Linda Dixon That's okay Jimmy, I have that problem too!
Linda
On January 29, 2012...
Hi Linda - we are all hear for you. Think of this way. By the time March 15th comes you will have so many suggestions and tips that w will have you covered.
I do my heart cath on Tuesday and then get ready for 2/20. You won't be too far behind.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
My son lumps my firiends into groups... Work friends... College friends...today he asked if I spoke to heart friends yet. I love it!!
We are all heart friends.
Hope you have a great week!!!
Jimmy Johnson
Linda Dixon Love your son's thinking! We are all heart friends and share something special (well, rather we didn' ... Read more
Linda Dixon Love your son's thinking! We are all heart friends and share something special (well, rather we didn't have this to share...but...you know what I mean). Good luck Tuesday, caths are a piece of cake, nothing to them. Worse part is having to lay there keeping your leg and head down afterwards. But at least now, they use smaller catheters and you only have to wait 2 or 3 hours, way shorter than it used to be. Let us know how it goes.
Still waiting...Linda
On January 29, 2012...
Hi Linda,
Did you see my Friday post? I mean it. I am thinking about you even if I don't post.
Jane
Linda Dixon Hi Jane, I did see your post, and thank you for your sweet notes. I love everyone on the HVJ site, I ... Read more
Linda Dixon Hi Jane, I did see your post, and thank you for your sweet notes. I love everyone on the HVJ site, I really do. Who knew that something like bummed up heart valves could bridge so many people together across the whole country?
I am fine really. Just had that moment listening to the CCF tape where I saw each one of you standing in my healing circle and it was very profound. I can sometimes be a little bit emotional, lol.
Like I told Mitch, I wish I didn't have to wait so long, but I have decided to decide that there is a reason and I should be happy and satisfied, no matter how hard it is.
Now...how long I keep that line of thought...anyone's guess!
Thank you again for your encouragement, hope you are still feeling great!
Still waiting...Linda
On January 28, 2012...
Hi Linda, I took a little break, but am back now. Just read your latest entry and all I can say is WOW! I feel the same way about much of what you wrote. I feel like we all are a family and my new family here has so helped me through this journey. Everyone here DOES get it more than my family. I feel like posting and simply saying "ditto what Linda said" as I could not put it more accurately than you did.
Thanks, thanks, thanks to you and Jane for pushing me to start my own HVJ. I am forever in your debt.
While I know many of us are on your "not fair" list, it is more people to be prepping you and there at your finish line. Stay strong!
-Mitch Friedman
Linda Dixon Hey Mitch my buddy...as Patrick Swayze would say "ditto" is fine.
I think I'm going to tear up my " ... Read more
Linda Dixon Hey Mitch my buddy...as Patrick Swayze would say "ditto" is fine.
I think I'm going to tear up my "not fair" list. I have decided that there is a reason, which I cannot see or understand right now, why I am having to wait.
I know your day is coming up this week, I'm hoping the butterflies aren't too bad. I actually have a couple myself for my New York buddy. But...I can't wait to read your journal when you're "back". I just know, somehow, it's gonna be hilarious!!!
Still waiting...Linda
On January 27, 2012...
With you all the way Linda. It's been an instant camaraderie and you guys are like family but with a different twist because you all understand what it's like to go through this.
Jeff Shebovsky, Orlando
Linda Dixon I know, isn't it something? I feel like I can tell you guys things I don't dare tell my family here f ... Read more
Linda Dixon I know, isn't it something? I feel like I can tell you guys things I don't dare tell my family here for fear of causing them more stress worrying about me. You guys know exactly how I feel. I admit, I got a little emotional, I'm guilty of that sometime, lol.
So you are going to New York for your meeting with the surgeon this week...right? Hope it goes well, let us know!
Still waiting...Linda
On January 27, 2012...
Hi Linda,
I shared this with Mitch and he suggested that I post it. There is a belief that we are all born with parts to a puzzle, but not necessarily a complete puzzle. We hold pieces that complete other peoples puzzles, as do other people for us. What you expressed about your feelings about the HVJ family only confirms that belief. We are here to offer our puzzle pieces to each other. You have certainly done that and so very well on this site. It is an honor to be part of your HVJ family. You shine and we bask in your light.
Jane
On January 27, 2012...
Linda - I think there is something about facing heart surgery that makes us face us our own humanity and opens us up for these emotional swings. I think of these swings in another light (and I also have dealt with some during the past couple weeks), and since I know you are a person of faith, sometimes it is just God's way to remind us to "Be still and know that I am God". You/we are in God's hand and His will will be done so try not to worry so much about what you can't control. I know the value of friends, church, etc. and they are all important. And like you, I have a very small family. But they are who I thought of at all times through the past several weeks and tried to stay positive for. I know you will do well and you have so many people on this site praying for you. I know it's easy to say but sometimes harder to do, but just try not to worry - this is going to be better than you're allowing yourself to believe.
I'll say again, I will send you my phone number if you think talking with someone one week removed from surgery will help.
Dick Miller
Linda Dixon Thank you Dick for your encouraging words. I know that I don't have to explain my feelings to my HVJ ... Read more
Linda Dixon Thank you Dick for your encouraging words. I know that I don't have to explain my feelings to my HVJ family, for you all have had the very same feelings. That is what makes this site so special...it's like a shelter, in a way, we don't have to worry about burdening those closest to us and making this more frightening for them.
I am okay...really I am. I just had that moment when I saw you guys in my "healing circle" and it touched my heart.
I wish my surgery could have been scheduled sooner, I've really known since October that it was coming, I think it would have been less stressful to get it earlier...but that apparently is not God's plan....so I am trusting in Him.
Please continue to keep me in your prayers. Hope you are still feeling great!
Still waiting...Linda
On January 27, 2012...
Hi Linda,
Very sweet how you refer to us as your "HVJ Family".
Thanks for sharing your story with us all!
Keep on tickin!
Adam
Linda Dixon Hi Adam! Wow, am I special or what?? I don't know why it would surprise me that you read the journal ... Read more
Linda Dixon Hi Adam! Wow, am I special or what?? I don't know why it would surprise me that you read the journals, I guess I just never thought about it.
It's true...these guys are like my family, only better...I can tell them anything and not worry about causing them stress and worry knowing that at times I am scared to death!
When I was listening to the tapes and told to imagine my "healing circle" of family and friends, I saw all the guys I've come to know on the journal, and oh my goodness! Well, you read my journal post, so you know.
I will take this opportunity to once again thank you for connecting me to Dr. Gillinov and CCF and also for this HVJ site. You will never know how much it helps us!
One suggestion: You need to add a disclaimer: THIS SITE IS ADDICTIVE!
Thanks Adam...still waiting...Linda
Linda Dixon Hey Adam, I just watched the animation on your blog of the Sapien Valve replacement and I have a ques ... Read more
Linda Dixon Hey Adam, I just watched the animation on your blog of the Sapien Valve replacement and I have a question. Is part of whatever is left in place metal? It looks like metal lattice frame. If so, does the patient require anticoagulants? The hope that this approach will be perfected in the next few years is one of the "arguments" of mechanical vs tissue and need for repeat surgery vs anticoagulant for life. Do you know? Just curious.
Still waiting...Linda Dixon
On January 27, 2012...
Hi Linda,
Just read your post. And I must say I was the same. And still now my family doesn't understand the relationship I have with HVJ family. And why I was in such a rush to make sure I let you guys know what's going on and it's because like you said you guys understand me better and know what I was going through. So no you weren't sappy lol this is the one place we can express. Keep in touch
Tameika
Linda Dixon Hi Tameika, yes girl, I got a little emotional there, but it did me good. And I can imagine you lyin ... Read more
Linda Dixon Hi Tameika, yes girl, I got a little emotional there, but it did me good. And I can imagine you lying in the hospital bed wondering: Is anybody keeping my HVJ family informed???
Hope you are feeling better each day. Let us hear from you!
Still waiting...Linda
On January 27, 2012...
Hi Linda,
Thank you for all your great posts, the hardest part for me was accepting that I have a heart condition and need surgery, once I truly accepted that I was at peace. You will do excellent you will see, recovery will take time but you will get there, you will look back during recovery and see really how fast things go. GOD LOVES YOU, I will keep you in prayer, Jim
Linda Dixon Hi Jim, thank you for reminding me: GOD DOES LOVE ME! I really am okay, I just had a moment..I'm sure ... Read more
Linda Dixon Hi Jim, thank you for reminding me: GOD DOES LOVE ME! I really am okay, I just had a moment..I'm sure you understand. I'm not really afraid, I am just getting tired of waiting. But I am trying to remember, that there is a time for everything in God's plan and apparently it is not in His plan for me to have surgery sooner than March 13th, so I just need to chill.
Please do keep me in your prayers!
Hope you are still feeling great!
Still waiting...Linda
On January 26, 2012...
"Linda, I do understand and you are not alone. You have all of us. Your postings and the sharing of your story will help so many others who are afraid to reach out. You can do this and you will be fine. You will be re-newed. After recovery, you will be healthy and ready to do things you haven't done in awhile. You will be bolder, braver and know life is a precious gift. I have you in my thoughts and prayers. You will do great! Your friend, Janis Kielbasa
Linda Dixon Hi Janis, thanks for your encouragement. That is exactly what I have been telling myself. I have th ... Read more
Linda Dixon Hi Janis, thanks for your encouragement. That is exactly what I have been telling myself. I have thought that I haven't had any symptoms...but when I think about it, there are some issues that I have attributed to other things in my life, my husband's illness and passing, stress at work, getting older, etc. Maybe some of them have been subtle but heart related and I may be a new woman after surgery!!! Heck, I might even color my hair!!! Tired of gray hair!!!
Hope you are still improving each day (ok...week) and not burning too much rubber!
Still waiting...Linda
On January 26, 2012...
Hi, Linda
I'm glad you are journaling and sharing your inner most feelings with us all. God brought you to this site and He will bring you through your surgery.
Once again, I'm throwing you a cyber hug from me.
I remember those feelings well. I got so many massages before my surgery and went to several yoga classes to help me get over the anxiety. Still, a song on the radio or a thought would creep into my mind and I'd lose it also.
You will bring a big smile to all of us HVJ folks when you post your first enrty after surgery and report that it's true.....the waiting is the hardest part.
Love you,Linda. I continue to lift you up in prayer.
Sheila Garrison
Linda Dixon Thanks Sheila. I appreciate the hugs! I hope your brother has recovered from his travel (or not) exp ... Read more
Linda Dixon Thanks Sheila. I appreciate the hugs! I hope your brother has recovered from his travel (or not) experience.
I wish you were here in SC, I live in a small town and my chiropractor used to have a massage therapist, but he doesn't any longer, he said he had issues with insurance and so she is no longer there. It sure would be nice right now. Most of the time I'm fine, just every once in a while I feel my tummy tighten up. I'm trying not to think about it so much right now, I have such a long wait.
Please continue to pray for me, I know I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me! I love you too...really.
Still waiting...Linda
On January 26, 2012...
Whoop. Forgot to sign. That was me. Nancy st Louis. 2-9. Ave
Linda Dixon Nancy, are you kidding me? An iPhone??? I'm doing good just texting and talking, lol. No, dear I don ... Read more
Linda Dixon Nancy, are you kidding me? An iPhone??? I'm doing good just texting and talking, lol. No, dear I don't. I think Alex Baldwin does though, lol and he will go to great lengths to play words w friends, lol!!!
Still waiting...Linda
On January 26, 2012...
Hey Linda. Do u have an iPhone. We can play words w friends. It's scrabble on the phone. Ok ok I don't know how to do it yet. But can figure it out. If I could figure out twitter I can do that !
Give u something to do.
On January 26, 2012...
Linda You have me. Your new sister. I'm a few years older. But we will do this together my fried. That was a beautiful post
As we learned a long time age. 2 is better than one. Let's hold hands & do this. Get it over with & party on
And don't think about the dying part. U won't know it anyway. Wasted energy. Only positive thoughts allowed. Best. Nancy
Pls call my cell so we Can talk when u need to it helps. 314-276-1012
Linda Dixon Hi Nancy, thanks for you words of support. I really am fine, I just had a moment listening to the ta ... Read more
Linda Dixon Hi Nancy, thanks for you words of support. I really am fine, I just had a moment listening to the tape that really "touched" my heart, lol. And, as I said in my post, you guys understand completely! I guess my wait is just so long, I've known really since October that it was time. Wish they would call and say COME ON UP!!
I have you down for February 9th, that's gettting close! I hope one day to get to meet you...you seem to be quite a gal!
Keep me laughing girl!
Linda
On January 25, 2012...
Linda - I confess, I saw where you were an avid Clemson fan but decided against bringing up the Orange Bowl fiasco - just trying to let you move on! That was truly a great day to be a Mountaineer fan!!!
Anyway, I wanted to say what others have already said, I also dreaded the breathing tube but I really do believe the dread and anticipation of waking up with it are worse than the actual event. You're pretty much in la la land and it will probably be out before you have a chance to think much about it. Try not to waste too much energy thinking about things you can't control but others will for you - we're probably much better off for them doing it anyway! You will do great and it will be here and gone before you know it! I have your surgery date on my calendar for an extra round of prayers!
Dick Miller
Linda Dixon Now Dick...that is class!!! Wish some of our in-state rivals were are considerate as the WV fans. I ... Read more
Linda Dixon Now Dick...that is class!!! Wish some of our in-state rivals were are considerate as the WV fans. I wasn't able to go to the game, (thank goodness!) but the talk around SC was the Mountaineer fans were great! ( I guess so, lol, why wouldn't they be? Just kidding).
Yes, you are correct, when I think about the surgery, my mind usually goes to 2 things, well 3 if you count the possibility of dying part, lol. Seriously, the first thing is of course, the breathing tube. I especially dread it because once when I had a very minor surgery, I woke up while the tube was still in, I didn't realize they would intubate for such a minor procedure. One of the nurses spoke to me, I tried to answer her and ....I couldn't speak. It was then I learned that they always intubate when you get general anesthesia, no matter what type of surgery. Scared me more than the third quarter of that football game!!!
The second thought is....sneezing...not coughing, but sneezing. Dick, when I sneeze, and that can be fairly often, I do not sneeze once, but sometimes 10 times or more before I stop.
Anyway, for now, I am doing okay, just get a little anxious every now and then, but it passes fairly quickly. I do just want to get it over with.
Thanks for your support and just let me say....Goooo Tigers! (my blood still runs orange!)
Still waiting...Linda
On January 25, 2012...
It was me - Anne from Colorado who posted about an hour ago. As for the type of valve, I figure if I need another valve down the road, they will be doing the valve replacement through the femoral artery on just about everyone.
I'd trust Dr. Gillinov to know what is right. I'm sure he will have a good reason. Dr. Mihaljevic also preferred tissue valves.
Anne Shannon
Linda Dixon Hi Anne, thought maybe it was you. Yes, Dr. Gillinov's nurse told me the same thing about the transc ... Read more
Linda Dixon Hi Anne, thought maybe it was you. Yes, Dr. Gillinov's nurse told me the same thing about the transcather approach being perfected by that time. I am by nature something of "well it would be my luck" thinker. I think "well it would be my luck" to end up with Afib and have to take the coumadin anyway. But I understand the stroke risk is a little higher with the mechanical even with the coumadin therapy. And, after all I am 63 years young and I hear the tissue valves last longer in us older folks too.
I think I will be alright once I actually get to talk with Dr. Gillinov and I do keep telling myself that I am going to a great deal of inconvenience and expense going to CCF to Dr. G and am I going to get up there and argue with THE expert??? More than anything I'm a little concerned that he might not want to repair the dilated aorta, which is only 4.0cm. There seems to be a little confusion regarding exactly where the dilation is located. I think it is just a matter of the terms one physician uses vs another, sometimes they say the root, sometimes they say the ascending aorta. I really want it fixed, wherever it is, there is a very strong genetic predisposition to aneurysms in my family and I just want it fixed! I don't want to have to go through life having CT's done every year to finally hear "it's time to fix the aneurysm". Fix it now!
Glad you are doing well. I do have one question. I apparently will be in Cleveland for at least 10 nights. I have to be there on Friday March 9th for testing, Monday March 12th to meeting Dr. G and whatever else you do on day 2 and then surgery on Tuesday March 13th. If everything goes perfectly and I am suddenly superwoman, I'm thinking average of 5 nights in hospital following surgery. My daughter will be the only one with me and she will most likely be with me most of the time once I am out of ICU. I am going back and forth trying to decide where to get her a room. I love the idea that if she is in the Intercontinental she doesn't even have to go outside to go back and forth. But the cost is way more than the guesthouse which is just across the street. It will be almost $200 per night whereas the guesthouse is half that. So a little math puts it at at least $2000 for a room that she won't be in very much. However, I have read very good reviews on the guesthouse and terrible reviews on the guesthouse and I know everyone's idea of what terrible is. Where did your family stay when you were there and did you consider the guesthouse. I'm not rich and I still don't know how much the surgery will end up costing, although from what I gather from you and others, it seems CCF pretty much accepts what insurance pays. I'm not the sort that needs luxury and neither is my daughter, but I don't want something sub-standard either. Any help will be greatly appreciated. I feel like I need to go ahead and make reservations pretty soon.
Now, you think I can find something else to worry about????? ( oh, I know....the plane crashing!!!)
Still waiting...Linda
On January 25, 2012...
Hi Linda,
Hope you are relaxing a bit. It seems everyone worries about the breathing tube but it my case, I can barely remember it. You aren't exactly alert and rarin' to go while they have it inserted! You are in and out of consciousness - kind of drifting along. At CC I think they are so skilled and you are so well cared for, that they get it out sooner rather than later.
Just put on your relaxation tapes or some soothing music and try to think pleasant thoughts.
And remember - do your breathing exercises as many times as you can. They really help if you have back pain. I hope your operation is as easy and pain- free as mine was.
Linda Dixon I am okay today,lol...the anxiety comes and goes, but for the most part, I am doing fine. I will say ... Read more
Linda Dixon I am okay today,lol...the anxiety comes and goes, but for the most part, I am doing fine. I will say, that if they should call me to come earlier than March 13th, that would be a good thing. Ready to get it over with.
I do have the relaxation tapes and they do help, I plan to take them all the way!!!
Don't know who sent the message, I see I'm not the only one who forgets to sign their name, but whomever it is, thank you for your concern and especially thank you for your support. Love the HVJ site!
Still waiting....Linda
On January 25, 2012...
Hi Linda, Just want to let you know I'm thinking of you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I know you are still waiting and the anxiety of that can be consuming. I got lucky because not many want surgery near the holidays so surgeon had openings. I only had a few weeks of waiting. You will do great and have the benefit of nice weather so you can walk outside as you recover. I'm on week 4 and doing well. I start cardiac re-hab Feb 9th. I will admit, hate the coumadin...they can't seem to get mine right so I'm having bi-weekly blood draws. Hopefully, it soon will get on track. I stopped all pain meds. I really didn't need them any longer. I struggle more with sleep so will ask cardio about that. Its amazing to think just 4 weeks ago I had open heart surgery/full sternotomy and how good I am doing now. You will be amazed at your weekly progress. It is a blessing that we can be repaired and lead full lives. I know the waiting is hard but know you will have a good outcome and be on the path of recovery very soon. Keep in Touch. Janis Kielbasa
Linda Dixon Hi Janies, thanks for the "visit". I read that you got to drive today! That's awesome, I have been t ... Read more
Linda Dixon Hi Janies, thanks for the "visit". I read that you got to drive today! That's awesome, I have been thinking it would be 6 weeks, hope it's only 4 for me as well. I hate being "couped" up all the time, very depressing. Hate that you are having such a time with the coumadin and your INR level. I am assuming you were told foods to avoid etc? My experience with coumadin and diet, was just nothing in excess out of the ordinary. In other words, I did not stop eating salads, I love salads, I just made sure I didn't have anything with added vitamin K. For instance, I could not eat the yummy chocolately calcium chews because they also contained vitamin K. (don't ask me why), vitamin D I can understand...but anyway you will eventually get it straightened out. I actually experimented with the dosage myself (I'm not advising you do that) and I found what worked for me and then told the doc that was how I was taking it. It is a pain, however, if you have to come off for any reason. I had a colonoscopy and had to be off for 5 days and then it was a little trial and error getting back on track but once I did, the dosage was the same as before I came off.
I was taking it for a small PFO that I have, nobody is addressing that anymore since the stenosis and dilation came about, soooo I don't know what Dr. Gillinov will say about that. I guess my biggest stressor right now is thinking about "what kind of valve" and whether or not he will repair the aorta. I know he leans toward tissue valves, but I am sort of leaning toward the mechanical, I don't won't surgery again if I can help it. And I want the aorta repaired/replaced and not have to worry about that in the future. But like I said before, I guess it would be stupid for me to go to all the inconvenience and expense of going to CCF and then get up there and argue with the doctor. So I am trying to develope an attitude of acceptance for whatever he thinks best.
Thanks for the post, be careful driving around and Vrrrroooooommmmmm!
Still waiting....Linda
On January 25, 2012...
OK. I don't even have a date set. But I will after next week. And it may be before yours even. Still contemplating calling Dr. Gillinov for an opinion. Do you know if he does the Ross procedure?
Linda Dixon I don't know if he does, but I can't imagine he does not. Is there a particular reason you want the ... Read more
Linda Dixon I don't know if he does, but I can't imagine he does not. Is there a particular reason you want the Ross procedure instead of tissue valve? Don't you still need a "donor" valve to replace the pulmonary valve? What is the advantage actually? If Dr. Gillinov doesn't do the Ross, I am sure he could recommend someone. Btw, who is this??
On January 25, 2012...
Jeff, so far my date is March 13th!!!! That is the first opening Dr. Gillinov had. I keep hoping he might have a cancellation before then...I can get ready really quickly..but til then...waiting, some days patiently, some days NOT!!
Linda
On January 25, 2012...
Hi Linda,
Hang in there. I know the waiting is hard. When is your date anyway?
Jeff Shebovsky, Orlando
Linda Dixon Duh....it's early, what can I say, I guess I needed to log in and "respond to your comment" instead o ... Read more
Linda Dixon Duh....it's early, what can I say, I guess I needed to log in and "respond to your comment" instead of commenting on my own guestbook!!! Jeff, please read my comment following your post, lol.
Linda
On January 23, 2012...
Hi Linda!
Just wanted to say hi and that I'm thinking about you.
Shortness of breath is VERY common in valve patients. That was my major symptom. Sometimes it was very mild. Sometimes just getting into bed made me huff and puff. No gulping for air except on a couple of occasions walking up hills. If you're concerned, call your doctor.
I noticed my symptoms getting noticably worse as I got closer and closer to surgery. I don't know if it was nerves or if my condition was getting worse. Either way, after surgery most disappeared pretty quickly. (I still get short of breath on hills . . . just my lot in life!)
TRY to relax . . . not that much longer until you'll be feeling better.
Ricki
On January 22, 2012...
Hi Linda,
I also wondered about the term "shortness of breath". I never could tell if I was pre-op and now post-op I still feel it if I walk up a few flights of stairs. I think if you have to question of then we are not. Mine sometimes woke me at night. I think it was anxiety as well. The waiting serves a purpose. It is so annoying that when the date gets here you are happy. You would never have been happy about open heart surgery. Just another way of looking at it.
I keep you and Mitch and all those waiting in my thoughts.
Jane
On January 22, 2012...
Glad to see your new post. I know waiting is tough, but you are tougher! Don't wait too long wondering about symptoms. As I am sure you would be quick to tell someone, go see your doctor and see what he says. Maybe you have progressed and need surgery sooner. Hmmm...would that be a good thing or bad thing????
I think of you often. Stay strong.
- Mitch Friedman
Linda Dixon Hmmm...good thing or bad thing????
When I come to a decision, I will let you know!!!
Linda Dixon Hmmm...good thing or bad thing????
When I come to a decision, I will let you know!!!
I don't know how I can progress much and still be walking around, the valve area was so small in November, the cardiologist was not able to get the catheter across the valve when I had the heart cath. The echo in October measured it as .6cm. Gets much smaller I will croak!!!
I sort of think it is anxiety, stress related. (Ya think?) I worked today and yesterday (retired- but filling in) and I have felt a little better. (Thinking about something other than heart for a few hours). My cardiologist says my first symptoms (if not sudden death, lol, yikes) would be shortness of breath, but he hasn't been able to tell me just HOW SHORT OF BREATH. I mean, is it gasping for air or very subtle like maybe even... imagined???
I have asked him this before, several times over the last few years actually, but he never really commits to an answer. Anyway, I promise, if it becomes something that I can't "think it away", I'll call CCF. I was told Dr. Gillinov's first available date was 3/13, but I guess it's possible there might be cancellations.
Back to the original question...good thing or bad thing???? Nope...still don't have an answer! I'll keep you updated on that, lol.
Your friend...still waiting...still not fair!!
Linda
On January 22, 2012...
HI there.. if you feel comfy please call my cell Linda.. we'e in the same boat. .. and while I"m keeping busy must admit have the same questions/ fears/ what ever as everyone else am staying positive / with opitmism..yada yada and now I"m veyr glad that I choose st louis; as I sure as heck didn't wanna wait til March. but as you see..Jan is almost over..
think of you often. will be traveling; but here's cell if you like:..314 276 1012 I do a lot of presentations; so if vmail answer...yes leave a message. I will call.
thinking of you. Be well. Valve friend..Nancy
I didn't proof this; so hope it's ok
On January 18, 2012...
Hey lady how r u doing ? I read your posts & you're so good at encouraging everyone else ! I.m Here to encourage you
Are you keeping busy. That really helps Linda. I'm working right up to cath day 2/8 & then into hospital for VDAY 2-9. the days are going so fast
I hope they are for you. If I recall u r going to CCF in cleveland. They,re great. I considered that but family Thot best we stay in st Louis.
If you care to call & talk would enjoy that. 314-276-1012. Is cell. always welcome.
Your cheery posts & great picture shine. I hope the days go fast for you. Can u move the date up ? Is that a possibility. Ok. Enjoy. Hugs. Nancy Friedman. In st Louis.
Linda Dixon Hi Nancy, thanks for your visit to my guestbook. Yes, I am trying to stay busy, worked all day yeste ... Read more
Linda Dixon Hi Nancy, thanks for your visit to my guestbook. Yes, I am trying to stay busy, worked all day yesterday at church for a fundraiser, actually Tuesday as well, so I think even my hair hurts today!
Yes, I am going to Cleveland Clinic. I also struggled with either going there, which I believe is the absolute best or going somewhere closer to home, that would be more convenient for my family and maybe easier for me afterwards considering flying, etc. But after much prayer, thought and discussions with my daughter (she will be the one to go with me) WE decided to go with CCF. They accept my insurance whereas some of the centers a little closer to home (SC) don't.
Sorry...but no....for me the days are not flying by, they are crawling at a snail's pace. I have known since November 22nd that my stenosis is at the critical stage and it was time to get fixed. When I went for my cath, they could not cross the valve, it was so narrow. Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, since I do not have any major symptoms it wasn't considered urgent and Dr. Gillinov's first opening is March 13th. So....wait I must! I keep telling Mitch it isn't fair, I've been here longer than either one of you and you get to go first!!!!
I'm counting on both of you to be totally honest, don't sugar coat, and let me know how it really is. I know we're all different, but I am a survivor and usually take things pretty well, so I don't think I will be a cry baby. I saw what a positive attitude can accomplish with my husband. He lived 11 years with prostate cancer which had mets to the bones for the last 9 years. He was only supposed to make it about 5 years, but he had such a great attitude and was such an inspiration. So I figure...I have to do this like he would have.
I keep hoping the CCF will call and tell me they have a cancellation and I can come sooner, but so far no such luck. But I can be ready really fast! So for now....still waiting.
Great to "chat", I just might give you a call. What time zone is St. Louis in?
Take care and count those days down girl! - Linda
On January 18, 2012...
Yes your right my brain signed my name but my fingers didn't lol and yes I think that would b a great idea. I guess you truly meet new friends everywhere. I now have something else to look forward to so I must pull through this surgery so we can mert once we both are well. I will defiantly keep in touch.
Tameika
On January 17, 2012...
Hi Linda, I live in Fayetteville NC but I'm having my surgery at unc hospital in Chapel Hill NC near Raleigh NC are you familiar with that area. Why do you ask are you close by?
Linda Dixon Not too far...Hartsville SC. About 24 miles from Florence. Am very familiar with UNC Chapel Hill. ... Read more
Linda Dixon Not too far...Hartsville SC. About 24 miles from Florence. Am very familiar with UNC Chapel Hill. Very good center, you are surely in good hands. Btw, I'm guessing this is fromTameika? I forget to sign my entries sometimes, my fingers work faster than my brain, lol.
Maybe when we both recover we can meet one day and have lunch or something. Fayetteville is not that far from Hartsville. We will have to come up with a plan!
Still waiting....Linda
On January 17, 2012...
Hi, there you are. I had to look for the person which left such encouraging words in my guestbook. I have to let you know that you really lifted my spirits. And I pray that your surgery is a success. You deserve it. And thanks again for the encouraging words. Oh yes my husband and my mother will be updating for me. At least I hope there able to if there not so nervous!
Tameika
Fayetteville NC
Linda Dixon Well Tameika, that's what we're here for...to encourage one another. We all have mountains to climb ... Read more
Linda Dixon Well Tameika, that's what we're here for...to encourage one another. We all have mountains to climb with these heart issues and thanks to Adam Pick we have this site to help us with our climb. We all know what the other is going through. Just put it out there and somebody is going to either give you advice or words to encourage. By the way...where are you? Where are you having your surgery? You are fortunate to have both your husband and your mom with you. Tell them to get those nerves under control and keep your HVJ friends updated. Have a good day tomorrow and God bless.
Still waiting....Linda
On January 17, 2012...
It was me Linda....Jamie Todor...I KNOW you are sweet cause we are in this heart thing together...sisters and brothers all!! I forgot to sign this...drugs are still making me buzz a bit. LOL. Jamie Todor
Linda Dixon Well Jamie....at least you have drugs to blame, lol, I don't....yet! Hope you are feeling better ever ... Read more
Linda Dixon Well Jamie....at least you have drugs to blame, lol, I don't....yet! Hope you are feeling better every day!
Linda
On January 16, 2012...
Mitch is right. Hang in there lady. I'm before you 2-9. So worry bout me instead !
Actually mich is before me so worry about ,Mitch. . There r lots of things to worry about ! To take your mind off you ! H ha
Hey Linda. You r so positive - keep that up. Makes me feel good when I see your posts.
Need a phone friend. Pls call. 314 276. -1012. Wold enjoi it.
Nancy Friedman. St Louis.
Linda Dixon Thanks Nancy, I'm jealous of you and Mitch, getting to go before me...it's not fair!! I've been "here ... Read more
Linda Dixon Thanks Nancy, I'm jealous of you and Mitch, getting to go before me...it's not fair!! I've been "here" longer than you both! I'm trying to stay busy, getting a little bit tired lately, probably just laziness ya think???? LOL.
If you read my journal you will see that I downloaded some guided imagery tapes from CC to help with relaxation. I am technically challenged, so that was quite an accomplishment for me. When I told my grandaughter I had done it myself she said "No way Nana!" (nuff said)
I have your date circled and don't be angry if I wake you up in the middle of the night with "Nancy.....can we talk???"
Your friend - Linda
On January 16, 2012...
Hi friend, you have been a little quiet so thought I would check in to make sure you are still hanging tough? The waiting is hard and can easily get to you.
Hope you are doing well and remember, you are not alone in this. All of your new 'HVJ friends' are here for you if you need us. Just post away...
Thinking of you,
- Mitch Friedman
Linda Dixon Hey Mitch, I'm okay. Hanging in semi-tough, lol. Just trying not to think about it quite so much and ... Read more
Linda Dixon Hey Mitch, I'm okay. Hanging in semi-tough, lol. Just trying not to think about it quite so much and once I get started on the journals I can't seem to stop. So, I've been sort of "sneaking" around the site, encouraging when I can, but trying not to dwell on ME.
I seem to mainly dwell on the indecision about the type of valve and the dilated aorta (repair vs. not repair). I'm trying to tell myself to stop thinking about it until I actually meet with Dr. Gillinov...but my brain is quite stubborn (as opposed to hard headed!) and keeps going back there.
Anyway.....trying to stay busy, we are having out annual outreach fundraiser at church tomorrow and have been busy helping prepare for that. Delicious chicken bog (do New Yorkers know what chicken bog is???).
Any luck with getting the CT yet?
Tick tock, the clock is ticking down to Feb 2nd...still no fair.
Keep me posted (I'll be lurking around somewhere, lol) - Linda
On January 16, 2012...
I think having a meltdown is soooooo normal. Have to let all of those emotions out dear one. It is such a stressful time.... I really like the 6 points posted on your comment page. They are soooo concrete and will help you stay grounded. It is soooooo stressful and it doesn't take much to rattle your cage these days. I seem to be still so sensitive. Take some deep breaths. I will pray for peace within your heart for your surgery and your doggie. I am soooo happy you shared your fears and worries. Soon it will be your time and you will feel better. God bless you sweet Linda...so many are praying for you.
Hugs thru the journal pages!
Linda Dixon Thank you....don't know who you are, but how did you know I was sweet???
:-) Thank you for the enco ... Read more
Linda Dixon Thank you....don't know who you are, but how did you know I was sweet???
:-) Thank you for the encouragement and especially for the prayers! Please let me know who you are! I forget to sign comments sometimes myself, my fingers get ahead of my brain. I can type faster than I can think, LOL!
On January 16, 2012...
Linda - thanks for the note and the encouragement. I have your surgery date down on my calendar and you are one I definitely plan on sharing info with.
If I don't send info about something you may be curious about, please don't hesitate to ask me. I think one of our missions in life is to share life experiences with others and I take that very seriously. I follow all of your entries and hope I can be supportive of you.
Dick
On January 15, 2012...
Linda - Thanks for the comments in my journal.
I'm wondering if I am reading too much as well but I can't help myself - I am so interested in all the experiences everybody has had or is having. The support on this site is amazing and I'm so glad I signed up as part of it.
My daughter will be posting for me from Tuesday (surgery day) until I'm again able. Believe me, I will certainly share my experiences with you and the group, Lord willing, as I move from pre surg. to recovery etc. Please stay in touch!
Dick Miller - Cincinnati
On January 14, 2012...
Linda this will help u !!
As we know we come in touch with such great folks here; this is from 'drivetoplease' who just celebrated her 1 year anniv. and it helped me a lot
I have it posted on my desk. too GOOD not to share... thanks Tracey !!!
Here are things I told*myself of over and over to calm my nerves before the procedure:
1.* They have been doing valve replacements for 50 years--it works.
2.* There has never been a better time in history to have a valve replacement.* We have amazing technology and tools today.
3.* Without the surgery my life will be shortened.* With AVR my life expectancy returns to normal.
4.* I am strong and healthy*and I can handle this.
5.* Once I am recovered I will feel better than ever.
6.* The scar is a badge of honor that I will be proud to show off as a symbol of survival.
*
On January 13, 2012...
Linda,
You are quite right- the journal is for whatever you need to say, and none of it is silly, it is real. Most of us have been in the same place or will be before long. I truly think the mental aspects of heart surgery are harder than the physical aspects. John is right about the tube, you aren't likely to remember it at all. I found out later that they had to tie my hands down because I was trying to pull it out, but I don't remember anything about it. And nothing hurt that first night, or really even the next, they are so good about pain management. Only when I started trying to manage the dosage myself did I start to get in trouble. My night nurse told me to just go by the clock, if I wait until it starts to hurt the pain will get ahead of me. She was right about that. And don't worry about Willy. I had to leave my dog too. They can't tell time so one night or one week is all the same to them, and they are SOOO glad to see you when you get home! It really puts a smile on your face....
Vicki Pierson mitral valve repair 6-2-11
Linda Dixon Thank you Vicki...I am much better today. Just had one of those days. May be more in the future, bu ... Read more
Linda Dixon Thank you Vicki...I am much better today. Just had one of those days. May be more in the future, but I'm trying very hard to be positive, those who are seem to have the best outcomes. I'm not so worried about the pain, I had gallbladder sugery way back when you had a stem to stern incision, was in the hopsital for over a week,etc. I do remember, watching the clock and with each passing hour the pain seemed to be a little less and completely gone in a week once the stitches were out and there were a bunch of them. So I figure I can stand anything for a little while. I also am going to try to not spend quite so much time reading journals except those that are going into surgery before me, as an encouragement to them. Not sure it does a lot of good to just keep reading and reading waiting on March 13th. I hope Willie will not think he has been abadoned again...he loves me unconditionally and i dont want him to think I am not coming back.
But all is okay for now, now promises for tomorrow, lol.
Thank you for your support. Do you not have a journal? I can't find it.
I'll keep in touch, God bless.
Linda
On January 13, 2012...
Hi Linda,
I had three months to think about my surgery...had many many meltdowns...even just driving down the street and I would have to stop to collect myself.
When I went into surgery knowing my three babies, dogs, would be there to greet me was inspiration to get through this for them.
No one worried about the breathing tube more than me.....Honestly I barely remember them removing it....and that time in your recovery you are so drugged you dont have a clue what is sticking in or out of you....
Having been a survivor now ....I had never had an operation EVER... I was terrified...my fright level was at a maximum level.....truthfully once you are knocked out... you wake up and you are cared for by angels in ICU and helped by the love and prayers of your family.....its going to be OK, not as bad as you have it in your mind...let go God will get you there..
GOD BLESS
JOHN MADONNA
LAS VEGAS NV
On January 12, 2012...
Hey lady. U were there for me so now I'm there for you. They say melt down s are ok. So u r good to go. But u also shine thru with so much optimism - hang on that
I go in 2-9. And I think been busy is keeping me from a melt down :). Come travel with me. You'll be too tired to melt down. Lol
I did get a new recliner so I'm a happy camper. Hear tell that'll be our best friend.
I just want it to be over & get back to mtpy job which I love.
I had wanted too, to go to CCF. However found that one of the best valve dr is rite here in st louis If I can I'll send u something that really helped me. I believe you'll like it. Prob tomorrow. It's on my big computer & im on the Ipad. Another valve friend sent it to me & it really helped
Best & stay in touch. My email is
Nancy@telephonedoctor.com. If u wanna email direct. Happy to hear from u. Hugs. Nancy. St Louis
Omg Nancy, I see you have found Mitch! Isn't he "da bomb"? He is so funny yet so compassionate. Yes, I was in a terrible funk day before yesterday, don't know what came over me, but I am better now. I really think I will be okay once ALL of the decisions are made, like what kind of incision, what kind of valve, repair or not repair the aorta. But unfortunately that won't happen until the day before my surgery. The indecision and waiting is my biggest enemy right now.
I added you to my email contacts, so you may hear from me!
You have such a positive attitude, I so admire that and I know it helps with this whole process.
Let's keep in touch and keep us fellow "valvers" posted.
God bless,
Linda
lindathetiger@yahoo.com
On January 12, 2012...
Linda,
I read your journal and it mirrors what I went through.......a few melt-downs and what-ifs and maybe I should have.....((( Wrapping my arms around you)))
My husband had a coyote/shepard mix that was so much like a coyote.....wouldn't let anybody touch her...very nervous. Before my AVR surgery, I went on 3 3 day trips. My daughter reported that the dog (Molly) was pacing from my bedroom to the livingroom....back & forth & back & forth. And, she wouldn't eat. My daughter and her 2 kids lived in my house during that time.
She was more clingy the few weeks leading up to surgery. I asked the vet and was given Valium for her. It worked wonders! Wished I would have though of that earlier.
Today is my 6 month since my surgery. Continue to write in your journal for us to read. Continue to share your thoughts & feelings. That's why this site is here. I know we sound like a broken recornd, BUT, the waiting is the worst part!!!
Love you.......
Sheila
Linda Dixon Thanks Sheila for understanding. I can't stand this feeling of losing control and it is totally not ... Read more
Linda Dixon Thanks Sheila for understanding. I can't stand this feeling of losing control and it is totally not me! We seem to have experienced so many of the same things, maybe we are kindred souls.
I'm glad you mention the Valium for Molly, I have to give Willie something like that during severe thunderstorms, he gets so nervous. I think I will talk to the vet about maybe giving him something while I am away. He also doesn't eat if I'm not here, but I have only left him for 1 night and a day. Everyone says he will eat when he gets hungry enough.
Anyway, I'm good now, lol. Thanks for the hugs and love. It may sound like a broken record....but I believe you! Waiting and indecision is killing me!!
Your new best friend
Linda :-)
On January 12, 2012...
Hi Linda,
I believe that there is a reason that we have melt-downs. When something is so overwhelming we should expect many mini meltdowns. I think our thoughts go to something extremely sensitive because we NEED the meltdown, even though it is exhausting. We need to cry and curse and pound our chests(not too hard), and say Why me? The fact that you shared your day with us is a reassurance to all that we are just human. I know you feel better today. I promise you will look back at this and have trouble remembering the most anxious days. They will start to fade. Remember, we are all here for you.
Jane
Linda Dixon Thanks Jane, I am better today, but admit it is shakey ground. Part of the problem is everyone, incl ... Read more
Linda Dixon Thanks Jane, I am better today, but admit it is shakey ground. Part of the problem is everyone, including the dog and especially me are still grieving the loss of my husband, so when all of that gets mixed in with the heart stuff, I guess
you're right...I need the meltdown. I'm just grateful that I have this forum to express how I am feeling. I don't want pity and I know that is not what I get here, just understanding from those that have been through it.
Thank you for your encouragement and hope you are still mending well.
Linda
On January 12, 2012...
Hi Linda,
You seem to have done all that you can to prepare for your surgery. We have the same diagnosis, are the same age, and both live in the Carolinas. I had my surgery Dec. 19th at CMC-Main in Charlotte by Dr. Mark Stiegel of Sanger Heart. It was a full sternotomy, and he was able to repair, rather than replace my ascending aorta. I was home by Christmas eve and have been doing very well. An old Charlotte neighbor used Cleveland Clinic and was very happy with them.
You're certainly entitled to a meltdown!!! A few days before surgery, I was prescribed some anti-anxiety meds, just in case.
I wish you all the best.
Janis (Jan) Ghrairi
Statesville, NC
Linda Dixon Hi Jan, thank you for your note. I did have a bad day yesterday, but I am better today. Don't like ... Read more
Linda Dixon Hi Jan, thank you for your note. I did have a bad day yesterday, but I am better today. Don't like meltdowns, they drain all my energy. This is a big deal no matter how well we do, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I get a little anxious if I have too much time to think. I wish I didn't have to wait so long, but Dr. Gillinov has a full schedule.
Thanks for reading my journal and if you have any tips I would love to hear them.
Linda
On January 12, 2012...
Linda
You are in my thoughts...stay strong and positive...Your definitely entitled to have meltdowns any time you need to. I think having those real moments help you deal with what you're going through! Hugs!!
Jamie McGuire
Linda Dixon Thank you Jamie, I hope I don't have any more meltdowns...it is so draining! Thank you for the suport ... Read more
Linda Dixon Thank you Jamie, I hope I don't have any more meltdowns...it is so draining! Thank you for the suport and especially the "Hugs".
Linda
On January 12, 2012...
Oh my dear friend. Hang in there! And thank you for "living out loud." For many of us, this is not something that comes easily or naturally. And yes, that is why we created our HVJs in the first place. To share and put it all out there. This is the work we must do to get ready.
In return, we get support from family, friends (old and new) and complete strangers. All with the same message. We are here for you, you will get through this, and thrive. Yes, YOU WILL BE FINE. In fact, you will be a better person, not just physically!
Don't even think of trying to get through this alone and in silence. Reread the chapter in Adam's book that mentioned "get used to asking for help."
And remember, dogs are loyal. Willie is just pissed he can't be at your side in the hospital, because that is his job in all of this. No worries, he'll be waiting for you at home, probably on your side of the bed. just like Janis' dog.
Big hugs!
-Mitch Friedman
Linda Dixon Mitch, I am sooo glad you need valve replacement! Otherwise...we would have never "met"! (just kiddin ... Read more
Linda Dixon Mitch, I am sooo glad you need valve replacement! Otherwise...we would have never "met"! (just kidding...sort of, sort of not). But you know what I mean. My fellow "valvers" have become family and I feel like I can burden you guys and not worry my biological family when I feel weepy, scared and sometimes completely ticked off! How dare my heart let me down this way! I mean really, seriously???
Are you counting the days yet? ( Well I've started counting the WEEKS, still not fair!) Did you ever get your CT and word about your aorta??
On the bright side...took my car in, didn't cost me anything, can you believe it? Was some sort of gasket left off when they changed the oil (and they admitted it!)
Thanks for your encouragement, I am much better today. No guarantees about tomorrow right?
Your dear friend (yep)
Linda
On January 12, 2012...
Linda...Don't ever underestimate the power of your Dogs loyalty. During my long recovery when I was annoying the heck out of my family...Good old Frisky was by my side no matter how I acted. I was in the Hospital for 20 days and when I came home he was there waiting for his buddy like I just ran to the store!!!
Jim Thomas
Linda Dixon Hi Jim, I don't underestimate his loyalty...I'm afraid he will feel like I have abandoned him. He lo ... Read more
Linda Dixon Hi Jim, I don't underestimate his loyalty...I'm afraid he will feel like I have abandoned him. He loves me unconditionally, I know that. It breaks my heart that he might be wondering why did I leave him? He will be with my son-in-law and grandkids though and I know they will take good care of him. Not so sure about their 3 cats and very hyper LARGE dog.
Thanks for your encouragement, I am much better today, but as I told Mitch...n guarantees about tomorrow. ;-)
Linda
On January 11, 2012...
Yes, the waiting is the hardest. Try and focus on how you will be good as new very soon. You have done your homework, top hospital and doctors, all will go well and you will do great. Per hotel: Northwestern/Chicago had 3 hotels that gave discounts to patient's families. My husband got a hotel across the street, usually over $200 for $89 dollars a night. Be sure to ask Cleveland...no one told us this...we just asked and sure enough it was something available. I have you in my thoughts and prayers. You will do great and soon be on the raod to recovery. Hugs, janis kielbasa
On January 11, 2012...
Hi Linda,
I'm thinking about you. BIG HUGS from Texas. :-)
- Chris Dixon
Linda Dixon Thank you Chris for the BIG HUGS! I can use all I can get. This waiting seems endless at times and t ... Read more
Linda Dixon Thank you Chris for the BIG HUGS! I can use all I can get. This waiting seems endless at times and today has been a particularly "down" day. Just ready to get the show on the road already!
Your friend - Linda
On January 10, 2012...
You WILL be fine!!!! And you will have all of us supporting you like you have been supporting us. THANK YOU MY FRIEND!!!! -Mitch Friedman
On January 10, 2012...
Hi Linda
I have read your journal and I wish you the best from someone your age who is a 3 X visitor for heart surgeries valve and defect related. Each time the waiting is the hardest, however in retrospect each step serves a purpose for the journey. I did not discover
HVJ and all the wonderful support until after my last surgery. I am so glad you have your daughter to support you. Take care and if there is anything I can do or answer for you please do not hesitate.
From one Carolina gal to another
Susan VandenBussche
Thanks for visiting my guestbook. My goodness, you have really been through it. I hope you are doing much better now.
Yes, I love the HVJ...actually I'm obsessed with it right now. I am reading every journal and am amazed at how well the majority of people do. Of course there are those that have issues and complications, but they are also an inspiration, such hard fighters.
Everyone does say this is the hardest part, waiting on the surgery. I hope that will also be the case for me.
I look forward to more "chats" with another southern belle!
Jimmy
Linda