doing fine\". Every attempt I made at trying to tell her I wasn\'t fine, and wanted to write something, was met with confusion. Tears rolled down my face as I continued to hear news about Charlie Sheen on the tv. The clock was 6:10, and when it finally hit 6:30, I thought the clock was broken because the hands didn\'t move. Now, I realize I was waking up every second from the sedation, and those 60 seconds were a lifetime. But, two weeks later, a big improvement! I CAN communicate. I can talk, I can type, I can post to Facebook, I can send email, I can post to this journal, I can talk on the phone, I can talk in person. And the best part is... everyone understands! There is no confused look on nurse/doctor faces. Tears are not rolling down my face, and I\'m not helpless. Charlie Sheen is still in the news though! My blood pressure is higher today... not normal yet, but getting there. My back pain is controlled. My chest is very tight, and it\'s uncomfortable, but I wouldn\'t call it pain. It\'s also numb across my whole chest. My legs are tight too, and there is still a little swelling behind the knee where one of the incisions are. Every day, a new sensation introduces itself, as my cells begin to heal throughout my body. Thanks again to everyone for their care, help, concern, guestbook entries, cards, gifts, support and love. Judy

I\'ve had low blood pressure the last few days 84/75. Talked to the nurse today, and it turns out I was still taking a drug I wasn\'t supposed to after surgery... Oopsie! Drug now stopped, and hopefully blood pressure will get better, and I won\'t feel as weak. When the home health nurse was here, we kept the dogs outside, but RIna was looking thru the door with a concerned look. That, coupled with Heather leavimg has made Rina even more concerned. Instead of spending time outside, which is where she prefers to be, she has stayed close. She\'s really helping a lot with her retrieve skills. Ricochet came in once, but it was dinner time, and she wanted to be fed! BIrds aren\'t the only reason she\'s not a service dog!

Last night, my friend Nedra from http://reikiforallcreatures.com gave me a Reiki treatment... it was very relaxing! Rina and Ricochet were bummed they didn\'t get a treatment. Nedra has worked on them before! The pain in my back is better... the 3x a day muscle relaxers from my rheumatolgist seem to be taking the edge off. Thinking about going to see him for acupuncture to reduce the back pain even more. I had some shallow breathing and shortness of breath yesterday. Heather printed out directions to the cloest E/R! My blood pressure remains low, and I still have pressure in my chest. Now it feels best to sit straight up because the area around my incision is tight. Heather went back to work today, and will go back to her family today. I\'m so grateful to her husband, Rick, and her two dogs Cady and Rory (Ricochet\'s littermate) for letting me have their mom for a while. There are no words to adequately thank Heather. She made my first (bad) week at home more tolerable. She was \"Johnny on the spot\" if she even heard the recliner move a little bit. She is an amazing friend, and I\'m so blessed. But, just because she went back to her family doesn\'t mean she\'s not still helping. She\'s coordinating the \"changing of the guard\" too. Several different friends will be staying with me this week. Carolyn from Pawsitive Teams is here now. I\'m so incredibly blessed to have the support of so many, and friends that take time from their lives to take care of me. Home health nurses are starting today. They\'ll check my incisions, and draw blood for the coumadin drug I\'m on for six weeks. It\'s only been a week that I\'ve been home, but it feels like a month. It\'s easier to see progress when compared to one week ago, than it is day to day. Thanks again to everyone for your support. Judy

It\'s amazing to me the amount of depleated energy that comes with major open heart surgery. I\'m still out of breath after taking a shower. Or doing any \"little\" thing. I\'m trying to come up with a better schedule, like walking right after breakfast before I take a shower. I\'m not feeling nauseas anymore... thank goodness! And my rheumatologist prescribed a muscle relaxer for my back. It hasn\'t eliminated the pain, but it\'s not as intense. My legs are starting to itch, and the skin on my chest feels numb. I was able to get out of bed myself, and that is a big accomplishment! Was able to sit at the computer for about an hour today to catch up on email, and it\'s probably the longetst I\'ve been out of the recliner! I\'m becoming one with it. Didn\'t take a xanax last night, as I wanted to see if I could sleep without it... and I did. The challenge of feeling a little better, and not overdoing it is great. So, I\'m trying to force myself to let others help me, and prioritize what\'s important for recovery. I\'m out of energy now, so signing off. Thanks again for everything you ALL do! Judy

That is a question Heather asks me frequently! Today she got a little break to hang out with her dogs, so Charli from Pawsitive Teams came over for a few hours. Same question... \"do you need anything?\" Later in the day, Rina came up to me as I was sitting in the recliner and asked the same question with her soulful eyes. For some reason, it\'s easy to say \"no thank you\" when heather or Charli ask, but I couldn\'t to rina. So for next 15 minutes I asked her to do various things like retrieving items, turning lights on/off, etc. Today was a super low energy day... I tire so easily, and within minutes. My back pain is still my major complaint. I did mange to lightly kick the ball once for the dogs, but don\'t tell anyone, because I\'m probably not supposed to. Of course I had to go lay down right after the kick because it wore me out. But it was good to see the dogs play. Nausea has been kept at bay... Thank goodness. Still sleeping through the night, and yesterday only took one Xanax before bed. Improvement there too. Thanks again for your guestbook entries... I enjoy reading them, and they help give me something to do while I sit in this recliner 24/7 As always thanks to Heather. And to Charli... And RIna! And all of you!

Yesterday, I was able to walk with Heather (who held the dogs) to the mailbox at the end of the street. I had an appetite yesterday, and even sat at the table for about 10 minutes eating a meal with Heather. Slept through the night again... yay! Today has been another bad day though. Have been very weak & tired. So, I guess recovery is like a roller coaster, bad days, good days, worse days... until you get to great days. My body looks like the main character of the house of horrors at the carnival with slashes, gashes, bruises, bumps, etc. I don\'t even watch slasher movies, so it\'s hard to look at myself LOL! I was able to lay in my bed for a few minutes with Rina last night... she didn\'t jump off, so she must be feeling more comfortable too. I can\'t get out of bed by myself still, and continue to look like a bug who fell over on it\'s back until Heather comes to my rescue. I still have pain in my back... much more intense than anything else. My chest doesn\'t really hurt... just some pressure still. My legs hurt if I have them bent, and then try to straighten them out. Incisions are healing though, and the bruising is taking on a different colored mosaic every day. I posted some new photos, so click on the \"my photos\". Oh, and don\'t forget to sign your name if you post in the guestbook because it doesn\'t let me know who you are automatically, and the fortune teller at my carnival who knows all is on vacation. Finally opened mail yesterday, so thank you for your cards and gifts! I loved them. I still don\'t have the energy to send individual thank you\'s, but please know how much I appreciate them. Going for a walk now... to see if we can make it past the mailboxes this time. Thanks again to everyone for your well wishes, writing in my guestbook, and your support!

Last night I really wanted to cuddle with the dogs, but it\'s still really hard with my incisions/limitations. Rina was lying on the bed, so I thought I\'d sit next to her. But, as I did, she jumped off. Then, I went into the living room, and sat on the couch. I invited her up, and she moved further away... she had a nervous look on her face \"that\'s too dangerous, mom\". With some prompting, she finally put her two front paws on the couch so I could hug her... that was such a tender moment, and well overdue! I again invited her to jump on the couch next to me, but she again walked further away with that look of concern. She just thought it\'d be too dangerous to take the risk of jumping on the couch while I was on it. Reading my dog, I said, \"ok let\'s try this\". And, I got up from the couch. I then asked her to jump on, and she very willingly did. I then sat next to her, and she was quite content. In her nervous Nellis/Cautious Catie dog like manner she felt it was a better idea if she was on the couch first, so her jumping up wouldn\'t hurt me. She was all for being on the couch first, and then me sitting next to her. That worked out great, and I was able to cuddle as well as I could with a sternum cut in half and plated together. Ricochet was invited too. She\'s not nervous like Rina. She\'s just her gentle self, knowing what is needed of her. She jumped up softly and laid down with her head hanging off the couch. Although she had to uncomfortable, she just lay there so I could pet her. There are no more barriers in the house, no baby gates. The dogs are free to sleep where they want, with who they want. They haven\'t tried to jump on me once. And Rina\'s wagging tail didn\'t even hurt my sliced up legs from the bypass grafts when it hit me yesterday. Definitely progress on the dog front!

Last night was the first night in months that I got a good night\'s sleep. All the anxiety I experienced prior to surgery interrupted sleep, and then I wasn\'t able to sleep in the hospital. Since I came home, I only have about 5 hours of sleep. Heather is amazing... actually, there is no adjective to adequately describe her. She is better than a nurse! So organized, attentive, concerned, jumps in an instance, and takes care of absolutely everything. She makes a great service dog! If you look in the dictionary under the word \"friend\", you will see her picture. She went to the cardiologist appt with me yesterday, asked questions, took notes, fed me despite my non appetite, feeds the dogs, and organized my scores of prescriptions so I wouldn\'t get sick. I went to sleep about 10pm, and woke about 7 (we got up around midnight briefly because of an open window When I get better and can laugh without pain, I\'ll tell you a funny story that she would prefer I keep to myself about it). Aside from that, we slept until 7am, and I stayed in bed til 8:30 when I finally got out to eat some toast Heather prepared. Another first... I actually finished two pieces, and wasn\'t sick afterwards. When I woke this morning, I told Heather I wanted to go for a walk in the park, but after talking with my insurance company nurse for 1/2 hour, and taking a shower, reality set in, and I realize I don\'t have enough energy yet to do more than walk to the mail box. A shower totally wipes me out, and I still don\'t have energy to dry my hair. But each day I can see minute improvements. I still don\'t have much pain from the plate in my chest... although while talking with my sister I had a coughing attack which was quite uncomfortable. Email and this blog is still my best mode of communication. Am exhausted, and going back to the recliner. Thanks again for ALL your guestbook entries! They\'re so enjoyable to read. By the way, no more vicadin, so the nausea is much better. Judy

I had a horrible night last night. It started during the day with more pressure on my chest... it felt like someone was sitting on it. I called the nurse practitioner, and she suggested taking two vicodin, and the anti-nausea meds. I went through two doses, and then ended up extremely nauseous, and worried about the pain the wretching would cause if I did. It lasted from early evening, all through the night, and I still feel some nausea. I don\'t have much pain in my chest... just the pressure, but it\'s better today. I really thought I\'d have a lot more pain. Of course, if I move the wrong way, it\'s painful, and the incisions on my legs from the bypasses hurt if touched, but it\'s all very tolerable. What I do have, however is a lot of pain in my back... around C-5. Most likely from when my chest was opened. I still have no appetite, can\'t sleep, and am extremely weak. I got short of breath taking a shower today. Went to the cardiologist & blood pressure is low. So, he stopped one of the blood pressure meds. Suggested Tylenol instead of Vicodin, and xanax to help me sleep. It\'s amazing to me how this surgery has completely knocked me out for days. I\'m often to weak to talk. The cardiologist thought I was doing well post op day 8 though. Easy for him to say! Heather is staying with me this week, and she makes an incredible nurse. Before I can even say a word, she\'s right there. She and Rina got up with me every time during my difficult night. Ricochet got her beauty sleep. I can\'t thank Heather enough. I got anxious at the cardiologist office again today, and she was just the perfect person to have with. This is an incredibly trying time physically and emotionally. Hopefully once the nausea subsides things will get better. I\'m not supposed to have salt either, but in my desperation to feel better last night, I grabbed a saltine cracker and it was like heaven! Salt never tasted so good. I still don\'t have the energy to write all the thank you emails to everyone for their donations, but it\'s on my to do list. I at least try to read all the emails and guestbook entries. Thanks again for your support.