Judy's Heart Valve Journal

1 year post-op

March 1, 2012

I can't believe a year has passed so quickly! The surgery itself is a faded memory. I don't think my brain/body was ever able to process the trauma of the surgery. So, my memory is hazy, and the emotion of that anxious period doesn't resonate with me anymore.

It was the worst year of my life, and the best year of my life. I went through incredible anxiety leading up to the surgery, and several months later the depression hit. I was extremely fragile after the surgery, both physically and emotionally.

But, Ricochet kept me distracted by her fundraising, winning awards, hitting her $100,000 mark in funds raised (it's $150,000 now). Despite my limitations, I can't believe how much was accomplished with her work. I also got back into therapy dog work with Rina.

The amount of support from family and friends was overwhelming. I couldn't have made it through without all of YOU. Thank you so much... I'm so grateful.

At the one year mark, I still have tightness & a little discomfort at the incision on my chest. My left leg is still numb, a little swollen, & painful to the touch. My ribs have a chronic problem now because they didn't go back together exactly the way they were before. With my arthritis and degenerative joint disease,It can be really painful, but I've been getting cortisone injections, and those help.

My heart is structurally fine at this time. I still can't walk as far/much as I used to, and because of my ribs, I have a really hard time doing things around the house. So, I've had to hire people to do them... and of course it takes a toll on my pocketbook, but some things need to get done. I've been trying to overlook "the mess", but I finally had to hire in the troops to clean up!

I'm still working on changing my lifestyle to a more healthy one... that's the hardest & most challenging ! LOL.

We're going to be taking a vacation in April for Rina's 9th birthday & it will be a nice time to relax and reflect.

Thanks again for your continued support.

Judy

19 weeks/4 months post op - I've hit a road block

July 10, 2011

I really thought I was done writing in this journal. Last time I wrote was 12 weeks, and everything seemed pretty good... I even forgot it was 12 weeks.

But now, it's about 19 weeks... or 4 months post op. And, I feel like I've regressed instead of progressed. It came on slowly... I didn't even realize there were problems until it BAM it hit me. Lots of things that happened immediately after surgery is happening again. I'm having night sweats again, insomnia, horrible fatigue, I've gained over 14 lbs, which I've never gained weight my whole life. And, also having issues with depression. Not sad type depression, but like my system is depressed. It's like an overall sense of despair.

I read a lot on this site, and other open heart sites when I first was doing research, and there were so many people who talked about having depression. All those 12 weeks, I never felt it. I thought I survived it! No such luck. It happened... I'm depressed. And the irritability is really tough too. Went through a drive through today, ordered a small drink. They said "would you like to super size that". I about blew my lid... no I don't want a super size, I just want a regular drink. I didn't say that... but I felt it. How terrible that I'm that irritiable! Uggggh.

I don't even want to take the dogs out. Which is NOT like me at all. I think to myself, what can I do where I can just sit, and they can run around. Or, I leave Ricochet home & just take Rina so I don't have to throw the ball for Ricochet. I just have no energy.

I wonder if it could be post traumatic stress disorder. I have to research it. But, my body went through horrific trauma... so did my psyche those two months of anxiety... just thinking of the fear. Just seems my system is so totally out of whack from this surgery.

Saw the nurse practitioner Friday, EKG is fine, blood pressure is fine. They did blood work to see if it could by my thyroid. In two weeks, I'll have a stress echo to see if all is well. I feel short of breath sometimes.

I stopped taking my arthritis meds... some before my surgery & some after because I was taking like 30 pills a day. I was fine for several months, even thinking I was "cured" because there wasn't much difference in pain level. But, it caught up with me, and I've had several terribly painful flare ups. I see the rheumatologist this Friday, and will be starting meds again.

Somehow, I've reached a road block. Still hoping it will get better. Now the doctor says it can take a whole year to recover. The first 12 weeks went pretty smoothly, and I feel like I've healed about 90%. But, this last 10% is taking a long time, and a very frustrating time.

Everyone has been amazing. So much support from so many friends. Now I feel isolated. It's part of the depression, I'm sure. Tried to take xanax to sleep, but it causes bad dreams & other issues.

I still find an escape by helping Ricochet and her fundraisers & work. Thank goodness I have an outlet... a diversion... a distraction. She's only $4300 away from raising $100,000. We will celebrate somehow when that happens. If you'd like to make a donation, go to http://www.surfdogricochet.com/Riding%20the%20wave%20to%20$100,000.htm. She has about 4 different fundraisers going.

Making that milestone will hopefully help get me out of this funk. If not, at least we're still focusing on others & helping those in need. That is what gets me through every day now. Thank goodness for all of you, all of those who need help, and everyone who helps Ricochet help so many. It truly is the only thing helping me get through this very difficult time.

I know I am blessed, and so fortuante. Others have it so much worse, and we try to help with Ricochet. It's just a horrible surgery, that has left me in this condition for now. It will get better, but for now I'm struggling. No matter, we will forge ahead. I feel the worst about not finding the enjoyment of taking my dogs out every day.

Thanks for listening, and hopefully this will help someone down the line that has this surgery to be prepared for everything and anything that can happen with it. It really, really takes a toll on your system and body.

As always, thanks for all your support. I really appreciate it.

Judy

12 weeks post op - I had to be reminded!

May 24, 2011

So, today is exactly 12 weeks since I had my open heart surgery for quadruple bypass & valve replacement. I wasn't counting down the days to get here. I didn't wake up today saying "wow it's been 12 weeks". I didn't even remember! My incredibly detailed friend, Heather sent me an email reminding me!

I guess that must mean I'm feeling pretty good. I'd say I'm 90% back to "normal". Unfortunately, I don't have more energy than I did pre-surgery... I was hoping the debilitating fatigue was due to my heart. But, I guess it's still my auto-immune problems.

The incisions on my legs from the bypass are still tender, a little swollen, and numb. But, all the horrible bruising is gone. My chest incision is still tender, a little swollen & has tightness. My chest is still numb. I guess my sternum is healed on the inside, but the tissue around the incision seems to be taking a long time to heal.

I can do most things again, and don't have to depend on people for help. I'm able to hold the dogs leashes, and that was the hardest thing to deal with. I'm not strong enough & my body is not healed enough to take Ricochet surfing (wasn't really able to prior to surgery anyway)... and the waves/surfboard would be way too much for my body to handle. But, I'm so blessed to have the help of Dave, and the whole team of folks who help her surf alone, and with people like Patrick, Sabine & Jo.

12 weeks sounds like a short time ago, but it actually feels like a lifetime ago that I was on the brink of death. The incredible fear & anxiety I experienced for the two months of trying to research & figure out my options seem like a lifetime ago, and so un-necessary! My horrible experience in the ICU seems like a bad dream, but not something that actually happened to me. I am amazed at how the human body can deal with & recover from horrible trauma.

I don't expect to be writing in this journal anymore, but want to thank everyone who left guestbook comments. It really helped to read them in the hospital & while recovering.

Thank you all for the prayers, thoughts, cards, gifts, donations, care & concern. I have deep gratitude to all my friends & family that rallied together to make sure I was taken care of.

I am so incredibly blessed to have Heather as a friend. She was an amazing care giver. My brother was instrumental in helping me get through the whole ordeal, especially in ICU when I was pushing doctors around even though I had a breathing tube in my mouth.

You have all been wonderful. I am so glad this is behind me!! What a winter!

Thanks again,

Judy

2 months post op - What a difference 2 months make!

April 29, 2011

I saw my cardiologist today, and my EKG was normal, blood pressure is normal. He said I could lift 30 lbs now. That's funny because I couldn't lift 30 lbs before surgery!

He said I could walk the dogs again, but my incision is still hurting, so I think I'll listen to my body on that one. I got a new leash that goes around my waist, so I want to try that out with Rina. I did hold Ric's leash yesterday while I had her out for "Paw It Forward Day". She was on a harness & it still was uncomfortable.

Now that I'm at the 2 month mark, I realize throughout this whole experience that I started the last week in December when I found out I had a bad valve... there was really only 2-3 weeks that were horrible. The first week in the hospital, and the 1st week at home. By the 3rd week post op, things started getting better.

So, next time, I don't think I'll have the months of anxiety and stress. I know what to expect. What to insist on from the surgeons and nurses in the ICU... and especially the anesthesiologist. I'm making him sign a contract that he will not let the sedative wear off before it's supposed to!

I hope I can be the strength and reassurance for someone else that finds themself in a cardiologist office, hearing the news they need open heart surgery. I've definitely come through this stronger, and very willing to share my strength.

Thank you all once again for everything. You made this journey much more bearable.

Judy