On March 17, 2011...

Glad to hear your dentist gave you a clean bill of health. I wore my TEAM DAVE shirt to my dentist this morning and they complimented the wisdom of having your dental health checked out before your surgery and wished more people thought of that.

Breathe deeply. Give yourself adequate time to sleep. Nourish your body with healthy fuel with which to make this journey. Drink plenty of water. Pray and ask others to pray for you as well.

I never had surgery until the day of my accident and when I woke up that day, I had no idea I'd be having surgery later that day, let alone 8 hours of surgery. The next batch of surgeries I had was while I was still basically unconscious. The next surgery I had was about 3 weeks later when I was still on really powerful narcotics. My next surgery was about 6 months later when I was finally off narcotics and back at home. When that one was approaching, I got really nervous and I was surprised, seeings how I had already had like 7 or 8 assorted surgeries in the previous year. However, I didn't know the first ones were coming, I barely registered the next ones, and I was still pretty snowed under for the third. This one was the first one for which I knew it was coming, but I still didn't even have to do much in the way of prep for it 'cause I was still under the care of the trauma team. My next surgery was about 4 months later and was still under the trauma team, and, although I also knew it was coming, I didn't have to do much to prepare since I was such a mess it didn't really matter. However, my (hopefully) final surgery that was just 4 months ago was ridiculously nerve-wracking for all the preparation I had to do in advance and all the tests I had to do and all the appointments I had to attend and just knowing it was coming for months in advance was horrible, despite that it was the simplest, least risky, procedure of all the ones I had ever had.

I guess when you're starting with a mangled, almost-dead person, they just do the surgery and who cares if you die because you probably were gonna anyhow. However, when you are starting out so healthy and vital and strong, they wanna take every precaution to keep you that way, and unfortunately, that requires all this testing and preparation, which gives you lots of time to get nervous.

Dave, these doctors are wizards. Human, but wizards, and God's got His Hand in the operating room as well. Trust in God and His Plan for you and all will be well. (And, if that doesn't work, your PCP can probably give you Xanex. LOL!)

Love,
Marlo
TEAM DAVE FOUNDING MEMBER

On February 15, 2011...

Dave, your post about your lovely wife is just adorable! The two of you are lucky to have each other and I also believe you're deserving of each other 'cause luck only brings a couple together. Hard work keeps it together.

You don't need a corporate sponsor for the shirts. The members of Team Dave can buy them and they will be willing to. All we need is the design. If you've got a design in mind, let me know, or we'll work one up for ya.

On the topic of choices, this is an excerpt from the manuscript I wrote about my experiences:

*Sound, restful sleep OR bladder control.
*Sitting up painfully while vomiting OR lying down comfortably and choking.
*Keeping essential meds down OR relieving nausea by vomiting.
*Maintaining dignity and privacy by privately enduring maddening pain OR healing properly by asking everyone to massage my leg.
*Facilitating proper healing by heeding doctors' weight-bearing status restrictions OR Fending off bed sores by moving around a lot in bed.
*Risking the development of narcotic dependence OR raising blood pressure by suffering needlessly through pain.
*Dehydration OR Incontinence risk
*Malnutrition OR painful digestion
*Talking to my husband while crabby OR Failing to wish Jon a good night.
*Breaking down skin with strong adhesive tape that must be painfully removed daily OR Having wound dressings fall off, risking infection, pain, and, possibly another corrective skin surgery
*Babying and nursing my surgically-repaired elbow OR Using a back scratcher to provide nirvana-like relief to skin that's been laid-on now for a month.
*Reminding night shift to change my painful abdominal dressing OR Relaxing comfortably, inviting infection.

Seems these days I'm presented with a lot of choices where both options appeal and suck, both pretty equally, and yet, I must still choose.

Psych 101 calls these dilemmas, 'double approach-avoidance conflicts' which means that you are presented with two, mutually-exclusive options where each option has a great reason to pick it as well as a major detractor that would be an equally good reason not to pick it.

That kind of decision is the hardest to make and what many will do is to wait, hoping that somehow, the nature of the decision will magically change, leaving them with an easy decision to make between a clearly desirable option and a clearly undesirable option, which almost never happens.

What typically happens is that failure to choose will cause one of the options to disappear, leaving no choice but to accept both the good and bad outcomes associated with the remaining option.

People will sometimes let that happen to remove their sense of responsibility for the inevitable bad outcome associated with the remaining option, claiming they had no choice, that the outcome was thrust upon them, hiding the fact that there were other outcomes available that they let disappear.

In any event, when faced with such a conflict, I know that the psychologically-healthy response is to consider the positive and negative outcomes associated with each option, choose one, and graciously accept the positive outcomes as well as taking ownership of the bad outcomes, and letting go of regret-building fantasies of having made the other choice (woulda /coulda /shoulda).

Dave, you are facing your choices wisely, bravely, and meeting them head-on. That's the best anyone can do!

Marlo Archer
Proud Member of TEAM DAVE

On January 27, 2011...

Holy Cow, Dave, Look at all the members of TEAM DAVE that are showing up! I'm so glad to see others who have had similar procedures chime in because they'll have your most useful information and be of the most help in calming anxieties you or your family members might have.

About the tests... In a litigious society, medical professionals have to cover their butts eight ways to Sunday, so they order a half-dozen tests prior to any planned surgery. It's a pain in the butt, mostly unneccessary, but in .2% of the cases, they do find something that would be really frickin' good to have known before the surgery. It's doubtful you'll be that .2%, but if it is you, you'll be pretty glad they put you through all the rigamarole.

When I came in as a trauma patient, there was no time for any sorts of tests or even consents, so they just did what they needed to do. Over a year later, when I was having a follow-up surgery, I was sent for a half-dozen various tests - bloodwork, heart test, I don't even remember what else, but I was thinking, "REALLY?" I just had like 18 hours of surgery over several months with none of these tests in advance and I seem to have done just fine, thank you. Oh well, they gotta do it, so just plod through and help them check off the boxes on their forms.

One thing I wasn't too excited about, though, was that every time I went into surgery, they had this (IMHO) really overly ridiculous process of making sure you really were who they thought you were and that they really knew where they were operating. You'd have someone come in with a paper and check the paper against your wristband and then ask you to verify your name and birthdate. Two minutes later, some other person would do that, too. Then the doctor would come in, verify it again, then sign his name, with a pen, on your body, where they were going to operate.

I was like, "Really?" "Did you just write your name on me?" "Are we in kindergarten?" There is no higher-tech way to verify you've got the right limb? So, after I realized that, I started to screw with them. Before I'd have a certain operation, I'd write on me with a pen, "Yes, Dr. Grant, this is the right elbow. I mean, it is my right elbow, but it's also the correct elbow, as in, the one I broke, as in, the one you gotta fix today. Do a good job and I'll see ya when I wake up..."

Six weeks later, when I finally got out of my dressing and my elbow brace, when I got to look at my elbow for the first time, written on my arm was, "Smart ass" LOL!!!

(You may or may not have playful docs like I had. I was at our County hospital, the one that treats all the indigent, illegals, incarcerated, and the very poor. I was taken there because it's the best trauma team in the city.)

As for the infection thing, yes, that is one of the bigger concerns. I discovered that many months after my surgeries, when I was already enjoying my visitors, hassling the nurses, and eating treats and reading e-mail and carrying on what I thought was a normal recovery, they were all still on pins and needles that I still might not make it because of the huge risk of infection that I had. (Now, I had a completely opened belly, where I had been cut open from below the bra line to below the bikini line, and they couldn't close it up, they had to just keep packing it and let it heal on it's own, and you will NOT have that) but in any case, infection is the big worry.

During your recovery time, it is absolutely okay to be a germ nazi. As much as you love your wife and kid, don't let 'em visit you if they've got strep throat or pink eye, or some other such infection that a healthy person can easily fight. Don't trade a few days for the rest of your life.

Now, my question for you is about the blood thinners. Is that something you'll have to take life-long because of a mechanical pump or is that only while you heal?

GO DAVE!!!