Hello, I was wondering if anyone had any advice re my husband who had open heart back in the beginning of March. He was shocked 14 times and is the luckiest ...Read more
Hello, I was wondering if anyone had any advice re my husband who had open heart back in the beginning of March. He was shocked 14 times and is the luckiest man i know thanks to the incredible team at the hospital who did not give up on him. With that said, he seems to look for pity and attention yet is somewhat bitter, does not seem realize how fortunate he is, and complains about anything and everyone. Im just so surprised and while its terribly difficult to observe, I don't know what to do to help him. Ive lightly suggested a therapist bc 'he seems down' and he insists he is not depressed etc. We have a beautiful toddler for him to live for and while he loves the boy, he's just bitter in all other areas, and quite frankly-a bear at times. I sometimes feel I have 2 children. I just do not know what to do for him and am just learning about these possible personality changes that occur after bypass. The bypass was completely out of the blue -he is extremely healthy and fit otherwise-this was a genetic result/his father had triple bypass. My husband does not drink or smoke either. Please-any suggestions on how to help him I appreciate. Thank you
Rita Savelis You're having one experience and he's having another. It's hard to be a partner, it's hard to be a pa ... Read more
Rita Savelis You're having one experience and he's having another. It's hard to be a partner, it's hard to be a patient and one can never really completely understand what the other one is going through. There can be a lot of psychological repercussions to heart surgery that can't just be quickly solved. It took me over a year to feel like myself again and I didn't feel that most people could understand what I had been through or what I was still going through. Your husband will have to look for his own help in his own way and you'll have to try to be understanding. I recommend listening without judging and not offering solutions except the ability to listen a lot. Hopefully he can also find a therapist or have his cardiologist help him. What he is experiencing is very common. "Lucky" is a word that doesn't always apply. One has to go through a lot of bitterness and anger and depression sometimes to get to the other side.
Jess A Ok, thank you so much for this insight. I really appreciate it Rita
Sophia Ridley Hi Jess, does your husband attend cardiac rehab? It might help for him to connect with other patients ... Read more
Sophia Ridley Hi Jess, does your husband attend cardiac rehab? It might help for him to connect with other patients and there will be cardiac nurses on hand for advice and support. This site has been wonderful for support and advice, I wonder if he needs to make a similar connection.
Hi Jess
I'm currently reading a book called: Coping with Heart Surgery and Bypassing Depression: A F ... Read more
Hi Jess
I'm currently reading a book called: Coping with Heart Surgery and Bypassing Depression: A Family's Guide to the Medical, Emotional and Practical Issues by Carol Cohan. I haven't finished it yet, but it seems to touch on some of the issues you and your partner are experiencing. It may be of help.
It seems important not to underestimate the potential debilitating effects of depression and the 'post traumatic shock' experienced around sudden cardiac surgery , especially open heart surgery.
The book can be found on the US Amazon site here if you are interested:
https://www.amazon.com/Coping-Heart-Surgery-Bypassing-Depression/dp/1887841075/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1468015921&sr=1-1&keywords=coping+with+heart+surgery
Perhaps you can pick up a second-hand copy as it has been around for some years now.
I send warm thoughts to you and your husband from London.
Coping With Heart Surgery and Bypassing Depression: A Family's Guide to the Medical, Emotional, and Practical Issues [Cohan, Carol, Cohan MA, Carol, Pimm Ph.D., June B.] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. Coping With Heart Surgery and Bypassing Depression: A Family's Guide to the Medical, Emotional, and Practical Issues
Jess A Thank you all so much, re the cardiac rehab...he did go but made some comments that he was the younge ... Read more
Jess A Thank you all so much, re the cardiac rehab...he did go but made some comments that he was the youngest in there etc...I don't know if it made him feel 'old' or what his thoughts were. I kept mentioning how beneficial it had to be etc.
Rita Savelis Being the "youngest" in rehab is hard. I understand what he means. There can be a lot of "old"people ... Read more
Rita Savelis Being the "youngest" in rehab is hard. I understand what he means. There can be a lot of "old"people there.... and people that you can't relate to. It doesn't make you feel old, it makes you feel young and you wonder why this happened to you now.... The only thing that was helpful to me in rehab was when occasionally someone would share their story. I did feel jealous of many older patients, I felt they wouldn't have to see possible afteraffects for 30 years to come. This is what happened to me when I had cancer as an adolescent. Years later I had all the afteraffects of radiation, etc., something that older cancer patients never had to experience.
Jess A thank you so much Rita for this valuable insight. He's become a real pain lately...im keeping quiet a ... Read more
Jess A thank you so much Rita for this valuable insight. He's become a real pain lately...im keeping quiet and keep telling myself he's still in recovery
I'm currently reading a book called: Coping with Heart Surgery and Bypassing Depression: A F ... Read more
I'm currently reading a book called: Coping with Heart Surgery and Bypassing Depression: A Family's Guide to the Medical, Emotional and Practical Issues by Carol Cohan. I haven't finished it yet, but it seems to touch on some of the issues you and your partner are experiencing. It may be of help.
It seems important not to underestimate the potential debilitating effects of depression and the 'post traumatic shock' experienced around sudden cardiac surgery , especially open heart surgery.
The book can be found on the US Amazon site here if you are interested:
https://www.amazon.com/Coping-Heart-Surgery-Bypassing-Depression/dp/1887841075/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1468015921&sr=1-1&keywords=coping+with+heart+surgery
Perhaps you can pick up a second-hand copy as it has been around for some years now.
I send warm thoughts to you and your husband from London.