Kimberly's Journal

I want to once again thank everyone for their messages of encouragement and care. It truly helps me get through many hard times. Well, my last test came back with great results. My ejection factor went from 35% at the end of August to 51% last Monday. I have finally started to notice a change in myself. I feel more like me again. Something I had wondered if I ever would feel again. I am definitely not what I was before surgery and never will be again, but this piece of me I have been given back is wonderful! I will be honest and say that my personal life has taken a turn for the worse. Please, I am not looking for messages about that. Just so you know if you don\'t see me on here, it is personal and not health. I guess I can\'t have both good at one time....I have resigned myself to this. I continue to pray for everyone on here in whatever stage they are in. You are in my thoughts. Kimberly S.

I want to thank everyone so much for their uplifting comments, support and love. I sure wish some of you lived closer:) I am going through some personal issues right now and did not want people that contact me regularly to worry or think it was for health reasons. I probably will not be on here for a while. But prayers would be so greatly appreciated. I am in desparate need of them.I do have the mugascan tomorrow which will tell if the damage to my heart has stayed the same, gotten worse or gotten better. I wish everyone the very best and will continue to keep you in my prayers. Love to all, Kimberly S.

I know it has been a while since I have been on. I was sick all of last week and just started feeling well again Monday. Thank you to my HVJ friends that left msgs. It still amazes me the care and concern you find from people here. Before David left again, we attended our first Mended Hearts meeting. They meet once a month. Although I am the youngest by at least 20 years in our group it was good to be around people who understood. They were all so nice and I was surprised at how many there were. I look forward to the next one in October. We are also doing the Heart Walk at the end of October. I have a team of 14 (family and friends) that are walking. My goal is to at least be able to walk some of it by then. I am excited and the team has raised $775 to date! I couldn\'t believe it. You can look it up on the American Heart Association to see when they are having the Walk in your area if you are interested:) My 2 weeks of rehab were going really good until I got sick last week. I missed Mon and Wed and tried to go in Friday but because of my symptoms they took me in one of the rooms and did an EKG, put me on oxygen and started giving me nitro.They called my cardiologist but he was in clinicals so the cardiologist there wanted to admit me to the hospital and I said no because nothing abnormal showed up on my EKG and my aunt from TX and dad were coming in that day. Luckily my cardiologist called and said to send me over to him right away. So I met with him, had another EKG, changed some meds and had blood tests done.He mentioned that I might just have to sort of learn to live with the chest pain I have the best I can.My valve ring is sitting directly on top of my stent which is putting pressure on it and he said if it collapses again, there will be no need to go in and do another angioplasty or stent. There are so many new people on here! My thoughts are prayers go out to everyone and it is good to see the people I started out with on here continuing to get better:)David will be back Friday for a couple of weeks before he has to go back again.As Fran put it, I am definitely not complete when he is gone. October 3rd will mark 4 months since surgery but more importantly it will be our 1 year Anniversary!! Best decision I ever made in my life was marrying that man:) Hope everyone has a great upcoming weekend! Kimberly S.

Today started my first day of rehab. As I mentioned before I am unable to do the full routine but it felt good just being there and moving. My BP is still too low they said at 85/50 today. I am the youngest, which was not a suprise to me.All the nurses were very nice and noticed before I did, that I needed to stop. I am still not allowed to use my arms but my legs are fussing at me now:) After 3 months of not moving much at all I think I shocked them. I look forward to going back on Wed. On another note I was told today that I am \"officially\" in heart failure. They make it sound like such a scary word. I have heard and known a couple of people that still had fulfilling lives while living with heart failure. I plan to be one of them. Great news:David called today and he is coming home tomorrow!!! What a great surprise. I have felt incomplete with him gone and cannot wait to see him walk through the door:) My thoughts and prayers are with everyone here at HVJ. Thank you again for your encouragement and support. I don\'t know what I would do without it. Kimberly S. PS-To my stepmother Cheryl, You are not my former mother and never will be. You are my other mother and one of the most special people in my life. I love you!

As I had mentioned in my previous entry, I had quite a week ahead of me this past week. Not to mention it was my first time driving since my surgery 3 months ago. I will admit it kicked my butt. I could feel my body telling me I was doing too much and just had to push past that.I was exhausted and sore everyday. But today I did nothing but rest and let my body catch up. As far as the drs appts. My esophogas looks good so that has been ruled out as the reason for my chest pain. I have decided to get a different cardiac therapist as each time I have been to see him he tells me I am unwilling to open up to him and I am blocking my feelings therefore I must not trust him and he must give this some thought. I saved him the trouble as I do not agree with him and was getting nothing from our appts. My ultrasound was on both sides of my groin.My left side showed no hematoma and my right side where I had a large hematoma soon after the June surgery you can still feel, they said there is still some blood pooled in there but in June it was 21cm and Thurs it was down to 2cm.Still not pressing on anything, so it is fine. Finally, I reported all good news! And the next one was the phone call I got on Friday saying that I was approved to start Cardiac Rehab on Monday:) I will go Mon, Wed and Fri mornings. Really looking forward to it.She did say that I will not be doing as much as the usual person becuase of my very low blood pressure and constant chest pain. But I\'m starting somewhere, finally!!! And for my last bit of good news and one of my personal favorites: David gets to come home next Thursday for 3 days due to the holiday weekend before he has to go back down to FL for almost a month:) I can\'t wait to see him! Thank you everyone who takes the time to write to me and give me the encouragement and support that I could get nowhere else. Hope everyone had a great weekend! With love and prayers, Kimberly S.

This week seems overwhelming if I think about it all at once so I guess I need to just take one thing at a time. Today I picked up a rental car (since David has ours in FL) and really drove for the first time since surgery. Just like riding a bike:) My daughter Maddie is starting high school this week and had freshman orientation this morning.Picked her up at 1 and ran a couple of errands. By the time I got home lots of chest pain and very tired. Took a nap so I would be able to take both girls to their open houses tonight. Daughter Emma is going into 7th grade. Lots of walking and some dizziness with the chest pain. Got home and fed them a dinner my friend dropped off on Sunday. Thank you Jessica!Now in bed again. Tomorrow I have to be at the hospital at 7:30am to see a gastro dr to have a camera down my throat to see if there is damage to my esophagus from tubes at surgery. Tomorrow evening having to take girls to get rest of school stuff needed and we are in desperate need of groceries. Wednesday is the first day of school. They go to schools about 20 min away. Thursday is a 9:30am appt with cardiac psychologist, then a 1:30 appt with specialist. Plus taking and picking up from school. Friday is a 2:00 appt for blood work and to have an ultraound on both sides of my groin. Hematoma on right side still has fluid from June surgery and now hematoma is forming on left side from last angioplasty 2 weeks ago.I try not to hurry things along but can honestly say I am looking forward to the weekend:)I am finding it extremely hard without David and the few people I am close to here have their own lives, so it is weird to go this alone for the first time. But I completely understand that David is where he needs to be right now and is doing it for us and the family. I have enjoyed catching up on others journals. Thank you for the words of encouragement that keep coming in. They are more important right now than you know! Prayers and thoughts to everyone whatever stage you are in, Kimberly S.

Wow! I was reading your last journal entry to David over the phone last night and then came to the part where you wrote about me. The more I read to him I started to cry. How could someone who doesn\'t know me make me part of her journal entry. I felt more than honored. I wish you and David could meet while he is in FL. Thank you for what you wrote. You are still a true inspiration and my HVJ angel. Love, Kimberly

The news and story of Lori B. has truly effected David and I. I think of her but also of her girls that are left without a mother and a husband without his wife left to carry on. Her story changed me. Here I was for the past month just ready to give up and throw in the towel. And if I am honest, asking God to take me because apparently prayers didn\'t work and I just could not bear another day of pain or knowledge that my life has forever been changed in a way we never expected.How selfish of me. I still have a life. I can watch my beautiful children grow and laugh. I can fell my husbands touch and hear his voice. I have my family with me every step of the way. I have nothing to complain about compared to so many others. I cannot say it took everything away. I am still angry/frustrated...seems hard for me to get past this stage but it also seems we hear something different every week. My appt this week with my cardioligist/specialist and the rehab nurse lasted almost 2 hours.I will be spending a lot of time at different drs in the next month and then it will be time to see about the defibillator being placed.They both said I am still not able to start rehab which I really think will help me mentally and physically. I am still very limited in what I am allowed to do which leaves me with much guilt because it falls to my husband and children and makes me feel lazy.Even worse now that David is in Fl for approx 2 months for Reserves, making it the first time I have been left on my own since surgery.But my children have been absolutely wonderful and seem to know I need the help. Wondering what I will do when they go back to school next week! They continued to tell me that in essence I still have not recovered from my surgery completely, plus the 2 catherizations and stent. My blood pressure remains too low and they don\'t want people with chronic chest pain exercising until it is known why.With my ejection factor going down to 35 now, I have been asked not to exercise at all for the time being.Well, that was just to update. I am also humbled at the number of people who continue to reach out to me. Everytime I read an entry I end up crying that everyone is so kind and your words truly lift me and seem to come right when I need them.I feel wrong somehow when someone says I\'m strong or a fighter,etc... I feel very weak and ungrateful for the health I do have. I plan to write each of you but for now a special thanks goes out to Amanda, Diana, Fran,MJ,Cheryl,Ricki,Theresa C.,Joy V.,Wendy,Melany,Tom,Duane,Dave,Mary Ann,Mark and Sean. I hope I have not forgotten anyone. If so, I am very sorry. I look forward to becoming part of HVJ again and sharing in everyones journey. Thoughts and prayers to everyone, Kimberly S.

We are so very sorry to hear the latest. I have sat here and cried for her and your family. God bless you and may peace somehow find you. Kimberly & David Schlienz

I do not get on here very often anymore although I think of each of you often. I wonder what my story may do to those who have not gone through the procedure yet. My case is very unusual but I still do not wish to scare anyone. Many people have asked what the results of my last tests were. The 6 hours of testing was to determine the amount of damage caused by the heart attack, blood tests, etc...We were most interested in what damage had been done. We so appreciate people\'s care and concern and I would have written sooner but have been sick the past few days. On to the results....we were honestly thinking we would go in on Monday and the dr would tell us things were working much better since the stent had been placed.Not so much. We learned that the damage to the lower back left side of my heart(where my attack was) is permanently damaged. It is irreversible and there is nothing they can do to fix it. That part of my heart will no longer contract. This is caused by the scar tissue that forms from the dead tissue. The longer the artery is closed, the worse the damage becomes. We are pretty sure mine was closed a little over a month before they found it.This also can lead to other long term complications I don\'t feel the need to mention.When I went into surgery, my ejection factor (how much blood the heart is pumping out) at the time of surgery was 55% it is now 37%. I go back for more testing next month to see what it is because once it is at 35% we are looking at the strong possibility of having a defibillator put in.My blood count is now at 30 and should be 36. Not really sure what that means. We were so in shock from everything else we forgot to ask. For those of you who do not know, this heart attack was caused by a mistake made during surgery where they had to stitch a ring into my valve...one of the stitches ended up stitching an artery closed thus the heart attack. We were met with another surprise when my husband was told by my cardiologist to take me to the er last Wed. with chest pains and shortness of breath that had been building for a week. Plus getting chest pains when I eat.Lots of testing done. Thursday I was sent in for another catherization. They found that I had 2 small blockages in my stent so an angioplasty was done to open it wider.I was released on Friday with 2 more blood thinners (total of 3), plenty of nitroglyceren and some more pain meds. I have not been without a day of pain since my surgery on June 3rd. I have an appt with my specialist tomorrow due to the fact that while I was in the hospital my ejection factor read at 35 and they feel like my esophogas might have been damaged in some way during surgery. So I go tomorrow to see what is next. I want to thank everyone for their kind thoughts, words and prayers. It does make such a difference. I was so shocked when I saw today the number of people who still think about me. Once again thank you. If I am honest, I will tell you that I am not in a good place mentally right now and it gets more difficult with each thing that happens. I wish each of you the very best and hope you are doing great in whatever step you are in. Love and Prayers to all, Kimberly

Hi Everyone, It\'s Kimberly again. I know it has been so long since I have written but as you have read, things have not been what we expected. Then when we thought there was not much else that could happen (never think that) David had to take me to the Emergency Room last Tuesday the 6th for extreme pain I was in and my cardiologist PA would not give me any more pain killers since the previous week because he told David he thought it might be mostly in my head. I was livid. The ER took me right back since I was having chest pain and had surgery recently. They did an EKG and the CatScan with dye, Xray, plus a ton of blood test. My favorite Cardiologist, Dr. Ford was called in. She said the pain killer stuff was BS because people are different and I had complications and ordered a morphine drip right away and also put me on fluids. She told me the fluid was down some in my lung. I already had an appt the next day with my cardiologist for my month checkup and was expecting to be told everything was getting better and I could start rehab. She asked me to come in early because they wanted to do an echo before my appt or she said I could stay overnight at the hospital, it was my choice.I chose to go home to my own bed:)And she refilled my pain killers for quite a while.I could breathe again:) Next day we did the echo. I was still extremely short of breath and having so much pain and they had not figured out why. The surgeon and cardiologist listened to my heart and lungs then said they were calling my valve specialist down to take a second look at my echo.He then came in without everyone else to tell David and I that sometime soon after the surgery I had a heart attack. The words hit us both like bricks. Something we NEVER expected to hear. Then he said a significant amount of my heart was damaged and not working. Then I had a room full of people all trying to explain different things and that recovery time would be much longer now-we are focusing on me being better by Halloween. A heart cath was scheduled for that Friday. They went in and one artery was completely closed so they did an angioplasty but it didn\'t work so a stent was placed. I spent the night in the hospital and by the next day could tell I was breathing so much better. I will be on blood thinner for at least a year and aspirin. We were told that while they were in there they saw that the cause of the heart attack was a stitch from the surgery that was put in too tight and closed that artery. At first I was completely paranoid that I would have another one without knowing it again and this time not make it. But that has gotten better. I have another 3 months recovery ahead of me and will not be able to work.I go in for tests next Monday they said would take about 6 hours to complete to see how the valve and stent are doing, etc... I know I had to have that surgery but Never expected to go into surgery and actually come out worse than I was before I went in. Sorry for all the negativity in this entry. A huge thank you to everyone\'s words of support and prayers. Thank you to my husband and mother for taking the best care of me...I couldn\'t ask for better! I wish the best to everyone out there! Kimberly S.

Hello all, I need to vent a little tonight. I hope that you do not mind, but it is my hope that maybe others reading this will have some ideas, suggestions, or words of advice that you can share. It\'s been such a long time since my last post, and I feel remiss in having taken so long to write. The past month has been one of disappointment for Kimberly in all of the complications that have developed. She feels as though she has this \"black cloud\" hanging over her head in all of those complications. I have continued to stress that this is a journey, and not a race. But, in all honesty, I have no idea of what she is feeling, either physcially, or mentally. She has been in some form of continuous pain since May 3. She had such high hopes that once she came home, she was going to be able to breathe with ease, and over the first month re-discover her energy. Instead, due to the \"paralytic hemi-diaphram\" (caused by the phrenic nerve was nicked during surgery)the right side of her diaphram is not working, so it has left her in constant pain and she is not able to see the ultimate benefits of the surgery. She now (tearfully)wishes that she had never had the surgery. Of course, that is just the anger, the emotions, the disappointment pouring out. From what we have read, it could take 12 months before she regains full use of her diaphram. As you can imagine, the thought of not being able to breathe properly pain free for 12 months can be overwhelming. That, plus not being able to bend over, or return to work during that period has just devestated her. She had such high hopes, that this would help her to return back to being able to live again. In some ways, I feel guilty because I had been the one to encourage, and tell her how much she was going to be better, and how we would finally be able to live the lives we were supposed to live. How this operation would change her life, change our lives. We knew there were some dangers that could happen, but I am the optimist. The one that saw only the bright side and worked hard to minimize the \"what if\'s\" she was afraid of. I was the one who helped her to allay her own fears and to believe that everything was going to be okay. And, since then, I pray even more hoping to have the answers in how to help her through this. There is a out patient surgery they can perform to correct the nicked nerve. But, as of our last doctors appointment, they want to use that as a last resort because there are some increased risks of causing more damage. Well, I will close out now. Thank you all for all of your prayers and words of encouragement, and concerns. God Bless you all David

They have also put her on lasics(sp) again after finding some fluid in her lungs at today\'s visit. Thank you for the prayers and support and know that we are praying and thinking of everyone out there in HVJ.

Hello All, Sorry that it has been so long for either of us to take the time to write in the journal. As Kimberly has been recovering, I have been trying to take care of her. Three new things have happened since we she was discharged. 1) Kimberly has developed a Paralytic Hemi Diaphram. Basically, this is something that can happen when you are \"nicked\" during the surgery. What this results in is the right side of her diaphram is now \"frozen\" (paralyzed) and it could take months before it begins to work properly. So, until then her breathing will be shallow and labored. This also causes intense pain for her right side of her chest and back. They noted the Paralytic Hemi-Diaphram in her record at the hospital the day she was discharged, but did not tell us about this. 2) During the surgery, as you know they cut through nerves, tissue, muscle, etc. Now, the feeling has returned to her breast from the nerve endings healing. So, even wearing certain clothes are now causing her additional discomfort. 3)And then, one of the side affects of the surgery is the chance for the cardiac depression. So, now she is going through that as well. With all the complications she is having, she is going through a bout of depression as well. I know that as she begins to heal, it will help with the mood and doubt. Today is her birthday, and because of the visit to the doctors office, and the pain she is in, we really weren\'t able to celebrate like I had hoped. But, the good thing is that we will have so many more birthdays to celebrate. Sorry if it sounded as if I was venting, just wanted to share some of the side effects that can happen so that others will be a little more prepared. -David

My husband and I noticed a lump that had formed at one one my incision sites on Friday. It was pretty big and very painful. He called my dr and we were told to come into the Heart Center as soon as possible. They did an ultrasound and luckily it ended up being a hematoma. They said it would be painful and take a while to go away but mine was not causing danger. I was wondering if anyone else had this happen? One of the other things I have is still a good sized hole where my the chest tube under my arm was dislodged. I feel like this is causing most of my pain. Do they normally stay open this long? A big thank you to my mom, aunt, grandmother and cousin who cooked us lots of meals and brought over enough food to feed an army. This was so helpful! Even though I don\'t have my appeitite back, I do eat a little and I know it is a huge help for my husband. Thinking of everyone at each stage you are at! Kimberly S

Well, I know David has kept you up to date with what has been going on. Definitely not what we expected. I was in the ICU until the day before I was discharged. I was also kept on oxygen the entire time until I left.After the surgery, we ran into something we didn\'t expect and that was the blood transfusion...I was not comfortable receiving the blood of someone I didn\'t know but I had to make the right decision between that and my life.The hospital staff was wonderful! I was out of it most of the time and kept on bedrest until the last 2 days so i don\'t remember a lot. But I know my husband was there every step of the way and still continues to not leave my side. The love and support from my family, friends and HVJ friends also continue to keep me uplifted:) I would love to write more but this tires me out and I wanted to at least say thank you and let everyone out there know I am thinking about you through your journeys! Prayers and thoughts are with you, Kimberly S,

Hello all, Over the last 24hrs, Kimberly has had some significant improvements and it looks like we are going home today. Just waiting to check and see if they need to do a chest xray prior to being released. WOO HOO!!!!!! -D

YAY!!! Just finished our first walk. Though it was a short one, I am sure that it felt like a 5k run to her, it was her first steps (sorry for the pun) to getting out of here and home again. She\'s resting now, and sitting up in the recliner with the aqua butterfly blanket her friend Lisa made for her. I had the nurse take a picture of her walking with me, but I feel like if I post it, she might come after me with a skillet (ha ha ha). Thank you all for your kind words, prayers, and support. Update again soon D

Good morning all, it is my hope that you all were able to enjoy your weekend. I feel as though I have been negligent on writing in the journal the last few days. Most of my entries have just been little updates. I guess that for me, I am a little tired. Not from physical activity, but from emotionally being drained. The up and downs each day brings wears on you after awhile. And though I know we will begin to have more better days than bad, it still just drains you. For me, the things I am doing now, I went through with my mom before she passed away. In some ways, seeing Kimberly in the bed, has brought back alot of those old memories of my mom, sort of a \"ghosts from the past\" sort of thing. Kimberly is still in the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit. As I wrote yesterday, we were hoping to be moved down to a step down unit yesterday afternoon. The second chest tube was removed, her blood pressure was up again, and her pain seemed to be more manageable, and her spirits seemed to be better then she was from the previous day. The pain meds she is taking, definitely kept her drowsy, but she received no doctors orders about walking. Also, since it was a Sunday, I guess there were no beds available in the step down unit. She had several visitors yesterday, her mom and dad (Judy and Al) visited from Clayton, NC (about 100miles west of Greenville) and then her former in-laws (Charles and Mary) visited from near the coast (about 70miles east). She was so happy to see them all visit, and it really took her by surprise to take the effort and visit. But, while they were visiting, she was still feeling the effects of the pain meds and continued to doze off and on. Later in the evening, her ex-husband brought their daughters (Madison and Emma) to visit. The girls were definitely hyper, and I am attributing that to them seeing their mom for the first time since the day of the surgery and they were excited to see her without all of the tubes and machines. They were actually able to see that she was going to be ok. During the night, she was awake a couple of times in pain. As I was sitting here, watching her and reflecting on how far we had come together, and how much further we have to go in our relationship. I met Kimberly through an on-line dating service. We met August 2008, went on one date, and then she told me that she had some other interested people she wanted to meet. So, I left it at that. One evening, while flying back from a Navy reserve weekend, I receive a text out of the blue from I number I don\'t recognize. It was her, wanting to return a book I had loaned her son that first night we met. I agreed, but only if she let me take her out to dinner that week. So, we went to dinner, and began seeing one another, though both of would admit we weren\'t looking for anything serious. Both had recently gotten out of relationships, and neither one of use wanted to get married anytime soon. The next couple of months were rocky, as we tried to sort out our feelings. This whole time, I knew about Kimberly\'s heart, and how sometime in her future, she would need the surgery. In November, while walking past a jewelry store, I stepped inside to look at what could become a potential Xmas gift for her. While browsing the earings, and watches etc, the sales girl approached and asked if I was looking for something for my wife. It was then, and there, I knew exactly how I felt for her, and that I was going to ask her to marry me. So, I bought her engagement ring, and wedding band. It was another six weeks before I actually asked the question. Her parents, came to my house for Xmas dinner, and that evening while she and I sat on the couch watching \"It\'s a Wonderful Life\", I proposed. The next few months were spent with wedding preparations, for we were planning an October (2009) wedding. As each month passed, I could see the energy within her fading. Her breathing became more labored, her time spent in bed longer, her ablility to do things with her children became fewer and fewer. With our wedding planned in October, we had planned on looking into having her surgery in January 2010 because we did not want it to interfere with our first Christmas as a family. And then a week before we were to be married, I was layed off. We lost the insurance, the surgery was now something that was questionable. Shortly after we were married, we took her daughters to Williamsburg, Va for the Hallowscream celebration at Busch Gardens. Being in the Navy Reserves, I was able to get my new family in for free, and we spent the day and evening wandering through the park. But where as her children were excited to be there, Kimberly was a little depressed, because I was having to push her around in a wheel chair because she just did not have the stamina to walk the miles we would walk that day. Christmas passed, and it became January. With it, I was able to take up some additional time with the reserves to help pay the bills, and that time allowed me to also learn more about the reserve Healthcare plan through Tricare. January became February and I was able to continue picking up orders for the reserves, and into March. As I was gone from her, more and more tasks fell on Kimberly. In my absence the additional strain of doing everything for everybody took its toll on her, and finally after I had some more research on the Tricare reserve plan, we decided to begin purchasing it. Since April, things have gone fast. From the initial visit with Dr. Wood, to the surgery has been about two months. During that time, lots of tests, lots of visits/consultations. And, I have been there for everyone of them. Learning more and more along the way. I honestly believe that the reason I still have not found a job, is so that I can be here with Kimberly during the surgery and recovery. I believe that it was truly a part of His plan. I am very excited about her surgery. Since we have dated, been engaged, and been married, we have been limited in what we can do because of her heart. And, I am so excited because I honestly feel that once this part of our journey is behind us, she and I will really be able to begin living and doing things together that before how we couldn\'t. So, for me, I feel as though she really is getting a new life. I hope that you did not mind that I \"poured my heart out\" to all of you. I just wanted to share with you about us, and how this truly means a new life for Kimberly. I will update again soon. Turns out we are heading to the step down unit as I type. -D I hope that everyone has a great Monday. TGIM!

After a rough night of intense pain, on her right side, they removed the remaining chest tube. Already, it has had an immediate affect on her and has reduced her pain to a more manageable level. Later today, we are going to a step down unit and maybe we will finally do some walking. Thanks to you all David