Ruth's Journal

67 days till surgury. I am hoping this will help to get some of my anxietys out by writing them somewhere. I am trying to be strong because I know so many other people are being scared/nervous for me. I know that God does not give us more than we can handle and I am hoping that by putting my faith in him that he will guide me through a fast and easy recovery. I have a wonderful support group. My family is my rock. I am just afraid to be afraid. I am afraid of fearing what the worst case situation could happen. Lately my anxiety has been getting overwhelming at times. Setting the date was the hardest thing I had to do. I think have a count down to surgery makes me more nervous. I have a date to count down to where I have to has some much done by. I have to get finacially ready which I am not! I know that my amazing boyfriend will help but I dont want him to have to stress over my bills and the house bills. I am trying to get myself ready so that he will not have to worry. I am not going to have a position at work and that scared me to death. I wanted to have a job to go back to. What if I loss my insurance. what if I cant afford my crappy insurance? So many hows and when and what ifs! Well I got to finish getting ready for work! Thanks for letting me vent alittle.   R.Kennedy