Randa's Journal

On this day last year I was at Brigham and Women\'s Hospital In Boston, having just finished a series of tests and feeling relived that those went well, while knowing that the big surgery was the next morning. There are no words to describe the emotion of that night and the fear I had for the next day. I was not sure I would be here on April 8, 2011. Now - one year later - I can\'t believe how the time has gone by. For those waiting for surgery, I can\'t tell you anything to make the anxiousness go away, because honestly, I still have my moments. But in hindsight - it\'s been an amazing year, I feel well, I don\'t cough or yawn as much - little things I never attributed to my valve, but now it makes sense. Most of all - I appreciate every day and every one. This site has been an amazing place, and although I do not journal much anymore, I do come back to see how folks are doing. To all my HVJ friends - Wishing you all the best for the holiday weekend.

It has been just over 9 months since surgery and getting my new valve. In April , I was not sure I would be here to see this Christmas. So THANKFUL for my family, friends and fellow HVJ followers. Enjoy!

As I look back at the last 4 months so much seems like a blur. April 7 - surgery day - I was not sure I was coming back. Here I sit 4 months later - feeling great and still so very thankful for every day! I come to these journals often and read what others write. Looking for updates on those that are familiar to me like Ruth and David and also seeing all those folks who are just getting started on their journey. I read the journals of the newer HVJ friends, knowing the fear, anxiety and worries all too well. I have wanted to write sooner, but in comparison to the emotion prior to surgery and even in the immediate recovery - what I have to say now seems very bland in comparison. So I guess that\'s my message - after all that research, worry, fear, anxiety and living with a mind in a state of cloudiness - life does get back to normal. I just have this little scar on my chest as a badge of honor! I am back at work - which has been very quiet this summer. I am back to routines: vacation, summer camp for the boys, swimming lessons, cookouts with friends. All the good stuff I thought I would never see again. I am now training for that 5K I set as a goal for myself prior to surgery. I went back to the Y - the place where I had the initial episode that started all this - and Carol, who was there that day - said the best thing possible to me... She said I looked relaxed. For those preparing for your surgery - know that the anxiety REALLY IS the worst part. Once it was done - I was just so grateful to stilll be here, the recovery was easy. I had read that on many journals prior to my surgery, and it turned out to be so true. I may not update this site too much anymore, but I come back often and think of all my HVJ \"friends.\" This site has really been a blessing! Adam did a great thing in creating this. THANK YOU!

Tomorrow it will be 8 weeks since my aortic valve replacement surgery and there are times when I go about life and it is no longer the first thing I think about. AMAZING. Earlier today I had the best experience. My son\'s 5th grade class has been studying the body in science and learned about the Heart a week or two ago. His teacher knew I had the surgery and asked if I would come in and talk to not just his class, but all the 5th graders. So this morning, that is exactly what I did. I was apprehensive at first. I am not a doctor, nurse or scientist -but all that research paid off. I told my story - start to finish. They listened and asked great questions and it was WONDERFUL. I had so much fun. It was cathartic in a way. I even found a \"simulated\" valve replacement surgery on You Tube to show the class. But the best part was,,,when he came home, he had about 50 hand made THANK YOU cards that the students had written me. Many said they learned so much and many thanked me for sharing my \"amazing\" story. They hoped I felt better and they all thought my cow valve was \"COOL.\" and.. he was proud!

Last Wednesday I had my Echo and saw my cardiologist and he gave me the all clear to go back to work. He said my heart looks great and the numbers he read were like a new heart. I do not have to have another echo for a year. WOO- HOO! As for any residual pain, I think Gary on the HVJ site said it best...\"I would say my pain is just enough to remind me I had surgery and only with certain movements, otherwise I am pain free. Amazing! I have started back at work and will be working from home a few days and in the office the other days. Today was my first day in the office and as I got ready to leave today my house this morning, my 11 year old asked me \"why people always look so pretty when they go to work.\" While I was really touched by this comment, I laughed because that also must mean he did not think I was \"pretty\" as I sat around in my jeans or sweats the last few weeks. At work, I spent a lot of time just catching up with folks and had great conversations with many that I was so happy to see. One of my first emails today was from three friends I work with who sent and electronic gift card to Starbucks as a welcome back. It really made my day - especially to see that first thing. (I do think they were also reminding me how much coffee we need to make it thru our demands sometimes.) It feels so nice to be welcome back with open arms. Everyday I am reminded of the perspective this experience has given me and I remember what really matters. This has also shown me what true friends are and who they are - and for that I am grateful! I only wish I could find a way to give peace to those that on the front side of this experience. As I read their journals and their questions, I feel for them as I know too well how anxious and anxiety ridden they are. It does get better and the odds are very much in your favor!

This Thursday it will be 6 weeks since my Aortic Valve Replacement. WOW! So hard to believe that open heart surgery was 6 weeks ago and today, I feel great with only a 3 and 1/2 inch scar to remind me. Cardiac Rehab continues and I am enjoying it. I go three times a week for an hour each time and continue to do the treadmill, bike and next week I will add the eliptical trainer. I am so happy to be moving again, and am very motivated to get in even better shape than before. I am still planning to the do 5k on September 18th, so anyone reading this that is local to Connecticut, let me know if you want to join me. I have not had any issues with shortness of breath, have not really been tired and other than having a few physical limitations such as no lifting - all is good. Every once in a while, if I move a certain way, I can feel the incision tug as a friendly reminder not to do too much. I have an echo tomorrow and an appointment with my cardiologist. That will be the final OK that all is well. My biggest accomplishment in the last few days is that I FINALLY finished my 4 year old\'s baby book. At least I made good use of some of this time. If I could figure out how to take the rest of the summer off - maybe I could get all my photos organized right up to 2011! In fact, I feel so good, that I have been enjoying my remaining days off a little more than I should. A friend of mine reminded me that when your medical leave starts to feel like a vacation - it is time to go back to work. And she is right.....It\'s time. So that is my next move - back to work!

Hi Everyone - I went to day 3 of rehab today and it is definately getting better. I was able to do 30 minutes on the treadmill and 30 minutes on the stationary bike. My heart rate did not get above 110 and the nurses were pleased. Often the heart rate changed depending on what I was listening to on my iPod - which amused the nurses. My BP was also much lower - almost to the other extreme. I decided to cut the new medicine in half and this seems to help with the BP and the tiredness. And yes... I did tell the cardiologist today that I cut my meds on my own.. and he agreed. :) I just know that this whole BP issue is a result of the surgery and I will not be needing BP meds long term. I have issues, but BP is not one of them. My energy level has been good today. I can\'t wait to get back to my old levels. There is nothing worse for someone like me than to have to sit and \"rest\" when all these wonderful things you could be doing are running thru your head. I guess I know now why they give you this time off work - it really is recovery! Mothers Day was wonderful - I kept thinking how lucky I was to be here to see this Mothers Day and be with my boys. What a different perspective. My older son wrote me the best poem. And my little one made me a card. As I reflect on this today, the one thing that keeps going thru my head is.... \"What a long, strange trip it\'s been\"

Even though session one felt so good, it also knocked me out for 2 days, and I was more tired than I have been for any days since the surgery. At session 2 today, the nurses told me this is pretty normal. My brothers theory is that this is the cow valve acting accordingly as Wednesday it rained here all day and he reminded me that cows always lie down when it rains. The good news is that my BP does seem to be back in normal ranges with the new meds and the exercise. I just need to keep it there so I can get off the meds. Rehab has been good - the folks there are wonderful. I am the only woman in the classes I have attended. Most the other patients are much older than me as well. It is not often that I am the \"young\" one anymore. :)

Hello - 4 weeks post surgery and generally I feel good. I started cardiac rehab yesterday and did some work on the treadmill and stationary bike. It felt so good to MOVE! The docs also started me on a new med for blood pressure. It did go down - but I am not sure if it is because of the exercise or the new med. I do not want to be on a BP medicine long term, so I really hope the exercise is doing the trick. The new med also made me a bit dizzy and very tired yesterday, apparently this is normal for this med as your body adjusts. I am finally off the iron and some other supplements and the pill count is decreasing over all. YEA!

Yesterday I had my post-op appt with my surgeon in Boston. The drive to Boston was so different than the one almost 4 weeks ago. Instead of being filled with fear, I was able to appreciate the beautiful day and enjoy the ride. When we got to Brigham and Women\'s Hospital, I noticed for the first time, what a great facility this really was. Bright, lots of light and open space, welcoming and so well done. It was nice not to have my head in the fog of the last few months. Dr. Cohn said everything looks good. I got the OK to drive, the OK to drink wine- but not at the same time! The only point of concern is my blood pressure, which is still high. I am not sure if that means changing my meds again, or trying something else. Dr. Cohn was going to speak to my cardiologist in Connecticut and I am waiting for a call back to look at next steps. Dr. Cohn also wants me to hold off on Cardiac Rehab until we get this figured out. I am anxious to get active again so I am pushing to get this sorted out today or tomorrow. I picked up my 4 year old from his pre-school for the first time in a month yesterday. When he first saw me show up at pick up time, he asked who was driving us home. When I told him I could drive - he was so excited. That was the best part of the day!

Hello All - Today is 3 weeks post-op and the surgery seems like a distant memory. The brain is an amazing machine - it can block out all that fear and anxiety and life can quickly get back to normal. My 11 year old is starting to ignore me again when I talk to him and is no longer as concerned and worried for me as he was pre-surgery - and my 4 year old decided this morning before pre-school was the perfect time to pull out the crayola crayon maker and put his \"little pet shop\" toys in the wax melter. Just like old times. The glue is finally starting to come off the incision - it is is basically flaking away. I am no longer taking the serious pain meds and am only taking Advil as needed. My energy levels have been good - although yesterday I actually napped during the day for the first time since coming home. I am off to Boston to see my surgeon for follow up on Monday and hope to get the OK to sleep in other positions besides on my back and will hopefully get the release to drive soon. Once I get that release I can also start cardiac rehab which will feel really good! We are still working on my blood pressure which did not go down right away with the new medicine but I am getting that checked again tomorrow so hopefully that will get under control soon. What a journey this has been......

Hi All - According to the cardiologist I am doing well. The numbness is normal - and may never completely go away. (now he tells me) but nothing to worry about. my heart sounded good, and my chest XRay was good. He took me off the Metoprolol and has me starting Bystolic today. He thinks this will help get my blood pressure under control. He also wants me to start cardiac rehab - hopefully next week if the surgeon gives me the OK. This may help the blood pressure as well. It looks like the next few days here in CT will be warm and sunny so I can finally get outside!

Hello Everyone- Hope Easter was good for all. It is now 18 days post surgery and I feel pretty good. There is still numbness in the right breast, but I am told that will go away over time and is normal since they cut into the tissue. My blood pressure is still slightly higher than before the surgery - but no one seems concerned about that either, so I am staying positive. My energy is coming back - I only wish the weather in Connecticut would cooperate more so I can walk outside. I have a follow up with my cardiologist today, and I plan to ask about cardiac rehab as well as getting back to the gym. My oldest went back to school today from his April break, so I am truly \"alone\" this morning - except for the dog. It is actually pretty nice. I have spent the last week watching a lot of TV (Arrested Development, Craig Fergusen and I am ashamed to admit this, but \"Secret Life of the American Teenager\") movies, reading, and plotting all sorts of summer trips and future vacations. I also have mapped out my plan for my son\'s team soccer video this season - now I just need the season to start so I can take my pictures. Everyone keeps asking if I feel more energetic now that I have the new valve - it is so hard to tell since I was not really tired before. I have not felt any more tired than before the surgery and have not had a need to nap at all. However, a persistent cough I had before the surgery is now gone - so I think that is due to the new valve. I am eagerly awaiting permission to get more active but need the docs the clearance - that will be the real test. I have been thinking a lot about fellow HVJ patient Ruth, whose surgery did not go so well. Of all people - her anxiety was even higher than mine. I am hoping that we will get good news on Ruth today. And then yesterday, I found out that the husband of a friend of mine here in Granby was killed in an accident Friday night - age 47, with two young kids that both my sons know well. I have spent the last few months so worried about me and my surgery, my kids and my anxiety - and I made it thru. Yet my friends husband was killed in an instant - I am still in shock. I know life is not always fair, but sometimes it really makes no sense. anyway...more to come after my appt today.

Hello - Day 13 post surgery and Day 9 at home. Life is getting back to \"normal.\" My husband went back to work today and my 11 year old son is home with me the rest of the week as it is school break week here in Connecticut. We have spent the morning watching \"Danny Phantom\" and the movie \"The Spy Next Door.\" He has been good company. Right now we are huddled in bed watching another movie and the dog has joined us. As I mentioned, at night I have been sleeping in Justin\'s (my 4 year old) room just to make sure the dog and others do not jump on me at night. My 4 year old has been sleeping with Cornel in our bed until my incision heals a little more. He is having a blast playing musical beds. Last night, my oldest decided to make a little sleeping area on the floor of the room I was in and camp out next to me so he could be near me all night. It was precious. It is so nice to be with all my boys again! My incision is no longer in much pain, but the right breast near the cut is still numb. I am told that is normal. Everything else seems to be right on track. I am only taking tylenol for pain during the day and oxycoton (sp?) just at night so I can get a good nights sleep. My voice is almost back to normal from the breathing tube. I wish the weather would get a little warmer so I could walk more outside. Making circles in the house to keep active is a little crazy! My friend Kelly was the hit of the week - bringing pizza, cupcakes and BEER for dinner on Monday. While I did not have beer due to the meds - Cornel very much appreciated the Heineken, it has been a long few weeks for him too. We ALL loved the Pizza!!! So much for heart healthy! :) THANK YOU KELLY! I have a question for other HVJ patients and others that have been thru this... how do you get the glue from the heart monitors off your skin. I have tried everything, Nail polish remover, good old soap and water, but I still have those nasty glue marks all over. Any ideas? Ruth - Good luck with your surgery tomorrow! I will be thinking of you. Randa

Hi Everyone - Things seem to be progressing well. I am learning not to overdo things. On Saturday I went to my older son\'s soccer game in the morning and then spent the rest of the day lying around as I was very tired. On Sunday, I convinced my husband that I needed to go to Target to finish up the shopping for the boys Easter baskets. He was not happy about the trip - but he took me. He did not tell me until we got there what the catch was....he would insist I ride around in one of those motorized scooters so I did not have to walk around the store. I was mortified! Good thing there were no video cameras. I was a little rough on the turns, but there were no injuries, mine or anyone else at Target. The whole thing belonged on \"America\'s Funniest Home Videos.\" I got all I needed for the boys, but I think my husband is trying to tell me that there will be no other shopping adventures for a while!

Modern medicine is just amazing. 8 days ago I had my sternum cut open, my heart stopped, a valve replaced and then they put it all back together. Today - I am home, I walked 15 minutes outside yesterday, took a shower on my own, overall feel pretty good and have a 3 inch scar on my sternum that is a little tight, but healing. Think about that - a 3 inch scar to open your sternum, get to your heart and fix it. Dr. Cohn worked miracles with his hands. It is very surreal! The visiting nurse came on Tuesday and was impressed and how well I was going. My BP is a little high, but she and the doctor were not to concerned considering how much I had been thru. She will continue to come 3 days a week for a few weeks just to check up on me. In terms of pain meds - I am basically on extra strength Tylenol every 6 hours and although I have Oxycodon, I have not really taken it much. Just one at night so I am really comfortable to sleep. I have made all my follow up doctors appts already and have reclaimed my home, gone thru mail, emails, newspapers, and most importantly - all the cards, flowers, notes and gifts from friends. Thank you so much for everything - and most especially the food. As you may have read in an earlier posting - my husband does not cook at all. And while I feel pretty good - it is nice not to have to worry about cooking for a few weeks. So THANK YOU to all who have brought or are bringing food this week and next. It is a huge help and one less thing I need to think about. I have sent my days watching moves on netflix, watching reruns of \"that 70\'s show\" on TV and checking in on a few emails. Trying to rest - but still not really tired enough to sleep during the day. I spoke to a dear friend at work yesterday who reminded me that I should take advantage of this time, and not think about work - especially if I am feeling good. So next week I am planning to catch up on my photography and kids photo books. As my family shares more stories of my surgery day with me it really is amazing what was done and in how little time. And..apparently how amusing I was to the cath lab with my tales of how I was really Angelia Jolie and Brad Pitt was waiting in the cath lab for me. My boys are thrilled I am home and yesterday we all cuddled in bed together and watched a movie. The \"stuff\" I was so afraid I would never get to do again. I am so grateful - just to be here! So grateful to have made it thru - because as those on this site know - That is what we all fear the most. But I was given a gift - a gift of more time to be with my family and friends who I am so truly blessed to have in my life! That\'s it for today my friends! More to come as the recovery continues. Take Care All! Randa

Hi Everyone - I\'m back.... on line that is. After many interesting postings from my husband I thought I would share my perspective 6 days out. First and foremost - the whole thing seems surreal. I spent 2 hours in surgery, which I think is some kind of record for open heart surgery, one night in the ICU, 3 nights in step down and then home. Brigham and Women\'s Hospital was outstanding and Dr. Cohn was amazing. I was his 11,003rd heart surgery patient. Fellow HVJ patient David K, whom I met while in the hospital, was is 11,000th! I was lucky - my arteries were completely clear. Which was a pleasant surprise for me as I thought the radiation from the Hodgkins might have damaged them many years ago and I had minimal scar tissue from the radiation as well. For those that are getting ready for surgery - one thing that made a huge difference in how well I did coming out of this, was the fact that I was in decent shape before. My legs were strong as I had worked out until 2 days prior to surgery. So when I had to start walking, I was steady on my feet right away. Also - Even though it may not show - my core is strong. And I don\'t think you can underestimate how important that was to being able to sit up on my own. You are not able to use your arms to push up as you have to protect the sternum, so a strong core made a huge difference. My family was wonderful - especially my husband and brother. My husband stayed the whole time in the hospital and really went above and beyond. Helping me shower, \"trying\" to fix my hair, and making sure I stayed calm and rested. My brother stayed in Boston 4 of the 5 nights and stayed with us morning till night - talking with me, watching baseball with Cornel and movies with both of us. The night in ICU he even made sure \"Big Bang Theory\" was on TV - so even though I remember nothing of the show -except that he did put it on - He tried to take care of me. He was also the only one that could read my scribble for the short time the breathing tube was still in and I was trying to communicate with the rest of the world. My mother came up as well for 4 nights and my brothers wife, Meghan, brought up Sherry and the kids on Saturday. In some ways the time flew by - but your sense of day an night really dissapear. I came home Monday - late afternoon. It is so wonderful to be home with the kids and family. My boys are so thrilled I am here, but the 4 year is a little apprehensive as Mom is still weak and has a funny scar on her chest. I have taken over sleeping in his room as it has a glider where I can sit upright to sleep and there is less likely hood the dog will jump on me up at night. Mentally, I am feeling very alert and have had none of the issues I have seen others mention on here. No forgetfullness, no blurred vision, no shortness of breath. I am physically weaker than I would like to be - but that is expected. But still -not tired - much to my surprise. Yesterday I woke up at 5 am and only took one 40 minute nap, then to bed at 10:00 pm. I honestly thought I would be sleeping more, but maybe that will catch up with me. I have all the usual restrictions... no driving, no lifting, no cleaning, no raising both arms above your head. My voice is still off from the breathing tube, but getting better every day. They have me on a few new meds - iron supplements, Lorpressor, baby aspirin - but no coumadin at all. (I decided on a Cow valve) I am trying to take it one day at a time for now and increase walking every day, but also watching a lot of TV. Yesterday I made it thru a week\'s worth of DVR\'d Late Night with Craig Fergusen shows. I am just thankful to be alive and have made it thru. As those of you reading this know- I was terrified! But now it is done, I had a great hospital, surgeons, nurses and many things in my favor. The relief is overwhelming and I am thankful to put the surgery behind me for now and lucky to be able to have more time with my \"boys.\" Everyone has been so supportive and the well wishes has been great. I know many of you responded to Cornel\'s postings while I was in the hospital and he did read them to me, but I still need to take some time to go thru them all. To my friends here in Connecticut - you are the best! I can\'t thank you enough for your prayers, support, food, laughs and good wishes. I can\'t wait to get back to normal life and I am even going to try to make it to the soccer game on Saturday. I think that\'s all for now. Best wishes to those who are awaiting the surgery - just remember that is true - the anxiety before was the hardest part. And so glad to hear that the other HVJ patients who went thru surgery last week as well all were successfull and on their way home too. I will update more later as the recovery progress continues. THANKS SO MUCH! Randa

Good Morning. It looks like everything is a go to leaving the hospital around noon time, but with a lot of restrictions such as no driving or lifting for the next 3-4 weeks. I looked through the fine print and I could not find anything about no cleaning, cooking or laundry so I expect her to jump right back into those... I am sure she would like visitors ( but one at a time please-call ahead) to take her out for a walk ( along with Dallas!) which they want her to do several times a day. Randa and I are both disappointed that we can no longer enjoy hospital cafe food but somehow we will manage to survive considering so many of her friends will be providing dinners over the next few weeks. Randa is looking forward to returning to life in Granby. I am sure the hospital staff will also be glad to have Randa back in Granby as well :-) Thanks, Cornel

Randa has been disconnected from the all the various beeping and buzzing machines and now is free to move about. She took her first stroll down the hall and back looking quite stylish in her hospital gown. I saw several admiring glances from other patients due in part to my wonderful hair styling skills. She and I were thrilled to see my kids today as they were thrilled to see us. Good friend Kelly Rome stopped by for a surprise visit. Randa is starting to eat real food now instead of the infamous liquid meals, and continues to progress at a fast pace, which I am sure does not surprise anyone. Still not ready for the DQ but was able to have a small piece of chocolate. We are still on target for Monday release but have not received any further from the powers to be. Thanks Cornel

Good morning everyone. Randa continues to make great progress. She is able to talk (although not to a level were she can direct her staff: Cornel, John, her brother and her Mom). She had a little liquid breakfast this morning, and feeling much better than last night. She is moving out of ICU shortly, another step on her way to recovery. Her current goal is to get an ice cream from the local DQ by Saturday . They are targeting Monday as discharge day but that may change as she progresses throughout the next couple of days. Thanks Cornel ..

Randa is doing well. They have removed her breathing tube and she is able to talk at a very low level. All her health measurables are good. They will have her up and walking tommrow morning. Thanks. Cornel

Randa had surgery at 8:01 this morning and it was completed at 9:45, which is a good thing. Dr. Cohn reports that he was able to do a minimum invasive procedure, that there was no complications from her radiation and everything is great. We should be able to see her around 11:30. I will send out a update this evening. The next challenge will be getting Randa to remain calm and not want to control the hospital staff :-) Thanks again for all your prayers, thoughts and support. Cornel

Randa\'s tests today all came back very good so that will make her operation easier Thursday. Her arteries are all clear and in good shape. Her operation is first thing in the morning, 7AM. I will update as soon as I can. Many Thanks for your thoughts,prayers and messages. We also so fellow HVJ patient David, and he is doing well. Cornel . Cornel

We leave for Boston in a few minutes. Last night i made a heart shaped cake with my boys. It overflowed in the pan into the oven a bit - but otherwise it was yummy. I am nervous...and a little nauseaus. I keep focusing on just getting back home to my boys and all the love I have for them. I will try and give an update after the cath today... and then it is up to Cornel for a few days. He reminded me again last night - no laptop and blackberry in the hospital for me. My job is to rest and recover! Talk to you all soon! Randa

When Tom Petty wrote those lyrics - it had NOTHING to do with Heart Valve Surgery - so - as long as you ignore the rest of the song,,,,,those words are so true. And,,, that is what I am doing today. Waiting. Not working, not making lists, creating grids, not starting projects, not cleaning, organizing or cooking. (ok, Maybe still sending a few emails) But otherwise....Just waiting! Two days to go. Cornel and I leave for Boston at 5 am tomorrow morning. They do the cardiac cath at 8;30 am tomorrow and then I get admitted to a room. My surgical team will come to talk to me in the afternoon and go over more \"stuff.\" Then a quiet evening at Brigham and Women\'s and then surgery in the morning. The nurse has said I will not remember much of Thursday. (So much for watching \"Big Bang Theory\" that night.) She assured me I am in good hands and that it is a slow week in the cardiac surgery unit at Brighams so I will be getting lots of extra attention. Fellow HVJ friend, David, is there today getting his surgery from the same surgeon. I am anxiously awaiting a post from his family that all went well and I am hoping to meet him tomorrow at the hospital. I was also given last minute instructions -no food after midnight, remove all nail polish - even the toes. Since that is the case, I suggested to the nurse that all female cardiac patients should get a pedicure before discharge. My 11 year old son wrote me the most touching letter over the weekend. He shared his thoughts, his love and his confidence that I would be OK. It made me cry. I told him that my special \"happy\" place that I imagine when I try and clear my mind is on Ft DeSoto beach in Florida with him and he should just imagine the same to get thru this. In a few months, we will both be there together and all will be good. So many friends and family have out reached to me over the last few days - cards, calls, visits. It has been wonderful. I am so thankful for everyone that has come into my life. I am hoping I can remain as anxiety free as possible over the next 36 hours. I am trying to stay positive, but sometimes the tears come. A women I spoke to this week reminded me that in a way - this valve stuff is good to have if you must have a heart issue. It is all mechanical to the workings of the heart. So once it is done, that\'s it - it is fixed and you LIVE! Thursday afternoon - it will be done and I can get on with recovery! David, Garry and Carol - I am anxiously awaiting your post surgery posts and thinking of you all today. Randa

This was in the Hartford Courant today - but it is a Tribune newspaper piece so I am sure it was in alot of other local papers too. http://blogs.forbes.com/matthewherper/2011/04/03/less-invasive-heart-valve-shows-promise/ Randa

A friend sent me the following quote yesterday and I thought it was worth sharing! \"Promise me you will always remember: You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.\" Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh Thank you Lois - I love it! Randa

I woke up this morning at 5:30 am and my first thought was.....One week from today, I will be post surgery, in the ICU, but done! So.... bring on the pain, the tubes, the needles, the wires, just let me make it thru! Yesterday was awful - so much stress and fear. And TEARS! But today, at least for now, we have moved to acceptance. I have no more rabbitts to pull out of the proverbial hat and look for a way to get out of this. I need to be here for by boys and this is what is needed to make sure I can be here for a long, long time. I have done all I can, organized everything, planned everything and talked to way to many doctors. I did connect with a kind and thoughtful therapist who has been able to meet with me twice this week and once next week before surgery so we can work on relaxation techniques. For a type A person, she said I did not do too bad! My 11 year old had a rough week. He has been feeling the emotion and stress at home. He got into a little trouble in school for not paying attention - you would think the they would realize he might have other things on his mind. Then on Wednesday he fell asleep on the bus after school and missed his stop. He was terrified when he woke up but he got home. I want to just make this all better for him - but don\'t know how. My little guy does not get the full impact - which I am grateful for in many ways. He is such a happy little man. When I look at him I feel nothing but love. And that is what scares me - I want to make sure he knows that love is there. I can\'t let anything happen next week, and run the risk that he will never know how special he is and what a miracle he is to me. It just has to go well next week - there can be no other choice! In the world of this HVJ site it will be a busy one. If I have kept track correctly Garry\'s surgery is April 5th as is David\'s and Carol\'s. Ilana\'s is April 6th, I am April 7th and Darren is April 8th. We are going to need a lot of Angels watching over us all! Thank you to all who have written in my guestbook. Your words, stories and encouragement mean more than you know. Enjoy the weekend! Randa

My 11 year old presented me with my iPod touch this morning. This is his gift to me for the hospital so I can have all my favorite music while I am there. I am happy to report that he did remarkably well. Not only does my play list include his favorites, the Black Eyed Peas, Taio Cruz, Enrique and Jason Muraz - but he did remember the \"old people \" music and put Beatles songs, Tom Petty and even Duran Duran. I was stunned when he even put a not to well known Tom Petty song on there - \"Crawling Back To You\" which includes the lyrics: \"I\'m so tired of being tired Sure as night will follow day Most things I worry about Never happen anyway\" I have played those exact words in my head more times than I can count over the years. In addition, he loaded my Adam Lambert CD - including the song \"Aftermath\" which has brought me a strange sense of comfort these last few weeks. Just when I think 11 year old boys don\'t pay attention - he makes me cry and let\'s me know he listening. And I think most touching is that he put the theme from the \"Courtship of Eddie\'s Father\" I used to sing that song all the time to him when he was little and change the words to: \"People let me tell you \'bout my best friend, He\'s a warm hearted person who\'ll love me till the end. \"People let me tell you bout my best friend, He\'s a one boy cuddly toy, my up, my down, my pride and joy. People let me tell you \'bout him he\'s so much fun Whether we\'re talkin\' Mom to son or whether we\'re talking son to Mom. Cause he\'s my best friend. Yes he\'s my best friend.\" As for apps - I got the all time favorite - Angry Birds. But he also put UNO which he knows I love and the original Pac Man. And best of all, my young man - (with help from Dad) remembered to load the relaxation CD\'s I purchased as part of this whole adventure. Now the question is - do I go into surgery with relaxation CD\'s playing in my ear - or Adam Lambert and Tom Petty? :)